August- 1971
Regulus pauses outside of his brothers door. He glances back nervously at the staircase, praying that he hasn't woken his mother yet, before slowly, slowly turning the knob. He hears the soft click of the latch and pushes forward. The hinges creak as Regulus inches past, struggling to keep all of the bedsheets bunched up in his arms. He tiptoes towards the bed, dropping the sheets in a pile on the floor when he reaches it. He hesitates again before reaching out and shaking his brother.
"Siri", he whispers. Nothing. He shakes him harder. "Siri."
Sirius groans, rolling onto his back, head lolling back and forth. Regulus grabs him with both hands, shaking him awake. "Siri!"
"What? What, what's happened?" Sirius jolts up. His eyes shoot open, scanning the room until he spots Regulus. "What is it?"
"I wet the bed again" Regulus mumbles, looking down in shame. He hadn't needed to come to his brother like this for a few months now, and though the nightmares still persisted, they both had assumed he had finally gotten past this problem. Sirius gave another tired groan.
"Again?", he whines, falling back into his bed. "Just get Kreacher to help you."
"Mais que se passe-t-il si mère se réveille?" Regulus asks, the fear evident on his voice.
"She won't, okay? Just...go deal with it, let me sleep."
Regulus doesn't move. He knows he's being ridiculous and annoying and a baby and all the other horrible names his cousins taunt him with. He knows he can't hide behind Sirius forever. That Sirius wouldn't want to protect him forever. He has to let go at some point, has to stand up for himself sometime. And that sometime is getting closer and closer— as with each passing hour, they continue to move towards the moment Regulus has been dreading all summer.
Finally, the time has come for Sirius to board the Hogwarts express, beginning his journey of becoming a wizard, while Regulus is forced to remain at Grimmauld Place for another year.
Sirius has tried to make Regulus feel better about the situation to no avail. He's promised to write every single day and tell him all of the exciting things he sees at Hogwarts.
It'll be like I'm still with you, really, he had said, though Regulus couldn't imagine how that would feel remotely like having Sirius at home with him. I promise, this year is gonna go by so fast, Reg. I'll be back for the summer before you know it, and then next time you'll be getting on the train with me.
A whole year without Sirius. A whole year without anyone to talk to or play with. A whole year without someone making him laugh when he's so close to crying. A whole year without anyone helping him find his way around, instead being shoved into everything all at once.
Regulus will never survive.
But right now, Sirius is still here. Right now, Regulus can still ask his older brother for help. Ask him to tell him what to do and how to do it. He can still get upset and not be made fun of or punished for how easily he falls apart. He can still count on Sirius to save him.
Regulus feels the tears start to form behind his eyes. The pressure building in his chest. His bottom lip puffs out, making him look far younger than he actually is. Sirius hears him whimper and cracks one eye open to look at him.
"Ugh, alright, alright. Hurry up, before she does wake up." Sirius rolls out of his bed, gathering up the dirtied sheets and pajamas in his arms. He leads his brother out of his room and down the stairs, carefully passing the floor where Walburga and Orion's bedroom is without a sound.
One would think being wizards, and ones of such high blood status at that, the Black's would detest any form of muggle technology or muggle inventions. But the Black household actually contained many muggle devices- some of which, Sirius was sure there had to be a spell to take care of, rather than these much slower options.
Of course, just because these items were owned by the family didn't mean they were actually used by them. Most of the cooking and cleaning was done by their faithful house elf, Kreacher, who was more than happy to serve his mistress. In his eyes, Walburga Black was a goddess and should remain untouched by those who were not worthy of her attention.
Sirius had never liked Kreacher and the house elf returned the sentiment. The only other Black family member Kreacher had any sort of positive feelings for was Regulus, who had always made sure to say please and thank you to the creature despite his family's insistence that it wasn't necessary.
As Walburga still looked down on both muggle items and the house work taken care of by the elves, there had been many times where Sirius was made to assist Kreacher in his chores as punishment. Because of this, Sirius had learned how to complete many simple household tasks: for instance, how to do a load of laundry. This skill proved to be especially helpful on nights where Regulus would wake him, tears staining his face, shaking in fear.
The boys reached the bottom of the stairs and passed through the main hallway into the dining room.
Regulus thought this might be his least favorite room of the whole house. The long oak table could seat up to 24 people, but it was so often met with only the two youngest members. Not to mention all of the family portraits that watched your every move and whispered about you even when you were in the room. Regulus shuddered as they continued on to the kitchen.
At the far end of the room stood another door which led to Kreacher's quarters. It was a small, cement room, with pipes that squealed and hissed at anyone who entered. On one side of the room there was a small cupboard in which Kreacher slept and stored whatever few belongings he had. On the opposite wall, side by side, were a washer and dryer. A wicker basket topped with folded clothes lay on top of one of the machines.
