Beetledump

(a/n: Beetledump logo made by Mc, they made it in class. Thank you Mc! You’re up in my top 2 favorite editors of mine!! X3)

Donald’s dreams have been strange as of late, and they just keep getting stranger. In every one of them Yaoi Jesus made an appearance. Well, except for this one. You see, Trump had been put on hold. I guess Yaoi Jesus had some other gay people to visit in his dreams. So there Trump was, standing around in the void while listening to some god awful waiting music. It seemed that Trump could now speak in these dreams, but what use was it when he was being placed on hold? He didn’t want these dreams, but Yaoi Jesus putting the President on hold? Did Yaoi Jesus think he was the President here? Would these terrible dreams ever stop? Why was he still even in the void if Yaoi Jesus wasn’t going to show up? Why couldn’t he just have a normal dream instead?!

Trump woke up. Yaoi Jesus left Donald Trump on hold for the entire dream. Trump couldn’t believe that just happened. This was an absolute mockery of his presidential status. You know what, he’s gonna President really hard now. He would go to the President work. Most certainly not because Yaoi Jesus managed to get under his skin at all or whatever. He was very, very well composed.

Trump entered the President work. As he entered he saw a familiar face. It was Joe Biden.

“H-hi Trump senpai!” Biden said shyly. This was how Joe Biden acted every time he saw Trump. Trump shared none of the feelings that Biden felt for him, Beetlejuice was his one and only. Trump did not respond, he instead just walked onwards. He went into the room of gay-hating republican politicians. Inside were people he knew for the most part. There was Ōkina Atama, Elon Musk, and some guy with long purple hair. Trump headed to Ōkina to get an update on the information he needed.

“I don’t know the purple one, what is the deal with the purple one?” Trump. Ōkina looked a bit confused. But then Ōkina remembered that this was Trump they were talking to.

“... That’s Aster Doorbell, they’ve been in the whole republican gay-hating politician business for almost two years now,” Ōkina explained, “Why am I not surprised you don’t know them…” Trump didn’t hear the last part somehow. Trump didn’t have any other questions, so he proceeded to complain.

“I got put on hold by this guy, Yaoi Jesus… We’re like best friends by the way- this guy- Yaoi Jesus- Well I’m sure he misses me very, very much- I definitely don’t miss him right now,” complained Trump, “Yeah, Yaoi Jesus and I are best friends.”

Ōkina grimaced, “Are you sure they… agree on that?”

Trump nodded, “Oh, definitely.” Trump went on further, “We go way back, very, very back, like a couple days back. I also go very, very far back, a couple days back with this dashing man named Beetlejuice, he’s so dreamy and also green-” Trump was cut off.

“Yes, green dirt men, I’ve heard all about green dirt men,” interrupted Ōkina Atama. I guess this isn’t their first run in with a guy who’s madly in love with a green dirt man. It seemed that they weren’t all that up for hearing about Trump’s love life. “Oh look, it seems to be about time for the politics to start,” redirected Ōkina.

“Guys, it’s politics time,” announced Ōkina. The politics would now commence.

“We hate gay people right? Yeah?” Aster queried.

“Yeah,” said Trump.

“Yeah,” said Ōkina.

“Yeah,” said Elon Musk.

Aster took out a stack of papers from his bag and began to spread them out on the desk which has been here the whole time. “So I’ve actually been devising this really cool plan about that-” Aster was interrupted.

Elon Musk cleared his throat, “Cough cough hack hack hack.” His throat was very gross. “Hear me out,” he said, “AI is like, the future. So I’m gonna do more of that.” Elon Musk was very much in love with artificial intelligence, perhaps because he lacked his own intelligence.

“Okay,” agreed Trump. Elon Musk doing more AI wouldn’t really have any negative repercussions for Trump.

“Alright so my plan-” Aster tried to speak.

“Sooo, how about we just like, let AI make the next like 15 or so laws?” suggested Elon Musk. By now Elon was getting a pretty nasty glare from Aster. Elon looked entirely unfazed, as it seemed their feud was only one sided.

