Chapter 32
Bile rises in my throat, each moment that Harry keeps talking. Hearing about all of the dragons is making me sick. Harry describes them all to me when I just want him to shut up. My stomach feels like it's turned inside out. I want to put tape over Harry's mouth. Maybe that would get him to be quiet. I have my wand I could use the silencing charm on him, but I can't or else I would get into trouble for hexing the "chosen one," so I'm stuck here imagining all the ways I could shut him up.
"So where are we going again?" I ask as we head into the clocktower courtyard.
"To go tell Cedric about what we will be facing."
"Right." I nod my head, while Harry continues talking. A few annoying Hufflepuffs block our way as we try to head into the courtyard. Well Harry's way. They could care less about me but it annoys me how Harry is being treated by everyone so I step up to them. I pull out my wand and point it at the blonde girls throat.
"Back the fuck off Abbot before I gut you." The girl puts her hands up and backs away, laughing like I don't mean my threat.
As we are walking by the students, I mutter a small curse that will make her smell like rotting flesh. I turn my head and watch as the students around her start to wave her away so they won't be close to her. I allow myself a little triumphant smirk.
"That's a good one." The sound of Cedric's voice catches my attention.
I smirk. "Don't mess with me. Or my friends." Cedric flinches a bit as I put my wand back in my robe, which makes me smile. He turns his attention back to Harry, while I look around the courtyard. Draco is up in the tree, right where I expect him to be. His other Slytherin friends surround the base of it, watching him be stupid. I want to laugh at how everyone gawks at him. Like he's the mastermind and the Slytherins around him are his sheep.
"Come on." Harry says as he pulls me towards the other end of the courtyard.
As we leave we run into Ron, who looks more grouchy than ever. I want to punch his face with a chair. Ron has a huge problem with the fact that Parker and Harry were chosen for the tournament. He seems to think that they did it on purpose, so they could outshine him. Meaning he's being a jealous prick when he should be worried about his best friend and his brother's girlfriend. He's being annoyingly pathetic and it's pissing me off more than usual.
"You're a real git, you know that?" Harry says. I roll my eyes. I grip onto my wand, readying myself for if I need it, even though I know I don't need it.
"Oh yeah. Anything else?" He stares directly at me but I don't give him the satisfaction of an answer.
"Yeah. Stay away from me." Harry replies. Ron ignores him and pushes past him with a few other Gryffindorks tailing him. I let my wand drop into my pocket with a sigh.
I follow after Harry who unfortunately was stopped by Draco, who jumped down from the tree he was sitting in. Harry rushes at him, as if his short ass was threatening. He's really not and if I was Draco I would've laughed at him too.
"I don't give a damn about what your father thinks, Malfoy. He's cruel and you're just pathetic."
Everything happens so fast that I can barely comprehend what happened. Draco tried to curse Harry while he was trying to walk away, then Mad-eye came in and cursed Draco, turning him into a cute little white ferret. I clamp my hand over my mouth to keep myself from laughing.
"Professor Moody! Is-is that a student?" Mcgonagall screams as she comes running towards the scene. Students have crowded around the tree, hoping to see Malfoy get flung around mid-air.
"Technically, it's a ferret." With what I'm assuming is the imperius curse, Mad-eye lifts ferret Draco off of the ground and stuffs him down Crabbe's pants. He is going to be complaining about that later. Instead of his father hearing about it, it's going to be me. I don't particularly blame him though. I would complain about that too. Crabbe moves frantically, trying to get the ferret out of his pants.
Finally, Draco crawls out of the bottom of Crabbe's pants, facing the crowd of hecklers. Mcgonagall transforms Draco back into himself. He gets up frantically, with a blush of embarrassment painting his pale cheeks.
"My father will hear about this!" He spat. Professor Moody dramatically runs after him, threatening him, wand in hand while Professor Mcgonagall forces him to stop.
"I better go check on him." I whisper to Harry as Draco runs by. I don't bother to check if Harry heard me or not. I just walk in the direction of the common room.
It doesn't take me long to get there. I'm almost nervous to walk into his dorm. He is probably upset with me. I could've have tried to stop Moody but I didn't. The thought didn't even occur to me to try. Draco has probably realized that by now.
