Remus
“I don’t think I can deal with you right now.” A bitter taste still burned Remus’ mouth and he spat into the sink.
Sirius closed his eyes in disgust. “I was told I had to debrief with you.”
“By whom?”
“Lily.”
“Oh.” Remus paused. “Well, I think we both know how the day went.”
Sirius gave an infuriatingly unbothered shrug. “Yeah.”
Remus narrowed his eyes. Sirius didn’t look on the brink of madness. Sirius didn’t look nauseous. He looked peaceful, well-rested, and it dawned on Remus that Sirius really had been sleeping.
Remus’ fingers curled on the kitchen counter. “We do both know how the day went, right?”
“Yeah,” Sirius repeated.
At the same time, Remus said, “It was awful,” Sirius said, “It was fine.”
“Fine?” Remus exploded. “You barely helped at all! It was a thousand degrees and the twins wouldn’t leave me alone! They kept crawling all over me like little balls of heat and Missy kept letting me know I wasn’t doing anything right! And you were upstairs! Sleeping!”
Sirius rolled his eyes, but his cheeks were pink. “It’s not that hard, Remus. I was just like the twins when I was little. You just have to give them the attention they don't get at home.”
“How the fuck was I supposed to know that?” The shrillness of Remus’ own voice burst into a headache. He rubbed his eyes. “You’re the one who’s dealt with kids before. I don’t know anything.”
Sirius was quiet, and stayed that way for such a lengthy amount of time that Remus shot him a sharp look.
“Let’s step outside,” Sirius said slowly.
“I don’t want to.” Remus shook his head.
Sirius’ hand was already on the doorknob. “Tough luck. Come on. Bring your wand.”
Remus hissed a few choice curses under his breath, but followed Sirius out onto the lawn. The air outside had cooled considerably, and the sun dipped low behind the trees, casting long shadows against the empty house. The nightbirds were already singing.
Sirius took ten paces across the lawn, then turned and spread his arms. “Go for it, sweetheart.”
Remus froze. “What?”
Sirius flicked his fingers. “I’m all yours. Do whatever you like.”
Remus’ heart jumped to his throat and he turned around to make sure all the Weasleys had left. “Sirius, we broke up months ago—”
Sirius let out a cackle that made the birds startle from the trees. “I meant spells! Hexes! We’re dueling! What did you think I meant?”
Remus whipped his wand out of his back pocket. “That’s what I thought you meant! Expelliarmus!”
Sirius blocked it, almost bored. “Weak spell, Moony. Remind me to never let you teach Auror training.”
“At this rate, I’ll be doing all the teaching. You’ll be sleeping, I expect. Ascendio!”
“Protego!”
The spell rebounded and Remus quickly threw up another shield charm. “You’re a prick for that, Sirius. I don’t think I’ve ever hated you more.”
Sirius scoffed, hitting Remus with a hex that rendered his left arm useless. “You and I both know that’s not true. You’ve always hated me.”
Remus clenched his teeth. “Stupefy!”
Sirius blocked the spell again, grinning like a cheshire cat. “You can do better than that, Remus! Why do you hate me?”
“You made me run a daycare by myself! Immobulus!”
“What else?”
“You don’t have a house!”
“And?”
“And I needed you and you weren’t there! Impedimenta!”
“And?” Sirius faltered the tiniest bit, stumbling backwards.
“AND PARENTHESES ARE USELESS!” Remus shouted, wielding his wand in front of him. “EITHER INCLUDE THE WORDS IN THE TITLE OR DON’T! INCARCEROUS!”
Ropes shot from Remus’ wand and hissed as they twisted around Sirius, tightening with such force that Sirius gasped.
He squirmed against the ropes in an attempt to grab his wand, but it had dropped into the grass. He looked up with a forced smile. “Don’t you feel better after letting some tension out? Lily was right, this was exactly what we both needed. Now let me go.”
Remus’ chest heaved. “I do feel better.”
Sirius’ eyes widened in fear. “Moony, let me go.”
“You look just fine where you are.”
“Moony, I swear—”
Remus looked down at his watch, feigning disappointment. “Oh no, and it’s almost six. I have a meeting with my landlord.”
Sirius’ mouth dropped open. “You’re kidding. You wouldn’t leave me like this.”
Remus winced. “Well, it’s a very important meeting. Don’t worry, I’m sure James will be along soon enough. See you tomorrow?”
“If you leave me outside overnight I’ll be mauled by the foxes. Please, Moony, just hand me my wand!”
Remus bowed his head to hide a smile, pretending to inspect his watch. “Oh no, I’m really late now. Good luck, Padfoot.”
He apparated with a crack.
***
“Good evening, Lupin.”
Remus jumped, his books falling to the floor with a crash. “Andrew, I would really appreciate it if you stopped letting yourself into my flat.”
Andrew poured the last few drops of tea into the cup in front of him. “I like to think it’s acceptable, given how close we are.”
Remus sighed, closing the door. “We’re not friends. You’re my landlord.”
Andrew gave a small whine that sounded vaguely like “for now.” He poured Remus a cup of tea and slid it across the table.
Remus reluctantly took the seat across from him.
“So listen, Lupin,” Andrew said. “We both know you haven’t paid rent in four months— Hey! Let me finish. I have these prospective clients— a young couple, super kind and super loaded, who want to move in this month.”
Remus blew on his tea, cocking an eyebrow. “Are you kicking me out?”
Andrew waggled his hand. “Kind of. I want to move them in ASAP so I can get their July rent. I hate to do this to you— you used to be such a great renter— but I can give you until the end of next week to pay up.”
“End of next week,” Remus repeated slowly. “That’s fine… no, that’s fine. My, erm, coworker is supposed to meet with our boss next week and I’ll just have him ask if I can get my stipend sooner.”
“A stipend?” Andrew asked. “What are you doing for work these days?”
Remus set his cup of tea down more forcefully than intended. “It’s like a side job, kind of—”
Andrew reached across the table and pushed Remus’ shoulder. “Come on! What do you do for work?”
Remus regarded him warily.
Andrew asked the question for the third time. “Lupin, what do you do for work?”
Remus swallowed. “I run a daycare.”
Andrew snorted, and tea splattered on his nose. “No judgement, man! No judgement! Child care doesn’t really seem like your forte but I am not judging. Is your coworker reliable enough to pass on the message?”
“Erm…” An image of Sirius tied up on the Potter’s lawn flashed through Remus’ mind. “Yeah, he’s reliable.”
“Great!” Andrew poured the tea straight down his throat, as if it were a shot, and smacked his lips. “So I’ll see you next week with the rent money?”
“Of course.”
“Alright, and just remember, I won’t accept it late this time.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it.”