It’s as it is. For one, Yanfei is absolutely swamped in all sorts of work. She can’t think straight, so much so that when Hu Tao is walking into her office half dazed, she isn’t paying close enough attention.
”Still much to do, hm?” Hu Tao jests, a proud smile on her face as usual. Yanfei twirls a pen under her fingers. She nods slowly, eyes reluctantly moving away from her papers and towards her girlfriend.
Hu Tao has a strained smile on her face. It isn’t natural, Yanfei takes a breath in for a moment. “I’m sorry, Tao Tao.” She starts but Hu Tao simply shakes her head
“I understand, you must be busy.”
Yanfei’s lips thin, she stands from where she’s seated. Hu Tao’s hands behind her back as she fidgets at the balls of her feet. Something about her is… off. Yanfei leans in closely, arms instinctively wrapping around her.
”I need to finish this case quickly… Granny’s waiting for me and so are you.” She kisses the shell of her ear and Hu Tao tenses, fingers pressing her sharp rings against themselves.
”What’s the matter?” Yanfei pulls away, hands held onto her shoulders. “I’ve also just been held up.” She says quietly and Yanfei raises a light eyebrow.
”Is there anything I can do to help?” She offers but Hu Tao simply shakes her head. “Let me know when you have more free time.” She says instead.
Yanfei has gotten used to this. She knows humans are complicated. Noting that she was half of one herself, but regardless she was probably more of an adepti than not.
So, Hu Tao having her walls up to some degree was.. normal. She was more reserved than most humans in any case. “You still look tired,” Yanfei notes sternly.
Hu Tao grins, “Sleep is a concept, Fei.”
”Okay, no.” Yanfei grumbles as she squeezes her cheek. “You have been having trouble sleeping.” She says and Hu Tao chuckles (she’s cute, but it’s not enough for Yanfei to fold.)
Yanfei is dragging her onto the couch in the middle of her office, pointing a finger in her face before lightly patting her head. “You need rest.” She brings out her tone for: no room for negotiation.
Which Hu Tao seems to get because she thwarts off the accusation and instead tugs Yanfei’s wrist, kissing her knuckles. “Actually, Fei, there’s a reason I came today.”
Yanfei frowns, “Not just to see your beautiful spectacular girlfriend, huh.” She says sarcastically. Hu Tao’s smile is charming as it’s always been.
”It’s about the gates.” Hu Tao is apprehensive, Yanfei can tell, but she doesn’t show it. She’s as stoic as she’s ever been. Yanfei would like to believe Hu Tao was better at hiding her emotions than Zhongli was.
”Oh, yes.” Yanfei sighs, rubbing her nape tiredly. She eventually sits herself down next to Hu Tao.
“The Tianquan has been on me to shut down any talk. At least, legally I’ve been trying to make sure it doesn’t leak. Don’t want mass panic during the festival, now.” She shakes her head.
”She’s always so prepared it seems. Well, I’ve been reporting back to her.” Hu Tao says, voice more serious than usual. Yanfei raises an eyebrow at that. “Anything wrong?” She says and Hu Tao nods.
“Very unstable.” Hu Tao grumbles, a bit of emotion Yanfei relishes in. Keeping to herself and her notes filled with Hu Tao’s little quirks.
”I expect the Traveler’s presence soon. You should get her help.” Yanfei hums and Hu Tao has a troubled look on her face. She takes a breath in.
”I couldn’t do that.” Hu Tao says and Yanfei gives her a look that tries to analyze what’s going on in her pretty head.
“It’s the border of life and death. This is between me and…” Hu Tao is trailing off, troubled clearly. ”And death itself?” Yanfei says, snappy and quick. Hu Tao tenses at the tone she uses.
The silence doesn’t seem so comforting. Somehow, Yanfei has never really been fond of this whole… Director of the Wansheng Funeral Parlor persona. Why should one human be in charge of every lost soul and last breath in Liyue?
And yet, here she was. As competent as the sun that rose every morning and as silent as the moon that tucked itself into bed every night. It wouldn’t be Hu Tao’s first run in with the border.
Nor would it be their first fight about it. Yanfei doesn’t fear death… she can’t die. At least, not in the ways Hu Tao can.
“You wanted to have more information.” Yanfei gathers that much. “Using my adeptal perception.” She says with this heaviness to her words.
