It was late Saturday evening, and you were on your way to the library, as you did every Saturday evening, to study or simply hang out with Remus. You were already doubting he'd be there because he'd been avoiding you for three days, but there was still a glimmer of hope that you were overthinking it and he wasn't avoiding you at all. The library was quiet, and only a dim light illuminated the space, but even with that little light, it was clear that no one else was present. You sighed and sat at your usual table, pulling out the homework you needed to finish. After a while, your head began to pound and your concentration faded, so you decided to gather your sheets and finish the homework the next day. The clock read 9:23 p.m., so you made the decision to go see the other boys while still hoping to see and talk to Remus.
You took a deep breath before knocking at the boy's dorm. It took them a few seconds before James opened the door and greeted you with a bright smile.
"Heya y/n, what're you doing here?"
"Hey James, I just couldn't look at this stupid homework anymore," you responded and he moved away from the doorway allowing you to come inside.
"You already started with the homework?" Sirius asked from his bed.
"Yeah let me guess you didn't?" He smirked at you and patted the space beside him motioning for you to take a seat.
"I'll push it ahead until the very last minute just like I always do," he said proudly and you smiled and shook your head.
Peter sat on the floor with his book opened in front of him and an empty paper next to it. He smiled at us following our conversation but when he turned back to his homework a frown returned on his face.
"Did you understand what we have to do y/n?" He asked and I stood up to sit next to him on the floor.
"Yeah how about we both do our homework together tomorrow?" You suggested and Peter answered with a smile and a nod.
"I'll guess you two won't be joining us tomorrow?" You looked at Sirius and James who both looked at each other and smirked.
"Nah we got stuff to do," James said and you raised an eyebrow.
"Oh really? What kind of stuff?"
"You know like planning pranks on Snivellus," Sirius stated.
You rolled your eyes but didn't comment on it.
"What about Moony why didn't you do your homework with him?" Sirius asked.
"Uh, he didn't come to the library so I just started alone. Talking about him do you know where he is?"
"Yeah he's in the ba-," Sirius couldn't finish his sentence because at the same moment Remus entered the room with wet messy hair and a towel hugging his slender waist. When he caught your eye his movements stopped and a slight redness started to spread across his face. After a few seconds, he hurried over to his trunk and searched for clean clothes.
"Hey, Remus can we talk?" He didn't respond and just grabbed his fresh clothes and returned to the bathroom.
"Well that was weird," Sirius commented, you sighed and buried your hands in your hands.
For a few minutes, you all just sat in silence and waited for Remus to return to the room. When he finally did he was fully dressed and his hair was almost dry. His movements were hurried and nervous.
"Remus can we please-"
"Y/n I really don't have time right now I have to go," he said interrupting you. And just as fast as he appeared he vanished again.
"Did I do something wrong?" The other boys looked at you and shrugged.
"I think he was just in a hurry," Peter said while snacking on a piece of chocolate.
"No, he's been liked that the whole week," you complained but the boys just stared at you.
"I think you're just overthinking this," James stated and Sirius nodded in agreement.
"Honestly you're not helping at all," you said and got up to leave the room.
"C'mon y/n you're being dramatic it's not that big of a deal you can't be mad at us for this," Sirius said and got up but before he could reach you, you already walked out of the dorm, and slammed the door behind you. You were aware that your reaction was unnecessary but right now you just needed someone's support and useful advice and not someone who tells you you're dramatic and you overthink too much. Regulus should've been your first choice for comfort. Of course, you love the other boys but no one ever understood you like Regulus does. Remus used to but you can't quite go to Remus when the problem is him.
It was shortly after ten when you quietly knocked on the door of Regulus's room. It was silent for a while until you heard a soft shuffling and then the creaking of the door. Regulus stood in front of you with sleepy eyes and messy curls.
"Did I wake you? I'm so sorry. I'll just leave," you quickly apologized and turned around to leave but Regulus grabbed your arm and pulled you inside.
"Do not ever think my sleep is more important than your problems. I'll always be here for you, you know that," he stated and we both sat on his bed.
Luckily his other roommates were who knows where and we were alone. His face was twisted in a worried expression and he patiently waited for me to explain to him what has happened. I sigh before I finally start to speak.
"Remus is avoiding me and I don't know what I did wrong. It's so weird because I miss him so much even though he's right there. The other boys say I'm overreacting and he's not avoiding me he's just busy. But I know something is wrong I can feel it," my start to water and I quickly wipe them hoping Regulus didn't see them. He put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me against him slowly stroking the back of my head.
