Chapter 1
Chapter 1
TW- past abuse, Lane
This takes place in season five, the episode where Beckett punishes the team for Sullivan accusing him of drinking, but might not be 100% accurate.
Maya could feel every bone and muscle in her body ache with exhaustion. The team had worked for over 12 hours and she, like everybody else desperately needed to sleep. First they just needed to get something in their stomachs, not having had time to eat since lunch.
As the team has finally gathered to have dinner at midnight after a long and tiring shift, Beckett suddenly barged in and announced that they’d all be running drills until the person who accused him of drinking stepped forward.
A choir of groans was heard as Maya and the team dragged themselves down the stairs to the barn.
Beckett had already placed down cones in lines across the barn floor and had his whistle and timer ready. The sight of him made Maya’s breath catch for a second, before releasing. She quickly pushed the images of her father away, trying to ignore how much her boss’s stance and expression reminded her of her childhood.
She didn’t have much time to process her feelings on the subject as the captain loudly blew the whistle, signaling the team to start running. The blonde did without much of a fight, knowing it wouldn’t get them anything but more punishments. So she held her mouth, focusing on the way her body felt.
Initially, she felt fine, the air going in and out of her lungs was soothing, running was her thing and had been her therapy for years. A familiar habit in the midst of chaos, but as the minutes ticked on, she felt herself getting lost in her head. The back and forth between the cones without a clear finish line gave her mind room to spin. One by one her teammates slowed down, causing Beckett to blow the whistle and bark insults at them.
Maya had no idea how much time had passed, but it must have been a while as her friends, which were all in good shape were starting to wear thin. She could see the pain etched on their faces, and when Hughes eventually ran off to barf in a trash can, Maya knew it must have been a good while. Travis ran off to comfort her, and ended up in a pile on the floor beside the trash can, heaving and sweating.
“Fine! It was me” Sullivan stopped by Beckett and muttered his confession, a comment by the captain eventually causing him to speak up so everybody could hear it.
Within seconds, the rest of her team had followed Vic and Travis, each of them either crying or swearing as their bodies fought for air on the floor.
Maya started slowing down, figuring the drill was over, but her ears were met with a deafening noise. The captain blew the whistle like his life depended on it.
“Bishop! Did I say you could slow down?! You run until you can’t! Is that clear?!” He was fuming, and his voice echoed through the barn was making her shiver despite the sweat.
Maya had always known the man had it out for her, he’d basically bullied her for weeks, but she could take it, she’d had it worse. Up until now it was just extra bathroom duty and odd comments, and that was something she could handle, but this time was different. Beckett’s eyes held a certain look of evil today, and she could see the traces of a hidden grin on his face… he was enjoying this.
She quickly picked up her pace again, intrusive images of Lane popping up before her eyes, causing her head to throb. Her legs burned and the ankle that had caused her trouble on and off since the Olympics felt like it might fall off with every step.
Far away in the distance she could hear her friends protest the captain’s orders, and some of them telling her to stop. She couldn’t stop, Lane’s eyes bore into her, making her face burn the embarrassment of how pathetic she was, except it wasn’t her father, it was Beckett’s icy blue stare, following her every step, whistle ready to be used at any time. Maya couldn’t even tell the difference anymore, her memories blurring together with reality, everything else tuned out, eyes forward.
“That’s enough! Cut it out Beckett, she’s gonna hurt herself!” Andy yelled desperately when she’d regained her breath.
“Dude! Seriously this is ridiculous!” Jack stood and pointed to the blonde who was still running back and forth between the cones, pace unchanged.
“Yeah, yeah whatever, everyone clean this shit up and do your chores” The captain eventually gave in after multiple protests, nonchalantly picking up his coffee cup and walking away.
Everyone expected Maya to collapse on the ground, just as they had a few minutes ago, but it was like she hadn’t even heard the man.
“Mai you can stop now, drills over” Vic said, concern growing on her face as the blonde still gave them no indication she heard them.
Realization dawned on Andy as she remembered the countless conversations she and Maya had over the years. The rigid training from early childhood, the yelling, telling her she wasn’t good enough.
“Vic! Call Carina right now” Andy said as she kept following the blonde with her eyes.
It took a couple seconds for it to hit Hughes too, before she ran to get her phone from the locker, leaving the men equally confused and concerned. The only one beside the women who really know what went down in Maya’s childhood was Jack, who nervously watched, unsure of what to do.
“Hey let’s give her some space okay” Theo stood and put a hand on Travis’s back as the men exited the barn, Sullivan following behind them.
But Jack remained rooted. He’d grown closer to both Maya and Carina during the whole donor situation, and it pained him deeply to see the blonde in such distress. Maya was like a sister to him now, and still, he had no idea what to do. He crossed his arms to hide the nerves and watched as the blonde ran from side to side in an endless loop. How she was still standing, no one knew.
Vic came running back in, phone on speaker as she took Carina to say something, hoping it would bring Maya back to reality.
“Bella?! It’s me, you have to stop okay? I’ll be there in a few minutes but can you please slow down for me?” Caria pleaded desperately, but it was no use.
After a few tries Vic cut the call as the Italian would be there any minute.
***
In her mind, an endless film played in her mind. Ice cold water dumped on her head at 6 in the morning, dishes thrown right past her head shattering on the wall behind her, running home in the rain while her father drove in the car beside her, spewing insults at her every few seconds.
The bulging vein in his forehead made her heart jump, his red face as he screamed made her breathe catch, but she couldn’t stop. Her legs kept moving on their own, despite the fact that her entire body burned and her vision was clouded with black dots. All sounds around her had been tuned out by a painful ringing in her ears and the only thought occupying her mind was that she needed his approval. ‘Show him how good you are and you’ll be loved’
Her friends watched helplessly as Maya’s shaky legs carried her back and forth in a steady pace. Neither of them knew what to say, all their attempts at communicating coming up empty.
“What if we just hold her down, force her to stop” Jack said eventually, coming up with no other options.
“No, no if she’d in the middle of some kind of PTSD flashback it might make it worse” Vic sighed, running her hands through her hair.
Carina frantically made her way through the reception area and stopped in the doorway, the sight of her distressed wife making her heart squeeze painfully. She quickly gathered herself and made her way towards the small group of firefighters.
Suddenly, Maya’s ankle twisted and her body landed on the hard cement floor with a loud thud.
“Maya!” Carina practically threw herself toward the blonde and landed on her knees beside her trembling, but otherwise still frame.
Maya slowly pulled her knees toward her chest, laying on her side, facing Carina, but she didn’t look at her wife.
Maya’s eyes were trained at the floor straight ahead of her, silent tears running down her expressionless face as her lunges heaved, desperate for air.
“Maya! Bella can you hear me?!” Carina called out desperately, afraid of touching her wife and making things worse, but as soon as she saw blood, that was all out the window.
“She’s bleeding!” The Italian yelled shakily, alerting the other firefighters, making them spring into action.
“Jack get the med bag and a stretcher” Andy ordered as she quickly approached the blonde, still keeping her distance.
Carina gently touched Maya’s cheek, carefully adjusting her head so she could see the source. Blood trickled slowly from a small wound on the side of her forehead, and a bruise was staring to form around it. Carina had been prepared for the blonde to lash out or panic at the touch, but Maya stayed in her catatonic state, which almost worried her more. This was not normal, Maya had had panic attacks before, but this was something completely different.