Chapter 28
"It's too cold for you to be up here tonight. Especially without a jumper."
"I'm too tired to care right now, Dray." Draco slips his jacket onto my shoulders and sits down next to me. I pull the jacket around me, reveling in the warmth of it.
"Then you need to get some sleep." I shrug. I'm not in the mood to deal with this. I'm exhausted and the argument we had a week ago still weighs on my mind. Neither of us had talked to each other since then, so this is the first time.
"Emotionally tired not physically." I mumble. I don't care if he heard me or not. My eyes close as I place my head on my knees, while letting out a shaky breath.
"Are you ok?" I look up and glare at him.
"No. I'm not Draco! I'm so fucking stressed out, knowing how this year is going to end! You're so fucking bipolar that I don't know what I'm going to get from you. Which doesn't help when I really need you." Tears start running down my face as every emotion I have been feeling this past week pours out. "I have no one I can explain this to. I don't want to spoil anything for Parker. I can't fully trust Ethan. And you have been an ass about everything I tell you." I stand up and walk off, the blank expression on Draco's face telling me that none of that actually penetrated his head. I leave the astronomy tower, dropping Draco's jacket on the head of the stairs, with tears running down my face and my head shaking.
Weeks later and nothing has really changed. Except I've been a bit more distant from everyone. Whenever classes were done I would head straight to my dorm and bury my nose in a book or my homework. I would go to Snape's occlumency lessons, which I have slowly gotten better at, then go back to my dorm and occlude until I was so exhausted that I would fall asleep. Of course I would wake up with a pounding headache every morning but I never let it show.
Draco hasn't tried to talk to me. Fred has, acting like nothing had happened, but I've either ignored him or brushed him off. On the few weekends before today, I would go to the room of requirements after Snape's lesson and stay there, only going out to get food.
Today is Halloween. Earlier in the day the Beauxbatons and the Durmstrang arrived so tonight's Halloween feast will also be a welcoming celebration for them.
Since today is Parker's favorite holiday she asked me to do her hair again. I agreed, which ended in me getting dragged to the bathroom so I could color her hair. As soon as she sat down in the chair that so happened to be placed in front of the mirror, she said I could style her hair how I want to. I gave her a confused look but she just shrugged and smiled.
"Why don't you use magic on your hair like you do for mine?" Parker asks as I take another few strands of her hair.
I shrug. "Magic isn't that permanent."
"Draco told me he was curious but he was kind of scared to ask you." I roll my eyes.
"I'm not in the mood to talk about Draco right now." I whisper. I take another piece of her hair and dye it a dark shade of purple. Then another, a shade of orange.
"What did he do?" She says in an equally quiet voice.
"He's being a bipolar pain in the ass." She shrugs with a laugh.
"So like usual?" I snort at her comment before setting my wand on the desk so I can braid her hair.
I look over my work when I finish her hair. I think I did well but I think I need to curl it. On both sides of Parker's head there are two braids that connect at the back. Orange and purple weave through the braid. I left the two white strands of hair at the front alone but I did turn the color of them from with to orange fading to purple. The rest of her hair is black with a few orange and purple highlights throughout it.
"Curl or no curl?" I ask as I look down at my wand.
"Up to you." With a sigh I grab my wand and use a simple heating spell to heat my wand, then curl the ends of her hair and the front two pieces.
Once I'm done, I walk out of the bathroom and let her look over her hair. I place my wand on the bed and, with a sigh, I sit down and rest my head on the headboard. A knock sounds on the door, with someone, Draco, asking if he can come in.
"Sure." He opens the door slowly, expecting something. What? I don't know.
"Are you ready to head down to the feast?" Draco asks with a false confidence I catch pretty easily. He's nervous and he looks like he hasn't slept. There are slight bags under his eyes and his eyes look a bit red. Despite his looks, he hides it well with the false sense of confidence that only someone close to him would see past. I should know because I've noticed it this past week and his friends haven't. At least not that I know of.
Though I can't say too much about his appearance, when I probably look worse. My body feels worn out. Because of the occlumency lessons I have a constant headache that hasn't gotten better. I should honestly probably talk to Madame Pomfrey about the headache. I know I have under eye bags. And that nagging feeling in my gut hasn't gone away. Lately it has gotten so bad that it has made me nauseous. Whatever is wrong, I'm sure I will find out soon.
"I'm just waiting for Parker." I shrug, before standing up and walking over to him. I don't know why, but I take his hand in mine and look down at them intertwined. I don't look at him and those pretty grey eyes of his that make butterflies erupt in my stomach. I can't or it might hurt.
