Sirius
“Muffliato.”
The sound of the party dimmed, and Sirius hissed at James, “Don’t make me go out there.”
James’ blinked as his brain slowly comprehended Sirius’ words. “From all your pining over the last five hours, I'd have thought it was your lifelong dream for Moony to whisk you away. Why are you freaking out?”
“Because I forgot something. And I'm going to tell him. And he’s going to lose hisfuckingmind.” Sirius' grip tightened around his glass.
James laughed into his drink. “I bet it’s no problem. I mean, unless you forgot a ring or something—”
Sirius slapped the back of James' neck, and James' drink sloshed onto the floor.
“Moony gets it,” James tried again, wiping firewhiskey from his chin. “Just be honest and it’ll all work out.”
Sirius glared at him. “Are we talking about the same Moony? The one who tied me up to be murdered by foxes because I took a nap?”
“Just be grateful that he never does the same trick twice,” James said, getting to his feet and pulling Sirius along with him. “Go on, he’s waiting outside.”
“Well, fuck me,” Sirius slammed his drink down on the coffee table, and Alice spat her firewiskey back into her glass.
Sirius’ insides twisted as he squeezed by Peter and Marlene and crossed the kitchen. Remus was going to kill him. How could he have been so stupid? The boggart incident had wasted his entire day. Once he left the Ministry, it was like his brain had been wiped. Somehow, he’d ended up at James’ and held Harry for what seemed like hours, but it hadn’t helped. Regulus was there the moment he closed his eyes.
Drip, drip, drip.
Steeling himself, he opened the front door and stepped out onto the porch.
And, oh, the night was lovely.
Insects chirped at each other from the inky blackness, and the stars illuminated the sprawling forest with the light of a hundred galaxies. The July heat had subsided, making way for a comfortable warmth that gently blew across Sirius’ skin.
In the middle of it all stood Remus, head bowed underneath a flickering porch light. He looked up when the door slammed closed, rummaging in his pocket for a cigarette. “Hello.”
“Hello,” replied Sirius quietly.
Remus’ eyes glinted. “Sorry, there’s only so much Quidditch talk I can take.”
Sirius’ lips twitched. “That’s where you and I disagree, sweetheart. I can go for hours.”
“Mmhmm.” Remus snapped his fingers and the cigarette ignited. He blew out a puff of smoke and followed it up with his eyes. “I remember.”
Sirius watched Remus casually blow more smoke, looking more relaxed than Sirius had seen him since their job began. Sirius’ hands ached from gripping the porch railing, but he was afraid if he let go, his knees would buckle from nerves. Or he’d vomit. Or both.
“Want one?” Remus asked, reaching for the pack of cigarettes again.
“Sure,” Sirius croaked.
Remus found a cigarette that suited his liking and held it out to Sirius. “How was the meeting with Dumbledore?”
Sirius’ heart sank. “Moony… I… I forgot.”
And there it was. The switch in Remus flipped, and his eyes turned cold. “What?”
“I forgot to go to Dumbledore’s.” Sirius reached out to take the cigarette as a gesture of goodwill, but Remus let it drop to the ground.
Sirius watched mutely as it fell on a sandhill. Fuck me.
Remus let out a billow of smoke, and when he spoke, his voice was oddly tight. “I really needed that money, Sirius. I needed it last week.”
A familiar angry heat spread in Sirius' heart, and his defenses shot up immediately. “I can lend you money, Remus. You know how much I have, and you know that I’ll always help you. I don’t understand why you’re so touchy about it.”
“No, no, no, no,” Remus stopped him. “What you don’t understand, Sirius, is that I don’t need your help. I don’t want your money. I'm perfectly fine on my own.”
“Yeah, sure,” Sirius snapped. “Except for the fact that you’ll be homeless because you won’t accept my help. I bet this has to do with all those notes in your recycling, right? And your meetings with your landlord?”
“Don’t pretend like you know what’s going on in my life!” Remus pointed his cigarette at Sirius in warning. “Don’t. We’re not friends, we’re coworkers, and I asked you to help me with something work related and you forgot."
“You’re such a fucking idiot!” Sirius pushed himself away from the porch railing. “I swear on Merlin’s little black panties that you are the stupidest man I’ve ever met. We’re not friends? Were you at Hogwarts at all? Do you remember the months after? Are you forgetting the fact that I turn into a dog once a month to make sure you don’t kill yourself?”
“I never asked you to!” Remus yelled, taking a step closer to Sirius.
The smoke from the cigarette curled under Sirius' nose. Remus' breath was on his face. Sirius could feel the mutual bitterness simmering between their twin souls— cigarettes and insults and the darkness of the night. He knew the dance too well. He saw it playing out exactly as expected, the script written from the fury on Remus' face. Remus was about to say something that would rip him to shreds. Sirius would bite back. He always did.
“What I asked is for you to get my money early from Dumbledore! Jesus Christ, what could you have been doing that was oh, so much more important than helping out a friend? If we’re as close as we say you are, then what were you doing that made you forget?” Remus demanded.
“I got caught up in something else,” Sirius said, raising his chin defiantly. An image of young Regulus pierced through his thoughts, and he ignored the stabbing terror in his chest.
“Right, and what was it?”
Sirius stared blankly at the rage in Remus’ eyes. “As you just made very clear, we are not friends. Stay out of my business and I’ll stay out of yours. When I see you living in a cardboard box on the side of the road in two years, I’ll drop a coin in your collection jar.”
Remus dropped his lit cigarette and smashed it under his shoe. “Fuck you. Fuck you, Sirius Black.”
“Right back at you, sweetheart.”
“That was pathetic. You've lost your creativity, Sirius." Remus pushed past Sirius and stepped out into the grass. "See you next week. I won’t be at work for a little while.”
“Why?” Sirius yelled after him.
The night swallowed Remus limb by limb, until Sirius lost sight of him and could only hear his voice, growing scalding and angry with each word. “I’ll be a wolf! Trying to kill myself, apparently. And if I wake up and you’re there, I don’t know what I’ll do. So just stay away from me.”
Sirius spluttered, trying to come up with a quick response. “Fuck off!” he managed, but Remus had already apparated. “Fuck!” Sirius shouted, pounding a hand on the door. He opened it with much more force than intended, and the door almost bounced off its hinges.
He turned into the kitchen, where Peter was holding Harry, asking, “So can it talk?”
Lily frowned. “I mean, he can say a couple short words.”
“Say ‘Peter,’” Peter said slowly, exaggerating every syllable.
Harry poked Peter’s eye and Peter hissed in pain.
“Wormtail, Prongs,” Sirius cut in. “You’re with Moony during the full moon, right?”
“Of course,” James grinned.
“Great, then count me out.” Sirius grabbed his jacket and wand from the table.
“Is something wrong?” James took Harry from Peter, and Harry wrapped his arms around his father’s neck.
Sirius clenched his teeth. “Sure. I hate him. I hate him more than anything.”
“Sirius, don’t say that,” Lily said sharply, and James put a hand on her shoulder.
“His pride will kill him,” Sirius said. “It will kill him and I won’t be able to do anything about it. He’s hot headed and he doesn’t understand anything and he’s just like me. I hate Remus Lupin.”