Chapter 5
I woke up to my alarm going off. I still had a smile on my face from last night. I mean it's hard not to smile. Anyway, I get up and get ready for the day. I made sure to cover the hickeys again. I don't want to let Malfoy have the satisfaction of seeing them on me. After I'm done I walk down to the Great Hall. I didn't get stopped, which I was grateful for. I met up with Fred and George in the Entrance Hall and we entered the Great Hall together. Sadly, we got stopped by Malfoy as soon as we entered.
"So Wilhite. Do your twins know about the little gift I left you two days ago?" Malfoy says, smirking.
"Fuck off, Malfoy." I snap. He takes out his wand and points it at my neck and shouts, "Revelio." As soon as he lowered his wand I covered my neck with my hand.
"What are you gonna tell everybody now, slut?" Fred tries to lunge at Draco but George pulls him back before he could.
"Stay the hell away from her." Fred growls.
"By the way, you can't cover them up with that little trick you use. The Revelio charm is really powerful." Malfoy's smirk grows wider, making me sick to my stomach.
"Stay away from me." I turn around and walk out of the Great Hall. God, I can't believe I have to spend Christmas break with him. I'd rather spend it with the Weasleys. I notice myself walking to the black lake. I stop by a tree and sit down. I feel someone sit down next to me and put their head on my shoulder.
"You ok?" Fred's voice came from beside me. I pushed him off and stood up quickly.
"What's wrong?" He tries to ask again.
Me. "Leave me alone. Please." Tears started filling my eyes. I was finally putting my plan into action. Not that it was a plan. He stood in front of me.
"What's wrong?" He asks more firmly this time.
"Everything. You know I wish I had never come to Hogwarts. I wish I never met Malfoy, I wish I never met the golden trio, I wish I never met you and George." I said the last part quietly.
"You really wish you never met me?" Disbelief crosses his face, making me want to throw up. It's better if I just avoid him.
"Yes." I look straight over his shoulder at the lake. I don't want to look at him straight in the eyes.
"Did last night mean anything to you?" I felt a tear roll down my cheek because I knew my next words would be a lie.
"No. It didn't. I know I'm just a lying, evil, Slytherin slut. Go spread the word. I don't care." After that I walked away. Hot tears started streaming down my face. I stopped somewhere near the forest and dropped to my knees, crying. I did this to myself.
After a couple minutes, I got up and walked to the edge of the forest and sat down by a tree. The tears were still coming and I didn't bother to wipe them. I laid down by the tree and soon cried myself to sleep.
I woke up, probably a couple hours later because it was already dark. I got up and walked towards the castle. As soon as I got into one of the hallways, I feel someone cover my mouth and pull me into a corner.
"Where have you been?" Ethan's voice asked worriedly.
"Uncover my mouth before I bite you." I snap, though his hand muffles my words. He uncovers my mouth quickly, knowing full well that I would actually bite him.
"Thank you."
"Where have you been? Almost everyone has been worried about you. Fred said you and him got into a fight then you took off."
"I accidentally fell asleep by a tree. I'm fine. Leave me alone. Please." My voice grew weak, as I was about to cry again. Then I noticed a bandage on Ethan's nose.
"What happened to your nose?"
"Parker punched me in the nose. She thought I was the reason you were gone." He shrugs.
"And I will do it again if you don't back away." Parker's voice came from beside us. She stopped right next to me. She took a swing at him, hitting him in the jaw.
"Park. Not now."
"And that was the last one on my hit list. Anyway, what happened?" She asks, concerned.
"First let me help him then I'll explain."
"No. He's fine, see." She pointed at him. He was standing straight waiting for me to talk.
"Well, my day started out fine then Malfoy had to use the revealing charm on me. Revealing..." I stopped myself, thinking that Ethan didn't know about the hickeys.
"I know what happened so continue." He says as if reading my thoughts.
"Well I had run all the way to the Black Lake after the encounter with Malfoy and Fred followed me. He tried to ask me what was wrong but I pushed him away. I had to lie to him to get him to leave. And I think you both know why I pushed him away." They were both silent, looking at me. Parker put her hand on my shoulder but I shrugged her off.
