October- 1973
Sometimes James gets angry. Not a normal angry, not the kind you feel when someone gets on your last nerve or when you mess up something you thought would be easy. No, the angry he gets is far, far worse.
He can feel it bubbling under his skin for days. Every little noise or movement will add on to his annoyance, and eventually it all spills out in one great big mess. He doesn't mean for it to be so harsh, but nothing he does ever seems to control it.
Of course, he's not always angry. He thinks that ninety percent of the time he's happy, or at least he tries to be. And when he's happy he becomes unstoppable. Sometimes it builds the same way as his anger, sometimes it hits him like a brick wall. Either way, eventually it reaches that same spilling point.
He thinks the worst one though is when he's sad. He hates being sad cause there's no energy to it. So he tries to shove the sadness down and make it as small as possible. Although, no emotions he feels are ever small. When he's high he's on top of the world, and when he's low he's trapped in that cave. He does his best to work past the sadness until it spills over again.
Whatever he feels, it always spills out. Then it fizzles away and he tries again.
Right now, his happiness is about to overflow.
Early one morning, James receives a letter addressed from Professor Slughorn inviting him to something called the "Slug Club.” After reading the contents he becomes incredibly confused. He tries refuting the offer, claiming he hadn't done anything to deserve it, but Sirius— who had also received a letter— explains that it doesn't matter.
"He gives it to kids who come from good backgrounds as well. All my cousins got in, but I think Andi and Narcissa were the only ones who actually went."
"Well where's Lupin's, then?"
Remus snorts as he takes a bite of his toast. "You're being funny, yeh? Think he really wants me there when he knows what I am?"
"What are you, Remus?" Lily asks, walking up behind him and leaning over his shoulder. The boy goes stiff, caught off guard.
"A great student, is what he is," Peter covers for him. "If Slughorn can't see that then clearly he's blind."
"You never got an invite, then?" Lily seems genuinely upset by this.
"You did?"
She tries to hide her blush. "It's not a big deal, really. I'm not even very good. Not as much as Sev."
James's high finds the perfect opportunity to get it's fix. He forces his way into the conversation, leaning across the table to wave the parchment under her nose tauntingly. "Uh-huh. And tell us, Carrots: did precious little Snivellus get an invitation of his own?"
Lily wrinkles her nose at him.
"Haud yer weesht, Potter. At least I earned my way in." She storms off to join Mary and Marlene, orange curls bouncing behind her. James grins as if he wasn't just told off.
Later that day, he, Sirius, and Kingsley get ready for their first Slug Club gathering. They were given a very formal dress code— the finest attire one owned. James was unbothered, looking quite respectable in his sherwani, however Sirius was less than pleased. He started to complain the second he got changed, and it wasn't much help that the other boys of his dorm had to fight to suppress their giggles once they saw him. His robes had to be at least a hundred years old, and were an awful orange color decorated with white frills and lace. He quickly stalked down the stairs, grumbling about making this quick to put him out of his misery.
They reach the common room just in time to run into Lily. James feels his heart stutter at the sight of her.
She's in a lovely navy blue dress that goes down to her knees. The skirt is loose and layered; if she were to do a spin it would fan out in elegant waves. The straps are thin, putting her beautifully freckled shoulders on display. But most noticeable is her hair.
Her thick, voluminous curls have been completely straightened, now ending just past her waist. When she turns it glides over her shoulder, shining effortlessly.
Kingsley has to shove James to get him down the last few steps.
"What in God's name are you wearing, Black?" Lily's heavy accent fills the room, and James is sure he's stopped breathing.
"Wonderful, Evans. Thank you," Sirius bites.
Lily chuckles behind her hand. James dies.
He has no idea what's wrong with him. Clearly, he's gone mad. Lily must have put him under some kind of spell to try and make him less of a prick. Well it wasn't going to work. No sir, he would still be the same old relentless James Potter he had always been. What difference did it make that she was nice, and pretty, and her nails matched her dress, and her perfume smelled delightful, and had her eyes always sparkled like this?
Sirius elbows him hard in the ribs.
Wincing and rubbing at his side, James comes back to earth. He notices both Sirius and Lily giving him funny looks, and realizes one of them must have said something to him and he hadn't responded. Quickly, he tries to play it off.
"Come to walk us to the party, have you, Carrots?"
Lily stops for a second, then rolls her eyes and gives a disgusted noise. She fully walks away from them, stepping through the portrait hole and disappearing into the hall.
James feels that pull at his stomach again. Sirius blinks at him.
"The hell was all that?"
James just shakes his head, grabbing Sirius's arm and dragging him out.
The walk to the dungeons is mostly silent. Sirius drags his feet the whole way there, sighing and sucking his teeth. James's efforts to cheer him up fall flat.
The potions classroom has been completely transformed for the event. Their usual desks are gone and instead, pushed up against two of the walls, are long, white-clothed tables presenting an assortment of treats and drinks. Candles float overhead and give the room a soft glow. In the corner, a band of instruments has been charmed to play themselves. Overall, the mood of the room has shifted to something light and airy.
Students of all different houses and years gather randomly around the room. James spots Lily a few feet away and, unfortunately, sees she's having an animated conversation with Snape.
"Are we meant to greet Slughorn or what?," Sirius asks rather annoyed. Before James can answer, the professor slides up to welcome them.
Sirius musters a polite hello, and after that any and all conversation is left for James to deal with.