"I'm sorry." He whispers.
"There's no way this is going to end well for us." I whisper in return. "I'm sorry doesn't necessarily cut it."
"We can try to make it work." I shake my head with tears in my eyes. We are just meant to fall apart. I can feel it. He has to end up with someone else, Astoria Greengrass, so that his life can go on like normal.
"Your future is set in stone." I whisper. He'll end up with Astoria and I will go back to my real reality for good. That's how it should be.
"Then let's make it work until then." I smile and nod my head. Draco pulls me closer to him, trapping me in a hug.
"The future isn't always set in stone." He whispers. I think he meant it more for himself than he meant it for me. But either way, I know it's wishful thinking. There isn't a good ending for Draco and I. Never has been. Never will be. Not even for Fred and I.
"This is sweet but I don't want to miss the feast, so lets get a move on." Parker says from behind me, after clearing her throat. I laughed, pulling away from Draco and letting Parker lead the way to the Great Hall. We all stay quiet, walking through the dark halls. The hallways are only lit by a few torches dotted here and there. It creates a spooky feeling for this Halloween night.
"Your hair looks nice, Sallow." Draco says quickly.
With a smile on her face Parker says, "Thanks. Felicity did it." She nods over to me, with a look in her eyes that said she knows what Draco was trying to throw at her and she purposely caught it.
"Are you two ganging up on me now?" I ask as I look between them. Both of them shrug and continue walking as if I didn't ask the obvious. Though Parker keeps a mischievous smile on her face.
We run across the bridge, trying to stay out of the rain. There isn't a single bridge, connecting the two wings, that has a roof to block out the rain, so Ravenclaw and Slytherin students have to get to the great hall. Especially when it's raining cats and dogs, like it is today. There is even a bit of lightning which is fun to go through. It's been raining like this for a while which makes going to classes difficult.
Once we get to the great hall, Parker smooths out her Halloween inspired dress, trying to make sure it didn't get ruined, before we all sit down. The feast has already commenced, with a few people still coming in. They haven't welcomed the Beauxbatons or the Durmstrang yet. I almost sigh with relief but relief is replaced with the dread that the other schools have finally arrived. The tournament officially starts today. Today is when everything is going to go down hill.
Before I start spiraling, Draco grabs my arm and pulls me to my seat. I take a couple of deep breaths and look around at the food. There is a lot of food, that I am probably not going to bother much with. I'm not very hungry, but the turkey and mash potatoes look good, so that's all I get.
As the last of the students shuffle in, Dumbledore walks up to his podium. He's getting ready to announce the other schools.
"Silence!" Dumbledore shouts, calling everyone's attention to him. "As you know, this year Hogwarts will host the Triward Tournament. Because of this we will be housing two other schools as you know. Let me be clear, if chosen, you stand alone." A wave nausea rolls through my stomach, making me put down my fork. Cedric won't be alone. And I have a bad feeling Harry won't be the only one from Hogwarts joining him.
"Trust me when I say, these contests are not for the faint of heart." Dumbledore continues. "But more of that later. Right now let's welcome the wonderful ladies of the Beauxbaxton's academy of magic. And the headmistress Madame Maxine." The doors to the great hall open and a bunch of young women walk through in blue, silk uniforms and pixie looking hats. They walk as though they are fluttering over the ground and stop to do a little hand gesture every few steps. I look down at my plate and push it away, suddenly even less hungry than when I had walked into the Great Hall.
I look at Draco's face, trying to read his expression. I can't tell what he's thinking. Though he is watching the girls with interest, I can't tell if it's just a show or not. He has that look that says he's bored but again he has a small look of interest in his eyes.
Draco must have felt me staring because he places his hand on my upper thigh and turns to give me a quick smile. He frowns, though, at the plate I pushed away.
"And now our friends from the north." Dumbledore says, breaking whatever moment Draco and I were having. "Please welcome the proud sons of Durmstrang and their High master Igor Karkaroff." The Durmstrang come in with a routine that makes the headache I already have, much worse. Even though I find the routine cool, my head is in no mood to deal with them pounding their staffs on the stone floor. Although I did find the fire show at the end enjoyable. There's no noise involved with that.
"Please don't make us do the school song. Please don't make us do the school song." I mumble. Despite my pleas, Dumbledore has us stand up and do that stupid school song. This feels worse than when I have to sing the fight song for my school.