Sirius dropped the bedsheets and moved the basket to the floor, opening the lid of the machine to look inside.
"You're lucky Kreacher is always so punctual with his work" Sirius comments, throwing the sheets and Regulus's pajamas into the machine. "It'd be much harder to do this if we had to wait longer."
"Sorry", Regulus murmurs, watching as Sirius pours a white powder into the machine and closes the lid. After fiddling with the controls the machine comes to life, rattling as it goes. Sirius looks back at his brother, then rests his hand on his shoulder and squeezes gently.
"Alright, now that's done." He guides them back through the door silently.
Regulus takes his usual seat in front of the kitchen sink. He brings his legs to his chest and rests his head on his knees, watching as Sirius climbs up onto the countertop. The older Black opens a cupboard, quickly grabbing the items he needs and jumping back down to join his brother on the floor.
Sirius hands a bag of marshmallows to his brother who immediately reaches in to grab some. He twists the top off of the jar of peanut butter, setting it on the floor in front of them. The two boys sit and eat together, the only noise coming from the washer in the other room.
Their Midnight Feasts began sometime around the ages of six and seven. Regulus doesn't remember the exact details of that day, just that it had been filled with screaming from both Sirius and his mother and crying from himself. He remembers entering his closet and sitting in the corner, tucked into a ball. He must have fallen asleep there because the next thing he knew Sirius had opened the closet door, staring down at him with a look Regulus didn't quite know what to make of.
After a few seconds, Sirius had helped him up and took him by the hand, leading him down the stairs.
Que faisons-nous?
Viens juste avec moi. Je veux te donner quelque chose.
Regulus and Sirius had so rarely been allowed sweets, seeing the marshmallows in his brothers hands for the first time had been a shock.
I talked Kreacher into getting us some. He promised not to tell mum.
After that night, they began making frequent visits to the kitchen once they knew their parents were asleep. Usually, they were after especially hard days at Grimmauld Place. The days where Sirius had pushed their mother too far and ended up getting hexed. The days where Walburga had lost herself in a bottle and couldn't be bothered to make sure they had food on the table.
Or, some days, for no reason at all, other than Regulus simply wanting to spend some more time with his brother.
They stay there for a long time, the silence stretching between them. At one point, the washer stops making noise and Sirius gets up and disappears into the other room. It's a few minutes before the noise starts up again, this time from the dryer, and the boy returns to sit with his brother.
Regulus spends an annoyingly long time thinking of what he's going to say.
"Est-ce que tu dois vraiment partir?" Regulus doesn't look at him, instead staring at the marshmallow he softly squishes between his fingers.
Sirius' jaw tightens before he answers. "I'm not going to stay here any longer than I need to."
Regulus feels the sting of tears return to his eyes. Any longer than he needs to. As if he's trapped here. As if there is absolutely nothing that could ever make him want to return.
"Mais ne manquerez-vous pas ça?" he asks.
"I think they'll have peanut butter and marshmallows at Hogwarts, Reg." Sirius grins, but not his usual Trouble-making one. Instead, it's the Please-don't-do-this version that Regulus has been seeing a lot more of recently. His stomach twists at the idea of his brother being upset with him.
"I already told you. I'll be back for Christmas, and then it's only a few more months until the summer. After that, I'll never have to leave you here again."
Sirius takes the peanut butter jar, scooping some out with his fingers and shoving it in his mouth. Regulus watches him and tries not to think too hard about what he's said. Of course, his brain has other plans.
They'll have marshmallows and peanut butter at Hogwarts. Of course they'll have marshmallows and peanut butter. Because Hogwarts has everything.
Hogwarts has a kitchen jam packed with the most delicious foods you could ever imagine. Hogwarts has a library with more books than anyone could ever dream of reading. Hogwarts has new children that Sirius will befriend and love and soon he'll forget all about his scaredy-cat little brother and Regulus will be left all alone.
These will be the longest ten months of Regulus' life.
Eventually, the dryer stops running. Sirius returns their snacks before retrieving the sheets. He leads Regulus back upstairs, handing off the sheets and going off to his room, barely stopping to say goodnight. The door clicks shut, and Regulus sighs as he starts up the remaining stairs.
He hates being all the way up on the fourth floor. It's not the upper most level in the house, but that doesn't make it much better. He's never understood why in a house with so many spare rooms they're only allowed one occupant on each floor.
He'd feel much more comfortable if his room was only down the hall from Sirius's rather than the floor above.
Regulus quickly fixes his bed and buries himself under the covers. He shuts his eyes tight, wishing with every fiber of his being that the sun will not rise. That tomorrow will not come and Sirius will not board that train. He drains the rest of his energy into that wish until his conscious slips away.