wounds of fire
"Where were you?" James hissed as Sirius took a seat by his side on the Gryffindor table.
"Off fighting Grindylows," Sirius said, and he tried to say it nonchalantly, he really did, but somehow a tremor still slipped into his voice. James would have heard it, had he not been so distracted by the words.
"What?" James shouted.
A couple of Gryffindors around James stared at him.
"What?" He whispered at Sirius' smirk.
"The boat tipped in the middle of the lake," He explained, "and me and… Reg… and two other girls fell in. Met some Grindylows— it got kinda messy —and we ended up in the infirmary. You know, the drill."
James swallowed back some exasperated words as he registered Sirius's slight shaking.
"Get some rest after the feast," He said instead.
"James—" Sirius started.
"We don't have to talk about it," James reaffirmed, "Just… take care, alright?"
"...Thank you," and then Sirius looked away.
James poked at his food, which looked unappetizing all of a sudden. Sirius had been in trouble, and James hadn't been there to help. His friend and some other kids had been in trouble, and James had been off apologising to a would-be Slytherin.
Ah. Yet another thing I have to think about. Slytherins and my supposed 'bias' towards them.
Just when he thought his mood couldn’t get more poor, he lifted his head to see the redhead girl, Lily Evans. She had rested her head against the table, arms curling around it in some semblance of a blanket and eye-covering, and fallen asleep.
Another person he had hurt, or at the very least offended. He really ought to apologise to her. He would, he promised himself, when she woke up and he next got a chance. It seemed somehow… selfish to wake her up to listen to his apology.
That, and he was trying to stall.
He sighed and stared at his food morosely.
A bowl was placed by his plate, and James looked up to meet Marlene McKinnon's strange swirl of green and hazel eyes.
"Eat up," she said, nodding to one of the beautiful red and gold bowls depicting a Phoenix. He could see people impatiently taking their fill from it, "The soup is really good. It'll get over if you don't take it."
"Thanks," James said with a smile as he noticed that she'd poured some in the bowl for him. He scooped some with a spoon and tried it.
James spluttered.
"H-how is it so good?" He said in shock and awe, "Soup doesn't have the right to be this good!"
The girl shrugged, but he could see a smile playing about her lips, "Dunno. But aren't you glad you had it?"
James grinned and leaned forward to take another serving before realising that it was over— the bowl lay there, completely wiped clean. He grumbled before realising that she was watching him with amusement and sighed dramatically, "I'd rather have not known it existed than know that I missed out on more of such heavenly food."
She rolled her eyes, "Then I guess I'll just keep this," she added, "since you'd rather not know, you know…"
James' eyes widened as she intentionally, cruelly, brought notice to another fresh bowl of it by her plate, obviously her second serving, given he could see the remains of the first on her plate.
She took a spoon, smirking all the while, and then—
—passed it to him.
"Thank you!" He said happily, trying not to drink the whole thing in one go.
"You're welcome," the girl looked at him curiously, "A Potter, I take it?"
James ran a hand through his hair charmingly, "The hair's quite distinctive, I guess. James Potter, at your service, Miss…?"
"McKinnon. Marlene McKinnon," The girl smiled, inclining her head.
"Enjoying Hogwarts so far, Marlene?"
"Not really," she said glumly, "I haven't spent too much time here, but what little I have… let's just say it didn't give me a stellar view of Hogwarts."
James wondered if she'd been one of the girls Sirius had mentioned were with him during the Lake incident.
Hadn't she joined at the end of the sorting along with Sirius and Regulus?
He suppressed a shudder as he pictured plunging into the cold Lake, Grindylows grabbing at him.
"Things needn't be stellar though, for someone to enjoy them," James said.
He wasn't sure that had been the right thing to say, given what she'd been through, but somehow he'd said it anyway. James could only wish that she was the type of person who took words for what they were, and didn't dive in too deep to try and find any perceived insult that wasn't meant.
He believed it, though. Things were never perfect. There was a reason one needed to be brave, after all.
But that didn't mean you couldn't enjoy yourself, couldn't see the light amid the dark.
Marlene observed him for a moment, then nodded her head in assent, "I suppose."
James really hoped he'd be there the next time to help, though. No matter when. No matter who needed it.