“Balancing life and death… that has been Wansheng Funeral Parlor tipping the scales for decades, Tao.” Yanfei gives in at the seriousness that Hu Tao is adorning, knowing it’s a rare occasion.
“I understand and I know, no one in Liyue knows more about death than I do. I just.. I need to know how bad the state of the gates are.” Hu Tao squeezes her hand lightly. Yanfei’s jaw slacks for a moment.
“The gates…” Yanfei hums, closing her eyes and trying to focus. “Fetor… it’s leaking out at a much faster rate than what you’re expecting. At least, I presume it’s fetor.” She taps her foot against the carpet.
”I suppose things are much more dire than we all thought.” Yanfei stands from where she was initially sitting.
”What are you doing?” Hu Tao tugs her back down almost instantaneously. Yanfei’s furrowed eyebrows are a sign of her distress.
Yanfei slips out of Hu Tao’s grasp, standing once more and taking a gold coin from her drawer. “What is—“
She slams it into Hu Tao’s hand, forcing her to close her fist as she whispers mantras. Hu Tao’s eyes widen, “A fortune coin?” She seems bewildered.
”That is a real sigil. I know it’s more typical to present with the Rex Lapis coins but…” Yanfei whispers lowly. “Keep it close to you at all times.” She says and Hu Tao nods slowly, half in confusion and half still taking in the burst of energy that just filled the room.
“It’s the mark of a Xiezhi. You have my blessing against death.”
“I’m not afraid of death, y’know? If anything—“
Yanfei crumples the hem of Hu Tao’s dress. Hu Tao pauses, “Do you think I am?” She says slowly and Hu Tao places the coin on top of her coffee table before taking Yanfei’s hand once more.
”I know you are.” Hu Tao responds. “Maybe not for yourself, but I know you are for me.” She chuckles, a little lighter this time.
”Well, I don’t care about death. It’ll happen to you if you live a few huhdred years.” Yanfei’s jaw clenches, eyes avoiding Hu Tao’s. “It’s just…” She sighs.
”Yanfei.” Hu Tao smiles, tilting her chin to make sure Yanfei can’t avoid her anymore. “Live in life, die in death.” She says sweetly, kissing her cheek.
”Stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” Yanfei’s glazed eyes glare.
”Well, I only had my grandpa to learn from, so you can’t blame me for thinking it’s worth the preaching.” Hu Tao tugs her in closer, as clingy as she usually is. Yanfei relaxes at the familiar feeling of her warmth.
”I personally think your dad was a great guy.” Yanfei huffs and Hu Tao laughs, genuinely this time. “I’m sure he was, just a really bad Director.” She replies with some playfulness to it. As Hu Tao just is.
Yanfei makes sure to take in Hu Tao’s joys. Observing the way her eyes sparkle as they look at her. Yanfei, as the legal counselor of Liyue, is sure that there is no thing as an absolute.
There’s a loophole for everything if you try hard enough—well, maybe not for this.
Somehow, Yanfei is absolutely sure that Hu Tao is in love with her. “What cha’ looking at?” She sing songs. (And the hard solid fact that Yanfei was perhaps just as in love with Hu Tao.)
Yanfei smiles. “I wonder what you’ll leave behind for me.” She says, it’s tender despite the conversation being so… gruesome in some manner. Talking about Hu Tao’s death like it’s something to be celebrated and looked forward to.
”I hope just my rings, maybe my staff.” Hu Tao shakes her head at the thought of having more than just one thing to leave behind.
“I’d like to think you’re too attached to me to be fearless in the face of death.” Yanfei tilts her head, a gesture Hu Tao finds as adorable as ever.
Both having piggy banks of memories for each other… and perhaps that’s all Hu Tao needs to leave Yanfei behind.
”Well, I hope I’m not… more so I know I’m not but when you say it, somehow you’re more convincing.” Hu Tao mulls over it, sprawling herself out on the couch. She eventually settles to lie down on Yanfei’s lap.
Yanfei caressing her hair, locks tangled in certain places. “It’s cause I’m a lawyer.”
”Oh, yup.” She finds the exchange silly but comforting in a sense. Yanfei finds her heart glow, beating louder than usual. It’s what Hu Tao does to her.
