Forever Winter

Summer missed being a first year. Those lucky gits got to see the castle for the very first time from the shores of the Black Lake. They were then paraded upstairs and greeted with an entire celebration in their honor. They were sorted one by one, individually gifted with a new family and sense of identity.

Sylvia was to her left, yapping about some diamond necklace her daddy bought her, but Summer might as well have been sitting alone. Cordie was with a gaggle of Puffs, but still leaning half off the bench to join a Gryffindor conversation. She didn’t recognize any of them but, based on Regulus’ sour expression, they were his friends.

She didn’t know what to make of him, if she was being honest. He seemed nice enough, but she wasn’t looking for another junkie to babysit. Sylvia’s other friends were enough of a handful. Nevertheless, she found herself examining the boy he’d been raving about on the train - James.

He was an excellent quidditch player (that she knew from Cordie), but other than that he seemed like an egomaniac. Regulus had both agreed and vehemently denied that when Sylvia prompted it.

“So pathetic,” Sylvia groaned.

“What?” Summer patted herself briefly, checking for any pathetic imperfections. If anyone in the Great Hall was to point them out, it would be Sylvia.

“I meant that dude from the train,” She flicked her fork in Regulus’ direction. He was a few seats down and resting his head in his hands as he stared at James. “I mean, cmon, he couldn’t seriously have thought a man like Potter could be pinned down.”

She briefly considered smashing her plate over Sylvia’s head. Summer wondered if she knew that she was perfectly aware of what Sylvia had done all summer. Or who.

“You’re right,” She gritted her teeth, “how dare he assume that little miss popular would ever cheat on him?”

“I think you mean mister?”

“I know what I meant,” Summer stood, heading for the common room.

She didn’t know what she had expected when she left the Great Hall.

Dramatic exit? Check

Immediate crushing loneliness? Double check

Once the doors closed behind her, the world moved as is if underwater. All sounds came in slowly - the rustling of banners, the quiet chatter of portraits in the upstairs galleries, the muffled sounds of applause, house pride.

Summer didn’t really register any of it. This was her life. Sylvia had been her anchor for nearly six years now. The two of them had created such a vivid universe between them that she’d never stopped to notice that Sylvia was all she had.

Cordie had flourished under the love and warmth of Hufflepuff house. She shared that love with so many, earning lifelong friends at every turn. Summer didn’t have that kind of energy to offer potential new friends. Jack and Julia, the youngest pair of Smithers kids, were too young for Hogwarts. Spending time with them felt like babysitting.

And she’d be a fool to seek affection from either of her parents.

So, as she fell asleep early, without dinner or companionship, she couldn’t escape the feeling that the walls were widening around her.

Morning brought about the first day of school, rich with the buzz of students late for classes they couldn’t locate. Between the basement cafe and her transfiguration class, seven first-year Slytherins approached Summer for help. One even asked for a sip of her drink, to which she replied that they could waste their own money on overpriced coffee if they wanted it so badly.

In her desperation to avoid Sylvia, she’d skipped breakfast and gone straight for the cafe’s ‘coffee and crumpet’ deal. Deal or no deal, the Hogwarts staff were ripping students off. At Hogsmeade, she could have bought a dozen coffees for the same amount.

The combination of a poor breakfast and the significant scam made for an incredibly irritable morning. By third period, she began to suspect that she shared a schedule with the blonde Gryffindor that sat beside her in every class.

“Miss Mary Mack, she’ll stab you in the back,” The girl had jokingly said during second period as she took the seat beside Summer. She wasn’t sure if she was supposed to know who ‘miss Mary Mack’ was. She did notice, however, that a beautiful girl with a halo of umber curls sat in the seat beside Regulus.

So much for all his bitching and moaning about not having friends.

“Miss me?” The Gryffindor asked, sliding into the seat beside her for the fourth time that day. Her eyes twinkled with some joke, her grin dazzling as if they were co-conspirators.

She was infuriating.

“I was starting to think you weren’t in this class,” Summer responded, fake honey dripping from her words. “I was starting to think I’d have to sit next to my own friends.”

If the girl noticed that the seat beside Summer was perpetually empty for lack of friends, she didn’t comment. Instead, she ran a cool hand through her hair and sighed sympathetically. “That would be a tragedy, indeed.”

For a moment, all Summer could see in her was Sylvia. That same easy charisma, the same troublemaking smile. Her face blanched.

“Why do you keep sitting here-”

“Marlene,” The girl answered with a curt nod.

“-Marlene?” Summer gestured to various empty desks. “Why right next to me?”

Marlene seemed to ponder that for a minute. “Because you look like trouble,” she finally decided.

“Ah, so you can goof off and blame it on me?”

That made Marlene laugh. “Have you seen my friends? No professor would ever believe me if I tried to blame something on anyone else.”

