Regulus finished the song just as the entire crowd burst into applause. He felt a bit of pride and happiness wash over him, but one look towards the corner of the room and it was all gone and back was the green monster that took over him whenever he saw him with her.
He felt bad staring at them, but he couldn't help it, couldn't help but think of all that he would give just for James to be happy and flirty and shit like that with him and not her. Staring at the both of them felt like an invasion of their privacy but James looked so damn hot standing there with his eyes closed, head against the wall while leaning against the wall too, and he was smiling. It should be illegal for anyone to look so good. Regulus watched as he opened his eyes and looked at Lily, whose face had broken into a grin.
Jolene jolene Please don't take him just because you can
Lily's hand landed on James' shoulder as she leaned over and whispered something to him. James' eyes flew across the room and landed on Regulus. Regulus immediately dropped his gaze.
Gosh that was embarrassing.
He looked back at the crowd, muttered a thankyou in the mic and bowed slightly before leaving.
He really wanted to make it back and just run to his dormitories and lay in bed cursing Lily Evans for having a chance with James Potter, and James Potter for being himself. So easily caring, always worrying. Stupid James Potter with his stupid untame hair, his stupid mischievous smile, his stupid eyes always so soft. Stupid. Fucking. James. Potter.
What he definitely did not want was to run into his brother or his brother's boyfriend as he was doing right now.
He had just begun to rekindle his relationship with Sirius and now he had gone ahead and ruined it all.
He had wanted to perform this song for so damn long but he hadn't really thought about the after effects of it.
He knew that neither his brother nor his friends were stupid enough to not realise who the somg was about. Even if his brother wouldn't have figured it out, his boyfriend Remus Lupin most definitely would have seeing as he most probably was the smartest and most logical in the group.
He was walking out of the shop as he saw them. His brother and Remus.
Regulus quickly started to walk in the different direction. Was this the direction of the castle? Not necessarily. Would this route be longer? Yes. Does he care? Yes but also no.
He'd be willing to walk around the world to reach the castle if it meant that he would be able to avoid the conversation he was about to have with his brother.
But you know what? Of Course Regulus wouldn't be so damn lucky.
Just as he's about to walk in the opposite direction Sirius' hand grabs his arm and pulls him towards himself. Regulus groans and looks up at Remus. His eyes give a silent “sorry”.
Remus had been onto Regulus for quite a while, and had asked him several times if what Remus thought was true (which it obviously was). At first Regulus had denied it but after weeks of persuasion Regulus finally caved in and told Remus everything.
How everything had started.
How Regulus had gone from admiring the boy to hating him to crushing on him. And so damn hard that it just wouldn't go away.
Regulus had told him how the first time he had met James on the train, he had felt warm and safe as though he was floating.
And then he was sorted into Slytherin, Sirius had stopped talking to him and it made Regulus mad. It made him so damn fucking mad because he knew that he saw in James the brother he couldn't have.
The brother Regulus couldn't be.
And that had made Regulus hate James Potter.
He hated the way James thought he was the king of the school.
He hated his huge ass ego.
He hated all the proposals he made for Lily, how he couldn't take a damn hint.
He hated the way all the girls swooned over him.
He hated how he stole snitches.
He hated how he would send flying kisses into the crowd as he scored.
He hated how he had so many detentions and yet was one of the most favored students in school.
He hated the glint of mischief in his eyes.
He hated how he'd be top of the class despite never studying.
He hated how much of a fucking show off he was.
But over the years, he hated the fact that he didn't hate him.
He hated how somewhere along the way he'd fallen for the boy with the unruly hair.
The boy everyone was after but no one could get because this boy was so utterly devoted to a singular redhead.
The redhead that Regulus had grown to despise, the redhead who made Regulus see green. Despite her carefree attitude, despite how hard she worked, Regulus despised her because she could have what he wanted but seemed to turn it down.
Turn him down.
When Regulus had told Remus all of this, he had broken down and started crying.