The weight of the last bit didn't sink in just yet, and he was distracted from it by the food and further conversation with Marlene, the other Gryffindors, and eventually a slightly tense Sirius.
James wondered, as a younger boy a few seats away looked up to his older brother, just how well the Black brothers were holding up.
He didn't know what he hoped for.
***
Remus took his seat, steadfastly ignoring the slight green pallor of his skin. Exposure to the silver on the boats had not been good for him.
He scrutinised the cutlery, but they were, thankfully, not silverware. He exhaled with some relief, sinking back into his chair, and before he knew it he was dozing—
"Um… hello?" A voice said to him.
Remus blinked, gaining his bearings. His ears turned red with embarrassment. It wasn't too far away from the full moon, and the silver proximity had drained him. That, on top of the general tiredness every student felt at a day's travel, had gotten the better of him.
And now his housemates had probably seen him drool in his sleep.
"I'm awake!" He said, grimacing, "Sorry."
The other boy looked to be a few years older than him, "That's fine. Just make sure to eat now."
Remus blinked at the sternness in the latter half of his sentence.
"Is it compulsory?" Remus said with curiosity.
A smile tugged at the older student's lips, "It's the Ravenclaw table, kiddo. If we don't enforce it, no one will eat."
That pulled a smile out of Remus too, "Ah. How clever."
They both grinned.
"Rabastan Lestrange," The boy brought out a hand to shake.
Remus remembered James disparaging the Lestranges, and gave a rather nervous internal chuckle. It seemed he was attracting company James would only be appalled at.
"Remus Lupin," They shook hands.
"Pleasure to meet you, Remus," Rabastan said, and after a pause timed just right, "And now, we eat!"
Remus smothered a laugh and tried an almond croissant. He nearly gasped. It was so good.
It appeared Hogwarts did not know the meaning of average. Everything seemed to have been done with all heart and soul.
Really, Remus thought, he could not imagine a Ravenclaw, no matter how engrossed in their thoughts, could skip on something like this.
And he smiled and had some more, his earlier worries forgotten for now.
A seat to his side and across, Aanya sat with a spoon in hand, idly stirring her soup.
Her eyes landed on the horribly scarred boy, wincing slightly as she imagined how much pain those injuries must have caused. She was curious, of course, as to their cause, but it was overpowered by the flare of concern when she noticed the strange green flush of his skin that indicated he was unwell. She noted to herself to try and ask the boy to visit the infirmary later, before her eyes and attention were captured by the Gryffindor table.
Marlene and the other boy, Sirius Black, had both apparently been sorted there. She hadn't been able to pay attention— too rattled by her own experience with the sorting hat. Aanya searched through the other students on that table for Regulus— but wasn't able to find him.
Hmm, she thought, not on my table, and not with Marlene and you brother. Where did you go?
After a couple minutes of watching, she spotted him shaking his head with an odd expression on the Slytherin table— barely visible from her position, so she had to lean slightly to the side to make sure.
Interesting.
He said he wasn't going to follow his parents footsteps.
And he was in Slytherin? Sitting near, Aanya was sure, Alain Avery, who was a known blood purist?
Aanya remembered the boy's sure gaze when Sirius had said they wouldn't be here if they'd believed a word their parents spewed. She remembered, and she smiled. She really had made intriguing friends.
"Where else did the Hat want to put you?" The other Ravenclaws asked her, as curious as their house was stereotyped.
"It's private," she said.
Strangely, that had most of them backing off.
Her gaze fell to the food in front of her, and after a few slow breaths, she began to chew some bread mechanically.
Tell me, Aanya Kashyap, the Sorting Hat's voice reverberated through her head, and for all that it tried not to, that it didn't mean to, it sounded unforgiving, what will you burn?
Nothing.
That's a lie.
***
There were Slytherins, and then there were Slytherins, Peter thought ironically. He was pretty sure he'd read that somewhere, but it had never struck him as true as it did now; sitting on their table, with its people who each had a different number of layered masks. Some didn't bother, and it made them a disgusting Gryffindor in the eyes of the many who did.
Some eleven-year-olds didn't bother manufacturing expressions and that made them stupid, like that was an expected thing to do.
He shook his head imperceptibly when in truth he felt like growling. It was startling just how big the difference was. How much you could hide with your 'subtlety' and polite mask.