"This is my fault. I did this to myself. You guys should go back to your common rooms. I'm going to go to the Astronomy tower for a little while."
"What about Filch?" Ethan asks. Despite this boy getting into trouble a lot, he usually tries to keep me out of trouble.
"I was already supposed to have detention tonight so I don't care about getting caught. Goodnight guys." They whispered a goodnight, then I turned around and went straight to the Astronomy tower. Once I got to the Astronomy tower, I sat down on the cold floor and started counting the stars. I know it's a dumb thing to do but I always did this when I was upset. That or I would talk to the moon. Again I know it sounds weird and pointless but it's always helped me.
After a few minutes of counting, I started getting tired so I got up and headed back to my dorm room. Thankfully, I didn't get caught by Filch and made it to my dorm just fine. I changed out of my school clothes and into my pajamas. I laid in my bed and started silently crying. After a couple minutes of crying I fell asleep.
I woke up late. I didn't want to get up. Thankfully, neither Pansy or Parker woke me up. I hope Parker punched Pansy if she tried. That would be funny to see. Anyway, I get up and go to the restroom. I take a quick shower, then get changed into my school outfit. I walk slowly to my first class, which I'm late to. I'm pretty sure I'm late to Defense Against the Dark Arts.
I walk into the class. Lupin gave me a detention but I didn't care. I was only half listening to him. I sat next to Parker and laid my head on my desk. I didn't pay attention to the class, all I did was finish the drawing of Fred and George. Thankfully, I wasn't sitting by Hermione or else she would have told me to get to work.
By the end of class, my drawing was done and I started a different one. I think I might draw Harry this time. Not sure though. Anyway, I walked to the Astronomy tower very slowly. I'm not in the mood to deal with people. I feel a tap on my shoulder and I turn around and see George.
"Come to yell at me?" I ask.
"No Just wanted to talk." He shrugs.
"Go on then."
"Why did you say that stuff yesterday and did you actually mean it?"
"He shouldn't be around me. I'm not a good person. At all. He's always doing pranks and happy about his life. But me. I'm not. Fred doesn't need someone like me around him. I'm sorry I was mean to him but that's just how I am. When I don't want people around I push them away in really bad ways."
He nods. "So you didn't mean anything you said?"
"I don't know. I'll see you later. I have to get to class." He nods and I walk off towards the class. I walk up the stairs. I already know I'm late but I don't care. I sit next to Hermione, like I did the day before yesterday.
"I have your homework." Hermione says as I sit down.
"Thanks."
"Have you talked to Fred?" She whispers.
I shrug. "No but I talked to George."
"Ok."
"Are you mad at me?"
"No, but Ron is. I tend to stay out of quarrels like this."
"I don't care what Ron thinks to be honest. And I wish I could be like you but trouble follows me everywhere."
"It follows Harry too." She snorts at her own comment.
"I've heard." I smile for the first time today. I get to work on my Astronomy homework, while kind of paying attention to the lesson. The lesson was boring. And to be ironic we are learning about the constellation Draco. I swear if he was in this class right now, he would be bragging like crazy. I mentally rolled my eyes at the thought.
Soon, class was dismissed and I headed to the Great Hall for lunch. Instead of sitting by the Gryffindors today, I sat at the end of the Slytherin table alone. I got out my Astronomy homework and started working on it.
"Wow you like me so much you are working on the constellation I'm named after." Draco said as he sat down in front of me. Also I called it.
"We are working on the Draco constellation, so I have no choice." I snap at him. I don't want to deal with him tormenting me right now. All of sudden an owl drops a red letter on my plate. A howler. Great. Before I could grab it, Draco grabs it off of my plate and smirks at me.
"Let's see what it says." He opens the letter and it comes to life positioning itself in front of me.