"I know he'll never like me, so why cant i get the fuck over him"
"Why do you think that"
" Oh please, you of all people would know about his devotion to Evans, i bet he complains every single time she rejects him, to you guys"
"Funny thing is; he hasn't quite complained for a long time"
A look of pure horror crosses Regulus' face.
Did she agree?
Are they dating?
Is she finally going out with him?
I've ruined my chances haven't i?
Why does she get to have him after turning him down again and again and again?
Why does she get his lov-
"They're not going out if thats what you're thinking"
"No?"
"Nope, James hasn't asked her out in like over a year"
What???
"You really didn't notice?"
"I guess not"
"Which rock have you been living under?"
"My misery"
deadpans Regulus
Remus barks out a laugh.
" Why do you reckon he stopped though?" Regulus asks before he can stop himself.
"Got over her i s'pose"
Maybe I do have a chance after all.
He looks over at Remus and narrows his eyes.
Wait.
"You're not telling me something"
Remus looks down.
"I think he has a crush on somebody else"
Regulus groans as his head falls on the table.
"Do you know who she is"
Remus smirks,
"He hasn't told us but i reckon i have a good idea of who they are"
They? Oh. Ohh. No way. James is gay?
"Nope, he's bisexual actually. You know, he swings both ways"
Shit did he really say that out loud. Regulus mentally cursed himself. But it's good he supposes.
"Would you be able to tell me who h- they are?"
"No"
"Remuusss" Regulus whines
" No."
" Why?"
"Because James clearly doesn't want anyone to know"
"Fine, a clue then." Regulus asks, hopeful. "Please?"
"You're closer to them than you think"
Great. Just great. Now he's gonna be jealous of someone close to him.
"Oh and Regulus?"
"Hm?"
"Use your brain, you're smarter than u think. You'll be able to figure it out. And don't do anything stupid.
Don't do anything stupid he had said and what had Regulus done? Something stupid.
And now his brother stood across from him with his hands crossed.
"How long?" Sirius asks
"What?"
"How long have you liked him?"
Sirius is definitely not gonna like this.
"Since 2nd year"
"Yours or ours?"
"Mine"
Sirius rubs his hand over his face
"Oh gosh"
Regulus looks at him, he knows Sirius and he knows what kind of a dramatic ass he is and he knows that he'll just combust in like 2 seconds. He looks down,
1..
2..
"My best friend, really Reggie?"
That was calmer than he thought. Regulus looks up to see Remus' hand on Sirius' should, trust Remus to calm down Sirius.
But still Regulus is kind of mad at Sirius for how dare he be angry with Regulus about liking his best friend? He doesn't have a say in who Regulus can and can not like. And it isn't like Regulus gives a shit.
Okay so maybe he does give a itsy bitsy small shit but that's it.
"Something wrong with it?"
"Actually no, if there's anyone I'd trust your heart with it's James. We all know how hard he loves and how much he cares for someone just after saying hello to them." Sirius sighs, "but i think the both of us know where James' heart lies"
Regulus knows. And he hates the fact that he knows but he does.
"He hasn't told us but i reckon i have a good idea of who they are"
Remus had said, what if he was only consoling me? Thought Reg, but Remus isn't like that.
He isn't the kind of person to feed you bullshit just to make you feel better.
Remus was the kind of person to take off your rose tinted glasses and make you see the world and all its horrors, so maybe just maybe James didn't like Lily.
Don't get ahead of yourself, he thought you know how that goes don't you?
He knows how it goes. Hope is a fucked up thing. You're hopeful and you're having fun and you have these great expectations and then reality hits you like somebody dropped a fucking piano on you.
Sirius reaches over and rests his hand on Regulus' shoulder, "He's my best mate but I swear to god if he makes you cry I'll turn him inside out… slowly." Regulus looks into his eyes and is slightly surprised to see actual malice in his eyes
Regulus lightly chuckles, "I know you will, but I'd rather you not"
"Awww" Sirius coos, "C'mon let's go back to the castle" he says as he throws an arm around Regulus' shoulder.
And so they walk back to the castle.