“I’m okay with letting go of the world and… you in a sense. At least, in the idea of death.” Hu Tao continues, speaking as she thinks. “That’s why I’m sure death will never win against me.” She shows a toothy grin, unusual but Yanfei simply flicks her forehead.
”If you think about it,” Hu Tao rubs her hand against the little sliver of skin peeping through her shirt. Yanfei swats that hand away. ”It’s fair.”
”What now?” Yanfei rolls her eyes in all casualness but she knows there’s a serious intonation behind those words.
“I’ll die eventually. I’m all but human.” Hu Tao makes a whimsical gesture, staring right into the windows of Yanfei’s old soul. “That’s a burden you have to uphold while we’re together and perhaps even after I’m gone.” She decisively flutters her eyes close.
And Yanfei is glad she does because any longer and she’s convinced Hu Tao would have heard the secrets in her heart. “But when it’s like this… you don’t have to be so burdened any longer.” Hu Tao nestles into her. “At least not alone.” The vibration of her voice sends sparks down Yanfei’s skin.
”And why do you think that? You’re the one leaving anyway and it’s clear you don’t mind that you are.” Yanfei fights back, a little selfishly. She tries not be but… she swallows the thought down her throat.
”Yanfei, I’m not afraid to let go because I’m confident I’ve made my mark in your life the way you have in mine.” Hu Tao’s voice is becoming softer.
“It’s the premise that… whether it’s my rings or my staff, my hat, or just the stone of my grave… I do want to leave something behind for you.” Hu Tao finishes her breath as Yanfei is stunned. The admission being beautiful in a sense but also beyond terrifying.
Yanfei looks down at Hu Tao who is now asleep, curled into her. She blinks away the wisps of the moments that snuck into her heart.
Hu Tao wanting to leave something behind is terrifying.
Yanfei knows she’s a great Director and has no doubt she doesn’t fear death but—despite Yanfei wanting Hu Tao to be afraid to let her go and wanting her girlfriend to attach herself to their life together, something Yanfei thought was crystal clear is now murky.
All these years, Yanfei has been convinced that if Hu Tao and Death dueled with vigor and battled it out; Hu Tao would win with absolute ease. Yanfei hates the way her heart pounds because now she’s not too sure.
The thought that one day death may triumph over the girl who had honed herself to become a weapon in the face of such a force is beyond even Yanfei.
You can only win against death if you know you’re not leaving anything behind.
Yanfei spends the rest of her time pondering if she’s anything to Hu Tao and now so unfortunately hopes she isn’t.
Yanfei is slipping out a little earlier than usual to catch her lunch break, making sure to properly route her way to Wanmin Restaurant.
The last thing Hu Tao needed was Yanfei to be mistrusting. So, she bargains with herself. This wasn’t about her being mistrusting per say.. it was more about her looking out for the love of her life.
That’s enough to get her up on her feet. She slings her bag over her shoulder, yawning. Taking care of Hu Tao all night was the feat, considering how the girl woke up half past midnight while Yanfei was flipping through files on the couch, still allowing Hu Tao to use her legs as cushions.
Hu Tao peppered her with sleepy kisses, begging her to come home so she could sleep properly and who was Yanfei to deny her of that?
”Hello, Chef Mao!” Yanfei waves enthusiastically as she tucks in front of the corner. “Oh, Miss. Yanfei! Always a treat to see you, usual for your lunch?” He greets with a warm smile.
”Oh, uhm, no—well yes. Yes, same as usual. Just, have you seen Xiangling today?” Yanfei tries not to sputter, she rarely does which is what makes it all the more an odd sight.
”I sent her out to get some Lotus Fruit but she should be back soon. How about you check out the guild commissions over there while waiting? Xiangling said the traveler was coming back in, would be nice for you to get her some work.” He laughs, beginning to fire up the giant wok that sits at his station.
Yanfei smiles back, accepting his suggestion. She’s climbing the steps up, finding herself in front of the familiar wooden board. Hand on her hip as she sighs.
Nothing seems to be much of interest to her. Help with gathering some fresh mint? She looks at it with disdain. A fight with pyro slimes.. doesn’t seem like a big issue. Her eyes move across the board some more.
The one with the most rewards being to clear out a hilichurl camp. Yanfei doubts the traveler has time for it. Well, neither does she anyway.
