the smell of…?
february 17th 1980
“you kissed Emilia Mirem?!” both Barty and Evan exclaimed at the same time, being hushed by Regulus immediately.
he wasn't too sure what to think of it, in all honesty. it wasn’t that Emilia was a bad kisser, she was far from that, actually. but something just felt off. like it wasn’t meant to be.
she had kissed him suddenly, just before entering the grounds again; maybe it was the factor of surprise that made the kiss ‘unenjoyable’ for him.
it had been a good kiss, Regulus knew that, but he couldn’t help feel the sense of discomfort in his chest. no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t come up with a reason for it.
he liked Emilia! Emilia liked him! there was no doubt about it. she was pretty, she was funny, she was a bit more outgoing than he was, not as introverted — not as ’stick in the mud’, like Evan and Barty kept calling him.
Emilia made him quite happy. she brought out the little good he actually showed to the world, she made him appear to be a happier person. even though people sometimes would call him morally grey — even when it was behind his back, he still was aware of it.
it was not like it bothered him. not at all, actually. he couldn’t care what most people thought of him. he only cared what the people he cared about thought of him; it was just a plus point Emilia made him appear a better person, even to those who didn’t believe he was one at all.
she reminded him of someone, he just couldn’t say who. it definitely had something to do with her perfume or something, the way her hair had smelled when it brushed past his chin. it smelled like strawberries.
it smelled like strawberries, that very specific kind… the smell of comfort, the smell of a home, the smell of—
Regulus gasped out loud at the realization, choking on air.
the smell of James Potter.
“Jesus Christ, are you—”
“no, i’ll be back.” Regulus said, he grabbed his books, walking out of the library.
his feet walked him back to the dorm, slamming the door behind him. he sat down on his bed. why was he even upset about this? this wasn’t too bad, was it?
okay. the girl he was currently seeing, reminded him of James! so what?! James was only the guy he had liked for — for a long time… he ought to admit that. it wasn’t horrible. they had a similar personality.
and a similar shampoo, apparently.
that was all. and he was over James! over him! he didn’t even like him, in that way, anymore. plus, Lily and he had a baby on the way!
as long as he was able to be uncle Reggie, he was gonna have to make his peace with it. because he was, truly, happy for them. and he couldn’t wait for when the baby was here.
no matter what happened; James Potter would forever have some type of place in his heart. weather he was with him, or not; he would forever love James Potter.
not just for what he did for him, but what he did for Sirius, as well. Regulus would forever thank him for that.
he decided to write to Sirius. he didn’t even have to tell him who it was about. he just needed to tell… someone.
dear Sirius,
how are you?
he scratched that. it didn’t sound like him at all. did it?
dear Sirius,
it’s been a while since i wrote you, but i actually need some advice. in advantage; i will not tell you who it’s about.
i’m seeing this girl currently. surprise, right? i was kissing her, but she reminded me of someone. but that someone is in a very serious relationship. like really really really serious. i don’t know what to do. i like her but every time i see her, i get reminded of that person. and i don’t know what to do.
please tell me you have something nice, random, thing to tell me. i need to get my mind off this.
hopefully talk to you soon,
R.A.B
he over-lined the word “not” about seven times, even though he was sure Sirius would ask who it was about anyways.
a walk to the owlery might be nice, or so he thought. he needed to send of the letter anyways. but even though it was mid February, it was still fairly cold. Regulus wrapped his coat tighter around himself.
“good morning, mr. Black!” professor McGonnagal came up walking next to him. “mind i walk with you for a bit?”Regulus shook his head.
“beautiful. isn’t it?” she referred to the terrain. “always loved it here, never stopped; obviously.” McGonnagal smiled, Regulus nodded.
“i agree. its gonna be weird that i’ll be gone, soon.” Regulus admitted. “this place is like home.”
“you’re always welcome to come back.” she gave him a smile. “tell me, why don’t you become a teacher? potions, perhaps? professor Slughorn told me you’re quite brilliant at it.”
Regulus shrugged, but having to hide the smile that was now lingering on his face. he was pretty good at potions, probably the only good thing that came from the family.
“i don’t know, i guess i’m not a very social person. teaching is just not something i could see myself doing, in all honesty.”