With a sigh, and the knowledge that I'm going to have to do it eventually, I walk into is his room. I find it empty but I hear the shower running in the bathroom. I sit on the edge of his bed, thankful that I don't have to talk to him just yet. Shadow is curled up in the middle of his bed. Her dark fur moves up and down as she breathes in and out. She hasn't gotten much bigger since the first time I met her. She was only a couple of months old then, when Parker found Draco and I on the couch together and told me there was a cat waiting in our room. That doesn't feel that long ago, which is so strange to me. It's almost been a year since then.
"What are you doing in here?" Draco says angrily as he walks out of the bathroom, with only gray sweatpants on. His bleach blonde hair is completely soaked and droplets of water run down his chest. If he wasn't so mad at me right now I would probably be blushing.
"I came to check on you. I can imagine that was very traumatic." I reply as calmly as I could. I don't return his frustration, but for some reason I'm flustered. I have to keep myself from biting my lip because I know it won't help the situation
"You knew didn't you?" He asks angrily, as he crosses his arms over his chest and narrows his grey eyes at me.
"I did." I say quietly. "I'm not allowed to change anything, you know that."
"What is one small thing gonna do to change the whole future? You're here and nothing has changed."
"Draco, not too loud please." He gives me a glare. I shouldn't have said that. He doesn't care right now and I don't blame him. But he doesn't understand that I don't know what would change if I changed something. He's wrong that I'm here and nothing has changed. Many things have changed. So far nothing major but they've changed none the less. Well one thing did change that was big. Parker wasn't supposed to be in the tournament.
"By us being here, Parker was picked for the tournament when only Harry should've been picked. You're dating me. Parker is dating George. My bitch of a mother exists. Many things have changed that weren't supposed to happen. I don't know what would happen if I changed one little thing." Which is why I didn't want to date Fred last year. I knew I couldn't change his death because something could have changed.
"I don't know why you care about changing things so much. Might as well go ahead. What's the point of knowing what the future holds if you're not going to change anything."
"Unfortunately some things can't be changed. I agree though that I should have stepped in or at least tried to. I'm sorry." Draco's face goes slack, like he wasn't expecting me to apologize. I stand up and slowly walk over to him. I stop right in front of him as I notice him flinch away from me. He still doesn't like the idea of me being a reality shifter.
"If only you knew the things I knew, maybe then you'd understand." I whisper before walking out of his room and heading to mine. Or at least I tried to. Draco grabs my hand and pulls me towards him in one swift motion.
"Stop leaving when we're in arguments."
"Stop flinching when I get close to you." I quip back. "I'm not going to hurt you and you've touched me enough times to know that I'm not going to infect you with my muggleness."
"I don't know. The last time I pissed you off I got a nasty bruise on my cheek for a couple of days."
"You deserved that. But I did feel bad afterwards." I notice how close his body is to mine. Our breaths tangle together in the silence. It's not awkward but there is some sort of tension that I can't describe, happening between us. I don't know if it's a good or bad thing. His pupils are more dilated than usual, leaving a thin grey ring around them.
"Sometimes I wonder if we really work or are we just holding on because we don't want to let each other go." Draco whispers.
"If it is the latter?"
"Then at some point we need to let each other go."
"Maybe it is the latter, because I don't want to let you go." I reach up and entangle my hands through his hair. Without thinking, I kiss him as passionately as I can muster from my inexperience. His hands immediately meet my hips, but they don't stop like I was thinking they would. He places his hands on my thighs, adding pressure to lift me up. I slightly jump up, letting him do the rest I wrap my legs around his waist. He walks over to the bed and lays me down, careful not to hit Shadow.
He pulls away and starts kissing my neck. His body over mine. His lips on my neck. I can barely think. I want him but I don't think I'm ready for that next step. We're only fourteen. I don't think we should be doing this.
"Dray." I place my hand on his chest to stop him going anything further. His eyes are filled with something that looks like desire, maybe even lust, but it slowly dissipates as he looks at my expression. "I don't think I'm ready for that. I'm sorry." He nods his head sadly, before slowly giving me a smile. He lays down on top of me, laying his head down on my chest, and getting my shirt soaked from his hair.
