Chapter 36
I'm starting to hate normality. Every time things start to become semi-normal everything goes right back to shit. It's like a roller coaster that I was forced to get on. Or a more accurate description, one that I thought would be fun until I actually got on it.
Maybe I should revel in the fact that things are back to normal but it just makes me feel on edge. I sit here with Draco. Our fingers interlaced with each other and his head on my shoulder for once. Everything should feel fine but it feels like I'm walking on eggshells. I've been careful about where I go and who I'm seen with.
Rita Skeeter is the main reason for the biggest part of this bullshit. At least right now. When I see her again, whether it be in her bug form or her human self, I am going to cast the killing curse at the back of her head. I won't even let her have a chance to explain. I know her excuses anyway.
"Why are you tense?" Draco mumbles. I look at him before noticing the light skin on my hands are even lighter than before because I am clenching them so hard.
"Sorry." I say as I release some of the tension on his hand. "Just thinking about ways that I could kill Rita Skeeter."
Draco chuckles. "Oh? How many have you got in mind?"
"About a million." I mutter through clenched teeth. "She's the reason this past month of bullshit started." Draco gives my hand a little squeeze before letting go and wrapping his arm around my shoulder. He pulls me closer to him, making me lay my head on his chest. A nice change of position I suppose.
I breathe out a sigh. I don't know what for but I needed to. At least it feels nice to be like this again. Sitting together and actually acting like we are in love. After this fight, I have come to realize that we are just hanging onto each other because we don't want to let go. Just like we feared. But if he's still pretending then so will I. I will until one of us gets sick of pretending. Even though I know it's going to hurt like hell once the volcano erupts.
"Are you excited for the Yule ball?" Draco asks quietly.
"Terribly." I mutter mockingly. In all reality I am excited for the Yule ball, I'm just not excited for what comes next. The next task is in February which is two months away. And that thought has blocked out any good thoughts in my head.
"Oh come on. It's going to be fun." Draco gives me a look but I ignore it. "Besides I have a surprise for you after the ball." I look at him with surprise. What on earth could he be planning? Could it be something to get back at me? Has he actually "forgiven" me. Although I don't need his forgiveness.
I must show my worry on my face because he reassures me that it's something I'll like. I hope so. If it's something bad I will never forgive him. Draco smiles mischievously as if he can sense that I am overthinking it. It probably shows on my face.
"You're so overly cautious." He laughs.
"Can you blame me?" I hit back, but it's pointless banter now. Neither of us will actually talk about things that have happened. None of it at all. At some point we need to discuss it, especially if we want to keep this relationship going. Although this relationship is derailing quickly, it's only a matter of time before we crash and burn.
"We'll have fun."
I try to keep that conversation in my mind throughout the week. As people get more and more restless for the Yule ball to come, I get more restless for the next task. Since Parker already knows what the task is, we've been researching ways to help her breathe underwater for an hour. Without the help of Hermione, that task feels impossible. We can't tell her because then she'll tell Harry what the egg meant and I don't think he is supposed to know right now. He isn't supposed to know until the last minute I believe.
It's been kind of stressful acting like we don't already know what is going to happen for the second task. But tonight all that is forgotten. I guess I should probably mention that tonight is the yule ball.
Parker, Hermione and I all prepare in Hermione's dorm. All of us have our dresses on, looking beautiful. We just have to get our hair and makeup done. Hermione has hers in a half up half down style, like she had in the movies. She looks absolutely stunning. And seeing it in real life is so hard to describe.
Parker looks amazing as well. Her hair is put up in a very intricate braid that I made up. I am actually quite proud of myself for that. Her make up matches perfectly with her dress. She has a few necklaces on and a pair of earrings but that's about it for jewelry. She looks stunning and George is so lucky to be dating her.
