James knew as soon as Lily stormed through the doorway of his dorm that something had happened. Her hair was frazzled, as if she had been running her hands through it in frustration (a habit she had picked up from him), and her hands kept clenching and unclenching into fists.
She was muttering angry strings of words under her breath, punctuated by the occasional kick to a dresser or a stomp of her foot on the ground, looking for a way to express her utter frustration.
From James’ vantage point sprawled out along his bed, he chose to sit back and let her calm down a bit. But after a while of Lily pacing back and forth across the room, the rage and fury in her eyes wasn’t going anywhere so he decided so see if he could pacify her. Usually a few minutes of gentle ministration massaging her neck and shoulders did the trick, and they would end up holding each other in soft silence, the tension eased. It didn’t look like that was going to be enough this time.
James rose from the bed slowly, approaching his frenzied girlfriend with caution, lest she try to attack him.
“Is there anything I can do, love?” he asked softly, looking down into her blazing green eyes with concern.
“NO! THAT’S THE PROBLEM! I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF YOU ARROGANT PRICK!” Lily screamed back, her face flushing red with the exertion of her anger.
James didn’t mind, not really, because he recognised that she just needed to get it out of her system. The last few months had been incredibly taxing on her. Both of them had been dealing with a lot of stress as a result of their increased responsibilities as Head Boy and Girl, but with Lily, it was different.
James knew that his blood status protected him from the kind of insults and torment that Lily received from a vocal minority. The increasing torment that blood supremacists were reigning over the muggleborn population was just another issue that they were both dealing with as best they could. Just last week James had caught a couple of third years, mostly Slytherins with blood supremacist parents, attempting to spell the trick step to only affect muggleborns and repel them off the stairs.
He also thought that all of these issues that Lily was bombarded with on a daily basis were exacerbated simply by the fact that she was a girl. Lily had a decent right hook for someone of her size and stature, but if any of the meathead Death-Eaters-in-training ever came at her, there was little she would be able to do to physically defend herself without a wand. Plus, James had recently had the displeasure of hearing some of the vile things said about the girls he counted among his friends (including Lily), and he and Sirius had given out more than a few lessons to show those low-lives that disrespecting women would not be tolerated at Hogwarts.
So, all in all, Lily had an enormous amount on her plate, and he knew it was weighing on her mind. She had been sleeping less and less, the only time he noticed the bags under her eyes disappeared was when she slept in his bed with him, snuggled against each other under the covers. James had also noticed that she’d become increasingly on edge since the school year had started, when the other day Sirius jumped out at her from around the corner, and she, in a knee-jerk reaction, had stupefied him.
James, obviously concerned, had questioned her about her reaction later that evening, only to discover that she had been ambushed alone by Snape and co. and they had stupefied her as they spat disgusting comments on her face as she lay there, helpless. He could tell she felt lucky that nothing else had happened, with the only injury her bruised pride.
Lily’s emotional exhaustion made her fragile and moody, so when Lily began hurling insults at him, charging at him and beginning to beat her fists on his chest, that it was only the culmination of everything that had become too much for her to handle in her usual stoic manner.
“I DON’T NEED YOU TO SAVE ME JAMES POTTER. HOW WILL THEY KNOW I CAN DEFEND MYSELF IF YOU COME RUNNING IN TO SAVE ME LIKE A BLOODY WHITE KNIGHT EVERY TIME THERE’S A TINY BIT OF TROUBLE?!” Lily continued, her small fists not hurting James at all.
James was content to wind his arms around the small of her back as she continued.
“YOU AND YOUR STUPID SAVOIUR COMPLEX! NOBODY THINKS I AM CAPABLE ENOUGH TO SORT THE SLYTHERINS OUT BECAUSE OF YOU! JUST BECUASE YOU HAVE TO SHOW EVERYONE THAT ‘I’M JAMES POTTER AND I RULE THE SCHOOL AND I’M HEAD BOY AND I CAN DO ANYTHING’ EVERYBODY I NEED MY LITTLE PUREBLOOD FRIENDS TAKING CARE OF ME!”
As if just realising that she was enclosed in James’ gentle embrace, Lily pushed her hands against his chest to shove him away.
“IT’S NOT FAIR, JAMES! THEY THINK THAT THEY CAN SAY ANYTHING THEY WANT TO ME JUST BECAUSE I’M A MUDBLOOD-“
James had to interject at that; “Lil, don’t-“
But she continued ranting at him, undeterred “THEY THINK THAT I’M LESS THAN THEM, WELL I CAN FIGHT AND I CAN PROVE TO THEM THAT THEY HAVE TO TAKE ME SERIOUSLY! I CAN’T JUST LET THEM GET AWAY WITH THIS!!”
James, sensing that she needed a little help calming down at this point, began to explain, pulling her back into his arms as she continued to pummel her fists against his chest .
“Lil, you can’t change the way that they think. No matter how brilliant, and brave, and kind, and intelligent, and selfless, and strong you are, they will find a way to cancel it out. Just as you always manage to find the good in people, they will always manage to find the bad in muggleborns. It’s not your fault, love.”
“IT’S NOT FAIR THOUGH! It’s not fair! It’s not fair…” Lily ended her resolve in a sob, her fists having slowed down as she collapsed into James’ arms.
He held her up as she wept into the crook of his arm, emotionally spent and physically exhausted as well. He stroked her hair and whispered things like “I know, Lil” and “It’s not fair” as he cradled her, slowly moving her towards his bed so she could lie down.
Lily’s deep, guttural sobs wracked her body as James held her, the warmth of his body soothing and comforting her as she came down from her blind rage and fury.
She knew that her anger at James was irrational, and was infinitely grateful for this wonderful, perfect boy, and the way that he saw straight through her every time. She could hardly believe that they had spent so long as adversaries, when he was one of the only people who had ever truly listened and understood, and the only one who had ever made her soul feel as if it had come alive.
He was the one who pushed her to be better, always lifting her up and making her feel special, in big and small ways. It was days like today, when everything seemed to have gone wrong; Snape had accosted her again, this time pleading with her to be friends, spouting false apologies and sentiments of regret when she knew he would do it all over again, and then a tiny little second year had told her that she had only received the position of Head Girl because she was sleeping with Dumbledore, that she felt as though she couldn’t take it anymore.
The only thought that seemed to be able to soothe her was the thought of James, and his gorgeous smile and warm laughter, and the comfort of his arms and the way she fit there as if it was her home. He was, she realised, her home now, with her mother having succumbed to breast cancer the year before, and her father following with heart complications as a result of the stress of it all. James was her home, her rock, her family, her future, her lifeline and her heart all rolled into one beautiful package. She didn’t think her soul would be able to take it if anything ever happened to him.
James continued to rub soothing circles on her back as she buried herself in his chest, and her tears began to subside, instead giving way to hiccups- one of Lily’s pet peeves.
“I’m- hic- sorry, James” she said softly, looking up into the hazel eyes of the boy she loved with regret.
He smiled back down at her, kindness in his eyes, and replied “It’s alright, Lil. I understand. You get some rest, love. You need it.”
Lily nodded and snuggled into him, both of their limbs tangled and intertwined, just as their hearts were. Lily’s outburst was all but forgotten within minutes, the two of them content to continue to work through each other’s problems, united and steadfast.
For the first time in a while, Lily felt the wave of sleep cascade over her quickly and softly, and the two of them fell asleep with the sun setting behind the rich Scottish landscape out the window, holding on to the other as though they couldn’t live without them.