"You're gonna get me wet Draco." I complain about the fact that my shirt is already soaked from his hair.
"In more ways than one I hope." He responds without a moment of hesitation. A blush furiously rushes up to my cheeks.
"Dirty jokes now?" He turns his head to look at me. A mischievous smile is spread across his face. I roll my eyes, before closing them. My body quickly becomes numb with sleep, a thing that is very much needed in my case.
The world around me is grey. I don't recognize where I am. There's nothing around me that I know of that looks familiar. It's disorienting. There isn't anyone around. This doesn't even look like a place. It's like the "walls" around me are just grey storm clouds.
"Where-where am I?" I don't even know if I said a word. My throat feels tight and my tongue feels like a piece of lead. Several people appear in my line of sight. Voldemort is front and center, with his dark red eyes and slits for a nose. Narcissa, Bellatrix, and Lucius are to his right. My DR mother and a few other deatheaters I barely recognize are to his left.
"You're running out of time, Felicity." My mother speaks but her voice sounds different. It sounds like her voice but it sounds like Voldemort's at the same time. "You have a choice, so you better make it before we decide for you."
"And what choice is that?" I reply, defiantly.
"You're either with us or against us." Voldemort replies with an evil smirk.
"I think I've made my position on that clear."
"Then I guess I'll have to decide for you." My mother steps up to me and grabs my left arm, before dragging me to Voldemort. He smiles at me before placing his wand against my skin.
"Morsmorde!"
"No!"
"No!" I scream as I jolt away. I quickly look down at my arm, finding it blank. No tattoos of a snake and a skull. Only the scars I previously left there. I take a few deep breaths. The world comes into focus again and I feel Draco pulling me close to him.
"I'm sorry." I whisper.
"Don't be." Draco whispers in return. My arm starts to burn as if I actually had the dark mark on my arm. I hiss in pain and clutch it to my chest.
"I need to start getting better at occlumency. He's still able to hurt me through dreams."
"What did he do this time?" Draco looks at me with concern.
"He gave me the dark mark. It's supposed to burn when he is summoning his deatheaters." He pulls me closer and holds me tight.
"We'll figure this out."
That afternoon, I actually decided to go to Snape's occlumency lesson. I need the dreams to stop and right now he is my only hope at stopping it. Though I really hate to admit that. I step into his office without bothering to announce that I'm coming in. He knows it's me anyways.
"He's still able to hurt me through my dreams." I say, getting Snape's attention.
"That shouldn't be possible."
"Well somehow it is." I cross my arms over my chest in frustration. "He can't attack others like this, can he?" The question pops into my mind and out of my mouth before I can stop it. It's something that hasn't really been nagging me but now that I realize it, it's something I should be worried about. What if he hurts Parker? Or Draco? Or Fred? Or anyone that I care about?
"He shouldn't be able to attack like this at all. I hope you know that, Ms. Lafoi." I don't bother to correct him on my last name. It doesn't matter when the thought of my friends possibly getting hurt starts to consume me.
"I get it, it's all my fault. Blame me." I try to force sarcasm into my voice but it doesn't work very well. It sounds like I'm trying to sound confident but I just fall short of it. "You're not going to tell him about Parker and Ethan are you?"
"I think you need to be more worried about Malfoy telling on you, than me." He snaps.
"You're the double agent who doesn't know how to pick sides, so I'm sorry that I'm more concerned about the fact that you don't know which side you are on." I don't hesitate to snap at him. I may not completely trust Draco with the shifting thing, but I sure as hell trust him more than I trust Snape. Snape has every reason not to like me, just like I have every reason not to like him. The same goes with trusting him. Hell, I trust Ethan more than I do him. Snape tortures kids for a living and only wanted to help Dumbledore if he could keep Lily safe. He doesn't care about what happens to me or my friends.
"Draco will do what his family asks him too. That's all he cares about, if you haven't noticed. He craves validation from his father. He isn't going to protect you and your friends when the time comes."
"And you will!" I scream. "I don't think you know the definition of protection. What you're doing with Harry isn't necessarily protection and if it is, it's a very shitty way of going about it."