She narrows her eyes, “Who’s there?” Her head snaps behind her, a chill crawling up her back.
”Relax, I wasn‘t trying to scare you.” A hand taps her shoulder. Yanfei finally meets the eyes of the taller woman. Yelan.
”Oh,” Yanfei breathes relief. “Yelan, what are you doing here?” She meets her smile with dubious caution.
“Looking at comissions… of course.”
Yanfei huffs, not buying even a bit of it. Yelan however sweetly removes lint off her collar. “You looked troubled.”
Yanfei is sharp. Yelan should know this and somehow Yanfei knows she does. That makes it all the more ridiculous.
”And I’m quite sure the Tianquan sent you to make sure I was doing my job despite Hu Tao’s perils, let’s not try to feign all to dig into personal matters now.” Yanfei says with finality, something even Yelan doesn’t seem to dare challenge.
”Makes my job easier.” Yelan shrugs.
”I’m drowning in paper work, but it’s being done.” Yanfei dismisses her quietly but Yelan only seems to want more answers from her.
”You trust her, don’t you?”
Yanfei pauses, crossing her arms. “Anyone who trusts the Tianquan would be a fool.”
”I’m talking about your lover,” Yelan chuckles, finding amusement at her proud statement. “Though I wouldn’t disagree with your words.”
“Trust Hu Tao?” Yanfei has to really understand what that means. She does. She trusts that Hu Tao loves her. She knows that Hu Tao would never hurt her… but that was precisely the problem wasn’t it?
Because if Yanfei was sure Hu Tao loved her so much, more than anything else—then she couldn’t trust Hu Tao to face death without attachment.
”Your expression tells me there are layers that can’t be comprehended without the right context.” Yelan responds quickly and Yanfei tries not to show her dissatisfaction.
”I’m sure you’d know, considering your own dealings with partners. Sometimes, they simply don’t express enough.” Yanfei exasperates.
Yelan smiles in sympathy. “Oh, Shenhe is definitely… different alright.” She nods her head along. “How’s that for feigning all for personal matters?”
”Right.” Yanfei clears her throat. “I haven’t seen you since the last dinner with Granny and Cloud Retainer.” She says, friendlier than earlier.
”Shenhe insists I need to be taught the etiquette of the adepti world before we try again. Though I’d like to think the dinner went well.” She gestures with a soft shrug. Yanfei chuckles at that.
”I’m sure Keqing was much more pressured than you were.” Yanfei shakes her head. “That’s why you don’t claim anything against the god of Liyue. It’ll come bite your ass.” Yelan jests.
“Well, I more than anything came to inform you that I’ll be tailing your girlfriend.” Yelan sighs, stretching her arms out. “As a secret.”
”So, the Tianquan does care for her safety.”
”Oh, please, she’s not heartless.” Yelan rolls her eyes and Yanfei smiles.
”I’m sure.” The unspoken nature of it all is what makes the entire thing rather entertaining.
”Well, I’m sure she’ll be pleased that both her… specialists are hard at work.” Yelan responds. “I’ll be heading off, I do suggest you stay away from the slimes.” Yelan taps at the board as she slips away from wherever she came from.
Yanfei rolls her eyes, not like Yelan was wrong. She couldn’t use her vision against the pyro slimes.
So Yanfei turns on her heel to see a Xiangling strangling a bunch of slime condensate, glaze lilies, a bottle of oil? Mints being brought back by Guoba.
”Xiangling,” She approaches as the girl brightens up, heading into the back of the kitchen to give her dad all of the ingredients.
”Yanfei! What brings you here?” She’s grinning ear to ear, leaning over the counter where she’s placed all the odd commodities.
Yanfei shakes her head, “Not much. What are those things?” She peeps her head.
”Oh, this? For my newest recipe. I found a newest dish! Have you tried chili oil? It’s great.” Xiangling is giggling and Yanfei thinks it over.
“That does sound delicious.” Yanfei says with approval, Xiangling takes her hands jumping at the balls of her feet. The way to her heart was quite simple.
“You can stay for lunch!”
Yanfei laughs, “I appreciate the gesture, but I’m too busy. I’m sorry, maybe next time.” She says squeezing Xiangling’s hand to express actual apology.
”Ooh, well Hu Tao should join us then!” Xiangling proclaims and Yanfei smiles at her warmly.