“I think your idea sucks,” Aster shared. This was in fact, an opinion of theirs.

At this point Donald Trump was fully zoned out while thinking of Beetlejuice. Kyaaa, he’d be able to go on a date with Beetlejuice ‘like sometime next week’!! That’s like, sometime next week! This was wonderful X3 !1! He had absolutely no clue what was going on in the political discussion. Did it even matter when he had Beetlejuice to think about?

“What do you think, Trump?” asked Ōkina. What does Trump think about what? What’s even going on right now? President work is so hard, it takes someone really skilled, like Donald Trump, to accomplish that.

“Uh, yeah, what he said,” responded Trump. Yeah, he was certain nobody could even tell that he zoned out with a great response such as that. It completely sounded like he definitely had a clue what was going on.

“Which one?” inquired Ōkina.

“Huh, what do you mean which one? Don’t question me, I know what I’m doing,” Trump said defensively.

“I was just asking which one you’re agreeing with? Aster Doorbell or Elon Musk?” Ōkina sighed. Oh, uh, what do people do when they don’t know how to pick an option? They uh, well, they flip a coin.

“Ōkina, flip a coin,” requested Trump. With the confidence he exuded there was no way Ōkina could tell that he remained clueless. Ōkina may or may not have noticed that Trump had absolutely no clue what was going on. As requested of him, Ōkina proceeded to flip the coin into the air, letting it land on the desk. The coin rolled around in circles for a few laps before finally settling on one side. It was heads.

“Alright, what does that mean,” Trump asked Ōkina. Ōkina looked like he had begun to accept that he’ll die full of regrets.

“So you didn’t decide on the sides before making me flip the coin?” Ōkina sighed yet again. They were getting used to Trump, but that doesn’t help much when it’s still Trump that you are dealing with.

“Yeah, that means you agree with me,” Elon Musk said quickly. Aster Doorbell’s eyes widened as their hair jolted up in anger and shock.

“Okay then,” agreed Trump. Aster Doorbell was filled with fury.

“No- That’s not what it means at all!? Huh- Ōkina, back me up on this!” Aster screeched. Aster looked over to Ōkina with hope in his eyes. He trusted Ōkina. This was no no avail, seeing that Ōkina was simply satisfied with any form of resolution to this whole interaction. Ōkina shook his head.

Ōkina justified their lack of an objection, “Oh, you know I would agree with you under any normal circumstances. But, as you can see here, the President of the United States of America just agreed with Elon Musk. Seeing as the U.S. is a dictatorship, I truly cannot do anything about his decision.” It seemed that Ōkina was just being lazy though.

Aster looked surprisingly hurt at this, as if for some reason this managed to bother him more than Elon’s irritating actions from just a moment prior. “Just you wait… I’ll be Mr. President Sir someday,” Aster told Ōkina assertively. Aster then gathered his papers that he had left on the desk. After he did so, he placed them back in his bag.

“Did you just threaten my dictatorship?” questioned Trump. Ōkina tensed. Aster didn’t even consider that he may not want to say such things in front of the current President. Aster really was too brash.

“No, haha, they were talking about becoming Mr. President Sir, it’s a whole different thing from the President. I can see where you could get confused though,” placated Ōkina.

“I do not get confused! I am the president, I knew that,” Trump declared. Ōkina seemed pleased by Trump’s enormous ego coming to save the day. Aster gave Elon Musk one final glare before stomping out towards the exit of the room.

“I suppose this puts an end to our politics session,” Aster noted before fully leaving.

“Yes, I suppose it does,” Ōkina agreed, even though the person they were agreeing with had already left the room.

Trump zoned out again as he thought of Beetlejuice once more. By the time he zoned back in, the room was empty and everyone else had already left. Trump went on his way back home. Once he was home he would go to bed, maybe once he slept again his best friend Yaoi Jesus would come back. After all, Yaoi Jesus was definitely the one who missed him. Certainly.