“Your friends…?”

The blonde made a grand gesture to the cluster of tables to their left. At the very front, Cordie sat beside a ginger Summer recognized as Lily Evans. Behind them were James and Peter, then Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. In the very back, Regulus sat beside the same girl as earlier.

Summer pretended to tip her hat, “I’m a fan of your work.”

Marlenes’ eyebrows raised in shock, “You know about last night’s Cornish Pixie incident?”

“No,” Summer replied, somewhat concerned. “I was talking about bullying Snape… that man’s a proper git.”

The Gryffindor chuckled. “Yeah, well someone had to.”

They sat in silence for some time as the teacher explained the class syllabus. Summer took halfhearted notes.

“Smithers?” Marlene asked, glancing over at Summer’s notebook, “Any relation to Cordelia over there?”

“My twin.”

“No shit. Why didn’t I see it earlier?”

Summer gestured to herself, “Maybe it’s because I’m missing all that Cordie sunshine energy.”

“Or maybe she’s missing that stormy Summer sarcasm.”

Summer looked to where her sister was sitting with Lily and a new wave of self-loathing washed over her. She didn’t blame Cordie - not one bit - but the difference between them was an open wound.

“It’s not a bad difference,” Marlene whispered, as if she had plucked the thought straight from Summer’s brain.

Summer hated her.

But when Marlene invited her to have lunch with the Marauders in an empty potions classroom…

Well… she didn’t say no.

Summer got about halfway to the empty potions lab before running into Sylvia and Dorcas. She wasn’t surprised to see Dorcas – she hung around them every once in a while, nothing but a vague presence. Sylvia liked it that way. Summer and Dorcas never said much, never commandeered the group. As far as roommates go, the two of them lived in seperate worlds.

Honetsly, they were quite boring.

She didn’t even try to protest as Sylvia grabbed her arm, face split wide with a grin. “Summer! I didn’t see you at breakfast.”

“Overslept,” She replied by way of explanation, grateful to Dorcas for not selling her out. Sylvia, who roomed with three girls down the hall, was none the wiser.

“Well then lunch is a perfect time to catch up! How were your morning classes? Did you see Amos Diggory with his tongue down a fourth year’s throat

“Fourth?” Dorcas’ nose scrunched in disgust, “ew. Poor thing.”

“There are worse people to be groomed by,” Sylvia responded, which made Summer want to retch.

Dorcas seemed to agree, sending Summer a knowing look. She wondered if they had ever done that beore. In first year, maybe, when they were both new to Hogwarts and struggling their way through standard Slytherin bullshit.

“Well my classes were so boring,” Sylvia continued. “I can’t wait until reality hits this place and I can be on my way out.”

Until reality hits? … Oh. She can’t possibly mean…

Sure, she’s a selfish, snobbish bitch, but she’s not a…

From across the hall, Mulciber sent the three of them a wave. Only Sylvia returned the gesture.

Oh, fuck me, Summer groaned internally. Anything but a Death Eater. Anything but a Death Eater.

Marlene was forgotten immediately, all focus on the floor. Watching her feet move. Feeling the stone under her shoes change to grass as the three of them made their way to a spot beside the Black Lake. It’s all she could do. All she could manage.

“Has your father said anything to you about it?” Sylvia asked Summer.

“No,” she shook her head.

Liar.

Liar.

Liar.

They settled onto an old picnic table, Dorcas pulling out a pack of cigarettes. She wordlessly lit the cig, pulling it her lips and taking a long drag. Sylvia stared hungrily at her arm, as if she could already see the squirming black ink of the Mark.

—-------

Summer was afraid of bees. She always had been, ever since one stung her at age seven. Cordie had held her all night as she cried, clutching the offended arm to her chest. Her father thought she was crying for fear of the creature, sent her to bed with a slammed door for it.

Smitherses don’t cry. And they certainly don’t fear bugs.

Cordie thought she was crying because how could such a friendly looking animal cause such pain?

Neither of those even scratched the surface of the truth – Summer was afraid of herself. She’d seen what she could do. What she would do if placed in the wrong situation. If she was ever hurt.

Kill.

Summer had killed the bee without a second thought. It was doomed anyway, having used its life to hurt her, but she brought her bare hand against an animal who had left its only defense in her skin.

A part of her reveled in it. Oh, how she would be the pride of her parents. But Merlin, how she would be a monster in the eyes of her siblings - the ones who really deserved her.

So Summer committed another murder at age seven – she killed the soul inside her. The violent thing. The thing with claws.

And now the war was goingg to revive it. She could almost feel it again, staring at the lake. The gentle rumble beneath her skin. The sharpness of her vision. The monster she killed was clawing through the dirt, rising from the grave.

Who would it hurt? Who would she hurt? The real her, the Smithers heiress… which side did she belong to?

