Chapter 29
“Does my hair look alright?” Regulus asks his friends littered around his room for the millionth time in the past hour.
Dorcas appears behind him and studies him in the mirror. “You look phenomenal. I can assure you James will be drooling the moment he lays his eyes on you."
Regulus rolls his eyes, but that doesn't hide the blush that very quickly rises to his cheeks. It should be considered a talent with the way Regulus' face heats up just by the mere mention of James Potter. “Shut up.”
“She’s not wrong,” Barty pipes in, laying his head on Evan’s lap already nursing a drink that he definitely doesn’t need. “If James doesn’t take you to bed, then Evan and I sure will.”
“There’s no need for that,” James' voice says from where he leans against the doorway, a glare on his face directed at Barty that Regulus really has a hard time distinguishing between real and fake. It doesn’t really matter to him because the sight of James is enough for Regulus to melt right where he stands. James is wearing a burgundy shirt that clings to his arms and the buttons are opened enough for a gold chain to be visible, looking so perfect against James’ skin.
Regulus grins at James and walks over to him. “Hey,” Regulus says, as casually as he can, as if his body and mind don't feel like it's losing feeling.
James’ hand finds Regulus’ waist and he pulls him in for a kiss. Regulus always thought these displays of affection in front of their friends would feel weird. But with James, all of it feels perfectly normal. It feels like something Regulus can’t live without. It feels beautiful. “Hey,” James responds with a shy smile before he presses one more quick kiss to Regulus’ lips.
Regulus moves his hands from the back of James’ neck to the sides of the arms that wrap around his own body. “You look good.”
“Just good?” James asks with a teasing frown.
Regulus tilts his head as if he was thinking. “You’re right, I was being too genuine, you look decent,” he teases.
James throws his head back as he fills Regulus’ heart with his laughter. “You, on the other hand, look absolutely stunning.” Regulus feels his face go pink but he still rolls his eyes, making James grin brightly at him before it turns softer and even more genuine than before. “I mean it, you are so incredibly beautiful, love. I’m so lucky.”
Regulus stares at him and for the first time in a long while, perhaps his whole life, Regulus can hear that praise over his beauty and can believe it. He can believe anything if it’s James that’s speaking to him. James would never lie to Regulus on purpose, and Regulus considers himself smart enough, but James could get away with any lie. He could say anything wildly untrue and Regulus would blindly believe him. Because the trust that lies between them could withstand any storm that tries to hit it.
“You’re an idiot,” Regulus responds with a shy smile before bringing James’ head down for another kiss. “I love you,” he whispers, a secret for them to share but one that they don't need to, one that is so clear to everyone around them.
A pillow hits Regulus’ back suddenly, and he turns around with a glare to find all of his friends giggling at him and raising their eyebrows seductively. It’s no surprise to find that it was Barty that threw it, honestly, Regulus would’ve guessed it even if he didn’t turn around and find his annoying friends pretending not to look at him and trying to smother a laugh.
“Hurry up,” Dorcas complains with a sly grin. “There’s a party that we need to join.”
Regulus rolls his eyes and takes James’ hand in his own. “Well, then, let’s go.” Together all six of them head downstairs to the lively music and darkened lights. Barty and Dorcas end up at the drinks table immediately, Pandora immediately ends up on the makeshift dance floor, while Evan finds an empty couch to sit on while Barty gets him a drink.
James leans down to Regulus’ ear and says, “I’m gonna find Frank, I haven’t seen him in ages, wanna join me?” Regulus isn’t ashamed to admit that the feeling of James speaking directly in his ear makes shivers go down his spine in an instant. He eventually agrees and together they walk through people to try and find Frank Longbottom, holding onto one another to make sure neither gets lost.
There are a bit more people here than Regulus anticipated, but James and Sirius assured him that all of them would have no problem with seeing girls kissing girls or boys kissing boys. Most of them are Gryffindors, so many people that Regulus has never spoken to. There are a few Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff students, and there are even a few people that Regulus is sure have never been to school at Hogwarts. Regulus has to remember to ask any of the Marauders when he gets the chance.
After many excuse-me’s from James and shoving through people, they finally find Frank standing off to a corner speaking very intently with a brunette girl that has kindness all over her face. “Frank!” James calls out suddenly before jogging to greet his friend, Regulus in tow, walking awkwardly behind him. James collides with Frank in a huge hug before slightly pulling off him and keeping one arm slung over Frank’s shoulders. “Alice!” James slightly bows toward her and grins. “Lovely to see you here.”