“that’s acceptable.” she put on her gloves. they were almost at the owlery by now. “your brother was never really the type to teach either,” she leaned closer. “its quite a pity you didn’t get to know him during school. you guys are similar, more than you probably notice.”
“i disagree.” Regulus said. “Sirius and I are way different, we’ve always been. it’s just a pity we never got to embrace that, during our time at school.”
McGonnagal chuckled, stopping at the stairs, allowing him to walk up to the owlery on his own.
“i’ll give you some time; it’s not my business who or about what you write.” she neatened her own cloak. “i’ll walk back to the castle now, if you don’t mind?”
Regulus shook his head. “of course, I’ll see you later, professor.” she let out a quiet chuckle, waved, and then started walking back.
of course, he could have asked Barty to borrow his owl, but he was way too up in his mind to even think of asking him. instead, a pretty, golden brown owl came flying to him, sitting on his shoulder as if it was asking to be used.
Regulus happily gave him the letter, attaching it to it’s leg as it flew away. he watched it until he wasn’t able to see it anymore, until it was nothing more than a dot in the sky.
he stood there for a bit longer, looking over the icy terrain; how the grass was layered with a small blanket of thin ice, how the trees moved as the wind blew.
this place truly was like home, more of a home than his actual one had ever been. Regulus wasn’t sure what he would do once this was all over.
because deep inside he knew that the house would eat him alive, it would kill him.
“i still can’t believe you actually snogged her.”
“are you sure you didn’t just imagine it? like in your mind? as in it didn’t actually happen?” Barty snickered. without looking up from his homework, Regulus gave him the finger.
“oh ha ha. ‘Regulus can’t get a girl’ oh so funny because guess what,” he looked at them both. “he can.”
“did you just talk about yourself in the third person?” Evan had to stifle his laugh.
the common room was pretty much empty, apart from a couple of third years, making homework in another corner of the chamber.
“can you guys believe that in a couple of months, we’re never gonna come back here?”
“i’ll make sure to return as a ghost; haunt the kids, become besties with Peeves… sounds like a great life!” Barty stated, making Regulus raise his brows in confusion.
“well, it wouldn’t exactly be a life, right? if you’re dead…” Evan let out a laugh, immediately being silenced by Barty, who looked like he could kill.
“okay smartass.” Barty laid down in the chair. “didn’t think snogging with a Ravenclaw would make you smart too, all the sudden.”
“ouch?”
Evan snickered from behind his book, making Regulus roll his eyes. fuck happy couples and their ability to just agree on whatever the other says. fuck everyone in a happy relationship.
that night he had another nightmare, it was weird. Peter was there, well; Peter’s corpse was. Regulus had killed him. then Bella was there, Cissy too, then Voldemort. and even though Regulus was sure it was him who had killed Peter, the others were sure Peter had just done it to himself. but they didn’t seem to care.
then Peter turned into James, into Emilia, into Remus, into Lily, into Sirius—
he had woken up, drowning in his own sweat. it had been all the sleep Regulus had gotten that night, he wasn’t able to fall asleep again after seeing all that.
it was weird Sirius hadn’t yet responded to his letter — he usually responded immediately, as soon as he got the letter. maybe the owl got lost, or hurt? Regulus hoped it was ‘just’ that; if anyone intercepted it, he would die. they all would.
maybe Sirius would still be up? a visit in the fireplace would be worth a shot.
“Sirius?” he whispered into the fire. luckily others around you weren’t able to hear you, once your head was in the fire. “Sirius, come on—”
“Reggie?” Sirius popped up. “what are you doing awake?”
“what are you doing awake?” Regulus raised his brow, looking at a clock hanging behind Sirius. “it’s four in the morning.”
“Remus is on a mission. he should be back soon. can’t sleep ‘till he’s back.”
“get that.”
there was a silence, he stared at the floor.
“did you get my letter yet?” Regulus asked, making Sirius turn.
“a letter?” he nodded in response. “didn’t get one…”
“maybe the owl is lost—”
“what did it look like?”
“the letter—” Regulus thought back, not thinking it was anything special.
“the owl you bloody idiot.” Sirius groaned.
“oh,” Regulus let out a laugh. “i think it was like golden brown, ish. bright blue eyes, a little like yours actually—”
Sirius sighed, he looked down at the floor of the bedroom.
“for fucks sake.”