Eventually, the two boys manage to slip away to one of the refreshment tables. They stand with their backs to the wall, each with a glass of whatever drink is being served that James doesn’t actually let pass his lips. Sirius does a complete one-eighty and refuses to shut up now, going on and on about how ghastly his dress robes are and how the only reason he's here is because of his name and this and that and whatever. James is growing quite bored of being dragged down.
It's at the mention of how Regulus would do better in this area that he finally snaps, that familiar pull sending him over the edge.
"Well Regulus isn't here, is he?," James protests. "You got invited and you're here, so lighten up and have a good time before I leave you and find my own fun."
Sirius looks taken back, but only for a second. His brows lower and he gives James a quizzical look.
"You're in a Mood again, aren't you?"
"What? No, I'm not—" James cuts himself off. He groans, his head falling back to look at the ceiling, then shakes it off and glances around the room.
Lily stands by herself farther down the table.
Without a word, James starts towards her. The sounds of Sirius calling out means nothing to him. He doesn't need Sirius. He doesn't need to calm down. He just needs to divert his energy into something he knows is true.
He walks right up to Lily's side and pinches her on the arm. "Carrots."
She startles, then gives him a mean frown and returns to her snacks.
"Are you enjoying the party?"
"I was."
"And I ruined it for you? Little ol' me?" He puts a hand to his chest dramatically. "Aw, Evans. I'm touched."
"I really dinnae care what you think, Potter," she says. Her gaze is as sharp as her tone. "And honestly, I dinnae ken why you still bother. How many times have I got to tell you, I dinnae like you."
James rolls his eyes. "Well you hardly even know me! How can you decide you don't like me when you won't—"
"Because you're a nyaff. You just like to hear yourself talk and you dinnae actually know anything. Just a gowk, you and your pals."
He feels the adrenaline pumping through him.
"I know all I need to about you, Potter. And I doubt you've got much else going on."
She goes to walk away.
He's not really thinking things through at the moment. He's not really thinking anything at the moment, and maybe that's why he doesn't stop himself from crossing the line dividing harmless teasing and absolute wanker.
Before she gets too far, he takes hold of her hair and pulls— admittedly, a bit harder than he should've. "Carrots!"
She squeals, stumbling back a bit. Once she gets her bearings she stares James down, her face turning bright red. She smacks him across the face, the impact making a loud sound that draws the attention of a few people. Everything spills over.
James tosses the rest of his drink into her face.
Most of her hair doesn't even get wet, but in the blink of an eye, her curls are reforming; whatever spell she used must not have been waterproof.
James scoffs, his eyes going wide. He feels a twinge of guilt stir up, but mostly it's the rush of picking on her that drowns out everything else.
"Lily," he whispers. He can't stop the corners of his mouth from tilting up slightly. "Lily, I'm so—"
"And we're leaving. Ok, time to go." Sirius rushes up, taking the glass from his hand and setting it down on the table. He grabs James by the wrist, nearly twisting his hand off, and drags him away. James doesn't take his eyes off Lily until the door closes behind them.
He laughs and tries to pry Sirius off of him the whole way back. When they finally enter the common room Sirius shoves him into the couch, then reaches over and thwacks his forehead with his finger.
"Ow?"
"What the bloody hell is wrong with you, huh? Is that how you treat a lady?"
He's not really yelling, he would never raise his voice to James. But he clearly isn't happy.
"She started it."
"Really? Cause from what I saw, you went after her first."
James shakes his head. "Come on, Sirius. You tease her just as much as I do."
"That was rude, James, and you know it."
He does know it— now. Fifteen minutes ago he was too wrapped up in a state of euphoria, everything was a bit of a blur, it still kind of is if he's being honest. The guilt starts to get bigger.
"Well that wasn't what I was going for."
Sirius sighs, a bit calmer. He moves to sit next to James, leaning back into the couch cushions.
"You need to say you're sorry."
"I was going to," he promises, "then you dragged me away."
"You're welcome for that! She'd have eaten you if I didn't step in."
They both chuckle at that. They sit for a while in silence and James really tries to think about what went down. He's surprised at himself— he always tried to channel his energy into group pranks rather than singling people out— but he was also slightly surprised by Sirius's defense of Lily. Since when did he care how she felt?
After some time, the Fat Lady's portrait swings open again and Lily walks through. Her dress and hair are still damp, shoes dangling from one hand instead of on her feet.
"Lily!" He jumps up to meet her. "Lily, listen, I really didn't—"
"You!"
James immediately shuts up. Lily marches forward, batting his chest with her other hand once she reaches him.
"You insolent, self-centered, absolute..." Her whole face is bright red as she searches for another insult.
Suddenly, she starts ranting in a language James doesn't understand. Her words are thick and full of sounds from the back of her throat. She gestures wildly as she speaks, pointing fingers and balling fists in places that only make sense to her. At one point, she turns to Sirius and goes in on him, waving up to the ceiling as a way of including the other marauders as well. At least, that's what they assume she means.
The end of her rampage is met with silence, only the sounds of her own heavy breathing.
James is stunned, mouth hanging open. He casts a quick glance to Sirius and finds a similar expression on his face.
Something in his chest tightens.
Lily storms past him and heads up the stairs to the girls dorm. Once they hear a door slam far too loud for this time at night they look over to each other.
"That's bad, right ?"
"I'll start planning your funeral," Sirius nods before leaving for the other set of stairs.
James is left alone in the common room, incredibly confused, wondering why his cheeks burn so furiously.