The voice of my mother screams out. "FELICITY DOMINIQUE WILHITE. I THOUGHT I RAISED YOU BETTER. I DID NOT RAISE YOU TO BE A SLUT. I AM ALREADY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU FOR BEING IN SLYTHERIN. I AT LEAST THOUGHT YOU WOULD MAKE UP FOR IT. BUT NO. IF I HEAR THAT YOU ARE ACTING LIKE THAT AGAIN I WILL TAKE YOU OUT OF HOGWARTS." The little note ripped itself up. I noticed almost everyone laughing at me. I got up and ran out of the Great Hall with tears in my eyes. I didn't even bother grabbing the homework I left. Hot tears ran down my face as from the Great Hall to who knows where. Thankfully, no teachers were in the Great Hall or else I'd feel a lot worse.
It's been about 3 weeks since I've got the Howler. Things have gotten worse. I have been avoiding Fred. Not that he's made an effort to try and talk to me but I don't blame him for not wanting to. Me and Ethan are on a weird basis. And funny thing he's trying to get along with Parker. Parker is the opposite though. Malfoy has been taunting me more than ever now and a couple of times he's nearly pushed me over the edge.
Right now I am in potions, trying not to listen to Malfoy or Snape. I felt Malfoy tap my shoulder and hand me a note. I opened it and it says, "You know the world would be a lot better without sluts like you." I sigh and write, "maybe I should just kill myself then." I slide it back over to him. I didn't look at his reaction. He probably just smirked anyway.
The bell rings, so I get up really quick, grab my stuff and head to one of the girls' bathrooms. I walk into an empty one that I know has no ghosts and sit down under a sink. I pull out a small pocket knife and open it. I slide the blade across my wrist, opening an old scar. I feel tears brimming my eyes as pain starts to set in. Thick red blood trickled down my arm. I put the blade to my skin a little bit lower and swipe the blade across my skin again. Hot tears started flowing out of my eyes. My hand started shaking as I made another cut on my skin. I moved the blade to my other hand and swiped the blade on my right wrist. My whole body was shaking from crying and the pain.
My sobs got louder, with every cut I put on my arm. I have about five cuts on each arm. I cut my arm again, and with more blood going down my arm I started to get dizzy. My head started telling me things like, "You are doing the right thing," and "You know this is worth it." I started crying more, but I put down the knife because my hands were too shaky to continue. I heard people enter the bathroom but I couldn't tell who it was because I was getting so dizzy that I could barely see.
"Felicity." I heard someone say.
"Felicity, come on." I could kind of tell who it was but I feel like I was imagining it. I felt the person touch my face to make me look at them. I could kind of see Fred and George sitting in front of me.
"George, get something to wrap her arms. I'm going to take her to the hospital wing." The world started to spin around me. I feel Fred pull me close to him. All of a sudden the world goes black.
I wake up in a dark room. There is a lot of pain in my wrists. I feel someone holding my hand. I look down and see Fred sleeping by the bed I'm in. I move my other hand and start playing with his soft hair, even though my wrist hurts. He woke up with a jolt, causing me to move my hand back really fast.
"Felicity! You're awake. How are you feeling?" He says with a breath of relief.
"My wrists hurt. But otherwise I'm fine. Thanks for saving me. I owe you one. Also, I'm sorry for what I said."
"Don't worry about it. George told me what you told him the day after our fight. But next time don't push me away, if you are worried about something." I nod my head slowly. That was a mistake because it made my head hurt. Fred lifted my head up and sat down on the bed, laying my head on his lap.
"I won't. How did you find me?"
"I was coming to talk to you. But me and George couldn't find you, then we heard crying in the bathroom and we thought it might have been you. And then we found you with the blood all over you." He explained.
"And it looks like it's all over your shirt now."
"Yeah." I gave him a weak smile. He gave me a concerned look in return.
"Get some rest Feliz. You need to rest." I nodded and closed my eyes. He started playing with my hair which made me calm. It was nice. With him playing with my hair I fall asleep quickly.
I woke up, snuggled up next to Fred. He was still asleep. He was smiling so I'm hoping he's having a good dream. I look down at my wrist and see new bandages on my arms. My wrists still hurt but not as bad as they did last night. Fred stirred a little, then sat up making sure not to move me too much. I laugh a little as he rubs his eyes.
"What?" He asks sleepily.
"Nothing. You just look cute right now."
