Begin again

Alessia acts weird all day at training. She knows it, and she can tell Leah knows it too. She wasn’t doing it on purpose- she was just nervous. Nauseatingly so.

She’d spent the whole morning hyping herself up, telling herself over and over that she could do this, that she wanted to do this. She wanted Leah to be her girlfriend. Officially. No more tiptoeing around it, no more pretending they weren’t already acting like a couple.

But the weight of the question sits heavy in her chest, and it makes her jumpy. Distracted. She misses passes, mistimes tackles, even gets nutmegged by Kyra of all people. It’s embarrassing.

And Leah knows. Alessia can feel her watching, her sharp eyes tracking every move, her brows furrowed in concern. But Leah doesn’t say anything. She just sends her quiet, questioning looks between drills, offers gentle squeezes to her knee whenever they sit next to each other.

It doesn’t help Alessia’s nerves. If anything, it makes them worse.

She just had to get through training. Then she’d take Leah out -she’d already asked this morning, while they were tangled in bed, if she could take her somewhere after training. Leah had readily agreed, not suspecting anything because they went out all the time.

But as training comes to an end, Alessia realises something. They should have gone home first. To change. Because they’re still in their full Arsenal gear.

Leah doesn’t seem to care, chatting away in the passenger seat as Alessia drives, but Alessia cares. This was meant to be a proper date. And now they were going to be sitting on a blanket, eating from a picnic basket, looking like they’d just walked off the pitch.

But there’s no time to change now. She still had to grab the picnic basket from Katie and Caitlin’s place, where she’d dropped it off this morning before Leah had even woken up.

When she pulls up outside their flat, Leah looks confused.

“Why are we here?” she asks, brow raised.

“Just- trust me, yeah?” Alessia says, forcing a smile.

Leah eyes her for a second, then nods without hesitation. “Always.”

That doesn’t help her nerves either. Alessia quickly gets out, shutting the door behind her before Leah can ask any more questions. She practically sprints up to the door, knocking rapidly.

Katie answers within seconds, already grinning. “Oh, finally.”

Alessia ignores her, stepping inside. But the second she’s out of Leah’s sight, she freaks out.

Like, majorly freaks out.

“What if this is stupid?” she blurts, pacing back and forth. “I should’ve planned this better. What if she doesn’t like it? What if she thinks it’s weird? Oh my God, why didn’t I plan this better?!”

Caitlin watches from the kitchen, sipping her tea. “Didn’t you spend hours planning this?”

“Yes! And it’s still not perfect!”

Katie rolls her eyes. “Mate, it doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be you.”

Alessia groans, running her hands down her face. “I feel sick.”

“Relax,” Caitlin says, far too casually for Alessia’s liking.

Katie nods. “Yeah, she’s obsessed with you, mate. You could ask her to be your girlfriend in the middle of Tesco and she’d still say yes.”

Alessia doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry, realising that’s just what Ella had said yesterday. She opts for neither, still spiralling.

Katie sighs, then grabs her by the arms and shakes her. “Less. Calm down.”

Alessia forces herself to take a breath. Then another.

“Better?” Katie asks.

Alessia swallows hard. “Not really.”

Caitlin snickers.

Katie claps her hands together. “Right. Well. Sucks to be you, ‘cause Leah’s waiting, and you’ve got a picnic to get to.” She thrusts the basket into Alessia’s hands, then ushers her towards the door.

Alessia takes one last deep breath before stepping outside.

Leah is waiting in the car, one arm draped over the back of the seat, watching her through the window. When she sees Alessia, her face softens, her lips curling into a small smile.

Alessia clutches the picnic basket tighter, stomach flipping.

Yeah, she thinks. She can do this.

Leah eyes her curiously as she slides back into the drivers seat, placing the picnic basket onto Leah’s lap. Alessia forces a smile, but it mustn’t be very convincing because Leah tilts her head.

“What’s all this, then?” Leah gestures toward the basket.

Alessia swallows, gripping the wheel tightly. “You’ll see.”

Leah raises a brow but doesn’t push. “Alright. Mystery date. I like it.”

Alessia exhales slowly, trying not to let her nerves consume her. She starts driving towards their destination, and soon enough, they pull up at a quiet little park on the outskirts of the city. The sun is already beginning to set, casting everything in a golden glow.

Leah shifts in her seat, intrigued. “Haven’t been here before.”

Alessia nods, stepping out of the car and rounding it to the passenger side. She opens the door and holds out her hand, smiling at the thank you kiss Leah presses to her cheek as she climbs out. “It’s nice, isn’t it?”