“I’m glad you brought it up cause…” She trails off with a light sigh. “I actually came by today to ask you a favour.”
”If it’s for Hu Tao anything I’ll happily do it all.” Xiangling says, as her dad exclaims to get out of the booth due to the cramped space. She does as she’s asked, springing around the wooden pole as she’s face to face with Yanfei.
”It’s not much, I promise. I just… I would like if you could look out for her? A bit more this time of year. Try to spend more time with her and all…” Yanfei clears her throat, some melancholy stuck in it. Xiangling purses her lips.
”Aw, gee, you’re that busy?” She seems saddened and Yanfei wouldn’t doubt against Xiangling’s empathy. “You know how it gets during the festive seasons.” Yanfei rubs her nape apologetically.
”Alright,” Xiangling sighs, hands propped on her hips. “But you better swing by!”
”I will.” Yanfei chuckles, “Then I promise to keep Hu Tao safe and healthy!” She replies with such enthusiasm Yanfei almost feels bad for doubting her words.
”Thanks, Xiangling.”
”Take your order!” Chef Mao calls from the kitchen and Yanfei unbuttons her wallet pouch to pull out mora which Xiangling refuses to accept.
Yanfei offers to repay her through more recipe patents, which seems to be sufficient. So, she’s walking back to the office with bao buns and jewelry soup.
A bad gut feeling in her stomach.
Days go by when you’re absorbed in every inch of your work—Yanfei realizes that much. She hasn’t seen Granny, she hasn’t seen Hu Tao, and she hasn’t seen the Traveler either. She twirls her pen mindlessly.
It’s evening. Yanfei slumps into her seat, signing off another document as she cracks her neck. She hasn’t seen anyone this Lantern Rite.
They’d go ahead and light the fireworks and Yanfei wouldn’t be there to celebrate, she frowns. Her eyes drift off to where the lights spread out her window.
A breath is held as she thinks about Hu Tao once more. Their last conversation just two days ago, something about—
The knock on her door makes her jump from her seat. “Come in,” She rises as the door creaks open.
Yanfei feels chills crawl up her spine as her eyes observe the state Hu Tao is in. Despite her absolutely adorable new outfit, her girlfriend looks ripped apart. “Tao—“
Hu Tao buries herself into Yanfei the moment she reaches her. “What happened to you?”
“I had a few unexpected adventures with the gates.” She laughs airily, Yanfei feels something tightening against her chest in manifestations of grief. “The border isn’t looking great.” She mumbles.
Yanfei wishes she could transport them back to her house, she settles for laying Hu Tao on the couch instead. Reminiscent of just a few days earlier.
”Traveler was with me, I’m doing okay.” Hu Tao squeezes her hand as she closes her eyes. “Had to protect Lan Yan, she was a handful.”
”Who is..” Yanfei trails off. “More importantly, is this why I haven’t heard from you in two days?”
“Mhm,” She hums calmly like it isn’t a big deal. Yanfei focuses for a moment, “Hu Tao.” She says with a serious tone.
”Yesh,” Hu Tao is grumbling into her lap.
”You’ve absorbed far too much fetor.”
Hu Tao chuckles like it isn’t a big deal. “I’m okay, Fei. In fact, I feel better already. Lying here like this is so energizing.” She tries to bury herself closer.
”The traveler ended up helping in the end, I’m glad.” Yanfei relaxes at the thought.
“Fei, I have to go back to the gates.”
Yanfei pauses, eyeing Hu Tao. “Not for at least a few months.”
”We don’t have time.” Yanfei knows it too. She loves how smart her girlfriend can be but if it’s at the jeopardy of her own self, she wishes she could relinquish her knowledge.
”What are you going to do? Which gate are you… Hu Tao.” She already knows the answers to these questions before Yanfei has them.
”The gate of death is my burden to bear, y’know.”
Yanfei hates the way the conversation is panning. “So, what?” She snaps. Hu Tao’s eyes flutter open at her tone. “This is your way of saying goodbye? Trying to make things clear and telling me—“ Hu Tao sits up.
She cups Yanfei’s cheeks. No words. Not a single one. Her eyes are glazed like she has a million things to say but knows herself that half of them are inconsolable lies.
“Promise me.” Yanfei whispers, taking a soft breath in. “Promise me you won’t make stupid sacrifices.”