"It's okay I'm sure he has his reasons for it and it's definitely not because of you," he comforted you for a few more minutes until you were sure you could pull yourself together.
"I tried to talk to him but he just doesn't let me," you exclaimed and Regulus listened closely.
"Try to catch him alone and then don't let him leave. Say something that would definitely make him stay," Regulus suggests while stroking your hand lightly.
"I'll try the library again he likes to go there if he wants to be alone and it's past curfew so no one's gonna be there anyway," you say and get up from the bed but before you turn to leave you give Regulus a tight hug.
"Thank you so much."
"Don't thank me I'm always happy to help you," he smiled and kissed your cheek, "now go get your best friend back."
You made your way towards the library as quietly as possible and luckily no teacher caught you sneaking through the halls. When you reached the library you opened the door carefully, slipped through it, and closed it behind you. Remus was sitting at your usual table with a candlelit. He looked up and there was panic in his eyes his body shot up and he gathered his stuff.
"Remus you and me we're talking. Now," you stated but he didn't slow his movements down instead he even sped up.
"It's late we should go to our dorms before we get caught," Remus didn't even look at your face he just strode past you. But this time you wouldn't let him go. Your hand reached for his wrist and you stopped him from gripping the door handle.
"I swear to Merlin Remus John Lupin if you leave this room we're done. Do you hear me? Our friendship is over," you stared at him and this time he stared back. There was hesitation in his eyes and still this panic.
"I'm so sorry," his wrist slid out of your hand and he walked through the door.
"I hate you, Remus. I fucking hate you," you hissed, and even in the dark, you could see the shaky breath he took.
When he was finally gone you couldn't contain your tears anymore and they started to fall down your cheeks. You couldn't go back to your dorm, not in this state. Staying here was no option either it was way too risky to get caught by the teachers. You felt for something in the pocket of your robe and yeah there it was. A cigarette packet.
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It was cold outside and your body started to shiver, but you didn't care because this was the best place where you could be right now. A cigarette was resting between your pointer finger and middle finger, you pulled your wand out of your pocket and lit the cigarette.
After only inhaling twice a few raindrops hit your face and in a matter of seconds it started to pour and the flame of your cigarette went out. Frustrated you threw it down.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck," you yelled and threw your hands in your hair.
"Y/n?" A voice behind you called you and immediately spun around.
Remus was standing a few feet in front of you with drenched clothes and wet hair. You both stared at each other through the rain and even though you couldn't see his tears you knew he had been crying because his eyes were red and slightly swollen.
"I don't wanna talk to you," you said and turned back around. You heard Remus coming closer but your body stayed in the same position.
"Please hear me out. I-," you dramatically turned around.
"Hear you out? Are you kidding me? I wanted to hear you out for days but you ignored me, avoided me, left me!" Your voice began to rise more and more and with every word you pushed Remus against his chest.
"Y/n please I can exp-"
"You had your chance to explain yourself you didn't take it. I warned you but obviously you didn't care," your chest was rising and sinking fast. Your anger continued to build up and you were afraid of what would happen if Remus wouldn't leave.
"I did. I did care," he took a step closer but you stepped back and shook your head.
"Hm-hm nope you didn't. Stop fucking pretending like you care about me or my feelings. You don't give a shit about me for any-"
"I fucking love you! I'm in love with you okay? That's why I've been avoiding you because I couldn't stand seeing you and knowing that I could never have you. And I thought avoiding you would be the best for both of us but I didn't think about how much it would affect you and I'm sorry because the last thing I ever wanted was hurting you," Remus splurted out.
"What?"
"Yeah make fun of me y/n go ahead I deserve it," Remus stated defeated.
"I- I like you too Remus," he quickly looked up and your eyes met. He was trying to figure out if you were joking or if you truly meant it but when you weren't saying anything after it or smirking he knew you were being dead serious.
"Really?"
"Yeah you fucking idiot why didn't you just ask me?" He smiled and stepped closer.
"Because I didn't even think it would be possible for you to like me," you gave his head a little nudge but still smiled.
"Honestly Lupin we really need to work on your self-esteem."
"Yeah I know. Can I- uh can I kiss you?" He asked carefully and you nodded.
The eye contact was intense but not uncomfortable he slowly reached for your cheek and then pulled you in connecting your lips. His lips were soft against yours and the rain continued to pour down on the two of you. The kiss was soft and sweet but lasted until you both had to break apart to catch your breath. When you reconnected your lips the kiss was passionate and heated the exact opposite of your first kiss.
"I guess our friendship is done after all," you said and smiled. Remus let out a laugh and connected your lips again.