All the note said was “Astronomy Tower, half after curfew.”
He supposed he should have seen this coming. The hopeful stares from Lily, her sudden interest in James. His world, eventually, would come crashing down.
Regulus had just hoped it wouldn’t be so bloody soon.
The walk from the dungeons to the astronomy tower was frigid; the cold air whipping against his sweater, nose turning red from the glacial breeze. His hands, though stuffed in the pockets of his trousers, were shaking anxiously. He had tried to make the walk longer, hell, he had even considered not showing up. Making up some excuse of oh, I got distracted in the library and fell asleep, or oh, I couldn’t leave without Barty and Evan interrogating me about it. Anything to prolong the inevitable heartbreak he was about to face.
But he didn’t.
He made it to the tower faster than he’d wanted to, hastily ascending the large spiral staircase before him. It was almost as if he had forgotten why he was going.
James was standing by the ledge, waiting for him. His arms were resting against the stone with his back facing Regulus. He took one final breath before moving closer, standing next to James.
“The stars are out tonight,” James muttered. “It’s been so snowy that I haven’t been able to see them.”
Regulus felt as if he couldn’t speak. All he could do was nod, staring up at the sky.
“Sirius is out tonight,” He finally whispered. He cursed himself for sounding so weak.
James nodded from beside him.
Ten dreadfully long minutes of silence passed before James finally spoke again. “So,” He said quietly, looking down from the sky to look at his hands. “I have to talk to you about something important.”
There it is, Regulus thought.
“…we need to break up,” James said simply.
Regulus swallowed hard, letting out a shaky breath. “Because of Lily?” Was all he could say in response.
James spared him a glance. Regulus did not reciprocate.
After a few moments, James sighed. “Yes,” He said. “Because of Lily.”
James’ words hit him harder than he anticipated. He felt the air immediately leave his lungs, eyes welling up with tears. He felt like he couldn’t breathe, suddenly. The whole room was suffocating him, James was suffocating him.
He let out a mirthless chuckle, shaking his head and looking down at his hands. “I figured.” He said simply. Tears began to pour down his cheeks, splattering against the backs of his hands. He closed his eyes tightly, willing, praying the tears to stop falling.
“Come on Reg, you know we couldn’t keep this up forever.” James said, running his fingers through his unruly hair.
Regulus shook his head, stepping away from the ledge. He turned his back to James, slowly walking towards the center of the room. “Couldn’t we?” He asked, looking up at the ceiling. “We could’ve told everyone. We could’ve stopped hiding long ago. Lest we forget that you’re the one who wanted to hide. Though, we both know that’s not why you’re breaking up with me right now.” Regulus said, voice dripping in anger as he turned to face James again.
James locked his jaw, pulling his hands into fists and then releasing them. Something he did when he was angry, Regulus noted.“I can’t keep doing this, Regulus. Lily’s showing interest in me for the first time, I’ve been in love with her for my entire school career. I can’t let her get away.” James said, voice wavering
Tears streamed down Regulus’ pale cheeks, eyes bloodshot and tired. If he wasn’t so stupidly, foolishly in love with James Potter, he would slap the glasses right off of his stupidly gorgeous face. He knew James was right; they had been dating in secret for months at this point, behind his brother’s back. It wasn’t fair to keep this from everyone. But he thought, maybe , that things could be different. That James could love him, they could start a life together, they could leave Hogwarts and his stupid family behind. But no. Hopeful, foolishly hopeful little Regulus Black, wishing that things could be different, only to be disappointed by the result. Honestly, he should be used to the aching in his chest by now. Being a Black meant disappointment followed close behind.
Even if you were only 16 years old.
“I suppose I should have expected that you would still be in love with her,” Regulus said, swallowing thickly. “Or, that you never stopped being in love with her. I suppose I just hoped you would be different. But, alas, here we are. And I stand before you, weeping like a baby, desperately hoping that you’ll take back the words you spit at me,” He said gravely, his voice getting quieter and quieter with every word. “Foolishly hopeful Regulus Black. I should have known.”