I have one braid that is pinned down the side of my hair, since my hair has grown out a bit. The rest of my hair is curled. My dress fits as snug as it did when I first got it. In all honesty, this is the first time that I have felt pretty in years. The skirt is very flowy and I can't help but tussle the skirt a bit. It is so fun to play with. I have a silver necklace on and rings on my fingers. I have my normal earrings in and my nose ring (which I have recently switched to a hoop ring). On my ring finger I put on the ring Draco gave me Christmas Day a year ago.
"Are you guys ready to be the center of attention for a bit?" I ask, jokingly. Hermione gives me a pointed look and Parker shakes her head. I know Parker has been nervous to be one of the first to dance. Mainly because George likes to make a fool of himself. I'm pretty sure they had a talk the other day about him acting goofy. Hopefully he listened for Parker's sake.
Although Hermione isn't a contestant, she decided to go to the ball with Viktor Krum, so she has to dance with him. Which means she is also one of the first to dance. I don't completely know how she is feeling about it but I do know that she doesn't usually like getting dressed up like this.
"It's a little nerve-racking." Parker comments.
"Come on." I say encouragingly. "You fought a dragon. I think you can handle a dance."
"I'm better at dueling than I am at dancing." She mutters.
"We better get going." Hermione interrupts. I nod my head. Then, Parker and I follow her out the door. We walk down to the great hall where the ball is being held.
When we get there George and Viktor are waiting for their dates, but Draco is no where in sight. My stomach drops. Did he really back out on me? Why would he do that? I look around for him through the crowd but I can't find any trace of that platinum blonde hair.
Of course he stood me up. That's something he would do. I walk into the Great Hall. It looks so stunning, I can't help but look at it in awe. A beautiful snow-covered Christmas tree stands tall in the middle of the podium where the teachers usually sit. The band is set up there as well. Snowflakes fall from the ceiling and the floor looks like it's made out of ice.
"Beautiful isn't it?" I smile to myself as I hear that familiar voice beside me. Draco wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me close to him. His cologne envelops my senses, comfortingly.
"It's so magical." I respond in absolute awe. "My real reality could never compare." Draco smirks to himself. His grey eyes sparkle in the light. He looks so handsome. And rich. His blonde hair falls perfectly, combed how it usually is but a bit neater, like at the quidditch world cup. I'm speechless at the world I get to live in. The things I get to see. The people I get to meet and get to be with. It's beautiful. It's indescribable.
"Come on." He grabs my hand and pulls me towards the dance floor, so that we can see the contestants have their first dance. Ethan stands right beside us with his date. A Hufflepuff girl that I don't know the name of. I spot Fred across the room with Angelina. Everyone looks so dressed up. And even though I am too, I feel under-dressed.
"I love your ring." Draco whispers in my ear. His breath cascades against the back of my neck. A shiver runs down my spine.
I smirk at him. "I got it from a certain blonde who doesn't know what personal space is." Draco's chuckle vibrates against my ear.
"You know you love it." I smile with a faux sweetness, then roll my eyes and listen as the music starts. Mcgonagall pushes her way through the crowd of students, creating an isle for the champions to cross through. Parker is the first to walk in. George is by her side. He looks almost uncomfortable, maybe because he can't do anything funny. I spot Fred snickering at him from across the room. As long as George doesn't pay attention to him, maybe he'll be fine. Then it's Fleur and her date, which I don't know the name of. After them is Viktor and Hermione, who happens to be amazing everyone.
"Wow, who knew Granger could dress up." Draco mutters beside me.
I smile at him. "She does look pretty doesn't she." Draco nods his head, keeping his eyes on the champions. After Hermione is Cedric and Cho, then Harry and Parvarti. The students stand around the champions in a circle. A different song starts to play and the champions start to dance. Harry awkwardly stumbles a bit but quickly gets a hold of it.
Soon the teachers join in, and so do the rest of the students. Draco takes my hand and leads me to the center of the dance floor. Like we had practiced with Professor Sprout, he gingerly places his hand on my waist, while I place my hand on his shoulder. We do the steps, trying to be in sync with everyone else.