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
Regulus had two goals in mind;
1. Avoid Slytherins, they had given him enough shit when they found out that he was gay and then they had made his life a living hell when they found out that he too had left home to go stay with "the black sheep" and the "blood-traitor". What were they gonna think when they found out that he had fallen for said blood-traitor? Not that Regulus cared but he knew that if possible life for him was gonna get harder and harder.
2. Avoid James Fleamont Potter, achieving this would be harder than avoiding the Slytherins. Why, you may ask. Well the reason was that James was thoughtful as fuck as in you could stab him and if he had, at any point in his life, cared for you his first priority would be to ask if you were okay.
These goals were the reason he found himself in the astronomy tower at 10 pm.
He hadn't been here in nearly a year. This was the place where he had first started talking properly with James who had convinced himself to talk with Sirius and they had slowly managed to get their shit together and now he's losing his shit again.
Regulus is lost in these thoughts which is probably why he doesn't hear the door open.
He looks up and sees the person he'd been avoiding standing there.
The root of the problem.
James Potter.
With his stupid shiny hazel eyes and his stupid smile.
"What do you want?" asks Regulus
"You've been avoiding me"
"Yes, and clearly that didn't work 'cuz here you are and so am i"
"You wanted to be found"
Huh? What?
"No, what?"
"You wanted to be found, maybe not consciously but subconsciously you wanted to be found. Cuz like really Reg? You could've hidden anywhere in the castle yet you went to the one place that I showed you. You wanted to be found Reg and i found you" he says with a soft smile on his lips, "but you could tell me to go away, to fuck off and I'd leave right now. No questions asked"
Now that James had said it, he realized that he doesn't really want him to leave. James just has this sort of comfort and warmness around him that if he is with you it feels like you're in your own little bubble of happiness, comfort and warmth.
Curse James Potter and his thoughtfulness.
"No, it's okay you can stay, but" Regulus hesitates because he knows that James will want to know, he deserves to know but Regulus just can't bring himself to talk about it, "let's not talk about.. 'It'"
James nods, "Okay, would you like to hear about my day?"
Regulus nods because he has always found James' voice to be calming.
"Okay so umm… i recently found out my crush likes me back"
Oh fuck, Regulus thinks that is anything BUT calming.
He feels like the air is being squeezed out of him, as thought James had just squeezed his damn heart. He doesn't know why James is doing this, He is James, he is always comforting so why the fuck is he telling him this?
"Lily?" Regulus manages to croak out
James chuckles lightly, "What? No, I haven't liked her since like 4th year. Maybe before but I didn't realize until I found out I liked someone else, who also happens to be my current crush. I may have liked them even before that but yea I'm known to be blind"
"Really very blind" he agrees
"But anyways, they were, are, i think, jealous of Lily"
Regulus hummed, he was trying, really trying to be a good friend but like it's hard to see your crush of about 3 years excited to talk about their own crush.
"But they have no reason to be, cause i have eyes only for them" Regulus was starting to see green again, "and they're like soooo amazing and talented and i honestly didn't think that I'd have a chance with them but when i found out that they liked me too i just wanted to combust"
He sees the way James' eyes sparkle as he talks about them, That's it. Thought Regulus thats fucking it.
Regulus abruptly stands up, now he wants to cry so damn fucking much and he is pissed, so fucking pissed.
"Why are you telling me this?"
"I thought u wanted to hear about my day" says James also up
"Yes, your day, not you fawning over someone. And James you're better than this, why'd you come here all this way if you were just gonna say stuff about the person you like, oh so very much. Is this like a sort of payback for singing about you or something 'cuz I really don't understand."
"Well I'm here for two reasons, mainly."
Regulus raises an eyebrow, indicating for James to continue,
"Number one; Sirius is fucking pissed at me for breaking his brother's heart" Regulus huffs, "And number two; to talk to my blind as fuck crush who has been avoiding me like I'm a fucking plague"
It takes a moment for the words to sink in and as they do Regulus has a minor panic attack in head
WHATT???
