She is knees deep in the cold ocean, her body facing the beach, her eyes closed, trying to shut down the noise of other brats and her family and the entire bloody world, trying to enjoy the cold air and the cold water making her shiver, making her number and number than she already is, and she is just breathing, existing, her head clear, and she takes deep breaths, in and out, in and out, in the same rhythm the wind blows and the waves hit her, and she feels a big one coming.
She breathes, in and out, in and out, her eyes still closed, her entire body almost numb, the outside world barely existing, and she holds her breath and she falls down into the wave, against its movement, falling deep down into the ocean, her body frozen in shock of the cold water, the ringing in her ears piercing, and she opens her eyes and looks at the gorgeous color, the gorgeous life inside the ocean, and she lets her body relax, until there are hands pulling her out and she hears the children yelling.
They pull her up to the surface, and she is welcomed by the screams of her cousins screaming her name screaming, Nikki Nikki Nikki Nikki, and James is there with them too, his hand is still holding her hand even though the other kids let her go and his smile is sweet and knowing and cocky, and it makes her feel things inside her stomach.
Not butterflies. She doesn't think she can feel the butterflies flying around in her stomach, that is for normal girls. She isn't normal. She is far, far from normal and sane. No, there is need and fire inside her stomach, the kind fucked up, insane people feel.
She gives him a look and pulls her hand away from his.
"Come on children, it's time for lunch," Ginny is yelling at them and she rolls her eyes as the brats start screaming again and pulling her with them to the shore.
She looks at the deep, cold ocean, comforting and lovely and silent before being dragged away from it by the brats and James.
Most of their family is asleep and if they aren't, well, it's not like they will come looking for them, they are shitfaced or gossiping, so she gets out of the house and goes to the beach, where James is already waiting for her.
His smile is sweet and knowing and cocky, and it makes her feel things inside her stomach, fire and need and pulsing desire lower and lower. She sits down next to him and pulls him in a kiss without a greeting, as if they need that, and his hands are on her hips in a millisecond, pulling her closer to him and she feels how hard he is, and it makes her stomach twist.
They have done it before, she lost her virginity to him a few months ago, it was the Easter holidays and they were all at the Burrow and it was his fifteenth birthday. It was quick and sloppy and she didn't think it was all that special, but James liked it a lot. Of course he did, she heard her sister and her friends talk about sex and their boyfriends.
His hands wander and she lets him undress her, and soon he is on top of her, naked as well, whispering sweet, stupid things to her she already knows, and it hurts when he goes inside her, but she likes the pain, and she looks at the night sky and she loves listening to the waves, and few ins and outs and she feels his cum inside her and then he collapses next to her, his hand tangled deep in her hair.
She doesn't feel great, and he tries to make her come too, and she does, and it is almost enough to make her feel something good.
They lay like that, his fingers in her hair, whispering how good she feels and all the sweet nothings she doesn't care about, and she thinks about what is so wrong with her that having sex with her cousin doesn't make her feel anything much, until she gives him a quick kiss and walks away, without a goodbye, dressing on the way.
Vic isn't in their room and she knows it means Teddy isn't in the house either, they are somewhere on the beach too, and a mad part of her, she says as if there is a part of her that isn't mad, wishes they saw her, wishes Teddy saw her walking naked and with James's cum on her thighs and wishes he felt the need she feels too.
She loves not being with Victoire in Hogwarts, not seeing her beautiful sister wearing blue like she does, not seeing her achieve everything she will have to achieve and more to compete with her brilliance along with her beauty. She loathes her, with all her heart, hates her, hates that she gets everything and anything she wants, she ever wanted. She wants that, but she only ever gets whatever is left from Victoire for her.
Victoire gets all the beauty, all the brilliance, all the good things, she gets Teddy and there is nothing left for her.
Their parents speak with Victoire with overwhelming enthusiasm, their oldest daughter is doing so well in the Ministry and that is such a lovely necklace, where did Teddy get it from, and is Teddy coming over for dinner, and she is so tired of it.
