Begin again

Leah had been in a mood all morning.

Not a loud, dramatic mood -Alessia would have preferred that, honestly- but a quiet, sulky one. The kind where she barely spoke, barely reacted, just sat there staring out of the window like she was in some tragic film about lost love and heartache. It had been two days since she’d been home from the hospital, and already, Alessia could see how much it was getting to her. She was restless, irritated, and though she hadn’t outright said it, Alessia knew she was sick of only having her for company.

So, she decided they needed to get out. Just for a little while. A walk, some fresh air, something to make Leah feel normal again. Leah had actually looked excited when Alessia suggested it, her eyes lighting up in a way they hadn’t in days -until she realised she’d have to use the wheelchair.

Her face dropped so fast it was almost comical.

Alessia had let her use the crutches around the house, just to give her a bit of freedom, but there was no way she was risking Leah using them for a proper walk. Not when she was still in pain, still wincing every time she moved. She knew Leah understood that, but that didn’t mean she was happy about it.

Alessia sighed as she crouched to slip a shoe onto Leah’s good foot. Leah let her without a word, arms crossed tightly over her chest, mouth set in a thin line. That was almost more concerning than if she’d protested. With another sigh, Alessia straightened up, pressing a lingering kiss to Leah’s forehead as she squeezed her thigh.

Leah’s body relaxed, just slightly, her face softening as she glanced up at her with a small pout.

Alessia smiled a little. “Come on, it won’t be that bad.”

Leah just huffed, but when Alessia scooped her up and carefully settled her into the wheelchair, she didn’t put up a fight.

Alessia didn’t tell her about the surprise. She figured Leah could do with something to look forward to, so she texted Beth, arranging for her and Viv to meet them at the park. Leah might not have admitted it, but Alessia knew she was missing proper interaction.

The journey to the park was slow, Alessia pushing Leah carefully along the pavement, making sure to avoid any bumps that might jostle her ribs. Leah didn’t say much at first, still grumpy about the wheelchair, but Alessia kept up a steady stream of conversation, hoping to distract her.

It seemed to work, because by the time they reached the park, Leah was noticeably less tense, her shoulders relaxed, her hands resting loosely in her lap instead of gripping the arms of the chair.

And then she saw Beth and Viv.

Alessia watched as her lips twitched, like she was trying not to smile, and when Myle came bounding over, tail wagging excitedly, Leah’s face finally cracked.

“Oi,” she said as the dog eagerly sniffed at her cast, “don’t get any ideas, mate, I’m not playin’ fetch with you.”

Beth grinned as she reached them, ruffling Myle’s fur. “Dunno, mate, reckon you could throw a ball from that chair, easy.”

Leah shot her a flat look. “Beth.”

Beth just laughed, bending down to scratch behind Myle’s ears. “Alright, alright. How you doin’, then?”

Leah let out a dramatic sigh, slumping back in her chair. “Trapped in a prison of my own bones.”

Viv snorted. “So dramatic.”

Leah smirked slightly, but her face softened a little when she glanced over at Alessia.

Alessia smiled back, relieved to see her looking like herself again. The park had been exactly what Leah needed, because for the first time in days, she actually seemed like herself again.

Alessia sat on the bench beside Viv, Beth on Viv’s other side, and let Leah talk, content to listen and chime in when needed. The conversation flowed easily, Leah slipping back into her usual banter with Beth like she hadn’t just spent the last two days in a near-constant state of frustration.

Myle was in her element, bounding after the ball whenever Leah managed to throw it, tail wagging so hard it looked like it might fall off. Every time she brought it back, Leah grinned, ruffling her fur before tossing it again.

Alessia could have sat there all day, just watching her.

At some point, Myle decided that Leah’s lap was the best seat in the house. She jumped up without warning, her paws pressing into Leah’s stomach, and all three of them -Alessia, Beth, and Viv- winced in unison.

“Shit,” Beth muttered, immediately moving to get the dog off her.

Viv was just as quick, hands outstretched, but Leah shot them all a glare, wrapping her arms around Myle and holding her in place.

“Leave her,” she warned, her voice firm.

Alessia hesitated. “Leah-“

“I’m fine.” Leah cut her off, her jaw set, and Alessia sighed, deciding not to argue.

If Leah wanted the dog on her, she’d let her have it. Myle settled after a second, licking at Leah’s chin before curling up against her, and Leah looked more at peace than she had in days.

Beth shook her head, amused. “Reckon she loves you more than me, you know.”

Leah grinned, scratching behind Myle’s ears. “Can you blame her?”

Beth groaned. “I regret bringing her already.”

Alessia just smiled, watching as Leah pressed a soft kiss to the top of Myle’s head.

Beth was the one to suggest lunch.

“Come round to ours,” she said, standing up and stretching her arms above her head. “I’ll make something.”

Leah’s face lit up almost instantly. “Yeah, alright.”

She turned to Alessia then, looking for approval, and Alessia nodded without hesitation, wanting Leah’s good mood to last as long as possible. Viv took over pushing Leah’s wheelchair, leading the way, while Beth fell into step beside Alessia, Myle trotting happily on her lead.

They walked in silence for a moment before Beth nudged her lightly.

“So?” she asked, her tone loaded.

Alessia blinked, glancing at her. “So, what?”

Beth rolled her eyes. “You and Leah.”

Alessia stiffened, eyes flicking to Leah ahead of them before sighing. “Nothing’s really happened.”

Beth hummed, unimpressed. “You kissed her in the hospital, didn’t you?”

Alessia hesitated. “Yeah.”

“And?”

“And nothing,” Alessia admitted. “I’ve kissed her cheek a couple times, I stayed in her bed last night because she asked me to, but…”

Beth arched a brow. “But?”