NO WAY
NO FUCKING WAY
HE IS JOKING
IT'S PROBABLY A PRANK
"I know what you're thinking and it's not a prank Reg"
It seems as though Regulus has lost the ability to fucking speak.
James walks over and wraps his arms around Regulus' waist, as he rests his chin on Regulus' head, Regulus feels himself melt.
He is normally really insecure about his height but he finds that he really loves the height difference he and James have, it makes him feel safe and…. protected.
"You really thought I didn't like you?"
"Not just me, everyone."
James lightly pulls away and rests his forehead against Regulus'
"I have liked you since like my 4th year dummy"
"And I since my 2nd"
James huffs out a laugh, "and we thought Remus and Sirius were oblivious"
Regulus chuckles.
"I really like you Reg" whispers James
"I really like you too James" Regulus whispers back, he doesn't know why they're whispering though seeing as they were alone but that just makes this moment a whole lot intimate.
"Let's sit down because I have questions, quite a few" Regulus says and then he allows himself to be pulled down to the ground with James.
They sit opposite to each other with their limbs tangled.
"Okay, shoot"
"Number one; when did you first realize that you liked me"
"Oh.. funny story, so remember back in your 3rd year? During the Ravenclaw vs Slytherin match, remember the match?"
"Trust you to find out you really like someone through Quidditch, classic Potter"
James throws his head back as he barks out a laugh and all Regulus can do is stare for he looks heavenly, like a fucking god with the moonlight falling on his face and bringing out small details of his face. Regulus realizes that not a lot of people see him like this because James is usually only seen in the mornings, practicing, during the afternoon, between classes, and Quidditch matches but nearly never in the dead of the night. Regulus knows that the only people who have seen him in the moonlight, beside Regulus, are probably the Marauders during their usual marauding. Regulus is sure that if people saw him in the moonlight they'd fall, fall as hard as Regulus.
Regulus is snapped out of his thoughts as James once again begins to speak.
"So, remember when you were flying high and like you were looking so pretty and ur hand shot forward just about to catch the snitch when a bludger hit you and you fell and- and you got hurt so bad Reg i wanted to beat the living shit out of the Ravenclaw beater"
Regulus remembers that match. He remembers how his fingers were just about to curl around the snitch when suddenly a bludger came at him and hit him with such force that he fell off of his broom.
But what Regulus remembers more is the weird shit that happened afterwards. He had just woken up and didn't find it in himself to open his eyes, looking back he might have had the conversation that the procedures were having not have been so interesting and well it was about him so it was somewhat of his right to listen, no? He made out the voices to be of Madam Pomfrey, Professor McGonagall and Slughorn.
"It could've been worse" said Madam Pomfrey, "but something slowed his fall"
"i believe that it was a slowing charm as well as a cushioning charm" this was McGonagall, "but it definitely was not cast by a teacher, for both lacked experience"
Somebody cushioned his fall? There's no way somebody would do that for him thought Regulus, if so who?
"Who could've done that?" asked Slughorn reading Regulus' mind
"I had my suspicions regarding who did it" answered McGonagall, "and they have been confirmed"
"Well do tell please," says Slughorn, "they must be rewarded."
"I have offered them a lot, including two hundred points to their house but they said that they didn't do it for the reward" explains McGonagall, "all they ask for is for their identity to remain a secret, and i am happy to comply"
"Oh" it seems as though Slughorn barely believes her and to be honest neither does Regulus for why would someone try and save Regulus and then deny two hundred house points just for nobody to find out.
"Well if we can't repay them, life will"
Professor McGonagall hums in agreement.
The whole day and following week he had been thinking of the mystery person because he knew no one who would ever do that for him so who?
He had even gone to McGonagall's office and had practically begged her to reveal the name and all that she had told him was that the person wasn't much older. It didn't even slightly narrow it down but whatever.
"The Ravenclaw beater did have a bruise on his face the next morning so i think someone may have done it" Regulus said remembering how he was surprised to see the bruise on his face after barty had pointed it out and even more surprised when the beater came to apologize to him.