Dorcas was silent for a long while, staring at Summer as if she could read her mind. Seeing as she was quite gifted at occlumency, she figured it was unlikely.

What had Marlene called her, a storm?

Merlin, she hoped not.

“Summer? Summer? Earth to Summer?” Sylvia waved a hand in front of her eyes.

“Yes?” She replied, unable to keep her tone even.

“We’re making goals. Would you care to contribute?”

“Oh, sure,” she shook out of it, “passing divination would be nice.”

Sylvia laughed as if she had said the funniest thing in the world, “Oh Sums, I forgot you were such a prude. We were talking about real goals. Shagging goals.”

“Naturally,” Summer bit back a smile. “Anyone but Amos Diggory.”

That earned her a snort from Sylvia and a poorly contained smile from Dorcas. For all she cared, that was enough for right now.

It was almost half an hour later when she realized her mistake. When she remembered Marlene.

The blonde sat cross-legged in the grass, reading and refusing to look up even as Summer approached her.

“You never showed,” Marlene sucked her teeth, pretending to be engrossed in the newspaper in front of her.

“Duty called,” Summer pointed a lame finger at the Slytherin crest on her robe. Something about the gesture was made worse by the fact that her best friend, her ex, had one foot in the Death-Eater door.

“Sirius is a seer, did you know that?”

Summer stuttered, her mind attempting to understand the subject change. “No, no, I didn’t know that.”

“Well, I asked if he’d ever seen you before… in a vision.”

“Are you talking to your friends about me, McKinnon?” Summer hoped it fell out as flirtation. It didn’t quite hit the mark.

“He’d seen you twice,” she continued. “The first time he saw you was in a vision of a wedding. He couldn’t see the happy couple, but he could see the bridesmaids. You were one of them.”

Summer made a noncommittal hum.

“Lily was another.”

That hit her like a punch. “That could only be my sister’s wedding. Other than being so beautifully annoyed by you, I haven’t really met any of Lily’s friends.”

“But she’s close to your sister.”

“Hence why Lily and I would both be bridesmaids.”

“Sirius said the scene was cute, cozy… he said it felt like family.”

“Yes, because a pureblood heir would describe family as cute and cozy.” It was low blow, even for Summer. She didn’t care, though. As a pureblood heir herself, the word cozy sounded alien in the same sentence as ‘family.’

Marlene seemed unfazed, “In the other one…”

Summer can practically taste her hesitance.

“In the other one?”

“I was crying,” Marlene took a long pause, choosing her words carefully. “He said I was looking at you.”

“Me?”

“You,” She agreed.

“And this vision… this vision of me making you cry… It makes you want to spend time with me?”

“Gotta see what’s worth all those tears,” She laughed, the sound ringing through the courtyard.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” Summer whispered softly, not sure if it was a promise she could keep. Can fate, the visions of a seer, be changed?

“I know,” She replied simply, but Summer didn’t miss the sad smile that parted her lips. “That’s what Sirius says.”

“Can he… can he see the whole picture? Does he know what I did?”

“No, he can’t. All he can feel is the energy and see a few glimpses.”

Oh, Summer thought dimly, so I do fuck up. I ruin this all.

But Cordie stays soft, another voice replied, Cordie gets married. She stays kind. She must.

Somehow, that’s enough to quiet the rest of the world. “We should get to class,” She told Marlene, “Wouldn’t wanna walk in late and get separated, would we?”

Marlene scoffed, “Merlin, how terrible!” before grabbinig Summer’s hand and pulling her into their next class.

—------------

The scarlet envelopes came from the Prewetts. They filled the halls in a flurry, passed from student to student. It was all anyone could talk about.

(“A secret party in Hogsmeade!”

“I hear they have a mansion in the forest!”

“Last time I went to a Prewett Party, I ran home through the Forbidden Forest… naked!”

“Five galleons to make out with Emmeline Vance.”

“You gobshite, I’d do it for free.”)

Together in the Gryffindor Common Room, the extended Marauder family discussed the invitations.

“Are you going, Sirius?”

“Only if Remus does,” He responded with a lazy smile.

“Liar.” Lily tentatively looked at James, “What about the rest of you lot?”

“Oh, absolutely,” Marlene answered. “There’s a Slytherin I need to piss off.”

“It had better not be me,” Regulus chimed in from the door. He’d snuck into the Gryffindor commons behind a group of third years and made a painful show of looking everywhere except the spot James occupied on the couch.

“Never, never, you sweet boy.” Marlene chided. “Some girl that Mary,” she shot her a glare, “made me sit next to.”

Mary pretended to scoff. Then, to Lily, “You know I’d never miss a party. Especially not one hosted by a Prewett.”

“What if Molly was throwing it?” Sirius countered.

