Chapter 3
SCORPIUS HYPERION MALFOY:
Scorpius grabbed a bag and snuck into the kitchen, where Janet was working on dinner for the family. He had asked her to save some aside in a container for him, so that he could have something to eat at Oxdon, and packed a few forks with it. He grabbed a water bottle and put it into the side pocket, making sure he had everything he needed as he went.
He was sick of the constant badgering about getting a girlfriend. His family was old-fashioned, to put it politely, and wished for him to find a girlfriend quickly. Apparently the high-society bigots were talking about him, and the possibility that he may be, God forbid, a gay. Well, they weren’t wrong, but his parents didn’t seem to like that idea. Dear Lord, he was fifteen and definitely not having Grandkids anytime soon, so he didn’t know what all the fuss was about.
Although, he supposed they were embarrassed enough by his OCD, so it just added insult to injury. Just wait until they hear that he’s asexual. Oh my, how disappointed in his existence would they be then? Extremely, Scorpius could tell you that much just by listening to the way they spoke about relationships. The idea is that you’re supposed to wait until marriage, but that after you are wed your are indeed supposed to bed each other. And, in doing so, end up with children. Not Scorpius’ cup of tea, sorry.
He was indeed quite envious of Albus Potter. The boy was much braver than he was, and most likely had a lot more support from home when it came to his sexuality. Sure, the kids at school were assholes, but Scorpius doubted Albus’ parents treated him the same. How else would he have had the bravery to come out as polysexual? A lot of kids didn’t know the distinction between that and polyamorous, and Scorpius would correct them if he could. Unfortunately, it was very difficult to do that without their fruit detectors going off, so he didn’t.
Look, it wasn’t that he didn’t want to correct them, or that he condoned the way they spoke about Albus, it was just scary. If rumours went around school that he was gay, then his parents would surely find out, and interrogate him about it because it’s a little odd that everyone seems to think so. And if they found out he was gay, they’d push the stereotype that he had been sleeping around, and then he’d have to explain that he was asexual. Forgive him for not wanting to be subjected to a talk about how invalid asexuality is, and how they would force him into a relationship with a girl to fix him. They treated him like a broken toy enough when it came to his OCD.
So, he waited at the bus stop a block from his home, and caught the bus to a train station before arriving in London. He caught another bus and got off at a bus stop close to Hadrian’s home, and saw him standing there on his phone. Although Scorpius didn’t know if it was Hadrian or someone else yet.
”Hey, is this Hadrian?” Scorpius asked.
”Yup,” Hadrian nodded. “Lacerta.”
Hadrian turned and the blonde and pink haired girl appeared. Right, Scorpius recalled, they’re neighbours.
“This time, I remembered food,” Lacerta said. “Let’s go!”
Scorpius smiled and followed the two. Oxdon Yourh Centre wasn’t far away, and Hadrian and Lacerta could probably walk there in under ten minutes, however it would be a much longer walk for Scorpius to reach the edge of Oxford and London from his home in North Oxford. Public transport took a little more than an hour, so he didn’t want to know how long walking would be.
They arrived at what would ordinarily be used as the front of the Youth Centre, although it was being used as an emergency exit now. Rather than going onto the roof, they went around to what was now used as the front entrance to sign in. Neville and Pavarti had been there the week prior, but Scorpius noticed there were other people there. When he went up to them to sign in however, he did see that Pavarti was inside in the kitchen.
”Hey, I’m Vex,” one of the people out front introduced themselves, and Scorpius noticed a Mongolian accent. “What are your names?”
”Lacerta Higgs,” Lacerta introduced herself, and Vex wrote that down.
“Preferred or given?”
”Given.”
”Alright, and is this your first time here?”
”No,” Lacerta shook her head.
”Female, male, or other?”
”Female.”
”Alright then,” Vex looked at the two boys. “And you two?”
”Scorpius Malfoy, it’s given. I’ve been here before and male.”
Vex wrote that down before turning to Hadrian.
”Hadrian Flint,” he responded. “Given, been here before, and other.”
Vex wrote that down and then the three went inside. Albus was already there, making conversation was a seventeen year old Scorpius didn’t recognise. When Albus noticed Scorpius, Hadrian, and Lacerta, he excused himself from the conversation and the seventeen year old went to a different group of people.
”Who was that?” Lacerta asked.
”Their name is Bee,” Albus said. “They live down the road from me so when I saw them I said hi.”
Scorpius nodded.
“Rift’s just messaged,” Hadrian said, putting his phone in his pocket. “They’re stuck in traffic at the moment but they should be here soon.”
“So, they’re gonna be late then?” Albus asked. “Alright. At least I won’t be stuck alone for a while this time.”
”What do you mean?” Lacerta asked.
”As I was packing a bag for tonight my parents got upset and asked where I was going,” Albus shrugged. “They’re cool with being gay or bi, but they were constantly disrespecting my first partner Ghost so they weren’t happy to find out I was hanging out with more non-binary people.”
Scorpius frowned. “Who’s Ghost?”
”They go to Everland Academy with my sister,” Albus shrugged. “Hates going to an all girls school because they’re not a girl, but no one seems to care that they’re non-binary.”
”That sucks,” Hadrian sighed. “This is why we need to get rid of gendered schools. It’s just a breeding ground for conservative values and bigotry.”