Thankfully, it's over quickly and everyone gets to sit down. Dumbledore talks more about the tournament and the age restriction, then lets everyone finish their meals, before everyone is dismissed to go to their common rooms. The rest of the feast for me was quiet. Draco was talking to one of the Durmstrang. Probably Viktor Krum. And Parker was trying to get Pansy to shut up. Pansy was trying to make Draco jealous by talking to another one of the Durmstrang boys but Draco wasn't even paying attention to her, so that was a funny sight.
The whole walk to the common room Draco had his arm draped over shoulders, which made Pansy upset. For Draco, this was probably so he could purposely make Pansy mad, but that's gonna leave me in a world of shit when he's not there to have my back against her. Though nowadays I can handle her. Last year I didn't want to mess anything up. This year I don't mind punching the crap out of Pansy if she tries anything.
Draco leads me to the couch, having us sit down together. Parker sits on the other side of me, talking with Blaise about something that Draco keeps rolling his eyes at. I push everything out, all the noise of people talking, the feeling of Draco's hand on my shoulder. Something isn't right and for some reason that's all I can focus on. This doesn't even have anything to do with occlumency. The feeling in my stomach is too strong and it's making me sick.
I stand up quickly and excuse myself. I run to my dorm and lock myself in the bathroom. Splashing water on my face, I try to calm my breathing. I focus on something else. Something good. Trying to push the memory to the front of my mind, so that it's the only thing I can focus on and not that feeling in my gut.
I don't know when but tears started falling down my cheeks and my body started to shake from exhaustion.
"Felicity?" Draco says softly from behind the door, following a soft knock.
"Can you get me some night clothes? I want to take a shower." I reply, trying to keep any hint of panicking out of my voice.
"Yeah. Do you want me to join you?" He replies.
"No. I need some alone time. Just wait for me please."
"Ok." A few seconds later, a soft knock on the door tells me Draco has my clothes. I open the door enough to grab my clothes, then shut the door and lock it. I hear a sign coming from the other side of the door and part of me feels bad that I'm shutting him out.
"I'm sorry." I whisper before turning on the water and letting the windows fog up from the steam.
My shower took longer than I wanted to, but I needed time to think. Or more like I needed to clear my head. All I wanted was to curl in on myself and sulk in the water but honestly I had no reason to. Draco was there on the other side of the door waiting for me. At least I hope. I shouldn't care about what Fred did. I should ignore the feeling in my stomach.
Once I was done with the shower, I slowly got dressed, then walked into the dorm finding Draco sitting on my bed, one leg crossed over the other and staring off into space. Quietly, I walk over to the other side of him and lay down, burrowing myself into his side. I don't want to talk. I don't want to fight. I don't want to explain anything. I want to be quiet and push away that bad feeling in my stomach.
"You don't have to talk but I'm right here to listen." I shake my head.
"Head hurts too much to talk." I whisper.
"Ok." I close my eyes and try to force myself to sleep but part of me has the urge to say something. Anything. But I don't bring myself to. I can't trust myself to talk anyway.
Somehow sleep had finally caught up with me but I really wish it hadn't. I had nightmares the whole night. I woke up several times and Draco never got to fall asleep. I told him to just go back to his own room several times but he wouldn't. I don't know why he is staying with me. He shouldn't. I'm just going to cause him even less sleep than normal.
I look over my outfit for the day in the mirror. Most of it is covered by my school robes but when I push them back you can see it. A short green plaid skirt, a black button up shirt and green tie that has the Slytherin emblem on it.
"Black shirt today? That's not the dress code." George's joking voice calls from the doorway.
"I'm getting tired of wearing the white shirts they make us where." I shrug. "What are you doing here anyway?"
"Parker let me in." I can hear the shrug in his voice. "She told me to come retrieve you while she deals with Parkinson." I almost snorted out a laugh but a sigh came out instead. Things feel too normal for everything to be ok. If everything was ok that feeling wouldn't be nagging at me day and night. My dreams wouldn't have gotten worse.
"Parker's been telling me that you haven't had much sleep. Fred's getting worried. She told me that you've been avoiding her."
"The bad dreams are about her, George." I whisper. I see his expression shift in the mirror. "In every single one of them I hurt her in some way. I can't protect her even if I tried to. Something is going to happen to her, but I don't know what, or how I'm involved." I force tears to go away and try not to let them run down my face. "That's why I've been avoiding her. In hopes that if I'm not around her, she won't get hurt."
"She won't get hurt."
I shake my head. "None of us know that."