“You know I would never miss a meeting of the knitting club.”

“Foul,” Remus chuckled while Alice giggled something along the lines of “that woman crochets a mean pair of mittens”

“So, Miss Mars,” James readjusted in his seat, “tell us more about this Slytherin.”

“She pretty?” Sirius asked.

“Regulus, you know her,” Marlene turned back to the boy at the door. “Summer Smithers? She’s Cordie’s twin?”

Peter perked up at the mention of Cordie.

“Yeah, I know her. She’s a really, uh,” he cleared his throat sarcastically, “upstanding member of the Hogwarts community.”

“Wait, Cordie’s twin is a Slytherin?” Lily’s eyebrows were drawn together, “I always assumed she was a Hufflepuff too.”

“You’re telling me there’s a good twin, evil twin situation? Imagine that.”

“I never said evil,” Reg scowled, “just… not as nice as Cordelia.”

“No one is,” Peter groaned. “Cord’s a saint.”

Mary pretended to gag.

“Peter, you’re going, right?”

“I’ll probably just stay in and play wizchess… catch up on coursework,” He shook his head. “Nothing good can come from me drinking.”

Lily suppressed a grin, “Cordie’s gonna be there.”

“Really? That’s cool,” He nodded animatedly. “Cool, yeah, that’s, like, super cool. Who knows, right? Maybe one drink wouldn’t kill me.”

“That’s the spirit,” She playfully punched him in the shoulder.

“Lovesick fool,” Mary mouthed to Regulus. It made him laugh - maybe for the first time in days.

The forest was alive with trap music, bass boosting through the walls of the Prewett summer residence. It was the first time Summer had ever worn that shirt, and it was already covered in Malibu. She’d considered leaving the party, especially since Sylvia was undoubtedly off screwing Gideon at that very moment, but had no real way of getting back to the castle.

“Yo, you seen Sylv?” She shouted into a passerby’s ear. They shook their head no and continued on, leaving her to sag back onto the couch. She’d cracked open another can just as she caught the curl of Regulus’ hair. He arrived with his entire squad, Cordie included.

“Hmph,” She laughed to herself. “Shocker. Cordie gets what she wants again.”

She immediately loathed herself for it. For judging Cordie based on Summer’s own inadequacies. It wasn’t fair. Then again, was she ever? The feeling made a sharp pain in her chest as Cordie called out her name and made a beeline for her.

“You’re here with Peter’s group,” She did her best to feign enthusiasm. Cordie was practically gushing with excitement, but Summer wasn’t feeling an ounce of it.

“I was worried because I ate lunch with them and they didn’t seem to really want me there but then I got invited to this party and James told Peter he should invite me… oh no, did Peter just invite me because of James? Merlin, I’m so stupid-”

“Take a breath, Cord.” Summer reached out to steady her twin, “They already like you. You literally went on vacation with them.”

“Yeah but they liked me for being Regulus’ girlfriend,” She grabbed a can of seltzer. “I just want them to like me for me.”

“Peter likes you for you.”

“Really? You think so?”

“You’re fucking stupid and I love you,” Summer replied.

“Hey, where’s Sylv?”

Summer’s expression soured. “Not sure. She might not have come?” She hoped it sounded genuine. She knew it didn’t.

Unfortunately for her, that was the exact moment that Gideon appeared at the top of the stairs, followed by a very drunk Sylvia Archer.

“His face?” Cordelia started, eyebrows drawn together as if she was puzzling something out, “he’s covered in lipstick kis… Oh.”

A sharp inhale. A slight dizziness. “Yeah,” Summer replied glumly.

“She’s shagging Gideon?” Cordie said it like it didn’t make sense. “Sums… why is your girlfriend shagging Gideon Prewett?”

“Probably because she felt like it.” There were kinder ways to say it, Summer knows. Ways that wouldn’t inflame her temper. But she’d never really worked past the anger stage and it was all-consuming now. “She cheated on me.”

Cordie, to her credit, didn’t look surprised. Just sad.

“Im so sorry, love. Is there anything I can do?”

Summer hates this side of Cordie. The way she gets when she’s uncomfortable. How, instead of shutting down like a normal person, she goes into mom mode and starts offering vague help. Fucking Hufflepuff.

Summer knew Cordie got the worst of her mom. That Cordie stayed in those rooms, sitting at a vacan’t woman’s bedside - loving a ghost. A living ghost.

Fucking mommy issues.

Summer shrugged her shoulders. “I’m alright. Thank you though. It means a lot.”

It meant jack shit.

“If you ever wanna, y’know, beat her up…” Cordie swallowed with some difficulty, “I’d be happy to turn a blind eye.”

“I thought nonviolence was a Hufflepuff trademark.”

“So is justice.”