“Darling, come on-,” James tried to interject.
“No,” Regulus said, voice echoing against the stone walls of the tower. He sniffled; which sounded pathetic, in his opinion. “You don’t get to call me that. If you’re done hiding me, then let’s make your job easier, James. Don’t hide me anymore. You’re free of that obligation. We can go back to pretending like we don’t exist to each other, you can go back to sending me those pitiful stares in the hallway whenever Sirius says something backhanded rather than pulling him away. You’re free, Potter. Go find Evans, go be happy with her. Goodbye, James.”
Regulus did not spare a glance back at James as he walked away.
He did not waste any breath responding to the desperate pleas coming from behind him.
Regulus walked away, just like James had tried to do to him just moments before.
Godric’s Hollow had been treating James and Lily kindly. Their neighbors were kind; they’d brought over brownies when they first moved in, they’d helped throw Lily’s baby shower when she announced her pregnancy. James had everything, a perfect white picket-fence life, with a beautiful wife and a son, a son on the way.
He had woken up before Lily that morning; pressing a soft kiss onto her cheek before climbing carefully out of bed and walking downstairs.
James opened their front door (which had been painted purple, per Lily’s request. Something about how some witches used to paint their doors purple to signify magic inside the household, which James was skeptical of), and picked up the post, bringing it inside and setting it on their dining table. He brewed his coffee, made himself a piece of toast with jam, and happily sat down at the dining room table.
James sorted through their mail, setting the Daily Prophet off to the side before stopping. In his hands, he held a small envelope, a deep emerald green wax seal on the front. He turned it over, seeing his name in perfect cursive written on the front. James took a deep breath before he carefully broke the seal, pulling a few pieces of parchment out.
James,
I know it’s been awhile since we’ve spoken, I believe the last time was your final year at Hogwarts. I still remember that night, as torturous as it was for me. Regardless, I hope this letter finds you well. Dorcas told me that you and Lily got married, and that you’re expecting a baby soon. I’m happy for you both, truly. You’re a lovely couple, and even lovelier individuals. Your child will grow up to be an incredible person with you as their parents.
Perhaps they’ll be more tolerable than you were when you first began your schooling. And wherever they’re placed, I’m sure they’ll cause just as much trouble if they’re anything like you.
When you receive this letter, I’ll be long dead. Kreacher was told to deliver the letters I’ve written once he returned. I truly hope he has followed through with his orders. Voldemort has created horcruxes. I discovered his secret, and am sacrificing myself so that he may become mortal once more.
I truly miss you every day, James, even if we ended on a bad note, I never stopped missing you, and I never stopped caring about you.
If I’m being entirely truthful (which, I should be), I never stopped loving you either. Even after I assume you stopped loving me.
Thank you for showing me what it felt like to be truly loved, truly cared for, even if our time together was short lived. Thank you for caring for Sirius, I wish I could have been as brave as he was when he left. I’m forever grateful that you were there for him when he left. I haven’t spoken to him since he graduated from Hogwarts, but he should be receiving a letter as well.
I love you, James. Thank you for being you.
Regulus
Merlin, when did he start crying? He wiped his cheeks, desperately clinging onto the parchment in his hands.
Regulus was dead. He sacrificed himself for the war, for a side that he wasn’t even on. Regulus died a hero. His death would be celebrated as just another Death Eater taken down, and no one, no one would know that Regulus died for their side
James set the letter down shakily, wiping his eyes again and picking up the Prophet. The front page of the Daily Prophet, accompanied by a photo of Regulus, read;
BLACK HEIR MISSING, PRESUMED DEAD AT 18.
Sources say that Regulus Black, heir to the Black fortune, was last seen entering his home at Grimmauld Place three nights ago, but has not been seen by anyone else since then. Orion and Walburga have chosen not to give a statement at this time.