Really, Peter thought wryly, with all this faking, it wasn't hard to see why Slytherin was such a disliked house.
He wondered just how many were like him on that table, being what was expected of them while having a locked chest of swirling emotions that screamed discontent.
Gryffindor, The hat had asked him? What a joke. He'd never been brave enough.
But this, he could understand, no matter how it sickened him. The dancing around words, the fake smiles of acknowledgement— he knew them like the back of his hand. Living with his Grandmother had taught him that much.
So he had his food, nodded and drawled in the right places, and did not look at Alice on the Gryffindor table even once. But he couldn't help but stiffen when the topic shifted to her sorting, with the other two Carrows laughing cruelly and with disgust as they talked about the things they'd like to do to her.
I'd like to see you try.
Surprisingly, Regulus did not have the same trouble Peter did with Alice when they brought up Sirius Black— he seemed well prepared for it, really —used to it.
Peter didn't know whether he should be relieved or troubled. He chose the former, avoiding the boy's gaze.
He just must have been good at it, is all, Peter told himself.
He desperately hoped so. It… really wouldn't be good if Regulus turned out to be a bigot too.
Shaking his thoughts away, Peter swallowed a mouthful of some delectable soup and raised another to his lips. It was difficult to be gloomy or worried for long with such delicious food around.
He smiled. At least that was a change from home. He would, hopefully, get his meals regardless of how much he might bring forth a Professor's ire.
"Heir Deventier?" An older girl with sharp, symmetrical features that gave her a beautifully intimidating mein repeated, "I haven't heard of such a house."
Oh damn.
Peter did not look towards Amycus Carrow, who was double-checking Peter 's origin story.
"He said it was an Exalted House," Amycus said, suspicion entering his tone.
The girl tilted her head, "Possible. What did he want?"
Amycus smirked, and it was a foul, disgusting thing, "To spend time with Alice— that blood traitor brat— if you get my drift. I was sure father wouldn't mind after her betrayal, and he talks about seeing her off often anyway, so I gave the boy the greenlight. But if you think he might not be legit, then we can always— Bellatrix?"
Peter had never seen someone so pale blanche before. He didn't think it was possible. The girl ducked her head, her perfectly coiffed black curls hiding her face for a second.
Peter bent over to look under the table as if picking something up, and noticed her fists clenching her robes tightly before slowly letting loose. He got up to see her face visible once more.
She looked cold… indifferent, really. Peter's eyebrows rose.
"He is probably a cad," Bellatrix said coolly, "Perhaps truly from an Exalted House, but must be from the lower dregs, trying to raise his status by using the Carrows. Do not push Alice until I have looked more into this. Until then… keep her well, just in case."
Well that was an awfully twisted line of thinking, though something seemed off with the girl's expression.
Then again, Peter thought, bigots, by definition, had an awfully twisted line of thinking.
Whatever. His head was hurting too much to focus on all this complicated nonsense. Peter sighed and just paid attention to the food.
Regulus watched from beside him, before deciding to do the same.
And while the students remained engrossed in adjusting to their new environment, the staff's gaze never left them, curious and grave as ever about the newest batch of children that would know, and be part of— if they hadn't already —this war they didn't choose.
They were so innocent, Albus thought sadly as his eyes washed over Remus staring at a new dish curiously, another child by Slytherin reassuring the other over his sorting, the laughter that echoed from the comfort of Hufflepuff and Gryffindor.
They didn't deserve this. No one deserves war.
And yet.
It was their reality.
He glanced at Remus again sharply, noting his rather green complexion. Albus frowned. He worried for the boy. The full moon was not far away, he knew, but he looked distinctly unwell in a manner that wasn't warranted— or shouldn't be, anyway.
He had made sure that Hogwarts didn't use silverware during meals anymore, so what could it be?
He decided to go and check with the boy later. It wouldn’t do to have him ill with something that could have been avoided.
He nodded at Pomfrey, who had already noticed. She sniffed, and he knew that if it was in her power, she'd go and immediately drag the poor boy to the infirmary.
But then again, she too could see he wanted a night away from his ailment. That he wouldn't want to draw attention to himself by leaving in the middle of the feast.
Albus smiled sadly, and in the space of a moment, it was gone; replaced by a gaily, genial one.
He had other students to address at the moment.