Alessia exhaled. “I just… I want her to get a little better first, you know? She hasn’t brought anything up since that day, and I don’t want to be the one to push it.”

Beth studied her for a second before nodding.

“That’s fair,” she said. “But you know she’s probably waiting for you to bring it up, right?”

Alessia chewed her lip.

Yeah.

She knew.

She remained quiet on the rest of the walk to Beth and Vivs, only speaking when she asked if Leah was okay as she bends down to scoop her up into her arms. Leah nodded, giving the back of Alessia’s head a gentle scratch in assurance. Alessia had barely set Leah down on the couch before giving her the same instructions she had every time she left her side.

“Call me if you need anything,” she murmured, brushing a few stray strands of hair back from Leah’s face.

Leah just smiled, small and fond, as she nodded. “I will.”

Alessia studied her for a moment longer before leaning down, pressing a gentle kiss to Leah’s forehead. She lingered for just a second, then pulled back, squeezing Leah’s good knee before heading off to the kitchen with Viv.

Leah let out a quiet sigh, sinking back into the couch.

Beth, who had been watching the entire exchange with barely concealed amusement, waited until Alessia and Viv were fully out of earshot before collapsing onto the couch next to Leah and turning to her with a knowing smirk.

“So,” she started. “What’s going on with you two?”

Leah snorted, eyes still closed. “Why does everyone keep asking me that?”

“Because,” Beth said, leaning forward, elbows on her knees. “You’re both clearly head over heels, but neither of you are doing anything about it.”

Leah huffed, eyes finally fluttering open as she turned her head towards Beth. “It’s not that simple.”

Beth raised a brow. “Isn’t it?”

Leah bit the inside of her cheek, glancing towards the kitchen to make sure Alessia couldn’t hear before sighing again, softer this time. “It’s all I can think about,” she admitted quietly. “The kiss at the hospital. The way she looked at me. The way she’s looked at me since.”

Beth listened, nodding.

“I want her to kiss me again,” Leah confessed, voice barely above a whisper. “Again, and again, and again. But she hasn’t brought it up since, and I-I want her to.”

Beth tilted her head. “And have you? Brought it up since?”

Leah shook her head. “No. I didn’t want to push her. I didn’t want her to feel like she had to talk about it before she was ready.”

Beth exhaled through her nose, sitting back in the chair. “That’s fair,” she said after a beat. “But for what it’s worth, she told me earlier that she’s just waiting for you to be a bit more healed first. And that she doesn’t want to be the one to bring it up.”

Leah blinked, lips parting slightly. “She said that?”

Beth nodded. “Yeah.”

Leah swallowed. “That makes sense,” she murmured after a moment. “This is all still so new to her. Liking girls. Liking me. Accepting herself has been a difficult process that she’s still working on.”

Beth hummed in agreement.

“She’s kissed me since,” Leah continued, voice softer now. “Not on the lips. But my forehead, my cheek. That’s massive progress for someone who, not even a month ago, was still terrified of her sexuality.”

Beth smiled. “She’s come so far.”

Leah nodded. “I’m so proud of her.”

Beth’s smile widened. “Me too. And you should talk to her. Maybe not today, but soon. She may not be brave enough to bring it up herself, but it’s clear she wants this as bad as you do.”

“Yeah,” Leah whispered. “I will.”

In the kitchen, Viv and Alessia were having a similar discussion.

“So,” Viv started, stirring the sauce on the stove, “how long are you going to wait before talking to Leah about that kiss?”

Alessia nearly dropped the spoon she was using to stir the pasta. “Jesus, do you and Beth coordinate these interrogations?”

Viv smirked, eyes still on the saucepan. “Beth asked you, then?”

Alessia groaned, leaning against the counter. “Yep.”

Viv just hummed knowingly, tapping the wooden spoon against the edge of the pan before setting it down. “So?”

Alessia sighed. “I want to,” she admitted, crossing her arms over her chest. “God, I want to. But I just…I feel like she’s been through enough already without me adding to it.”

Viv turned to face her now, drying her hands on a tea towel. “Adding to it?” she echoed, brows furrowing.

Alessia shifted, chewing on the inside of her cheek. “I don’t want to make things harder for her,” she admitted. “She’s in pain, she’s frustrated, she’s barely getting any proper sleep-“

“And yet,” Viv cut in, “she still lights up whenever you’re around. Have you thought about the fact that maybe talking about this might actually help her?”

Alessia hesitated, brow furrowing.

Viv softened. “Less, she’s not fragile,” she said gently. “Yeah, she’s hurting right now. But that doesn’t mean she can’t handle a conversation about something that, clearly, means a lot to both of you.”

Alessia exhaled slowly. “I don’t know.”

Viv eyed her for a moment before shrugging. “Alright. Then let’s take a different approach.”

Alessia frowned. “Which is?”

Viv smirked. “How long are you going to wait before kissing her again?”

Alessia nearly dropped the spoon a second time. “Viv!”

“What?” Viv’s smirk widens.

Alessia sighed. “I…I don’t know. Does there have to be a time limit?”

“Well, no. Not really. But I can bet money right now that they’re talking about the exact same thing,” Viv gestured to the living room with her head. “You both want this, no?”

Alessia could barely bring herself to nod.

“And are you ready?” Viv questioned. “To be in a relationship with her? A woman?”

Alessia doesn’t know the answer to that. Did she like Leah? Yes. That wasn’t even a question. Does she accept that fact she liked girls? It had taken some time, but yeah, the denial and shame had taken a back seat. But was that enough? Enough for herself? Enough for Leah? Was she ready to admit that to the world?

“Yeah.” She finally admitted, voice a mere whisper.

Viv nudged her gently. “Then I ask you again…how long are you going to wait to kiss her again?”