“Well I’m not gonna beat her up. I am instead going to replace her with someone she absolutely hates and then slowly steal her friends and her dreams.”

“You Slytherins need to see Mind Healers, I swear.”

Summer chuckled at that, unsure if the warmth blossoming in her chest was from the alcohol or the concern written across her sisters face. Fucking Hufflepuffs. So full of love.

“Speaking of someone Sylvia might hate, Marlene Mckinnon was asking me about you.”

“Oh?”

“You know, the standard questions - Are you into girls, are you family-oriented, are you good enough to cheat off in divination? Stuff like that.”

“Yes, enough, and absolutely not,” Summer replied with a hint of a smile.

Seemingly satisfied with her answers, Cordelia wrapped her fingers around Summer’s wrist and dragged her in the direction of the other marauders.

“No, no,” she protested, noticing the shots of veritaserum being passed around the circle.

“It’ll be harmless,” Cordie promised with her best attempt at a mischevious wink. “You mithridatist bitch have been taking small doses of veritaserum since we were eleven. You’re practically immune.”

She was right.

Cordie continued, “So you’ll be able to answer however you want while everyone else answers honestly.”

“Cordelia Constance Smithers,” Summer tried and failed to keep the hint of pride out of her voice, “Are you putting me in a position of power right now?”

“What are sisters for?” Cordie dissolved in a fit of laughter, her mind undoubtedly carried away by movie scenes where sisters play together or wear matching outfits.

Marlene had two shot glasses in her hand. One filled with brown liquor, the other clear veritaserum. She took them both, one after the other. As she clinked the glasses back on the counter, her honest, traitorous eyes found Summer and Cordie making their way toward her.

Luckily for her, Sirius took over before her lips could say anything she might regret. Maybe something about how Summer’s hair looked almost red under the poor lighting. How it was gorgeous. How she was gorgeous.

“Well, if it isn’t miss butter and honey,” He said easily, sliding an arm around the brighter of the two.

“Siri,” Cordelia responded fondly.

“What brings you around these parts?” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, “Perhaps a very handsome man named… Peter?” A grin cracked his face wide.

Cordie blushed a deep red.

“You’ll have to pour out some veritaserum before you get her to answer honestly.” Summer interjected without thinking.

An unexpected laugh fell from Sirius’ lips. “So, evil twin.”

“Funny twin,” Summer corrected.

“Hmmm,” He hummed jokingly, “one way to tell.”

With that, he handed the twins a vial of serum. “C’mon, we’re all doing it.”

“Bottoms up,” Summer agreed, tossing it back.

Wrong.

Wrong.

Wrong.

Alarm bells pounded in her head. That wasn’t veritaserum. At least not a concentration she’d ever taken.

Which meant - fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

“Regulus’ special batch,” Marlene explained. “Mix it with alc and you won’t believe the shit you realize about yourself.”

No.

No.

No.

Summer couldn’t breathe. The room blurred, faces coming in and out of focus. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

“Summer?” Cordie’s eyes had gone wide. The younger girl’s lips moved silently, parting around the phrase ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,’ the shape repeating over and over again, the pattern, ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry.’

“Is it the Slytherin logo on your clothes or are you looking a little green?” Despite the joke, concern laced Sirius’ expression.

“Oh, bugger off,” Regulus appeared behind his brother. “Don’t pretend like you’ve ever had the guts to take it.”

Had the prospect of it not been so terrifying, she’d have slid to the ground and cradled her head in her hands.

Quietly, Regulus whispered into Summer’s ear, “There’s a room upstairs. Down the hall. First door to the left. Nobody’ll be in there. You can let it wear off… safely.”

A switch flipped. She may be no bloody Gryffindor, but she sure as hell wasn’t one to shy away from something just because it scared her.

“Where’s James?” She asked in lieu of response. Regulus’ subtle flinch was not lost on her. After a moment’s recovery, he cocked his head to the right. James was sitting with Lily and Alice, head thrown back in laughter.

“James Potter and the merry band,” Marlene supplied.

A hint of humor clouded Summer’s face, “Then let’s get this show going, shall we?”

“Evil twin, evil twin,” Sirius tsked, undoubtedly thrilled by the prospect of whatever shit she was about to pull.

“Gang, may I present to you the golden girls - Summer and Cord.” Sirius splayed his hands out like a magician’s assistant, presenting them like a trick.

“We know,” Lily replied with good humor.

Summer had to stifle a laugh. Good for her, she thought. Good for Cordie. She deserves good friends.

Twin telepathy be damned, Cordie leaned over and whispered, “She’s a good one.”

“So these are the new kids in the room,” James looked at them appraisingly, as if he was trying to determine which Quidditch plays the two of them should run. Were they strong? Agile? Precise?

“Good,” He decided. “I trust Sirius’ visions of you two. You’re welcome to… well, anything I guess.”

