It just won´t do
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You woke up with a jolt; the couch where you had fallen asleep felt stiffer than usual. You inspected the living room—it was completely silent.
It was already nighttime, and a deep fatigue weighed on your head from sleeping too long. You had cried yourself to sleep in Hyunju’s living room.
The night felt suffocating, the heat pressing down on you, unlike the night you first arrived here. You were sweating more than usual in your nurse’s uniform.
You hadn’t prepared dinner. Your headache worsened.
You hadn’t given Hyunju her medication after lunch.
Nor had you cleaned her wound.
You made a mental note never to have feelings for a patient again. What had you been thinking? You wondered while rummaging through your kit for a pill to help with your migraine—only to find that, just your luck, it wasn’t there.
You stood up and grabbed your bag. A cool shower would help lift this weight off your shoulders, you thought.
Now, you stood in front of Hyunju’s bedroom door, which was completely shut. The familiar bossa nova music played from her television, and a light glowed from inside.
You knocked on the door—you really needed that cold shower if possible.
Hyunju opened the door. She was wearing a large shirt, her usual comfortable pants, and her face was flawless. “I see you’re awake,” she said first, making your already weak heart pound even harder.
“Yeah… Can I use your bathroom? I need to take a shower,” you replied bluntly. Hyunju looked at you with pity, with fear, with sadness. That was the last thing you wanted from her. The tears had already drained you dry.
“Of course, go ahead.” Hyunju moved away from the doorframe and returned to her bed, where she was practicing crochet, with several patterns scattered around her.
As soon as you entered the bathroom, you began undressing. Your exhausted body had been crying out for this. When you looked in the mirror, you understood why Hyunju had looked at you like that. Your eyes were swollen and red, your cheeks streaked with dried tears, and your hair was a complete mess.
Cool water cascaded over your face, and you let out a long sigh. You needed to pull yourself together as soon as possible and finish your work here. Hyunju wasn’t a bad person—you didn’t hate her, not at all.
She was just focused on different things than you were.
You repeated that mantra over and over as you finished your shower. Once done, you decided to go through your skincare routine in front of the sink mirror to lift your spirits.
“Okay, that happened. But everything is fine! You’re an incredible nurse, and your work ethic will not be affected by this. Do you hear me?” you whispered to yourself while massaging your gua sha, the motion feeling stiffer than usual.
You stepped out of the bathroom and immediately met Hyunju’s eyes—she had been looking for yours ever since she heard the lock turn.
Both of you opened your mouths to say something, only to close them right away. What were you supposed to say now?
“Hey, nurse—” Hyunju said just before you could leave. “I just wanted to say—”
You cut her off immediately.
“No, don’t worry about me, Hyunju. We don’t need to bring it up again. Everything’s fine, really.” You forced a smile.
“No, that’s not it. It’s just—” Hyunju tried again.
“Seriously, I’m not upset. I’m a professional.” You added.
“I left your dinner in the fridge, I took my medication, and I changed my bandages.”
Hyunju finally said.
“Oh… Thanks.” Your stomach burned with pure embarrassment. You should have let her finish speaking. And with that, you rushed out of her room, turning on all the lights in the living room and kitchen.
𓇼 ⋆.˚ 𓆉 𓆝 𓆡⋆.˚ 𓇼
Hyunju had watched you sleep after hiding under her blankets when she heard you arrive home… and heard your sobs, followed by an unsettling silence.
It had made her rush out of her room as quickly as she could—she wanted to know if something had happened to you. That was when she found you completely asleep.
Her chest, which had been aching so much, warmed at the sight of you.
She had no intention of waking you—not in the slightest. You were exhausted and emotionally drained.
Seeing you hug the couch cushion reminded her of how sweet it had been to sleep beside you the night you kissed. You had clung to her like a koala to a tree. It seemed to be a natural habit of yours.
That night, Hyunju hadn’t been able to sleep from the excitement of having you there. And, of course, from making sure your sleeping embrace didn’t press against her wound.
Back in the present, Hyunju headed to the kitchen to prepare something to eat. She checked the meal plan you had stuck on the fridge with a magnet—her assigned meal for today.
She took her time washing and cutting the vegetables, boiling them. Deboning the chicken, seasoning it, stuffing it with cheese.
Her movements were swift but silent—not wanting to wake you.
Once she finished, she sat at her counter for a moment, taking a piece of paper and a pencil to clear her mind.
She ate her meal in silence, then plated yours and placed it in the fridge.
She gave you one last glance on the couch. You were in an awkward position now, so with strength she really shouldn’t have been using, she adjusted you into a more comfortable one.
Returning to her room, she pulled out a ball of yarn from the drawer beside her bed. She started crocheting whatever was on her mind—perhaps a whale pattern, she thought.
As night fell, she heard you wake up, your steps approaching her room. Then your knock at her door. She immediately got up to open it, even though she could have just told you to come in. She wanted to open it herself.
Her heart broke a little more seeing you like that—freshly awake, eyes swollen from crying. Why did she have to be the cause of your tears?
Why couldn’t she be the cause of your laughter, of your happiness?
A war broke out in Hyunju’s mind again… Having you close was the best thing that could happen to her, the best thing she could feel.
But at the same time, she was terrified of hurting you, of ruining you if she gave in to the affection you both were starting to share.