And the Headmaster of Hogwarts rose from the head of the staff table, clanging a spoon against a glass goblet.
"Welcome to Hogwarts my dear children, and to those of you who have been here before: welcome back!" His smile grew more personal, because really, this never got old. He loved his students. He enjoyed greeting them. Though in the current climate… "As times grow a little darker, it is all the more important for us to grow stronger together, to stand as one. I expect you all to try and put your differences aside, and see each other for all that you really are— brilliant children who each have the right to learn and grow."
"Now, I know you all must be tired," Albus smiled, "as I am myself. Peeves did not make it an easy task prepping the castle — did you know that pink gum—"
"Albus!" Minerva's voice was cutting.
"Ah, well, as our dear Professor McGonagall reminds me, it is about time all of you got to bed. Just a few notices: the list of items forbidden in school have been posted outside Mr. Filch, our caretaker's office. Magic is forbidden in the corridors, and those above first years interested in playing for their house teams may give their names to Madam Hooch, who can put you in touch with your House Team Captain. Other than that, know that each of the staff has clocked office hours for you to approach them with any questions—" He lowered his voice to give an impression of secrecy, though the automatic Sonorus charm still made him clearly audible to everyone present, "—except me. I wouldn't mind a midnight knock on my door, so feel free to reach out to me whenever you need to unburden yourself."
Minerva shot him a fond, exasperated look, while Pomona and Horace just chuckled.
"And with that concluded, I am pleased to welcome a new teacher to our ranks this year. Professor Evan Rosier, who has kindly consented to fill the post of Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher after Professor Merrythought's retirement."
There was polite applause.
Somewhere in the student body, a child paled.
A dashing man with electric blue eyes, brown-black hair, and a lightly freckled face dispelled the notice-me-not he'd cast upon himself and rose from his seat, smiling slightly.
"Thank you, Headmaster," He said, and though his voice was soft, he was heard clearly.
He didn't sit back down, given that everyone was already rising for the walk to their dorms.
The child ran.
***
Remus stood somewhat shakily and put one foot in front of the other.
He just needed to get to his dorm, that's all— sleep would do him good.
A hand tapped his shoulder in a bid for attention.
"Are you okay?" A girl asked him. She had warm brown eyes and an Asian (perhaps Indian?) set to her features.
"Yes," Remus said, "Just tired."
She surveyed him for a moment before deciding he was lying.
"I'll respect your choice but… you really look like you ought to go to the infirmary once."
And with that, she kept quiet, watching the rest of the castle with curious fascination.
Remus stared at the ground for a minute as he walked.
He didn't know what to do. His mother would kill him if she found out he was ignoring his problem, but he wasn’t! He was going to be fine, he—
His vision wavered for a second.
Maybe it really was better to get checked up.
As he stumbled to the prefect leading them and asked for the way to the hospital wing, Remus could only hurriedly rationalise that he'd probably attract more attention if he went about looking unwell, or Merlin forbid— collapsed.
He wound up with one of the older students as an escort, though he didn’t pay much attention to who it was, only murmuring an "I'm fine," when they asked if he was okay.
A far too long and yet surprisingly short walk to the infirmary, and Remus wobbled up to the mediwitch there.
"..." He didn't know what he was supposed to say. She knew about his condition, right? So what was he supposed to do now?
Luckily, she decided for him. She sent the other boy off with a thanks, before holding Remus by the shoulders to get a good look at him.
She frowned in concern.
"Oh dear, let's get you in bed," She said, steering him to the nearest one.
Remus looked at the bed anxiously. Was she going to make him rest here overnight? He could do that in the dorm too— this would attract way too much attention. He didn’t want to be found out on the first day!
He didn't want to be found out ever.
She must have seen the look on his face, because she said, "Don't you worry, now. Everything is going to be alright, hmm? Just take some rest, and I'll get some potions to help you out. Is that alright, Mr. Lupin? Will you be fine?"
Remus could only think that she was being far too kind, reassuring him so much and asking all those questions.
But another part of him was strangely bitter.
Is that alright, Mr. Lupin?
No, it was not alright. But Remus didn’t say that. He couldn’t. Who was he to complain, really? they were doing so much for him already, there was no need to kick up a fuss if he could manage quietly. if he could manage alone.
Nothing about this, about me, about now is ALRIGHT—
Will you be fine?