Hu Tao doesn’t say a single thing.
”Promise me, you’ll look out for yourself before you look out for others.” Yanfei furrows her eyebrows, frustration building.
Hu Tao is still silent.
”Promise me… you…” Yanfei jaw clicks. “You still love me.”
Hu Tao laughs despite the look Yanfei gives her. “I promise.” She mumbles before kissing Yanfei’s lips with such a gentle touch.
It’s been a while since she’s felt Yanfei’s warmth and it’s like somehow her body knows it’s what she needs. “Promise me you’ll at least make time to enjoy the festival?”
”I promise.”
”And take medical help whenever it’s offered and an option.” Yanfei continues and Hu Tao nods. “I promise.” She repeats.
Yanfei looks at her carefully. She doesn’t feel like saying anything more, knowing she’d probably start going on a long rant if she did. Hu Tao smiles, “There’s a lot that weighs on me.” She’s honest.
”Wuwang Hill…” Hu Tao trails off. “I can’t afford to make the same mistake. History just can’t repeat itself.”
”You better mean those words. I don’t want to see a butterfly return to me next Lantern Rite. It has to be you.”
Hu Tao seems amused, “I find that thought rather romantic. Butterflies, huh.”
”I will kill you myself before you decide anything if you don’t shut up and kiss me this instant.” Yanfei threatens, Hu Tao loves to play around, but one thing Yanfei knows for sure? When it comes to kissing, Hu Tao was dead serious.
She leans in, calculating. “I’m glad it’s you.” Hu Tao confesses as she parts her lips, inviting Yanfei.
And by the time Yanfei remembers waking up, tangled up in a blanket—Hu Tao is gone.
So, she’s up and running. Not allowing herself to think about Hu Tao. To not drive herself crazy and to also just… ground it all somehow.
The thought of Hu Tao going near those damned gates are scary but Yanfei was never one to tell her girlfriend how to do her job. So she’s slamming her mug under her coffee machine and making mental notes, her breath feeling gross as she settles into her office chair.
Except, Yanfei can’t think. She can barely work at all. She runs some errands to calm her nerves.
She visits Bai Zhu and calls in a favour. Then she goes over to Wangshu Inn to curry good karma with a much older adepti—Xiao.
It’s when Yanfei is done signing off another few stack of papers she really lets herself think about it. Definitely note because she has been unable to focus for the last hour.
At this point, she had believed that it was fine. She had visited Bubu Pharmacy in the morning. She’s gotten Xiao’s blessing. What more could she have possibly done?
Right?
Yanfei scribbles some gibberish onto a piece of scratch paper. The sun has long settled, her pen digs into the thin edges of her desk as she slumps.
Right?
Yanfei clicks her jaw in place, feeling herself dizzying. Something is not right. She taps her foot impatiently. The Tianquan needed this done by today. She couldn’t afford to lose focus now. She just needed to…
Needed to push forward.
What the fuck is this feeling? Yanfei slams her pen down. She takes a soft breath in, heart palpitating between her chest.
She isn’t thinking when she runs out her office. Yanfei isn’t thinking at all. No, she isn’t thinking when she’s booking it down the stairs and running through the cramped streets.
Ignoring the fireworks and the noise. The brightness of the streets.
Something is wrong and Yanfei doesn’t know what it is and she’s weak in the knees. Her breathing is heavier and she feels…
She replays the conversation from last night. There was no way Hu Tao would break her promise, there was just no way. Her fist is clenched as she jumps through the stairs leading down the parlor, eyes examining every detail she can take before—-
“Zhongli.” She screeches to a full stop, eyes widened and pupils dilated.
Her breath is caught in her lungs.
A burst of butterflies, flames, and warmth—Yanfei feels herself lose strength in her body. Her knees fall, hand clutching her chest.
Yanfei can almost hear her voice. Almost. She can almost feel Hu Tao. She’s there, she knows she’s there. She chokes back the prickling heat of grief as she tries to stand tall.
”Yanfei,” Ganyu is helping her stand upright. Yanfei can’t stop herself.
”She will return.”
Yanfei takes a breath in, grounding herself. Trying to hear herself. Yanfei needs to be the voice of reason. She needs to be the prim and proper, the logical.
