Long & Lost
365 days.
52 weeks.
525600 minutes.
365 days since Agatha lost her son. she finds herself taking deep breaths as she taps her thumb against the steering wheel, her eyes going to the crystal moon dangling from the rearview mirror; its backdrop a clear sky of stars against the windshield. Nicky loved nights like this, she thinks.
“He stopped,” A tired Agatha whispers, head turned looking to the baby reflecting in the small mirror on the seat.
Nicky’s cheeks are flushed pink, little whimpers escape his tiny body as he calms down from his fitful night. Warm brown eyes look out the window as Rio drives in no particular direction through the secluded part of Westview.
Rio beams tiredly reaching for Agatha’s hand. “He loves the stars like his Mami.”
Driving slowly past the bookstore, the grocery store, Agatha smiles as she comes up to the rec center. looping into a gravel driveway that leads to the soccer field in the back, she drives on auto pilot parking under the cracked street lamp she used to park under every Saturday morning. Kicking up gravel and dirt as she gets out of the car Agatha holds the sleeves of Rio’s beat up Quantico sweatshirt between her fingers. Standing in the empty soccer field, the soft breeze takes her back to those chilly Saturday mornings.
“Mama! Look I can do the kick Mami taught me!” Nicky beams proudly, the white and black ball gliding effortlessly between his feet as he jumps in the air sending the ball off across the grass.
Agatha grins holding up her phone, being that mother during her son’s first soccer game of the season. “Good job, baby! One day you’ll be faster than Mami.” She smiles at her wife.
“One day, not today!” Rio teases lifting their little boy into her arms to tickle him relentlessly. As they mess around before the game starts, Agatha’s chest warms. She’s never been so happy.
Knuckles turn white as she grips the steering wheel. Turning down familiar streets, she smiles sadly when she drives past the cemetery gate. The word coward echos in her ears, as if her wife had just yelled in the confined space a moment ago.
Agatha huffs as she lays in the once familiar living room. The autumn air used to send a jolt of excitement through her, but now she finds herself burrowed under a layer of blankets in the cabin that held so many memories. Memories of love and laughter that play through her mind like a movie as the framed photos on the walls mock her.
As she tries to let sleep take her the offending device on the table buzzes and buzzes, only stopping and flashing a voicemail a minute later. Agatha knows it’s her wife calling. After Nicky’s funeral, she began to see less and less of the woman she loved. Rio was constantly gone for work, either out of town on an assignment or holed up in the field office running on nothing but coffee and a hidden bottle of bourbon.
Taking a breath she closes her eyes and hits play on the cracked screen.
“Well congratulations, my love, you win.” Rio lets out in a bitter laugh, voice sad and defeated.
Agatha can tell she’s been drinking as her voice cracks.
“I thought about going over everyone’s head. Tracking your phone, driving to wherever you are to bring you home.”
Agatha sucks in a breath squeezing her eyes shut tighter.
“But you’re a coward, Agatha.” She all but growls. “A coward,” she huffs again, voice crackling. “I don’t want this. Nicky wouldn’t want this.”
The dam breaks, and the great Agatha Harkness crumbles.
Rio has the porch light on when Agatha pulls into the driveway. A silent welcome home, an invitation to come inside. The warm glow illuminates the dark blue door along with the now filled in crack near the handle that splintered the painted wood when decided enough was enough.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Agatha growls, eyes on the single suitcase at the landing of the stairs. One she knows Rio only uses for work trips.
“I told Skinner to keep me on call.” A tired looking Rio appears behind Agatha.
When Rio’s hands rest on her hips the younger brunette jerks away spinning to look at her, fire in her eyes.
“Again? You’re fucking leaving again?” She spits.
Rio doesn’t say anything right away, her attention on the suit jacket by the door. She knows Agatha doesn’t understand how she feels. She couldn’t. She cannot understand how she hates sympathy flowers being delivered every day. She hates being in the quiet house. She hates fighting during the day and having sad make up sex at night trying to forget.
“I left the flight and hotel info on the fridge.” She pulls her jacket on expecting a fight from her wife.
Agatha takes a step forward with a clenched jaw, eyes watering. “If you leave me here alone don’t expect me to be here when you get back.” She says lowly through gritted teeth.
Rio shakes her head with a sad smile, grabbing her bag.
When her wife is out the door Agatha takes hold of the knob slamming it shut hard enough to shake the house, the echoing sound covering a sob.
When she steps out of the car popping the front door opens. Rio slinks out slowly, hair damp from a shower and this time not in a suit but a pair of sweats and one of Agatha’s hoodies. Agatha watches her wife in the dark slowly lifting her head to meet her gaze. Moving cautiously up the pathway, Rio meets her engulfing her in a hug, the warmth from her touch sending a calm through her chest that she hasn’t felt since before they lost Nicky.
All of these months later after working herself to exhaustion, Rio feels the guilt for leaving. All these months after leaving, Agatha holds her wife in a protective hug, long fingers carding through dark hair as she hides her face in her neck.
“I missed you.” Rio is the first to break the silence with a whisper, hands clutching her wife so fiercely, she’s sure her grip could cause bruising.
Pulling back just enough, Agatha’s hands gently cup Rio’s face bringing her into a tender kiss, one they hadn’t shared since those nights of trying to forget their pain and grief. One that feels like a rainstorm after a drought. Rio takes hold of her wife’s wrists, slowly breaking away to rest her forehead against hers. This time, Agatha speaks first, crystal blue eyes meeting warm amber.
“Let’s go see him together?”
Rio gives her wife a soft, watery smile, nodding in agreement.
“Together.”