Lily rolled her eyes.

Sirius snorted with glee. “Now, while my official stance is against hazing… I am not against slightly uncomfortable fun…”

It was Remus’ turn to roll his eyes.

“So, the floor is everyone’s. Everyone’s gotta say something. Present themselves. Whatever you want… preferably something deeply personal that keeps you awake at night.”

Summer had only a single moment of ‘What The Fuck?’ before Mary was standing up, the veritaserum seemingly compelling her.

“I’m Mary Macdonald and I’m the hottest bitch you know.”

A round of hoots rose around the group.

“Something a little less blaringly obvious,” Lily suggested.

“Fine…” she took a look around, eyes landing on her feet. “These gogo boots are stolen. All of them are. I’ve got the largest collection of gogo boots in Gryffindor Tower. I got in trouble for shoplifting back in third year. Haven’t gotten caught since.”

Summer wanted to puke. She wanted to cry. She wanted her mother. Sylvia. Dorcas. Anyone. Veritaserum sloshed through the contents of her character.

Monster.

Monster.

Monster.

Sirius was next, introducing himself as the genius behind the clock prank. The secret that ‘kept him up at night’ - though there was no truth serum running through his veins, so who was to say whether or not it was the worst of his secrets - “My cousin Bella made me kidnap stray animals so she could practice unforgivable curses.”

He adjusted uncomfortably, though all his friends seemed unfazed by the fact. He’d probably told them already. In his adjusting, his collar slipped a little lower to reveal a singular gash down the side of his neck.

Summer was overcome with the desire to show him that he wasn’t alone. To show him the marks down her back. The scar in her hairline, the most visible of all wounds.

Dimly, she thought Sirius Black might have made a nice Slytherin. Picking a tame secret that feels just bad enough in order to appease the world. Covering scars with house scarves and high collars.

But Sirius sat down and took a swig of something stronger than water, and the game moved on.

Lily - “I’m not on speaking terms with my sister. She hates me and it’s my fault. Fucking magic.”

James rubbed her arm comfortingly as she sat down, a gesture which she brushed off.

Regulus - “Can I pass?”

Sirius shot him a look that could kill but, in a moment of twin telepathy, the older boy nodded and let it slide. Summer wondered if Regulus’ tongue was fighting the urge to say the name ‘James.’

Remus - “Agree with Lily. Fucking magic. My mom’s fucking terrified of me.”

Summer’s father had talked shit about the Lupins on more than one occasion. (“Lupin, perfect Lupin, gone and married a Muggle. A muggle! How preposterous! How dare he sully his good name?)

Yeah, fucking magic.

Frank - “Fuck, I’m gonna marry Alice.”

Alice - “Fuck, Frank is gonna marry me.”

The two shared a look that uncurled a coil of tension in Summer’s throat. Love, she thought.

“Me next,” Marlene slurred from beside Summer. “The whole Marlene ‘bombshell’ thing is probably just me acting out for attention because my parents always preferred my brother.”

Her eyes popped wide, “Shit, bro, I didn’t even know that until I said it. Merlin, I love veritaserum.”

Summer might have laughed, had she not been so terrified of betraying herself. How could someone love a truth serum? Something that strips you of all agency?

Peter - “I don’t understand how anyone could really love me.”

He snuck a tiny glance at Cordie, whose eyes were wide like a fawn’s.

Cordie cleared her throat. “I’m Cordie and I don’t know how to hate someone. I waste time on people that don’t care about me.”

Summer softened at that.

Then all eyes were on her. The last person to speak.

This is a cult, she thought to herself.

You don’t have anything else, a voice inside her responded.

She stood.

“I’m Summer and…”

My life revolves around fixing people. I’m the eldest daughter, so I always need to feel like I’m serving a purpose. Like I’m wanted. But I’m not wanted, am I?

“...sometimes I feel like I don’t even exist.”

Cordie reached for her sister’s hand. She squeezed it twice, as if to say ‘you exist.’

Her head was reeling as she sat down, familiar shame building in her chest. She shouldn’t have said anything. Why did she say anything? Was she really so desperate to be needed? Was that even true? Did she feel like her mother, a living ghost?

Guilt choked Regulus. Of course she existed… but if you had asked him a year ago if there was anyone named Summer Smithers… he’d have said no. Even over the summer, when he’d dated Cordie and known her to have a twin sister, he didn’t know Summer was in his own house.

He wanted to hold out his arm if only to prove they both exist. How did you manage to stay so hidden for this long? He thought.

But he knew the answer to that. Of course he did. Sirius, despite taking the brunt of Walburga’s torrential actions, was a constellation in comparison to Regulus’ measly stardom. Even now, drunken and partially manic, Sirius was the center of attention. All his desires answered. So much more than Regulus. Something told him that it was quite the opposite in the Smithers household.