James smiled sheepishly, and something in Regulus' brain clicked. His eyes went wide, No way he thought no fucking way, theres no way James Potter did that
"You didn't" gasped Regulus
James shrugged, "Maybe I did and…. Sirius"
Oh how Regulus wanted to fucking melt.
"I visited you too, at night" he said, "i was the one who left you the sugar quills"
Okay so latest news, no man or woman more perfect than James fucking Potter exists in this world cause like what the fuck.
Tears threatened to spill from his eyes.
"You're-" breathes out Regulus, "You- I- why?"
"What do you mean why" James asked raising an eyebrow
"Why'd you do so much?"
"Because i like you Regulus, like really do and i'm glad that your fall was slowed and cushioned or else i would've probably stabbed him, and twisted damn the blade"
Your fall was slowed and cushioned…..
Your fall was slowed and cushioned……
Your fall was slowed and cushioned……..
These words were repeated in Regulus' mind. No one knew of this besides himself, Madam Pomfrey, Professor Slughorn and Professor McGonagall unless…
James Potter was an enigma and the greatest man to set foot on earth. Regulus looked at him, "How do you know about that, I didn't tell anyone"
Realization hits James, "oh. Umm Minnie may have mentioned it to Sirius" he said rubbing the back of his neck.
"I don't think she did seeing as i explicitly told her not to tell him or anyone else for that matter" Regulus states plainly
James' eyes widen comically and Regulus really wants to just move forward and hug him and squeeze the living daylights out of him for how dare he be so damn amazing and perfect.
"You're the one who did it didnt you" Regulus says his voice heavy with emotion, fucking James Potter making Regulus cry.
"You're the one who cast the spells"
"Hey hey don't cry it was no biggie really" James says
But it was a biggie and from the look on James' face he knows too because had his mother been there she'd have let him fall and then cursed him more because a dent in her son's pride is a hole in hers. None of the professors had been able to react as fast as James, heck his brother had been there and he hadn't been as quick as James.
The tears which had been threatening to spill finally fell and Regulus looked at James eyes whose eyes were filled with so much worry Regulus didn't think was possible.
James brings his hand forward hovering it a few inches away from Regulus' cheek,
"May i?" He asks in a light whisper and Regulus can only nod. James' hand cups Regulus' cheek as his thumb wipes away the tears.
"You deserve so much more Reg and i can't help but give you all that i can and i still think that it may not suffice"
Regulus shakes his head because no, no, no, no, just the fact that he was looking at Regulus the way he was right now meant so much to Regulus that he didn't need anything else in the world. Had he been offered the world's fortunes at this moment he'd have refused just for James to look at him the way he was right now. If Regulus could, he'd freeze time and live in this moment for the rest of his life, breathing only in the love that James gave him. One look in James' eyes and Regulus was whole again.
"Water?" James asked and Regulus nodded though how the fuck he was going to get a glass here was a mystery.
James seemed to be looking around searching for something, his eyes landed on a pebble slightly which was bigger than the rest. James pulled out his wand and transfigured it into a glass.
Now that is impressive
He then pockets his wand and Regulus shakes his head, did he really forget to put the actual water inside.
"It's supposed to have water inside Potter" says Regulus lightly chuckling. James just grins and Regulus notices how the right side of his lips rises slightly more than the left.
"Watch this, i learned it a couple of days ago" says James his eyes glittering
James waves his hand and the glass fills with water.
"Show off" says Regulus lightly shoving James' shoulder but even he can't hide his glee at this because non-verbal spells are hard as fuck to master, "That is really advanced magic like really really advanced"
James hands the glass to Regulus practically buzzing from the excitement, "Glad you like it" he says with a smirk as his cheeks heat up and gosh he looks so adorable.
Regulus drowns the glass in one go as James tuts, "Slowly Reg slowly"
Regulus opens his mouth a little to let out a small spring of water which is aimed at James who stumbles backwards, definitely not expecting it.
"You bloody wan-" James is cut off by the sound of Regulus' laughter.