"How do you know..." He shakes his head, as if realizing that it's stupid to ask how I know that he's "protecting Harry."
"We will continue your occlumency lessons tomorrow. Go back to bed before I give you detention." Without saying a word, I leave his office with a sigh. He's not going to help me and it's frustrating. Dumbledore won't be any help either. He's too busy worrying about Harry to bother with outside problems.
Instead of going to bed, I head to my favorite place in Hogwarts. The astronomy tower. I want to be alone with my thoughts and my anger for a while and that is the best place to go. Plus it's always nice seeing the stars at night.
The long trek is familiar to me now. I've walked it hundreds of times. But sometimes the eeriness of the castle at night makes it feel weird and scary. By now all of the portraits are asleep. Peeves is probably off doing who knows what. All the students and teachers are in bed. It's quiet and peaceful. But with the dark comes my anxiety about people lurking in the shadows.
When I finally make it up the last step of the astronomy tower, I find someone unsuspecting, waiting for me. Fred. I walk over to him, but I don't say anything. We haven't really talked these past couple of days because we both have been focusing on different things. He's usually either with Angelina just hanging out or with George planning things for their joke shop. All while I'm becoming a nervous wreck.
"I've been looking into that healing power you have." Fred whispers, breaking the silence around us.
"What have you learned?" I ask in return.
"Some people can do this thing called blocking. Well people can learn how to do it. Basically, if the person who is hurt thinks that the healer is getting hurt without the healers wounds properly healing, the person who is hurt can block the healer from healing them until the healer heals themselves." I nod my head with interest. That could be useful but it could also lead to the person that is blocking to get hurt even worse before the other person fully heals. "When it comes to healers healing other people's wounds, healers have this ability to heal faster so they can still properly heal someone." He finishes, as if reading my thoughts.
"Would you like to try it tomorrow?" I ask, but I quickly regret my words. If we try it, that would mean he would have to get hurt in some way.
"I don't mind. We'll meet at the secret spot."
"I'd prefer the library if that's ok?"
"That sounds like one of Granger's spots." He whines in one of the most fake whining tones I've ever heard. I let out a small laugh before rolling my eyes. I miss hanging out with him sometimes. He always knows how to make me laugh, even when I'm not happy with him.
"What is up with your hair this year, by the way?" I ask through my laughter.
"What you don't like it? I think it's about the same length as last year."
"Nope, it's definitely a bit longer. I wonder what your hair looks like when it's short. It's been a while since I've seen it like that." Which is a lie. I've seen his hair short before and recently. Well it's barely been thirty minutes in my real reality.
Fred stares at me for a second, as if contemplating on what to say. "True. I mean, you've probably seen me with my hair short in your real reality, right?" My stomach drops to the floor. I forgot that he knows.
"I have, but I prefer to see it in person." I try to keep the sadness out of my voice but it doesn't entirely work.
"If you want, I can pretend that I don't know?"
"No. It's fine. I just have been struggling with it lately. But I promise you, our past together is all real. I remember every bit that I'm supposed to remember." With a nod of his head, he smiles down at me. It's a warm smile that I feel like I don't deserve. But I smiled at him in return anyway. He deserves that much at least.
"I know, Felicity. I trust you." The three words hit me like a freight train. Ever since I've told Draco about the shifting thing, I could tell that he doesn't fully trust me anymore. While Fred has been curious about it. It's such a small change, but it's noticed none the less. "I should probably head back, George had some stuff planned tonight."
"Alright. Goodnight Fred."
"Goodnight Felicity." He walks away without another word, leaving me alone. His absence feels odd to me. I miss him when he is only steps away from me. It's weird.
The rest of the time I stay up in the astronomy tower, my thoughts stay on Fred. Mainly on how I am going to test Fred's blocking theory without him actually getting hurt. I can't really test it on a student in the infirmary. They probably wouldn't know what I am going to do. Hopefully Fred only makes a small cut on his arm that won't scar when I heal it. I don't want anything permanent to happen to him. I want to keep him from as much harm as possible.