Summer “not sure she exists” Smithers seemed to have been beaten to a pulp in comparison to Cordelia “can’t hate anyone.”

Regulus has buried pieces of himself. Versions of himself, even. He reckoned Summer buried herself somewhere and forgot to mark where she’d done the job.

—---------

Summer would like to say it was all Sylvia’s fault. Sylvia had pushed her onto a precipice and all she had done was taken the leap. And maybe that was the truth, but definitely not the full extent of it.

She spent the next few hours with Regulus who, for a Black, really knew how to let go. Brilliant potioneer he was, the marauder table was littered with various illicit vials. Once the panic wore off, she’d never felt so free.

“Dreamless sleep mixture… but for being awake!,” He shouted over the music.

“Fuck this shit is good!” She screamed back.

“You take potions?” He asked.

“Yeah, I take Slughorn’s Wednesday-Friday block!”

“Me too!”

Summer’s lips were halfway around a potions joke when she first noticed the shift in the crowd. The music continued to pump, but the crowd… it was nearly silent.

Marlene came stumbling over, broad smile ablaze, “Reg, what the fuck is going on?”

“I don’t…” He scanned the room for anything. “Shit,” he said, as she noticed a swaying Severus Snape approach Lily Evans.

The three of them couldn’t hear what he said, only that James was tense, as if ready to swing. Lily looked as if she might beat him to it.

“Who the fuck invited Snivellus?” Someone asked.

“If he touches her…” Marlene snarled, grabbing instinctively Summer’s hand and pulling her to the front of the crowd. Summer may not have known Lily very well, but she was sure as hell ready to go to war for her sister’s other bridesmaid. Future bridesmaid? Is that hwo fate works?

Snape threw the word “mudblood” at Lily, and then all hell broke loose.

An “Oh no you fucking didn’t,” rose from Alice. Sirius snarled. James landed a punch square in Snape’s nose.

“Fucking bitch,” Lily growled, defensively pulling her wand.

“Nah,” Snape shook his head. “Your little boy toy wants to fight with fists. It would be such a shame to go against him.”

Parts of Summer screamed yes! Yes! Merlin, she wanted to get her hands on something violent. She missed the blood in her mouth. She wanted it stained on her fingers.

Monster.

Monster.

Monster.

Shouts of “fight, fight” rose from the crowd as Snape’s cronies took on Remus and Sirius. One of the girls on Snape’s side sized up Mary, then decided better of it and disappeared from the circle.

Summer dropped Marlene’s hand - she hadn’t realized how long she’d been holding it - and worked to pull someone off Remus. A blind punch made contact with her left eye. The shock that crossed the assailant’s face soon turned to horror as she unleashed months of bottled fury upon him. For just a moment, that death eater wannabe was everything - Sylvia, her parents, the loneliness, this stupid fucking school, all of it.

When the boy was on the ground, Remus looked to Summer with something dangerously close to recognition - the kind that only comes from kindred souls. “I like your shoes,” he said.

“Yours too.” Her breathing was labored as she pushed her hair back and assessed the rest of the fight occurring around them. Regulus had pulled Evan Rosier from the center and looked as if he was trying to talk some sense into him.

It was a waste of time in Summer’s opinion.

Nevertheless, she’d been looking at him at exactly the right time. Regulus abandoned Evan to step in front of James, saving him from what would have been a nasty hit to the face.

And Salazar save whoever fucks with James Potter’s precious face.

Almost a seer herself, she saw the next move unfold seconds before Snape could really raise his wand. Summer was standing in front of Regulus before she had time to think about it.

Maybe she should have been a Gryffindor. She didn’t have long to think about it before less savory things curled their way around her thoughts.

The house was silent again, save for the music.

“Someone get these motherfuckers out of my house!” A voice - Fabian - called.

—----------------------------------

“Jelly Brain Jinx,” Regulus swore, carrying her up the stairs with help from Marlene and James. Downstairs, the fighting had come to a complete stop. The party was uneasily coming back to life, new drinks poured out for old patrons.

“Tell me you have a cure,” James’ voice was gravel.

Regulus didn’t have the energy to be flustered by the seriousness of his tone. James bloody Potter, out to save everyone again. “It’s really complicated spell work. Our best bet is to lay her down and hope Sev did a shit job of casting it.”

“No. No, that can’t be right. There has to be a vial of something somewhere.”

The three of them set her down on the bed, Lily reverently pulling Summer’s hair back from her face. It was unnerving, just how much she looked like a dead body.

Regulus had seen too many of those to physically flinch at the sight of Summer. Walburga had taught him better.

Lily and James had no such luxury.