"I look cute all the time, thank you." I laugh a little and shake my head. My head didn't hurt anymore which was good.
"How are you feeling?" Concern crosses his face.
"Better."
"That's good. You gave me quite a scare. You know that? Can I ask what exactly happened yesterday?"
I sigh. "I was in potions Malfoy bugging me as usual. Near the end of class he passed me a note saying the world be a lot better without sluts like you."
"I'm going to kill that bastard next time I see him." He mutters angrily.
"Fred. It's not just him. Most of the Slytherins have been making comments like that since I got that howler."
"Then I'll kill most of the Slytherins, except Parker. Her and George have been getting really close."
"I've noticed. They look cute together though." I grin.
"Maybe we could get them together."
"Let them be. Fred, whatever you are planning, no." He shakes his head. Madam Pomfrey notices I'm awake and walks over.
"How are you feeling, dear?" Madam Pomfrey asks as she stops by my bed.
"Better, thank you." She nods her head.
"Are your wrists hurting?"
"A little bit but it's nothing I can't handle."
"Ok. Well your wounds are pretty much healed so you are able to leave. I suggest you go get breakfast, maybe change out of your school clothes and get some rest." I nodded. I got up slowly with Fred's help and slipped on my shoes.
"Let's go change before we eat." He nods his head and we start heading to my common room.
"I'm not leaving you for a while." Fred comments.
"Ok well you aren't allowed in my common room. They will throw you out before I even get the chance to explain."
"Then grab your stuff and come with me to my dorm. Most of the Gryffindors know you so it won't be a problem."
"And what about I'm Mister Head Boy." He cracks up laughing at the nickname I gave his brother Percy.
"We won't worry about him." I nod my head, slightly laughing. I say the password to my common room and walk in. I go up to my dorm, grab some extra clothes and walk out. I find Fred waiting for me outside of the common room just where I left him. We walk in silence to Gryffindor tower. I've never been to the Gryffindor Common room but I kinda know what it looks like. Sort of.
The Gryffindor Common room is a lot bigger than it was in the movies. And there is a lot more red things than I'd imagined. Anyway, Fred leads me to his dorm, which he shares with George and Lee Jordan. Lee is a really good friend of theirs who occasionally does pranks with them, but he mainly comments on quidditch games. He is the quidditch commentator with a prefense of his own house.
Anyway, Fred opens the door, making sure no one is there, then leads me inside. You can tell which side is Fred's and which side is Georges. Their quidditch jerseys hang on the wall along with a sweater I assume Mrs. Weasley made them.
"The bathroom is over there, so you can get changed." He says, snapping me out of my thoughts. I nod my head and walk over to the bathroom. I shut the door and try to get changed without hurting my wrists. I was kind of successful, but I still ended up wincing a couple of times. When I get done pulling down my shirt I walk out and see Fred still getting his shirt on. I could feel a blush creep up to my cheeks.
"Um... I probably need to go back to my dorm to put my clothes away."
"It's fine me and George will take care of them. Like what you see?" He walked up to me as he said that.
"What?" He laughs and pulls his shirt on. The blush remained on my cheeks for a few seconds.
"You act like you have never seen someone without a shirt on."
"Oh I have." I say before quickly regretting it.
"Wait you have? Who?"
"Unfortunately Malfoy." I mutter.
"I want to know how that happened."
"Well I got a letter from my mom, concerning him and I went to go show him the letter and yeah. The whole time I was talking to him he had his shirt off."
"Even more reason to kill him." I shake my head and he takes my hand. He leads me out of the room and out of the common room. Heading to the Great Hall for some food. By now it is around lunch time. We walk in and I see a look of terror on Malfoy's face. It's obvious he wasn't expecting to see me. I sent him a smirk and walked with Fred to the Gryffindor table. As soon as I sat down, I got bombarded with people asking if I was all right. Almost everyone in the group that I hang out with asked if I was ok. Except for Ron. Hermione had to force him to ask if I was ok.
"Guys I'm fine." I was pretty quiet the whole time. I was just trying to enjoy my food. Then Malfoy walked up.