”You can’t seriously expect me to listen your words so simply without resolve or reason.” Yanfei isn’t so dramatic or burdening. She isn’t so… She bites her lip. “Where is she?” She tries not to let anger fuel her words.
Zhongli’s eyes are tightly closed. “She…” His voice trails off.
”What did she tell you?”
”Yanfei.”
”What did she tell you?”
Zhongli’s eyes flutter open as they meet Yanfei’s. They’re filled with grief and anger. “I sent the traveler. She will be back.”
Yanfei refuses that answer. It’s giving up, it’s—she swallows hard. “She told you she was going to do this, didn’t she?” Betrayal sinks into her skin.
Because maybe Yanfei did fail afterall. She talked to Yelan, talked to Xiao, Baizhu, Xiangling, and whoever it took to keep Hu Tao safe. In the end, it had to be Zhongli and Yanfei didn’t foresee it.
”This wasn’t my decision to make,”
”You—“ Yanfei breaks her breath with a bottled sob.
Ningguang who has been silent thus far releases a breath. “I understand your concerns but as of now… all we can do is have faith in Traveler.” She says in a synthetic sympathetic way it makes Yanfei frustrated.
”Even if she does come back, considering the high levels of fetor in her body, what are the chances she will be okay?” Yanfei clenches her teeth. “This shouldn’t be one humans burden to bear.”
Keqing seems contemplative as she looks over at Ganyu who shakes her head, stopping her from saying anything. Zhongli turns towards her now.
Something about divinity was never interesting enough to Yanfei. She understood the ways of the Gods. She knew where she stood, but having never signed a contract with the man in front of her? She didn’t care for Rex Lapis, not especially if he couldn’t guarantee Hu Tao’s safety.
“You must expect loss, that is the only way to prepare you for it. Director Hu will continue this for the rest of her short lived life.” Zhongli’s voice is unnerving. Assertive.
Yanfei tries not to let her blood boil.
“That is the only way I ever will be prepared for it.”
And suddenly she doesn’t have to. Yanfei swallows the tightness down her throat. Zhongli is not her enemy. There’s this wistfulness behind his eyes.
Yanfei hates that this is all he can do. That scares her to her bones because knowing he cares so deeply about Hu Tao? So much so to do everything he could to keep her safe… and even then the uncertainty lingering is terrifying.
Yanfei’s heart aches. Yelan sighs, “We’ve invested enough mourning a loss we don’t know has happened.” She snaps her fingers.
“May Rex Lapis bless them.”
Xiao is a man of few words. Yanfei appreciates what he has to offer… at least she tries to.
“If.. I may.” A girl Yanfei has never seen before speaks up. “Director Hu has showed me much kindness. My name is Lan Yan. From what I know, I understand she is beyond capable for this job.” She speaks with a tone of grace. Lan Yan, Yanfei knows she was mentioned, but all that goes through her head right now is hate.
Yanfei clenches her fist tight. Her eyes prickled with tears at the sight of those damned butterflies. Hu Tao was here somewhere. She refused to believe otherwise.
She had to be—
“Yanfei.”
Her eyes widen. It’s just as time feels slowed down, where lanterns have been released into the purple sky, filling the clouds with such beautiful colors. It’s then Yanfei feels it all.
Yanfei has never fear death. No, she can not die in any of the ways Hu Tao can and that fact has never been more scary than today. That fact has never been haunting because one day Hu Tao will leave and she will never comeback.
And Yanfei will never be prepared for it.
“She’s back.” Yanfei mutters, the silence sinking still. She collapses onto her knees, scrapping them in dramatic fashion. She presses a hand against her eyes as she breathes.
Yanfei doesn’t think about having to lose someone like Hu Tao because she’s convinced they’ve loved each other enough. Somehow between the guarantees she shouldn’t have taken for granted, Yanfei hadn’t realized how incredibly unprepared she is for anything.
Love isn’t about how much you have it’s about it’s existence and Yanfei isn’t quite sure if it’s presence will be still so prevalent in her life without Hu Tao.
So, sure, she’ll regret sobbing her heart out in front of all these prominent figured in a few hours but for now as Yelan squeezes her arm, holding her up right, Yanfei lets herself feel the relief.
Butterflies are not beautiful enough. They will never be worth the loss Yanfei must bear. She will eventually teach herself to despise them despite how greatly they represent Hu Tao.