Regulus clutches his stomach from laughing too hard and looks over at James who's looking at him with a soft look in his eyes with the fondest smile in his face that he has ever seen.
"Stop looking at me like that"
James shakes his head as though breaking out of a face, "Sorry you're just-" he cuts off seeming to find the correct words, "you, gosh you're you"
Regulus' face heats up and he is sure that he must be resembling a strawberry quite well.
"Stop"
"Never" James replies ginning lopsidedly
At that moment a thought arises in Regulus' mind.
James could have practically anyone in the school and yet he chose Regulus. He could've chosen someone being with whom would've been easy yet he chose Regulus, why?
"Why me?" Regulus asks before he can stop himself.
"Huh?"
"You could have practically anyone, why me" explains Regulus voice dropping low, "I mean wouldn't it be easier to be with someone else, anyone else"
"Reg… no, come here" James opens his arms indicating for Regulus to come towards him and snuggle(?) with him.
Regulus crawls over to James and sets himself on James lap and buries his head in his chest as he wraps his arms protectively around Regulus.
"Listen to me" James says, using his index finger to bring up Regulus' chin, ensuring eye contact. "Regulus… I like you, I really do and it's like- my thoughts are occupied 90 percent of the time with you. Your laugh, your smile, your eyes, the little flecks of blue in your silver eyes, the little mole you have just below your jaw line, how your eyes soften whenever you see Sirius, how your eyes twinkle whenever you catch a snitch." He takes a deep breath, "It consumes me, you- you consume me Regulus. And no, I know I could have a lot of people but I don't want them, I only want you and I have only wanted you for years. To me you're the sun, whenever you're around my day is brighter, warmer and just fuller. I'm ready to spend my entire life chasing you if it means I get to touch you once, because for you Regulus Arcturus Black I'd light myself on fire if it meant that you'd burn a little bit brighter."
And oh great Regulus was crying again.
"Hey hey we dont do that here, k?" Said James though his eyes were shining too.
"You're an old sap"
"Only for you, love" James stiffened as soon as he realized what he had said, "Are you- are you okay with me calling you that. Its totally fine ir u aren't though" he added hurriedly
Regulus tilted his head slightly upwards not even bothering to hide his blush as he kissed James' cheek softly, "i don't mind, don't worry" causing James' face to break into a wide grin.
"I think we ought to go before Pads thinks that one of us has been murdered or has murdered the other"
"Definitely" said Regulus a soft chuckle escaping his lips
"Before we go i wanna do something, if you don't mind"
"Okay go ahead" slightly surprised but excited none the less
"Okay so close your eyes, please," Regulus does so, "I'm gonna kiss you"
His eyes are just about to fly open before James continues, "not- not on the lips, somewhere else, is that okay?"
Regulus nods and lightly smiles to himself thinking of how James is so considerate towards his feelings.
He feels warm lips press to his forehead, soft and warm against Regulus' otherwise cold body. Regulus can feel the area which was kissed tingle from the contact, and feel the warmth slowly travel to his whole body. Lighting a fire in his cold soul, warming up his heart, mind and body.
Regulus' eyes flutter open and land on James' flushed face.
Huh, has anyone seen James blush before?
And then his mind and heart go into happy mode as he realizes that James doesn't get flustered often and that he just made the James Potter blush.
"We really should get going," says Regulus, realizing that he still has to go and answer Sirius and Remus.
Okay so that will be a mild problem because he doesn't know whether Sirius will believe James when he says that he has liked Regulus since 4th year because Sirius still believes that James likes Lily.
Regulus doesn't want Sirius to hurt James, and knowing his brother he may act upon impulse but then again that's his best mate so maybe no…?
All he can do right now is hope.
"Okay c'mon" replies James as the both of them try to get up at the same time, bumping their foreheads before bursting into laughter.
It takes like three tries but they eventually get up without bumping into one another in some sort of way.
James holds his hand as they step out of the astronomy tower Regulus, laughing at a joke James just told and James looking at him in the fondest way possible.
I'm begging of you please dont take my man
And no one can take Regulus' man now for he is his man's and his man is his.