James' eyes start roaming around, “Where’d he…” He trails off as his eyes land on Regulus and all of a sudden there’s so much love in his gaze as their eyes meet. Regulus walks over to him and uncomfortably stands there next to James. It’s not uncomfortable for long, Alice smiles very kindly at him and James wraps a hand around his waist to keep him close.
“Alice, Frank, this is Regulus,” James introduces them to each other happily. “He’s my boyfriend.”
Alice laughs. “Oh really?” She asks with her voice laced with heavy sarcasm. “I could hardly tell.”
Regulus flashes a reserved small but James laughs loud and hard enough for the two of them combined. “You’re dating Sirius’ brother?” Frank asks in surprise, eyebrows high enough that they reach his eyebrows.
James grins and looks at Regulus proudly. “Can you blame me? Just look at him.”
All four of them talk for a few minutes, even Regulus chimes in here and there. He finds he really likes Frank and Alice’s presence. They’re kind and peaceful people, but they have the ability to make everyone laugh with crude jokes nobody would expect from them. Eventually, James excuses them two and takes Regulus into the much emptier and much quieter kitchen.
“Want something to drink?” James asks Regulus from over his shoulder as he rummages through his own fridge.
Regulus takes a seat on the counter next to the fridge and watches James, his favourite pastime these days. “I’m alright for right now.”
James pulls a beer out for himself and makes his way in between Regulus’ legs, smiling crookedly as he stares into Regulus’ eyes. His eyes look hazy, even though James hasn’t had a drop of alcohol apart from the singular sip of beer he’s just taken. He looks drunk on excitement, drunk on happiness, and with all that his life is. It makes Regulus smile. “What’re you smiling about?” he teases.
“You’re beautiful,” Regulus responds in an instant, running his hands through James’ messy curls. “Truly. I’ve never seen someone so breathtaking as he is kind. You think you’re lucky? It’s me who is.”
James places the beer next to Regulus’ leg and kisses him like Regulus was the very oxygen that he needed to survive. James grins into the kiss and mutters, “You’re so lovely.” Before he brings their lips back together, just as bruising as the last. Regulus finds himself arching to the touch of James, addicted to this and needing him more than anything else.
And with James’ hand resting on his lower back, and his mouth working wonders on Regulus’ neck and jaw, he finds that there’s something so incredible here. Something that he’s been so long without, something so pure and full of everything that he needs to survive. James sucks on a sensitive part of his neck and Regulus has one hand to grip the edge of the counter and the other to tangle in James’ hair.
One of the movements causes James’ bottle of beer to fall off the counter and break on the floor. Regulus panics for a second and all of his genuine apologies start spilling from his mouth, but before he can say them James just kisses him gently. “It’s alright, love, it’s not a big deal. Promise.”
Their lips meet again and Regulus takes advantage of it. Their tongues meet in the middle and Regulus moans at the feeling of James against him, his hands that roam all over him.
Before it goes further, however, they hear a familiar– “James! I’ve– Oh, Merlin!” They practically snap their necks just in time to see the way Sirius has thrown a hand over his eyes. “What the fuck?! There are fucking twenty bedrooms in this bloody house, and you two choose the kitchen?!” Sirius pretends to gag and shakes his head dramatically. “I feel lightheaded. I think I need to go lie down.”
James places a tiny kiss against Regulus’ cheek and rests his forehead against the others. “Sorry, Sirius. Though I have a feeling we’ll have to say that a plethora of times in the future, so I'd get used to hearing it.”
Sirius glares at him. “You are disgusting. Find a room!” he shouts from over his shoulder as he leaves the kitchen.
They stay there in silence for a few moments before they make eye contact and start breaking out into a fit of laughter, one that doesn’t stop until their ribs ache and their mouths feel frozen in a smiling position, just two lovesick idiots that have never felt this happy before.
They don’t continue their endeavours upstairs, they just simply return to the ruckus and monstrosity that is the Potter’s current living area. James once again leans down into Regulus’ ears and nearly shouts, “Wanna dance with me?” he asks hopefully.
Regulus smiles and shakes his head. “I think I’m going to find Barty or Pandora for a little,” he replies loudly. “I’ll be watching you.”