"I heard about your little incident, Wilhite. I don't know why Weasley even helped you. After all, you have been lying to them. Especially to your little Freddy. You know about us." He smirks as my face grows red.
"Shut up Malfoy. We don't even know if it's true. It's just an assumption." I snap.
"What's he talking about?" Fred asked, confused.
"Are you going to tell them?" Malfoy's smirk grows wider.
"What? That I have to spend an awful Christmas break with you or that you are under the assumption that my mom would force me to get married to you!" I got up quickly and pulled Fred along with me. We walk out of the Great Hall. I drag him all the way to the 7th floor, where the room of requirement is. I imagine a room to appear, then drag Fred into the room. As the door closes, I slide down the wall and hug my knees to my chest.
"Why does he have to do shit like this?" Fred kneels in front of me and holds my hands.
"He's just a git. Ok? Don't listen to him." I nod my head and Fred brings me into a hug. He whispers in my ear, "Come on, let's get some rest." I nod my head. He pulls away and helps me stand up. He leads me to the bed I had imagined and let me lay down first. He laid down right next to me, wrapping his arm around my waist, bringing me close to him. I snuggled close to him and closed my eyes, letting the warmth of his close body take over me. He is the first guy I have ever actually ever gone to sleep with. It was nice to be honest. I wish I had Fred in my real world, but this will do for now.
Fred puts his leg over mine, making me jump a little because I wasn't expecting it. I can hear him slightly laugh in my ear. I feel him rest his head on my shoulder as I sigh. I slowly close my eyes and drift off to sleep.
I feel blood seeping out of my wrists. I can't move at all. I am too numb. I can barely tell where I am. I feel someone touching my face. I can't tell who it is.
The person leans over me and places a kiss on my forehead. They seemed in a hurry. I could barely see but it looked like Fred. I hear the person whisper, "It's going to be ok. I promise." The person picks me up and starts walking somewhere. He keeps whispering, "Keep your eyes open," and "I can't lose you again." I close my eyes slowly letting fatigue wash over.
I open my eyes and I can see clearly now. I see Fred in a hospital bed. He looks like he has just been beat. I walk over to him and grab his hand. His hand was cold and the more I looked at him, the more he looked lifeless. I could feel tears going down my face.
"Should this happen or the first nightmare about him happen?" A snaky voice rang from behind me. I didn't have to turn around to know it was Voldemort.
"Leave him alone." I yell out.
"Are there any others like you?" He asks. I'm assuming he's talking about shifters. Why would he want to know if I was the only one?
"What?"
"Shifters here. Are there any others, other than you?"
"No. I'm the only one that I know of." I lied.
"Then I can still use him against you." I turn around and look at him. His red eyes piercing through me. He vanishes and I jolt awake and sit up right. I feel Fred's hand on my shoulder. I was trying to calm my breathing as Fred pulled me back down.
"Hey look at me. It was just a dream. It wasn't real." Fred says, trying to calm me down. My breathing is heavy and I feel dizzy.
"I think he is trying to use you against me." I say between breaths.
"Who?"
"Voldemort." I whispered as quietly as I could. I looked up at the ceiling, not wanting to look at him.
"Why would he want to use me against you?"
"There's a reason but Dumbledore made me promise that I won't say anything." I say quickly.
"Felicity, you can tell me." He pleads.
"You wouldn't understand even if I tried to explain it. I can barely understand it myself."
"Please try." He begged. I sighed thinking if I should tell him or not. I give in and start explaining shifting to him. He listened as I tried to explain it to the best of my ability. He asked several questions, showing his interest in it. I still refused to look at him.
"And are you the only one?"
I shake my head. "No. Parker and Ethan are shifters too. Please don't tell anyone."
"I won't, I promise."
"Thank you." I turned to him, finally deciding to look at him. He pulled me into a hug and we just sat there holding on to each other.
"I don't want to lose you." I whisper into his shoulder.
"You won't." A promise that I know will be broken in four years but for some reason made me feel better. He pulled away and kissed me on the nose. He whispered, "Go to sleep, I'm right here," then he pulled me close to him. I nuzzled my face in his neck and slowly drifted off to sleep.