Leah hums in agreement, following her as they find a secluded spot on the grass. Alessia lays out the blanket she’d packed, setting the basket down before finally sitting. Leah joins her, stretching her legs out with a sigh.

“This is lovely, Less.”

Alessia smiles tightly. If only her heart would stop hammering in her chest, she might actually be able to enjoy it properly. She busies herself unpacking the food -some sandwiches, fruit, a bottle of wine. She can feel Leah watching her, probably noticing how tense she is.

“You alright?” Leah finally asks, nudging her knee.

Alessia’s hands freeze over the basket. She swallows. This was it. She knows she should probably wait to eat first. It would be better. Full stomachs and all. But she just can’t. If she keeps this in any longer, she would surely explode. Or be sick. Or both.

She turns her head, meeting Leah’s concerned gaze.

“I, um-“ She clears her throat. “I wanted to ask you something.”

Leah’s concern morphs into curiosity. “Go on.”

Alessia’s fingers fidget with the edge of the blanket. Just say it, Russo.

She inhales sharply. “We’ve been…doing this for a while now. Us. And I just-I want to make it official.”

Leah blinks, lips parting slightly.

Alessia forces herself to keep going before she loses her nerve. “I want you to be my girlfriend. Properly. If-if you want that too.”

Silence.

It stretches for a few agonising seconds, and Alessia feels her stomach plummet.

Then-

Leah grins. Wide and bright.

“Oh, darling.”

Alessia barely has time to process before Leah is tackling her, knocking them both back onto the blanket. Leah is now on top of her, laughing, pressing kisses all over her face, hands cupping her cheeks.

“Of course I want that,” Leah murmurs against her lips before kissing her properly.

Alessia melts, arms wrapping around her. Relief crashes over her, and she kisses Leah back fiercely, holding her tight, hands sliding from her hips to her sides. When they finally part, Leah’s still grinning, nose brushing against Alessia’s.

“Took you long enough.”

Alessia simply huffs, cupping the back of Leah’s head and pulling her down onto another kiss. Leah hums into her mouth as she immediately grants Alessia’s tongue entrance, fingertips tracing over Alessia’s jaw as she shifts a little closer. Alessia’s hands slip beneath Leah’s hoodie, tracing over the warm skin of her back. Leah hums again, this time softer.

Eventually, they pull away, both slightly breathless. Leah shifts, propping herself up on one elbow as she gazes down at Alessia, her expression impossibly fond. “You were so nervous,” she teases, brushing a stray blonde strand from Alessia’s face.

Alessia groans, covering her face with her hands. “I was not.”

Leah scoffs, prying her hands away. “Less, you looked like you were about to leg it back to London when you went into Katie’s.”

Alessia huffs, cheeks burning. “I panicked, alright?”

Leah grins, settling more comfortably against her. “Well, you didn’t need to. ‘Cause there’s no one else I’d rather be with.”

Alessia softens, the tension finally leaving her body. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Leah presses a kiss to her jaw. “Now, c’mon, girlfriend. Feed me.”

Alessia rolls her eyes but sits up, reaching for the basket. “You’re so demanding.”

Leah winks. “And you love it.”

Alessia just shakes her head, smiling as she hands Leah a sandwich. Leah takes a dramatic first bite, groaning exaggeratedly.

“Oh, yeah, this is the stuff,” she says around a mouthful. “This is why I keep you around.”

Alessia smacks her arm. “Wow. Not for my sparkling personality? Or my football skills?”

Leah grins. “I suppose those help. But really, it’s the cooking.”

Alessia feigns offense, tossing a grape at her. Leah catches it in her mouth with a smug look, chewing triumphantly.

They settle into an easy rhythm after that -eating, talking, stealing lazy kisses in between. The wine gets poured, Leah making a show of toasting to her “new, official missus,” which makes Alessia blush but also makes her heart swell.

As the sun continues to dip, Leah shifts closer, curling into Alessia’s side. Alessia drapes an arm around her shoulders, pressing a kiss to her temple.

“This was really nice,” Leah murmurs after a while, her voice softer now.

Alessia hums, fingers tracing idle patterns on Leah’s arm. “Yeah. It was.”

They fall into comfortable silence, just watching the sky change colors. Alessia thinks about how easy this all feels. About how, for the first time in a long time, she isn’t scared.

She gives Leah’s hand a squeeze. Leah squeezes back.

Yeah. This is exactly where she wants to be.