“Well, then, I'll be sure to put on my best performance just for you.” James leaves one more kiss on Regulus’ lips before heading into the crowd. It’s not long before his voice is so loud that it drowns everyone else out. Regulus, on the other hand, spots Barty sitting on a couch with a cup in his hand and Evan’s head on his shoulder.
Evan’s eyes are resting, so he just barely misses the way Barty stares at him like he could stare at him forever. Regulus walks over to him, stopping on the way to grab a drink of whatever punch Peter made. He sits by Barty and has a perfectly clear view of everyone that dances. Sirius dances with Remus, how he convinced Remus to do that, Regulus is unsure. Mary and Lily dance together with Mary’s hands guiding Lily’s hips. James jumps around on a table with Marlene and they dance and laugh like nobody’s watching.
And truthfully nobody really is. Nobody except for Regulus. Something that he’s done for years now. Something he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to stop himself from doing. Even when they’re old and sitting on their front porch watching the sunset, Regulus will only be looking at James. And he wouldn’t want it any other way.
☽
James loves parties. He has ever since his second year when he and his friends snuck into a Ravenclaw party and were so endearing and having so much fun that the Ravenclaws let them stay. And because this is the first party that he and Regulus can wrap themselves in one another without fear of witnessing people’s hatred, he goes all out. He never takes his hands off Regulus except for when he’s dancing like he is now. Regulus doesn’t complain about the affection, and James would stop if he asked, but he’s secretly grateful that he doesn’t.
He never likes to admit it because he knows Sirius and Peter would make a fuss, but New Year's Eve might just be his favourite holiday. He loves the party and the energy in the air. The way people have some kind of innocent hope as they enter the new year, and the way everyone is so eager to leave all their worries and troubles in the past, just for the sake of the night. He's always loved it. Ever since he was a kid and only excited to stay up late. He just loved how it felt.
He loves the way every single person here has the look on their face, that feeling that they're enjoying themselves. Especially here, where everyone can dance and love whoever they want and nobody will judge them. It’s a space for everyone to be who they want and not have to try and hide it.
Yes, James loves all of that. But there’s also something tonight that makes James love this holiday even more. He finally has Regulus by his side. He’s finally able to dance with him and kiss him wherever he wants to. Even if it is on his kitchen counter. Even if it's in front of their friends. It doesn’t matter. Because it’s Regulus, and James already loves him wherever he is.
James dances on a table in the living room, next to Marlene, both of them screaming the words to whatever song Peter played over the speakers. He can’t stop laughing. It’s the kind of laughter that never ends, the kind that keeps bubbling over his lips even when nothing said has been even remotely funny. Marlene is luckily in the same predicament. She laughs with him so hard that they nearly topple over the table, which, of course, makes them laugh even harder.
He catches Regulus’ eyes watching him, a small smile on his face that’s only reserved for James. Perhaps it’s wrong, but James is oddly possessive of that smile. He’s so happy that there’s something Regulus has that only James can put there, something that Regulus never shows anyone else, something that nobody can ever have the privilege of taking. The warmth of that idea blooms through his chest and only makes him dance more lively with Marlene.
Eventually, James and Marlene tire themselves out and decide to halt their dancing to calm down and catch their breaths. To nobody’s surprise, James ends up making his way to Regulus, flopping down next to him laying his head against the back of the couch instead of the way Regulus leans forward. It gives him the perfect view of Regulus’ neck and back that just seems so perfect that it looks like it was sculpted. Who would’ve thought necks and backs could be so attractive?
James puts his hand on Regulus’ lower back, not to say or try and start anything, but just because he can. Just because he wants to never let go of Regulus if he can help it. Regulus turns his head to look at James over his shoulder, something heated in his gaze. “Having fun?” Regulus asks, his voice light and so different from what his stare seems to say.
James gives him a lazy smile. “Always,” he responds wistfully. “I think I’m gonna go outside and cool down if you want to join?”
Regulus shakes his head slightly. “I’ll join you in a bit.”
James nods and leaves a kiss on Regulus’ lips before heading outside, the cold December air immediately refreshing against his glistening skin. He sighs and looks at the sky. He’s always loved his house. Loved the way it was so isolated that he had a perfect and beautiful view of all the stars that are stuck in the sky.