Her knee is bleeding, her eyes are swollen, and she’s getting pity looks. “Would you like guidance to where she is?” Zhongli offers a hand.
”No, no.” Yanfei takes another breath in. She needs to face reality. “I’m alright.” She detaches herself from Ganyu and Yelan, standing with her own strength. At least, whatever is left of it.
“Thank you,” She whispers, croaking it out as she turns on her heel. The balls on her feet padding against the brick road as she moves as fast as she can. She doesn’t know how exactly but Yanfei just knows.
It might be the leylines, might be her adeptal powers, whatever it was—Yanfei knew where Hu Tao was. She knew she was safe.
”Relief looks good on you,” Ningguang smiles over towards a Zhongli who has his arms crossed.
”I’m not one to steal the spotlight. Though I won’t deny the facts.” He’s nodding.
And when Yanfei is tired out of her mind, halfway through the staircase, considering leaping through the air—she sees it.
The traveler and Hu Tao conversing, her heart is full. Archons, Yanfei feels so ridiculously full of relief and energy. She could run a marathon.
It’s only when Hu Tao and the traveler separate, Yanfei decides to continue up her steps. Trying to catch Hu Tao. What was desperation and pleading turns into wanting to just engulf Hu Tao with warmth.
”Oh, Yanfei.”
Somehow Yanfei catches the blonde on her way down before she gets to the Hu Tao wistfully staring at the Harbor. “Lumine,” She greets.
“I haven’t seen you all Lantern Rite.”
”I hate to cut this short—“
”By all means,” Lumine chuckles at her reaction, gesturing over to where Hu Tao is. “I have to go find Paimon anyway.”
“Lumine,” Yanfei feels it all again. “Thank you for saving her.”
”It’s what friends do.” She smiles back sweetly and Yanfei nods, they wave quickly as she continues running. She had to make it to her.
Yanfei needed to let her know.
She takes the final leap, slowing down in a cautious manner as she stares at Hu Tao marveling at the sight of the moon. Yanfei bites her lip silently, taking a step forward as she tip toes to cover Hu Tao’s eyes with her hands.
”Guess who?” Her voice is hoarse, quivering. She can’t control it.
Hu Tao holds her hands, they’re absolutely cold to the touch. “Huh, Ningguang, your hands have gotten smaller.”
Yanfei nudges her as Hu Tao releases her hands. Meeting her girlfriend with a big smile. “So, how was the firework—“
”You think I wouldn’t have known?”
Hu Tao pauses. “Tell me.” Yanfei’s tone is serious. “Tell me you weren’t afraid. Tell me that you were willing to leave it all behind.”
Her girlfriend looks at her weakly. “I met my father and grandfather.”
Yanfei’s eyebrows furrow together. “I always thought I’d know when it’d be my time, but I was wrong.” Hu Tao sighs, she’s nodding her head. She takes a breath in this time.
”You’re right.”
Yanfei closes her eyes, she doesn’t expect herself to break into sobs but she can’t help it anymore. She can’t think, she can’t even feel anymore helpless. “I’m sorry.” Hu Tao whispers as she hugs her tightly.
”You should have told me.”
”I wouldn’t have left if I faced you before I decided to.”
Yanfei clutches onto Hu Tao’s dress. “You’re so—“
Hu Tao kisses her the moment their eyes meet. It’s soft, it speaks for itself in ways Yanfei knows. She pulls away first, “You wanted to stay.”
”I did.” Hu Tao can’t deny.
”You’re going to leave me again after this. I don’t know when but one day you will and… and I’m afraid.” Yanfei allows herself to be vulnerable. Hu Tao wipes away her tears.
”Knowing that, you won’t walk away, will you?”
Yanfei shakes her head. “No.” She mutters back.
”I love you.” Hu Tao sighs into their embrace, she closes her eyes. In moments time, Yanfei isn’t how long has passed, but Hu Tao is knocked out in her arms.
Yanfei sighs, trying to control her own heart.
But to her… maybe just knowing Hu Tao was with her was just as important as anything else.
And when next Lantern Rite comes around, Yanfei vows to watch the butterflies with Hu Tao. At least, that’s what she thinks as she carries Hu Tao back home.
Back to their home.
Yanfei likes the sound of that. She kind of always has.