Suspicious
The next morning, Alessia woke up with a plan. She’d get Leah alone, preferably at home, and tell her about her feelings. She’d accept the rejection that would be thrown her way, and then she’d get over herself. Go back to the person she was before this whole mess happened.
The thought of telling Leah alone was enough was enough to make her feel sick, but there was no other option. She couldn’t carry on living like this. It was starting to affect pretty much every aspect of her life.
She couldn’t train without thinking about Leah, because there she was, training along side her, laughing, joking, touching. At home, the same thing, except it was just the two of them which made everything so much harder.
She couldn’t talk to her friends, because they’d inevitably bring up how it was living with Leah, and lying about how great it is was becoming exhausting. She couldn’t even talk to Ella, because Ella knew about her feelings for Leah and it lingered in the back of every conversation they had even though neither of them ever brought it up. Everywhere she went, everything she did, every thought she had was about Leah, and it needed to stop.
She drove her own car to training, and she had the music playing so loudly she could barely hear herself think. It was nice, to not think. To just…be. But when she stepped into training, there Leah was, in the changing room talking to Beth, and her thoughts became chaos once again.
Thankfully, her cubby was about as far away from Leah’s as it could be, and she turned her back to the room as she changed into her training kit, shoving on her cleats and bolting out to the field as quickly as she could without looking too suspicious.
She missed the looks of confusion almost everyone, including Leah, gave her as she left, too busy trying to calm her racing heart. Renee, their coach, was already out on the field setting up ready for training, and Alessia just about managed to return the smile that was sent her way as she starts warming up by herself.
She ran. And then she ran some more, ignoring the burning in her thighs and focusing on the burning in her lungs instead. By the time everyone else made it outside, Alessia was sweaty, red in the face, and visibly out of breath.
“Okay girls,” Renee called over the quiet chatter. A hush fell over the group, and Alessia forced herself to focus on their coach and not on how Leah had come to stand next to her. “Two laps around the pitch.“
Even though she’d already done way more than her allotted two laps, Alessia was the first to break from the group. Beth was next, following Alessia with a shrug, and then Katie started after them, the rest of the team following shortly after. Leah was one of the last, staring at the back of Alessia’s retreating body as she started running.
Steph fell into step with her, giving her a nudge. “Any idea what’s up with Russo?”
No. Leah had no fucking idea.
“Tired, I think,” she muttered, not sure what else to say. Her eyes were still glued to Alessia who was way ahead of everyone else.
“Tired?” Steph laughed, now slightly breathless. “so that’s why she’s miles ahead of us, huh? She’s tired?”
Leah shot her a thinly veiled look of warning, and Steph pursed her lips as she brought her attention back to the ground in front of her. For a few moments, the only sound between them was the quiet thuds of their feet hitting the grass. Their breathing growing heavier as they near the end of their first lap. It was Leah, surprisingly, who broke the silence first.
“She’s been acting off for days.” She admitted.
Steph glanced at her. “Off how?”
Leah huffed, speeding up her pace. Steph matched it. “I dunno. Avoiding me. Barely talking. You not noticed?”
“No.” Steph shook her head. “I haven’t really spent much time with her, honestly. She like this all the time?”
Leah couldn’t help but roll her eyes. “Obviously not.”
“Right, sorry.” Steph retorted. “You wouldn’t be all grumpy if that was the case.”
It took everything in Leah to stop herself from shoving her to the floor. “I’m not grumpy.”
“Yeah, okay.” Steph laughed. Leah pointedly ignored her. “Have you talked to her?”
“Yeah.” She grunted. “Hundreds of times. But it’s always the same excuse. She’s tired. She’s busy. I didn’t know those things made her not want to be within two feet of me, but there we go.”
Step was quiet for a second. “You guys play for the same national team right? Was she like this then?”
Leah shook her head, taking note of the fact Alessia was now done with her laps and was stood by the water cooler, her back to her. Beth, who had apparently finished her laps too, was stood next to her, her hand on Alessia’s arm. She hated the way her stomach dropped at the sight. “No. We talked then, obviously, but we didn’t really spend much time together. She was off with tooney.”
“Have you talked to tooney?”
“Course I have.” Leah rolled her eyes. “It’s the first thing I did.”
“She get back to you?” Steph asked.
“Yeah. Said the same thing less did.” Leah grumbled. “Tired. Busy. It’s bullshit.”
Steph hummed in thought. “Maybe less talked to her, but asked her not to tell you.”
Leah hadn’t thought about that. It made sense though. Those two were about as close as close could get. If Alessia asked Ella to keep quiet about whatever the hell was wrong with her, odds are Ella would comply without much question.
“Maybe,” Leah shrugged, slowly coming to a stop as they finish their two laps. “I just wish she’d talk to me too. She left me stranded on the couch last night after I fell asleep on her. Didn’t even wake me up like she usually does.”
Steph raised an eyebrow as she fell into step beside her. “On her?”
Leah rolled her eyes, her cheeks, despite her best efforts, flushing red. “My legs were on her lap. It’s not that deep.”
Steph stared at her for a second. Leah pretended like she wasn’t unnerved by it. “Leah, do you-“
“No.” Leah cut her off. If she confirmed Steph’s suspicions, however small they may be, it would be game over. Steph would inevitably blab to Kyra. And Kyra? She’d blab to anyone who would listen and the last thing she needed was Alessia finding out and it ruining whatever friendship they had left.
Steph hummed knowingly, and Leah didn’t like that. Before she could say or do anything about it, they make it back to the rest of the group and she was forced to zip her mouth.
That didn’t stop her from sending Steph the scathing glare she could, but the Australian simply grinned at her, blatantly unaffected. Crossing her arms over her chest, Leah forced herself to focus back on Renee. She paid attention for approximately twenty seconds before her gaze subconsciously seemed to drift over to Alessia.
Alessia was stood in front of her, just to the left with Beths arm wrapped around her waist. Leah’s eyes narrow at the way Beth’s thumb trails softly over her side, just above the curve of the waist. At the way Alessia, just barely, leaned into the touch. Why was Beth touching her like that?
Alessia could feel Leah’s eyes on her. Could feel the glare that was aimed at the back of her head. It was a little unnerving, honestly, but she doesn’t turn and tell her to stop. Because then Leah would see the way her eyes were still red and irritated from her tears. She’d dealt with one confrontation today, and she didn’t think she could handle another. Especially not from Leah.
She’s surprised, really, that out of all her teammates Beth had been the first one to notice her inner turmoil -other than Leah, of course. But in away, it was nice. Beth was nice. She’d listened. Hadn’t judged, or interrupted. All she’d done was ask if Alessia wanted comfort or advice, immediately pulling Alessia into a hug when she’d chosen the former.
It’s how she gets through training. Beth’s words of assurance lingering in the back of her head, a silent comfort that allowed her, for the first time in weeks, to actually focus on the sport she loved. And on the drive home, she’d even worked up enough courage to tell Leah what was going on the second she got home just like she’d planned this morning.
But the Leah she was greeted with when she got there isn’t the Leah she was expecting. This Leah looked mad. Ready to yell. And suddenly, telling her the truth had felt impossible again.
But, standing in the kitchen, Leah’s gaze burning into her, the space between them too small, too tight, too suffocating, Alessia realised she didn’t have a choice anymore.
Leah wasn’t going to let her run this time.