She wants her sister gone, forever, and maybe then she could be happy.
She walks out of the cottage after dinner, goes to the beach, to the sea and crumbles down in the sand, feeling the cold, salty wind against her face, against her hot tears, and she looks at the sea, its waves calling her, whispering to her, telling her everything will be okay if she comes in.
She begins her 4th year and she starts dating Sebastian Fawley. Not sure if dating is the right word, because they don't go on dates, they just make out and he fucks. He fucks better than James does, rougher and less sloppy and he makes her wet first so it hurts in another way.
She doesn't love him, and he doesn't love her, but they give each other what they want.
She doesn't want anything else. Honestly, given how mad she is, she doesn't deserve love and a lovely boyfriend and happiness. That is what Victoire gets, not Dominique.
James rarely talks to her when they are at Hogwarts and it's not like avoiding each other is hard. Different houses, different years, and he isn't the kind to spend his time in the library.
Her parents and Victoire aren't the most approving of her boyfriends, but she guesses a Fawley and a McLaggen are a respectable choice, but once she starts dating Xavier Rosier in the summer before her 7th year is when she steps out of the line.
As if she hasn't stepped over a line years ago.
Xavier is charming, incredibly handsome and sly, and he fucks her better than any guy did before, and they can talk about forbidden, dark spells for days and days to an end.
But her father doesn't like it, doesn't like that Xavier's father was a Death Eater, doesn't like that he is a pureblood, and her mother agrees even if she herself said she hopes she finds a lovely French wizard, and there is just no way she could satisfy Fleur Delacour, and Victoire tells her she should find someone who will treat her like a queen, like Teddy treats her.
It's not like Xavier's family is more approving of her, her blood isn't pure, it's tainted by her Veela side and her last name is almost a synonym for blood traitor in the remaining pureblood society.
They all end up yelling at her, one dinner, her father and mother and Victoire, all three against her and she goes out of the house in the middle of the fight and goes to the beach.
She thinks Louis might be the only one who doesn't care about Xavier, whispering to her after a dinner one summer night, when he finds her at the beach that he hopes this one will make her smile.
She looks at him with a wondering, confused look. "And why is that?"
"You don't smile a lot."
"It's not true. I smile all the time."
"No. I can see when you mean it. Like when Teddy makes you smile, you mean it."
Her heart drops and she feels like crying.
"You didn't smile with other boys. I hope this one makes you smile."
"Oh, Louis-" she pulls him in a hug, almost crying. "You make me smile, you know that, right?"
"I know. But they can't make you smile like I do."
"And why is that?"
"Because then you might not love me anymore."
"Impossible. I will love you more than anyone, I promise."
"Promise?"
"I solemnly promise."
She looks at the sea, and the waves whisper, but not as loudly as they did before. She looks at Louis and wonders if maybe he got all the kindness she didn't. Victoire got all the beauty that was meant to be hers, and Louis all the kindness that was meant to be hers. But she can't hate him for that, she can hate Victoire all she wants, but she will never be able to hate Louis.
She runs from England and goes to Romania, to Uncle Charlie.
She thinks he might understand, and tells him how much she hates her family, her perfect mother, and perfect sister, and how much she wanted out of England.
They smoke something she doesn't even want to know the name of, and he says he does and that boys are dumb, and it's all she needs. He fucks her that night, and bloody hell, she really does have some pretty big family issues, doesn't she?
She runs away from Romania too.
She comes back to England, comes back to Xavier and she moves into his mansion before they go back to Hogwarts.
She doesn't know if her family knows where she is and she doesn't care enough to talk to them.
Weasley brats try to talk to her once the school year starts, but she keeps ignoring them so they eventually stop trying.
Al is the only one who doesn't necessarily try, and she spends most of her 7th year in the Slytherin Common Room and dorms, so they talk. Not about what happened during the summer, but they talk.