My fault, my fault, my fault, Regulus thought desperately. This was his fault. She’d saved him from the jinx. What had he done to be worthy of that? So far, all he’d done was smoke her weed and waste her energy and resources. He really didn’t deserve her sacrifice.

Shut up, he told himself, sacrifice makes it sounds like she’s dead. She’s not dead. Though, trapped in her memories, she might wish she was.

To distract himself, James rifled through the bathroom vanity for anything he thought might help. Potions and pills.

“Wait!” Regulus shouted, recognizing the label on a potion he pulled out. A clarity-of-mind potion. Gideon probably used it as an emergency sobriety potion but Summer… it could clear her mind of the jinx and bring her out of the memories she was trapped in. Tucked away inside.

He gently brought it to her lips, wincing as he forced the liquid down her throat. She sputtered, the overdose bringing her back from the brink.

She clawed at the bedding below her, gasping like a drowning victim pulled from the depths. Involuntarily, tears spilled down her face.

“She’s hyperventilating,” James said, as if it wasnt obvious. The concern in his voice made Regulus want to kiss him. Lily’s presence reminded him that he couldn’t.

“Yeah, yeah she is,” He composed himself. “Out of us three, she knows me best. Give her some space; I’ll stay with her. If you see Cordie downstairs, tell her that it’s okay for her to see her sister now. She’s awake.”

Summer had begun to sob, looking at her hands as if they belonged to somebody else. Regulus skirted around the bed, knowing better than to touch her.

“Summer?”

“Regulus,” she responded, voice surprisingly clear despite her tears.

“Where’d you go?” He asked softly.

“Home,” She replied, something offputting and sad about the way in which she said it.

“I’m…” His mouth cringed around the word ‘sorry.’ “I get it. My family’s… like that. I used to think it was a pureblood thing.”

“Used to?”

“I met the Potters,” A small smile quirked his lips upward.

“Regulus…” She said his name like a question.

“Summer,” he replied flatly.

“I don’t know what the fuck you gave me, but I feel more honest than when I took your fucking veritaserum.”

“Clarity-of-mind.”

“Well the clarity is telling me to say I’m sorry you fell in love. It’s a real rotten shame. I’m sorry James took it and ran with it and then gave it back. I’m sorry that you love him enough to take a punch to the jaw,” she took a pause. When he made no protest, she continued, “Forgive me if I say something wrong, but I think being the only Slytherin in an all-Gryffindor friend group probably sucks. I think you probably feel like you need them more than they need you-”

If she hadn’t been projecting before, she definitely was now. Not that it mattered, though - the glove fit.

“-and you feel like you have to constantly prove that you’re good enough to be one of them. I think they’re the only family you have, and they’re beginning to feel a little like the family you left.”

At that, Regulus laughed. “Holy shit,” He murmured through now-falling tears. He was never one to cry so easily, “being with James does feel a little like being with my mom.” He gently motioned toward his chin, which was beginning to bruise. “Getting pummeled with a side of loving someone who doesn’t give a shit about you.”

Summer snorted and pointed to the scar in her hairline, the one he noticed earlier. “Omg, twinsies,” she deadpanned.

“I thought you hated me,” Regulus said slowly, like he was dipping his feet in a pool to test the waters. “You certainly didn’t want to talk on the train.”

“I explicitly said I didn’t hate you,” She reminded him. “I just didn’t feel like talking to Sylvia.”

There it is. The thing Regulus was waiting for. He hates himself for perking up. This conversation wasn’t a trap. It wasn’t.

“Did you see her just now? In your head?”

Summer nodded slowly, “We used to date. I always considered her more family than my parents.”

Regulus let that admission hang in the air like a rotten thing.

“Now she’s cheated on me and is hanging out with Death Eaters.”

“But she’s still all you think you’ve got left?”

“I don’t think she’s all I have. I know she’s all I have.”

Reg nudged her shoulder with his own. “You have me now. And you’ve always had Cordelia. Merlin, you should hear the way she talks about you. And Marlene seems to have taken a liking to you.”

“Yeah, maybe as a Slytherin pet,” She fired back, ignoring the warm feeling knotting in her stomach.

Regulus laughed briefly before sizing her up, “Marauders pranking season is just about to start… I have a pretty good idea of what we should do first.”

Summer rolled her eyes, but a smile warmed her face, “Whatever you say, Regulus. As long as you invite Cordie, I’m sold.”

He took a sobering look around. “You know what I think we need, now that we’ve got a plan?”

“What?”

“I think we should black the fuck out and fuck some shit up.”

The next time Cordie saw the two of them, they were doing shots in the kitchen.

By the time Mary saw them, they were dancing on the table to a trashy Winifred Xana remix.

When Marlene dragged them down, Summer was plastered and Regulus made away with some Ravenclaw boy.

By the time they stumbled back to the castle, the sun had begun to rise.

And it was bliss.