I will. I always am.
“Y-you can go,” Remus said, “I’ll be right here. I can wait.”
She looked at him sharply for a moment, before shaking her head, “No, that’s fine. Stupid of me to think it.”
“Harvey!” She called to a student two isles away, “Get the standard potion kits C and H for me. And hurry.”
The boy raised a hand in a thumbs up motion before saying a quick word to another patient and making a dash for it.
The mediwitch focused back on Remus, helping him in and casting a few charms that didn’t seem to have incantations, only… wiggly wand stuff? He was trying to focus, but Merlin he was tired, and everything was aching slightly, and he just wanted to sleep—
At some point everything went dark.
When Remus woke up briefly, he thought he saw someone stroking his head. The touch felt light in his state. He couldn’t make out who; his vision was too bleary, but he thought with a sad smile that it didn’t matter.
All good things were the comfort dreams interspersing nightmares.
It wasn’t real.
It never was.
***
“Gryffindor House,” Their Head of House’s voice echoed through the common room, “is the House of the Brave, yes. Of the chivalrous and courageous. This all is true, it is our pride, even; But our house is so much more than what you all have been led to believe. Being brave does not mean disregarding rules— it does not mean running into danger. Having nerve does not mean shrugging off your responsibilities, nor settling for any less than what truth deserves. And we should know better than that, in times such as these. We are one unit, we are one spirit. We are lions, students. Just remember what that means.”
“A few of our members acted on the Hogwarts Express in ways that will shame our house for a long time to come,” The Professor took a deep breath, “And I hope they remember it. I hope they know just what they have done, and why it was wrong! I expect more from all of you as we start this new academic year. I hope you do your house proud, and realise just what that means.”
“With that said, I’ll wrap up this briefing with an introduction; I am Minerva McGonagall, your Deputy Headmistress, Head of House and Transfiguration Professor, and I have never once convened a Head of House briefing with my students like this before in my years at Hogwarts. I had thought, and been told, that you didn’t need it, didn’t wish it. Well,” She paused, “I am doing it now. And I hope that the next time I do it, it isn’t because you need it.” Then she smiled, and Lily knew the first years felt it most of all, “I wish you all a wonderful time at Hogwarts.”
And with that, Minerva McGonagall left them, and the surprised chatter started.
Lily stood still for a moment, before scanning the students with keen eyes, her earlier sleepiness forgotten. There must be someone who knew what that had been about. There would be someone who knew, and their expression would likely give them away.
Aha!
There, by the nearest corner of the common room, stood a pair of redheaded twins that didn’t seem surprised at all by the news of an incident happening at the train.
She hesitated, then decided to get on with it and approached them.
It seemed she wasn’t the only one, and the familiar grey-eyed boy got there a second earlier than her.
Lily ignored him. She hadn’t forgotten how he’d insulted Sev, and the hateful heat in his words.
“D’you- Do you know anything about the train incident McGonagall mentioned?” Lily asked them.
They traded glances.
“Oh Gideon, I think we found ourselves a pair of little detectives!” One twin said to the other.
“Indeed so Fabian! Tell me, ickle firsties, why’d you ask us of all people?” the other one, Gideon, said with a teasing smile.
“Because you didn’t seem surprised,” Lily and Sirius said at the same time.
They glanced at each other at the same moment Gideon and Fabian burst into laughter.
“See, that’s just the trick,” Fabian— at least that’s what she thought— said, “You don’t act surprised, and suddenly they assume you're all-knowing. Sorry to disappoint you, kiddos. We don't know what is going on, so we thought to act like we knew so that someone who actually knew came to discuss it with us.”
“Don’t listen to ‘em,” someone chimed in casually before passing by them, “That’s far too complicated a plot for them.”
Lily and Sirius turned to the twins with narrowed eyes.
Fabian affected an offended look, but the student just shrugged as they dissapeared into the crowd.
A friend of theirs, Lily assumed.
“Ah. well,” Gideon said quietly, after another glance at Fabian, “I guess its better than you hearing a stupid rumour and believing it.”
Lily would have been affronted, had she not been so curious.
“A couple of guys from Gryffindor wanted to avenge a bullying incident that Slytherin did last term. It sent one of our members to St. Mungo’s, and they only just found out, and they—” Fabian swallowed, “They decided it would be a good idea to barge into the compartment of the perpetrators and give them a threatening earful. Only… somehow it escalated. And there were more than just those particular Slytherins in there. First-years.”