She graduates from Hogwarts and her family is there. Of course they are, Molly is graduating too. They can't miss that.
She is talking with Xavier and his friends, and she sees Victoire coming her way and she tries to run away, but Vic is quick.
"Dom, wait-"
"What do you want?"
Victoire pulls her in a tight hug and tells her how proud everyone is of her, how much she has missed her and invites her to the Burrow and that everything will be forgotten.
She does go to the Burrow, and maybe, it isn't so bad anymore.
She starts working for Theodore Nott a few months after her graduation, and a few months after Xavier and her broke up, in her attempt to mend things with her family.
Theodore Nott is handsome and charming and she knows he looks at her body longer than he should.
He is married, but she doesn't care about that. He doesn't seem to care about that little detail either.
His wife must be incredibly oblivious or incredibly smart.
He fucks her better than anyone did before, his long, elegant fingers feel magical inside her and wrapped around her neck, and she loves how his cock feels inside her.
He treats her surprisingly nicely, considering he is cheating on his wife with her. He takes her to dinners in fancy restaurants and gets her jewelry and doesn't leave when he fucks her, and he tries to get to know her.
There isn't anything nice to know about her, but there is a weak part of insane her that makes her heart flutter whenever he tries. She guesses she appreciates the optimism when it comes to her.
She thinks she likes him. Genuinely, actually likes him. She never felt like this about James or Sebastian. Perhaps not even about Neville. It's not like anything she feels for Teddy, but it's something.
She quits her job when she realizes it and then there is a huge scandal when the Daily Prophet and the Witch Weekly publish their affair and she has yet another huge fight with her parents and Vic that she doubts they will want to talk to her ever again and she runs away from England.
She takes the gifts she got from him, and she cashes them all out, all except the necklace she got for her birthday.
She runs away from England again, and she finds herself in the United States.
She is California at first, the bright sun and the warm, salty wind and the pretty waves that make her completely lose herself in them, and it is wonderful, the deep breaths in and out, in and out, in and out, and she feels free from England, finally.
She casts a spell to make her hair black and its already curly and her eyes grey and she looks a little like Lucy, she looks like she could be part of a Black and she likes it.
Bella, she answers when asked what her name is when she uses the Portkey to New York, and maybe it's sick, twisted revenge on everyone in England, or maybe she is trying to see how being completely mad goes for her.
She gets a job in a gentleman's club, although there are no gentle men to be found there, their hands are rough on her body, so rough around her neck that she thinks they will break it.
She starts by carrying drinks around and then one of the dancers gets sick and she replaces her for one day and then she's a dancer too, and letting the men there fuck her was always part of the deal anyway. It gets her money, and it's just one of the middle fingers she sends to her family. Not that they know what she's doing, but anyway.
She catches the attention of an important man there, he never comes alone, always with a group of men around him, and girls are very careful when around him. He's a little older, but there is something magnetic about him, a power, a fear, something that makes her stomach twist and she likes it.
She works her Veela charm, and it works, because she is sitting at their table and flirting with him, and then they're in a room she was never in before, he is fucking her, hands choking her and she feels his magic, it is powerful and ancient and dark and violent and she loves it, she has never felt such violence before and it destroys her until she is in little pieces of insanity.
He likes to look at her dance, and so she dances for him, whether it is ballet or something sexier, and she loves to dance, she loves ballet and his compliments hit where it hurts, because Vic was always the better one, the better dancer, more graceful, with a better technique, with better everything, and he thinks she is the best ballerina out there, and maybe that is why she makes herself believe she loves him.
She is his favorite, his only one, and only the best for the best, the loveliest dresses and the loveliest jewelry are only for her and she doesn't ask what is it he does.
She doesn't need to know, she doesn't want to know, she is getting everything she ever wanted in her life, and she is far away from Vic and her mother and her family and far away from England and she matters to someone, why would she ruin it, it's not as if she has any morality left to haunt her.