The next class day comes and goes. Soon enough I am waiting in the library with Hermione, for Fred. Hermione decided to follow after me, when she saw I was heading to the library. Her excuse was that she needed to help look up spells for Harry, but I know she was also being nosey.
While we wait Hermione suggests spells I could tell Parker about, which I need to talk to her about tomorrow. The first task is in two days after all. It's funny that it's the day after America's Thanksgiving. I know that I am definitely not thankful for this damn tournament.
"How bout this one?" Hermione points to another spell. This one seems more useful than the last two. It's like a confundus charm but for animals.
"It could work." I mutter. "Doesn't Harry already have a strategy in mind?"
"He does," She lets out a frustrated sigh. "but it's not a very good one. He's planning to accio a broom into the arena. What if it doesn't come in fast enough? What if the spell doesn't work? He needs a plan b."
"He's not gonna listen." I lean back in my chair and prop my legs up on the table. "You know better than I do that when he has an idea in his head, that is what he will stick with." She sighs in defeat and closes her book.
"I know. I'm just worried...about him and Parker. About this whole tournament in fact. It doesn't feel right to me. Do you get what I mean?" She looks at me with a plea in her eyes. A plea to understand what she is feeling. Thankfully, I do understand. I understand quite well.
"I do." She lets out a breath of relief that I don't think she meant for me to notice. "It's part of the reason I've been skipping classes. Not that I need more excuses," I admit. "I've been getting a very sick feeling about this situation. To the point where its making me physically ill."
"Someone's going to get hurt, aren't they?"
"I don't know. I hope not." I bite my lip to keep from telling her any more than I should. She doesn't know about the shifting thing and I don't think I want her to know about it just yet anyway. I don't know how much she would believe it if I told her anyway.
Fred walks in before she can say anything else and plops himself in a chair right next to me. He looks at Hermione for a second, studying her before shrugging her off and turning to me.
"You ready?"
I nod my head but dread fills my stomach. "How are we gonna test it?" Hermione scoots her chair forward, intent on listening in. While Fred pulls out a small knife from his pocket. I look at it and know exactly what he is gonna do.
"Don't make the cut that deep please. I don't want it to scar."
Fred only smirks at me. "I'm not worried about an ickle scar Feliz. Hell, I have so many. Even on my forehead. If it was in a lightning shaped, you could call me Harry Potter." I roll my eyes, but I know worry is still laced through my features. "I want you to look away when I do it." His tone becomes so serious that it's scary. He's not joking anymore.
"Why?" I ask. I have a slight idea as to why but I don't know if I'm right.
"I don't think you need anymore reminders of what you did to yourself last year." He looks down at my wrists quickly, before looking straight into my eyes. His tone is devoid of any humor or jokes.
My voice shakes when I speak next. "I-i'll be fine."
"Do it for me, please?" I let out a long sigh before nodding my head in agreement. I look down at my lap, fiddling my fingers. It only takes him a second before he says I can look up again.
"What do I have to do?"
"Just try to heal the cut and I will try to block." The cut isn't that deep but from the looks of it, it is deep enough to leave a scar. Which I asked him not to do that. Blood is dripping down his arm and its making me queasy. "Ready?"
I nod my head and grab his arm, just below the cut. Sticky blood starts to coat my hand. I focus on the wound and imagine the blood back into the wound, before imagining the wound closing. As soon as I start imagining it closing, a small trickle of blood drops down my arm and onto my lap. The blood isn't Fred's. I hiss a little, in pain.
As soon as I make a little noise of discomfort, I feel something push against my healing magic. Magic. I notice Fred concentrating hard on the wound as well. I try to push it a little by pushing my magic against his a little harder. At first his magic doesn't budge but after a few seconds, he gets tired and it starts to waver. It doesn't take long for me to go back to healing the wound, which closes within a few seconds.
Fred smiles at me, even though he looks tired.
"Are you ok?"
"I'm fine. That just took a lot more than I expected."
"I think if you keep practicing it, you'll do it easily. That's not an easy thing to do, from what I've read." Hermione says, making me turn my head towards her. I forgot that she was there for a second. "He asked me to help him research." She says quickly.
