The Archdemon was dead. Aspen was alive. Alistair was gone and dead but Aspen was alive.
Aspen did not remember much of that battle. She remembered the death throes - and she remembered Alistair slamming the hilt of his sword into her head. Aspen remembered falling.
She had woken in a makeshift infirmary, Leliana sitting by her side. Zevran had been not that far off, one arm in a sling.
Alistair was dead. Their last words had been an argument. He had been firm on the idea that she could not let her fear drive Leliana away.
“You love her. Say something. What if this fight kills her?”
Aspen curled her fingers into a fist. The leather of her gloves prevented her nails from biting into her palm. She had worn these leather gloves since Ostagar - Alistair had given them to her. Alistair had died so that she would live.
“And why are you down there?” Aspen looked up to see Wynne standing in front of her.
“Why wouldn’t I be down here?” Aspen crossed her arms over her knees. “The floor is quite comfortable.”
Wynne frowned, then sighed. “Is this…”
“Goodbye Wynne.” Aspen stood, slipping around her. She wasn’t going to let Wynne talk. She wasn’t in the mood for anything Wynne had to say. Whether it was trying to cheer her up or scold her.
Alistair had been her best friend. She might have called him her brother, but she didn’t know what it was like to have one.
He had died for her.
Aspen stopped, leaning against the wall. Her skin felt too tight and hot under her robes, under the leather of her gloves. She had always worn clothes that covered as much of her skin as possible to prevent touch. The idea of touching someone, of finding her soulmate only to see them be ripped away from her - it was agonizing. Aspen had never been able to bear the idea of that loss.
Of feeling the other half of her soul being torn from her as they were murdered. Aspen had seen it in the Circle. Had seen friends die to Templar blades and been forced to watch as their soulmates withered away. It was a slow, painful death.
Aspen had never wanted to risk it before. Had never loved anyone before. Had never… Alistair’s words repeated in her head. “You love her. Say something. What if this fight kills her?”
It had not. Leliana was alive. Her injuries had been easily healed. Leliana was alive and safe. Alistair was not.
Aspen was not blind to how Leliana felt. It was clear in almost everything she did, almost every movement. There were many nights when they had sat by the fire. Aspen had not allowed the touch, not with her hands bare and skin uncovered, but… it had been there. Soft looks. Leliana had stayed close, made sure never to touch but was always close.
There had been times either one of them had fallen to the ground during battle. When they had pulled each other up without thinking, without pause. Through their gloves the warmth of Leliana’s hands had been a brand.
Aspen pressed her face against the wall.
Leliana was safe and alive. Alistair was dead. He had been by her side one minute and gone the next. What if that was Leliana? The thought was unbearable.
Aspen wanted and wanted. Alistair had tried to tell her. It had been his last words to her. His last message to her.
She pushed off of the wall and started for the room Leliana had been given. It was possible she passed Zevran - Aspen wasn’t sure. She needed to find Leliana.
The other woman answered the door, blue eyes taking in Aspen. “Aspen, are you alright?”
“I -” The words got stuck in her throat, choking her.
Leliana did not touch her, though it was clear she wanted to reach out. Her arms twitched briefly before stilling. “Aspen, what is wrong?”
She was always so worried. So kind to everyone, not just those she cared about.
“Can I hug you?” Can I touch you? Aspen wanted to scream to the stars but the words were stuck, clogged, she couldn’t say what she wanted without feeling nausea building in her throat.
Leliana went very, very still. Aspen had never outright said why she refused touch - why the only member of their traveling party Aspen was willing to touch was Bear. Bear, who was a dog. But had clearly figured it out. It had not dulled her interest, her feelings.
Leliana who was patient and loving and… and had been willing to wait as long as Aspen needed. As long as she wanted.
“Are you sure?” The lilt of her voice had drawn Aspen in from the very beginning. At first it had just been the sound of it, her accent so different from anything Aspen had heard.
Then it had been because Leliana’s voice was safe. Aspen had let terror and fear rule her. Had let it keep them apart.
Leliana was alive and safe.
“Please. I -” Aspen tried to tug her gloves off. Now that she was here, Leliana in front of her, it was like she was possessed. She couldn’t stop.
Leliana stopped her, fingers incredibly gentle against Aspen’s own. The touch was hesitant and slow. “Let me help?”
Aspen nodded, and Leliana helped tug off the gloves. She let Aspen move, let Aspen wrap her arms tight around her. Red hair tickled her cheek as Leliana hugged her back. Her breath was unsteady, nose cautiously pressing into Aspen’s hair.
It started as little jolts. Where skin was pressed to skin. It wasn’t painful but it was electric. Pure energy running through her veins, growing stronger with each second.
Leliana made a sound, then a short, sharp curse in Orlesian. She pulled back, fingers hovering over Aspen’s cheek.
“You are my soulmate.” There was something like gentle reverence in her voice.
“I - I don’t want to lose you.”
Leliana let her fingers rest on Aspen’s cheek. At first the touch was hesitant still, then firmer, her entire hand resting against Aspen’s cheek. “You will not. I will not let it happen.”
“I have heard that before.” But she leaned into Leliana’s touch, leaned closer into her. This was the first time she had touched another living being that was not an animal in years.
“I will say it again, for as long as I need to. I will not let us be separated.”
Aspen wanted. She wanted Leliana and this electric fire running through her veins. She wanted a little garden for her plants and to see Leliana’s nugs running around. Aspen wanted to not worry about the Blight running through her veins.
A cure. She needed a cure. A cure to spend the rest of her life with Leliana.
“What has you thinking so intently?” Leliana asked, looking worried. Concerned for Aspen.
“Can I - can I kiss you?”
Later. Later she would tell Leliana the truth. Right now she wanted this. The warmth. The touch. She wanted to know what Leliana’s hair felt like under her fingers.
“You are more than welcome to.” Her soulmate breathed, and kissed her.