Stopping it early would be less painful for both of you, she thought.
Then you asked to use her shower, and of course, she gave you permission. She went back to bed and resumed her crochet.
Since she had gone through the trouble of making you food, she decided she would tell you so you wouldn’t have to worry about it.
“Hey, nurse—” She didn’t want to call you that, but it felt like the most appropriate nickname now that she had decided to keep her distance.
“I just wanted to say—”
“No, don’t worry about me, Hyunju. We don’t need to bring it up again. Everything’s fine, really.” You had interrupted, and Hyunju was confused. She just wanted to tell you she had made you dinner!
“No, that’s not it. It’s just—” she tried to clarify, only to be cut off again.
“Seriously, I’m not upset. I’m a professional.” You said.
“I left your dinner in the fridge, I took my medication, and I changed my bandages.”
Hyunju finally dared to say. She wasn’t going to wait for you to wake up to continue her life, was she?
“Oh… Thanks.” You said, and Hyunju watched as you hurried out of her room.
It left her with a silly smile as she continued her crochet. She still didn’t know what she was making—just shaping a tiny whale.
𓇼 ⋆.˚ 𓆉 𓆝 𓆡⋆.˚ 𓇼
“It looks pretty good, Hyunju. Considering how serious the injury was, it’s healing very well. I’ll inform the doctor about your progress so we can estimate when the stitches can be removed.”
You gave Hyunju a genuine smile after changing her bandages once again.
“That’s good, thank you,” Hyunju replied as she pulled her shirt back down.
“Of course! In no time, you’ll be able to go back to your normal life.” You said excitedly, but deep down, it hurt to know that you wouldn’t soon see her anymore. They would send you back to the hospital and assign you a new patient—it was the cycle of your life. Could you request a change? The mere thought of going to care for another patient at their home exhausted you.
“Would you come with me to the convenience store?” Hyunju asked timidly. Just moments ago, you had advised her that short walks would benefit her health, and she had quickly devised a plan to get some fresh air by going to the dollar store near her building.
“Of course, I’ll go get my coat,” you replied and left the room to grab it.
“Hyunju, your coat is on the rack. I’ll bring it to you!” you called from the living room so she wouldn’t strain herself.
You handed her the coat, and both of you left the apartment.
As you took the elevator down, you couldn’t help but notice how pretty she looked. Her hair was down, and she was lightly made up as usual.
You didn’t realize you were staring at her for longer than normal until she turned to look at you.
“Do I have something on my face?” she asked. You weren’t sure if she was being serious or joking. Her expression was serious, and just as you opened your mouth to say something, the elevator doors opened to the building’s lobby.
Outside, Hyunju took a deep breath of fresh air, observing her street—the stray dogs rummaging through the trash on the corner, her neighbors, and the familiar faces going about their daily routines. She missed her life before the emergency surgery, she thought.
As you crossed the street, you instinctively linked your arm with Hyunju’s in a protective gesture. You did this with everyone when crossing—it was a maternal instinct.
Hyunju immediately noticed but didn’t comment on it. She simply let go of your arm once you reached the other side.
You both entered the dollar store, a small convenience shop like any other near buildings in the area.
An older man worked the register, while a teenage girl with a nose piercing was restocking shelves in the aisle across from you.
“Are you looking for something specific?” you asked Hyunju, hoping to help.
“I’m looking for mugs! One of my favorite holidays is coming up, and the other day I saw some really cute ones along with all sorts of Valentine’s Day decorations,” she answered excitedly, her eyes sparkling with excitement.
“So, you like Valentine’s Day? I’ve never really been a big fan,” you admitted, shrugging.
“I love baking and selling pastries online. Couples usually order custom treats from me for their special day,” she replied casually.
“Do you know how to make chocolate-filled cookies?” you asked as Hyunju picked up heart-shaped candles.
“Of course,” she answered while smelling the candles in her hands. “Mmm… vanilla,” she sighed.
“I’d like to order some cookies from you for that day, then. It’d be a gift for Bryan,” you said timidly. After all, it was also a day to celebrate friendship.
“Of course! Consider it done,” she said, placing three heart-shaped candles into her shopping basket.
“Oh, look at these molds! Aren’t they the cutest thing you’ve ever seen?” They were cookie cutters in the shapes of hearts and bunnies.
“I wouldn’t exactly call them ‘the cutest thing I’ve ever seen,’” you teased, amused by her choice of words.
“Could you help me grab the items on this list? I’ll wait for you at the register to pay,” Hyunju said, handing you a small pink piece of paper, folded into four.
You took your time gathering the things she had asked for:
• Milk
• A carton of eggs
• Flour
• Yeast
• Food coloring
Everything was written in flawless cursive, making you sigh in admiration.
You double-checked the ingredients in your basket before heading toward the register.
Your heart dropped when you saw Hyunju frozen in place, standing next to an older woman and two children.
You understood the situation immediately.
Hyunju had the terrible luck of running into her family—you could see it in her face, filled with worry and panic.
You dropped your basket and ran as fast as you could to be by her side.
Hyunju wasn’t responding, and the older woman looked agitated, yelling words you couldn’t yet make out.
The two older kids were trying to hold the woman back, stopping her from lunging at Hyunju.
You had to act fast.
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