"Are you going to fall this time?" Draco jokes. I glare at him, before nearly stumbling. Draco's grip on my waist tightens so I don't fall. His grip is firm and the dress is doing nothing to stop me from feeling it. His rings dig into my side. His fingerprints are leaving burning imprints that will be stuck in my memory for when we inevitably fight again.
"I have two left feet." I blush from embarrassment. He leans closer. So close that I can feel his breath on my cheek. I look into his grey eyes. Looking at the storms that cloud them. There are emotional ones but right now I mean the color. They remind me of storm clouds that roll in along the coast of California.
"You're beautiful," I blurt out. I mentally smack myself and wish I never said anything.
Draco smirks. "Not more than you." A surprised laugh bubbles out of me. I honestly never thought that Draco found me pretty. Especially not beautiful. I don't even find myself pretty. How on earth could he ever find me pretty? "What?" He looks at me with confusion.
"I honestly didn't think that you found me pretty." He spins me around and pulls me back towards him.
"Why not?" He takes a hold of my waist and lifts me up, spinning around as he does. I smile down at him, blushing profusely. My cheeks are hot when he finally sets me down.
"I just didn't think you did." I shrug. "I never thought I was."
"I'm aware." He grumbles as he stares down at my body. Suddenly, I feel insecure about that fact. His stare doesn't make it any better. "I hate your mother for making you feel this way." His voice is low. It almost feels like he was talking to himself.
"Draco," I whisper, "let's not talk about this right now." He nods his head slightly, before smirking and pulling me in for a kiss. I lean into him, taking as much of him as I can. Fuck, I don't want to let go. I can feel people staring but I pay no attention to them. It's just Draco and I in this room.
Crabbe shouting "get a room" makes us pull away smiling. A light blush paints Draco's pale cheeks pink. I turn around, noticing all the people who were staring. Especially one person in particular. Fred. His ears and bits of his cheeks have turned red and he's glaring at Draco. Is he jealous? Was Draco doing that on purpose? I hope he wasn't. I'm going to be mad if he was.
I turn back to Draco who just shrugs as I give him a questioning look. "You're an ass." I mutter.
"You're mine, princess. I need to remind Weasley of that every once and a while." He spins me around before I can say a word or argue back. The asshole. I cling onto his arms when I finally get back to him. His cotton jacket is soft underneath my palms. I can't be mad at him tonight. I need to have a night to relax. And this happens to be that night.
After a while, the music turns into a less elegant song and into a rock sounding song. Instead of the ballroom dancing students were doing, the dances have become more of what you would see at a concert. I'm pretty sure I just saw Professor Flitwick get picked up and moved across the room in a human wave.
Draco keeps his hands firmly on my hips, keeping me close to him as we dance. I don't dance long. I walk over to the drink stand and grab some sort of fruit punch and just stand there watching other people dance. Ron is sulking off in a corner. Damn I want to make fun of him so bad for that outfit he's wearing. But I keep my opinions to myself. I've been spending too much time around Draco. It's getting bad.
"So...how are you enjoying the party?" I jump and nearly drop my juice on my dress, when I hear Ethan talking.
"Will people stop doing that?" I mutter. "It's going good."
"I saw." Ethan smirks, his blue eyes lighting up with mischief.
"It was just a kiss." I argue. I know what he is hinting at and I don't think that's what Draco wanted. He was just trying to piss off Fred.
"He was way too into that kiss. So have you and him..."
"That's none of your business." I cut him off. "But for your information we haven't. We're too young for that." My cheeks heat up from the thought of Draco and I doing that. I know that people in my school in my real life have had it at fourteen, which isn't great. But it happens. Around this time is when people start really having those feelings but most don't usually act on it. I guess. I could be wrong. I'm not necessarily experienced in that sense.
Ethan nudges me with his elbow playfully. "Sure..." I laugh and roll my eyes.