There was a sharp intake of breath.
… somehow it escalated…
… first-years.
First years couldn’t defend themselves, if it came down to spellfire.
“The situation had gotten pretty concerning,” Gideon continued for his brother, “but right when the first spell was hurled—” He shook his head like he couldn’t believe it, “A firstie— Aanya Kashyap, I think her name was— threw a Protego over the targeted guy.”
“A Protego?” Sirius said, baffled. Aanya? His parents, like those of most ancient families, gave him his wand early, but a Protego hadn’t been deemed possible for children so young. A Contego shield was the farthest you could get. There was a reason Hogwarts only taught the Protego to second years.
Or so they said.
“If they are going to make novices like me fight trolls on the first day, I'm going to start doubting the administration's sanity. And I'm pretty sure Professor McGonagall told me Hogwarts was the safest place on Earth." Aanya had said.
Had there been more to that statement than it seemed?
It seemed Sirius was being continually surprised since he had set off to Hogwarts.
Lily, on the other hand, was on a different track altogether, eyes narrowed.
“Were you the Gryffindors who—?” She asked, trying not to sound accusatory.
“Godric, no!” They said together, looking offended, “We were the help, as you’d find out if you let us continue the story.”
“Sorry,” Lily said. She hadn't meant to be rude, it was just… something about the way they’d been narrating it had sounded…off. She realised it was probably the dramatic tone in which they were speaking.
The twins winked to let her know they hadn’t taken it personally, before Gideon continued, “Anyway, so that surprise got everyone right in the head, or, er, at least got them to still for a moment, and this girl walked out, cool as you please, and brought us in from the next compartment to run further interference.”
Fabian grinned, “And then she goes back to reading a book.”
Sirius whistled, while Lily laughed. She liked this girl already.
Aanya, huh? The hatstall, Lily recalled, intrigued.
She’d have to get to know her at some point.
For now, however… Lily yawned and blinked a bit. The excitement had worn off, and she was sleepy once more.
She thanked the twins genuinely before walking towards the girls dormitories.
“Lily!” A voice called.
Surprised, she turned to look at Sirius.
“Yes?” She said carefully.
“I-er,” Sirius swallowed, then started again, “I’m sorry. I know we didn’t get off to a good start, and I’m sorry for my part in it. I… hope that we can be friends, if you’re open to it.”
Lily’s eyebrows rose, and she almost agreed, except—“I’m not trying to be difficult, but could you please clarify this for me; Are you also sorry for your attitude towards Slytherin? I mean, you probably are, seeing as your brother went there—”
She’d hit a sore spot, apparently.
“Regulus going there was a mistake!” Sirius said sharply, “He was trying to protect himself from our mental parents, that’s all! He’s not a true Slytherin!”
Lily stared at him for a moment, and for some strange reason, she felt like laughing. And shaking him. Both would be out of line, though, so she just gave an incredulous smile and left.
For their own sake, she hoped the brothers made amends.
And fixed their wonky views! Lily thought furiously.
She sure hoped Regulus wasn’t twisting in his bed somewhere, worrying about their relationship.
Lily trudged up the stairs and did a quick search for her name on the dormitory doors. She found it in the very first one, to her surprised relief, and made a quick note of the other girls that’s been assigned to the same room.
Alice Carrow
Aria Wright
Evelyn Martin
Lily Evans
Marlene McKinnon
Something about her name glistening across the surface of the door made reality set in.
She was really here. At Hogwarts.
Despite the fact that she and her sister were at odds because of this, despite the fact that she and Severus were in different houses…. she was here, and for that moment that was all that mattered.
Her, the girl who’d been called a freak, belonged. Lily belonged to something so much larger than she could have imagined. Could have hoped for.
There was the catch of discrimination against houses, and Lily promised herself she’d do the best she could to erase that.
As Lily glanced at the names on the door again and took some comfort in knowing Alice, she was content.
If she’d known just how far the discrimination could extend… and on what it could?
Things would have been different.
Lily stepped in, awed at the coziness of the place, and hugged Alice as soon as she spotted her.
Or maybe not.
She’d find out soon enough, anyway.