The entire world could be hers now, and she wants it.
She starts fucking with an Auror, who is using her to get to her sugar daddy and it's fun.
His name is Nick Fleming, and he was sorted in a Horned Serpent house in Ilvermorny and he enjoys the chase. He is interesting, and incredibly good in bed.
Out of everyone she had slept with, she thinks her family would be most approving of him. Great career, smart and handsome, he looks like a good man, he does his best to treat her nicely, and well, he isn't married or evil and they don't share a bloodline.
Her mother would like him. Oddly, it doesn't make her hate him immediately, because she thinks she likes him too.
Not that she tells him that. Not that they talk about feelings, because they use each other and you don't bring feelings into this.
He seems kind. It's a shame she is anything but. In another world, maybe she would hold his hand and introduce him to her family, in another world where she isn't so fucked up.
They always fuck in Nick's flat, mostly because she doesn't really have one, so it's convenient. And he has very strong protective wards, so Richard can't find them there.
She loves how his cock feels inside her, it hits all the right spots and he isn't as rough as some were, but he isn't gentle either, and she surprisingly likes it that way, and his hand goes from being tangled in her hair to being wrapped around her neck when he is close, and she knows he loves to cum looking at her face, looking at her as she comes too.
His hand always end up tangled in her hair, his fingers curling in her locks, and he is lying down next to her, breathing heavily, his body glistening with sweat, and his other hand is painting something on her body, on her hips and thighs and collarbone, and this time, he is looking deep into her eyes, like he is trying to search for something, and he is almost smiling, and if she knew any better, she would call the look on his face soft, almost loving, and he says something that makes her laugh and she doesn't know why, but it makes her insides twist into a knot that she can't untwist.
Richard seems on the edge that day, she feels magic inside him fighting to break out, and he fucks her with such brute force she thinks he is going to kill her.
He gives her a necklace, something very old and very powerful, taking it out of a big, black bag full of more stuff like that and it gives her a bad feeling, something twists up inside her and her body is ready, aching to run far away.
He kisses her, gently, but his hand around her neck is still tight, and he smiles at her, saying how gorgeous she looks with that necklace, and then he is throwing her on the bed again, and she has never felt such violence.
It scares her, and she hates to admit it, but it scares her so much she feels like vomiting.
She hears a noise, and it's not just glass breaking because the room is soundproof, it's spells and hexes and it's screaming and yelling and Richard is still fucking her and there is panic rising inside her, and the doors disappear and four Aurors Apparate inside the room and she doesn't realize it's her that screamed until she gets slapped in the face and told to shut up and get down and there are spells flying all around her and Nick is there too, and she looks at the bag with jewelry and she doesn't think, she just takes it and thinks of being anywhere but here.
She appears in the living room in the Burrow.
Grandma Molly pushes her into the bathtub with the water still running, and the water is hot but she is still so cold, so bloody cold and she didn't realize there is blood on her until old, dry, wrinkly hands are washing it off her completely naked body and Merlin, she feels like she sick, she thinks she is going to vomit and she looks down to see the red water and she tries to remember whose blood it could be, but she can't remember.
It could be Richard's. Or Nick's. Or hers, honestly. Or from an Auror. Or Aurors.
"Darling, don't cry, it will all be right," she hears her grandma softly say and she didn't realize she started crying.
"They're dead. Fuck, someone is actually dead and it's my fault," she cries out, choking on her words, choking on her tears and the gentle touch is making her want to vomit. She touches the necklace Richard gave her, holds the gemstone and all she can think of is that it's bloody too.
"It's not your fault," her grandma says with that soft voice again and she lets out a scream.
"Fucking stop being so gentle, I don't fucking deserve it," she yells out. "Just leave me alone," she says and sinks down deeper into the bathtub, into the water-filled with blood and soap. "I truly don't deserve it. I truly don't."