Draco walks up to us, glaring at Ethan the whole time. He wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me close, like a dragon would his jewels. It's a sign that I'm his to him and I'm not sure how I feel about it. Maybe I have never noticed before but Draco has never been this protective before. Why the change?
"Malfoy." Ethan says as civily as he can muster.
"Smith." Draco says with a sneer on his face. "I'm going to borrow my girlfriend for one last dance, is that ok with you?" I bite the inside of my cheek. Draco is trying to bait him. I want to smack him for it but he looks so hot right now.
"Go ahead. I'll see you tomorrow, Felicity." I nod as I watch Ethan walk away.
Draco leads me back to the dance floor. Another slow song starts to play. His hands meet my waist and I throw my arms over his shoulders. We sway to the music slowly. Neither of us say anything. It's a blissful kind of quiet. One where we don't have to say anything to be comfortable. We haven't had that kind of quiet in a long time. My heels click against the floor, creating the only sound between us.
Draco leans in and kisses me again. This time softer and not in a way that is trying to claim me. I run my hands through his soft hair as I kiss him back.
"A perfect end to the night." I murmur against his lips.
He chuckles. "The night has barely started darling." Something in me stirs. I want to see what he has in mind. Does it have to do with the subject Ethan was on? Am I ready for that? I don't know. Is anyone ever ready when they have their first time? I'm excited to see what he has planned.
A shiver rakes down my spine. He has that effect on me. No one else has ever had that. Not even Ethan.
"I can't wait to see." I smirk.
He leans close so that his breath is on my ear. "How bout we head back to the dorms for the night?" He whispers softly. There's something in his voice that lights my body on fire.
I nod. My breath comes out in short puffs. It's so hot in here suddenly. What is this feeling? Is it the attraction that is described in books? It takes your breath away just like they said. It makes me feel hot. Why is that? It's weird. I'm not sure what to think about this.
Draco takes my hand and leads me out of the great hall. I feel like I'm in a daze. Before I even realize where I am, I am back in Draco's dorm and he's kicking off his shoes, smiling to himself. I take off my earring and my necklaces, then set them on Draco's dresser. I take off my heels next, thankful that they are finally coming off. I hate heels and I always will. I reach for my zipper but my hand just falls short of it.
I huff out in annoyance. "Draco can you help me with my zipper?" Draco nods and walks over to me. I turn around for him, his breath on my neck. "You like being close to me, don't you?" I joke.
"More than you could imagine." My cheeks heat up and the flames in my stomach start to burn hotter. He pulls down the zipper to my dress, tracing along my spine while he does. "So beautiful."
"Don't let that get to my head." I laugh. Draco places a kiss on the back of my neck.
"Do you want this?" He whispers. "Do you want me or am I being too much?"
"I want you." I whisper in return, meaning every bit of my words. I want him, whatever he has planned. Anything that has him. Even if it's just for a short time. I turn to face him hoping he knows that I mean it. I want him.
His mouth crashes to mine, making my head spin. My back goes to the cold stone wall. Suddenly, it feels like we are the only two people in the world. It's him and I. His tongue slides across my lower lip, begging for entrance which I gladly let him in.
At some point the dress comes off. I don't know when. At some point we end up on the bed. Again I don't know when. All I can focus on is him. His touch, his mouth, his body. Everything else is a blur. By the end, our clothes are somewhere on the floor and we are on the bed breathing heavily. But there are no regrets.
"We just..." I say in disbelief.
Draco looks at me and smiles. "Yeah, we did."
"Is this what you had planned?"
He nods. "Only if you wanted it. It was to make up for all the shit I put you through." A feeling of gratitude settles in my chest. That's the closest thing to an apology that I've heard from him. I think. At least in regards to what he has put me through.
"I love you."
"I love you too, princess." He pulls me close to him and I rest my head on his chest. It's just us tonight. I can wait till tomorrow for worries.