“It’s so pretty out here,” Lily says, suddenly appearing next to him, her red hair striking even in the dark light. Over the last few months, looking at Lily hasn’t been so difficult. A few months ago, he would’ve argued that he never would be able to see that colour red in her hair ever again. He’d probably argue that if they were standing this close, he’d crumble under the weight of not having her.
James looks back up into the sky with a small smile, knowing everything has changed for the better. “It is, isn’t it?”
“Ready for the new year, Potter?” Lily asks him, a grin in her voice.
James shoots her a plain look. “I’m always ready.” She laughs, and, who would’ve thought, it didn’t feel like a punch to the gut for James to hear after all these months. “You were right, you know.”
She gives him a teasing grin. “I’m always right.” Her face suddenly grows guilty as she looks over at him. “I’m really happy for you, James. And I will always be so incredibly sorry for how I acted, it wasn’t right.”
James smiles as he looks at her. “How can I be upset when I see where we are right now? I have Regulus and we’re so happy, I have Sirius, my parents, and I still have you and all my other friends. I’m not upset.”
She looks relieved, and it saddens James because he wishes he would’ve eased that anxiety earlier. He’s felt it for a while. “That’s so good to hear,” she replies genuinely.
“How about you and Mary? How’s that going?” James asks her.
Lily’s face goes so red that you can see it darkening under the subtle light streaming from James’ house. “Perfect for me. I’m always so sad that we were so stupid to keep denying our feelings for so bloody long. But, like you said, if it’s so good now, why be sad about it?”
James grins and feels so much happiness for him and all of his friends radiating inside of him that he feels he could just shout it out. He doesn’t. But he does eventually go inside and snog Regulus senseless instead. Just so their happiness is morphed together so that it shines so brightly that it could light up an entire city.
After an hour or two of dancing and talking to everyone, the countdown into the New Year begins. They all huddle in front of the TV, turning it up as loud as it can go. All of the couples stand next to each other, bubbling with excitement and shaking from anticipation. Everyone is.
James likes this part the most. The timer going down and everyone looking so hopeful for what the next year will bring. It also feels melancholy too. The way they all choose not to address the underlying fear they all share with another year going past them in the blink of an eye. James uses his hand on Regulus’ waist to bring him closer to him.
10! Everyone shouts, grinning ear to ear as they look around the room.
7! James knows his grin is wider than the rest just because of how much it hurts his face. Also because he notices the way Regulus looks at him when he's smiling, he's remembered it, and he sees it now.
5! He looks at all of his friends, studies the palpable joy on all of their faces, and he immediately feels so grateful for them, he wishes he could see this look on their faces forever.
3! He looks down at Regulus and his smile goes softer as he just stares at the boy in his arms. Yeah, he meant it when he said he was lucky to have him. To have this. This is the kind of love that people make all kinds of movies about.
1! Everyone welcomes the New Year with shouts and confetti. Even though he should, James never once looks away from Regulus. They join the other couples by putting their lips on one another’s, feeling like the fireworks that are shown on the TV. James smiles into the kiss and places a million all over his lover’s face.
“I love you,” James tells him earnestly, so sure that he’s never been more earnest about anything.
Regulus flashes him that smile that’s reserved for James, just about making him lose his mind, and half a second away from kissing him even more. Regulus kisses James’ knuckles gently, so tender and sweet, and James almost misses it when he says, “I love you, too.”
Their moment is interrupted when Sirius runs and throws his arms around Regulus and James, grinning ear to ear, looking over the moon. “Happy New Year,” he shouts in their ear. “To another year of true happiness,” he slurs as he lifts his drink to his lips. “I love you both, by the way, you are the best,” he exclaims.
They all take turns going around the room and hugging everyone they love, hoping it brings them some kind of good wishes, James hoping that everyone can feel his overwhelming love and bring it into the new year. Even though it’s after midnight, nobody wants the party to end. James knows that he doesn’t want this night to ever end.
Going back to Hogwarts seems like an eternity away and he doesn’t even want to think about how it’ll be, or what his future might look like. It doesn’t matter when he has his friends like this when the present is more than he could ask for.
And here, in his living room, dancing and laughing like the night will never end–he starts to believe that it won’t. He finds comfort in it. Staying right here. But he also finds comfort in the inevitable end of this party. With all of the people that mean so much to him by his side. There’s so much beauty everywhere. He’ll never take that for granted.