"Little bit of an mess up for me. She pushed me to study it hard." Fred jokes but Hermione doesn't look like she found it funny.
On accident, I look down at my hand. A fresh wave of nausea erupts from my stomach. Fred's blood stains my hand red. Its sickening to see it. I don't want to see his blood.
"Felicity breathe." Fred takes my hand in his, making me look up at him. He's alive. I have nothing to worry about...yet. I hope no one ever finds out that I am a shifter. They'll blame me for not trying to reverse his death. I don't know what will happen if I tried. "Breathe." I take a deep breath in, then out. Unfortunately, that only amplifies the feeling of nausea. "Let's go get you cleaned up."
I nod my head and follow him out of the library. Hermione follows us, while repeatedly asking if I'm ok. I can barely give her an answer because I don't know. I hate seeing blood. Especially Fred's. It only serves to remind me of what I'm going to lose in four years. What everyone will lose.
"Do you need to be taken to the hospital wing?" Hermione asks. I shake my head, since that's the only way I feel I can answer.
"I think she's having a panic attack. She'll meet up with you in a little bit ok? Or I will so I can let you know how she is." Hermione nods her head but she continues walking with us.
"I'm not leaving." I thought I heard Fred whisper something under his breath, but I couldn't quite hear it, so I don't know for sure.
Fred leads me over to bathroom sink and turns on the faucet for me. He guides my hand under the water, while I stand there frozen. I feel someone's hand on my back but I don't know who it is. The only thing I can focus on is the thought of Fred dying.
Percy is around him. Fred has a gash to his head that is supposed to kill him instantly. For some reason it doesn't. He's slowly dying. I want to run to him and try to help but I can't move. Instead I watch the scene play on. Percy crying for his brother, while Harry helps to move his body to a safe location.
All of a sudden laughter fills my head. Evil laughter that I unfortunately recognize by now. Voldemort.
"This isn't real." I say to myself.
"Oh but it is. Or at least it will be. You know that it's true. You're just a monster, like me." His laugh penetrates my skull.
Suddenly, I feel something very cold and wet on my face. The ladies bathroom and the mirror in front of me comes back into focus. I hear Fred and Hermione bickering about how Fred shouldn't have through water in my face. I shake my head, before wiping my face with my hand.
"Fuck, I need to pay attention to occlumecy lessons more." I mutter. Both Fred and Hermione look at me with concern.
"What happened?" Fred asks.
"You kind of froze." Hermione says, adding on to Fred's sentence.
"Vo-voldemort got into my head again."
"That's not possible." Hermione says in disbelief.
"This has been happening all last year." Fred replies.
I shake my head. "But not like this. Last year it was just my dreams. I think he is getting stronger because he can do it without invading my dreams now." Fred's face drops.
"That can't be possible." He mumbles.
"You said you were taking occlumecy lessons?" Hermione asks. I can basically see her thoughts churning, as she's already trying to find a way to counter Voldemort's attacks.
"Yes, with Snape. Dumbledore asked him to teach me so he wouldn't hurt me but it stopped working. He's stronger than I am."
"There must be something." Hermione taps her chin with her finger as she racks through her brain. "I'll go to the library and do more research on brain spells and see what I come up with." She walks off before either of us get a chance to say anything.
"What do you mean "so he wouldn't hurt you"?" I internally cringe at myself for forgetting that he doesn't know Voldemort can hurt me in my sleep.
"Last year, he made it known that he can hurt me physically through dreams. It shouldn't be possible but somehow it is." I explain.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"He only did it once, so I thought that it didn't matter much. And I kinda forgot about it." My voice goes quiet as I realize what I just said. I've been focusing more on everyone else that I didn't realize how dangerous that is for myself.
"I hope Hermione finds something so we can put a stop to this."
"I hope so too." We look at each other for a moment. For some reason he almost feels like a stranger to me but he is one that I have known for years. The look in his eyes tells me that he feels the same. It's strange. There's some sort of tension between us that I can't describe. It's not a good kind of tension.
"We have a lot to talk about don't we?" I whisper.
"Yeah. But later. We need to figure out how to get him out of your head." I nod my head in agreement.
"We will. I hope."