”Yeah, I have to agree,” Lacerta said. “I’d never survive an all girls school. And I’m a lesbian.”
”I’m gay, and I approve this message,” Scorpius raised a hand.
”Mixed gendered schools, queer tested and queer approved,” Albus said. “But for real, it’s not like they force us apart during primary school.”
“Exactly!” Scorpius nodded. “It’s the notion that all teenagers get mega horny during puberty that separates them. But that doesn’t do much for the gays.”
”If anything it makes it clearer that we’re gay,” Albus agreed.
”Yeah, no I’m straight and can’t relate,” Hadrian did a peace sign. “But it’s fine because I’m grey-ace and traumatised. Plus there are a few lesbians and gays running around in the headspace.”
”I swear, all ace-spec people are traumatised,” Lacerta said.
“We are,” Scorpius nodded. “It’s because we’re all terrified our partners will try to tell us we aren’t ace.”
”What, you’re ace?” Hadrian gasped in jest. “Absolutely not. That’s not possible. How can you not want sex?”
”I know right?” Scorpius shook his head. “It’s like the best thing in the world. I can’t live without it.”
”I know dude,” Hadrian shrugged. “It’s like saying you hate taxes. Everybody’s gotta do it at least once a year.”
”And it’s also illegal if you don’t,” Scorpius sighed. “Every single adult virgin will now be sent a fine of £5,000.”
Lacerta looked slightly confused for a minute until she caught onto the fact that they were joking.
Albus shrugged. “That’s the one thing I never understood about the societal view of asexuality. Like, I don’t feel anything for girls and a lot of people don’t think that’s weird. But as soon as someone says they don’t feel that way about anyone it becomes weird.”
”Yes!” Hadrian pointed. “I think the first person I told looked at me funny and when I explained that the way they felt about girls was how I felt about most people in general, they said ‘but you have to feel that way about someone’.”
“That’s why I only told people I already knew were queer,” Scorpius explained. “That way there’s less of a risk they’ll be a prick about it.”
”People can be pricks about the weirdest things,” Lacerta shook her head. “After I dyed my hair some pick me girl started calling me Barbie. Like, how does one get from pink to plastic?”
”I think it’s because you’re clearly very feminine,” Albus shrugged. “I notice some girls like to put femininity down because of internalised misogyny.”
Lacerta frowned. “I still don’t get what that has to do with plastic. It’s femininity. How does liking feminine things make me plastic?”
”I don’t know,” Hadrian shrugged. “Girls a still very much a mystery to me. Even with a few inside the headspace.”
”I’m sorry if this is rude, what’s the headspace?” Albus asked.
”Oh, it’s like a place inside the consciousness,” Hadrian shrugged. “That’s the easiest way to describe it. But when alters aren’t at the front, that’s where they go. So, I think you met Sab right?”
Albus nodded.
”Right, well, while you were talking to Sab I was in the headspace with other alters. For us it’s a little town, so I was actually in a coffee shop with Nico when I came to the front. Does that make sense?”
Albus nodded. “Makes more sense than the idea that you just disappear, like I originally thought. But, you have no memory of meeting me here?”
”No,” Hadrian shook his head. “I was walking to the bus stop when I saw a kid with a toy that I think triggered out Bronwyn. After that I took the front from Sab, so I assume they switched at some point but I have no idea what happened in between walking to the bus stop and finding Rift. Which, not gonna lie, was absolutely terrifying. That’s why I went up to Rift, because I saw them and realised it someone I knew so I felt safer going up to them.”
Scorpius knew Hadrian was quite capable to handle himself on his own, as were the rest of the alters, but he also knew that they could sometimes get scared if it was sudden or they had no communication involved. Hadrian was only recently diagnosed, because Marcus noticed differences in his mannerisms and accents at times and wanted to know what the cause was. It was still startling to realise that there were in fact moments that Hadrian had no recollection of. Like the time Nico had been at the front with Scorpius when they went to a restaurant, but then Hadrian didn’t know anything about the restaurant they went to or what Nico had ordered. It was startling from an outside perspective, but Scorpius guessed it was even worse for Hadrian and the other alters in the body.
”Guess who’s here bitches!” Scorpius turned to see Rift wielding a baguette.
”Oh my God, you actually brought a whole baguette,” Albus looked at the enby in shock.
”They said they were going to bring a baguette,” Lacerta mumbled, clearly confused by Albus’ shock.
”I am an enby of my word,” Rift smirked. “Now, to the feast!”
Rift ran outside, wielding their baguette like lance, ready for jousting. Hadrian ran out next, with Scorpius, Albus and Lacerta following soon afterwards. They ran out to the back, and Rift got on top of the wall, standing with their baguette like it was a magic staff. Lacerta got up next, dusting off her pink jeans.
Scorpius noticed that seemed to be her favourite colour. She seemed to only own pink and white clothing at least. As for Rift, it was more difficult because they were wearing a bright yellow shirt with rainbow jean-leggings. They were made of a weird fabric. Hadrian dressed purely in baggy neutrals, although that wasn’t necessarily his style it was just easier that way. Albus, well Albus seemed to have an unlimited amount of band t-shirts and ripped jeans. Either that or he was wearing the same thing as last time, which wasn’t unlikely.
Scorpius himself only wore neutral academia. Not because it was his favourite style, but because it was the easiest way to please his parents without looking like a forty year old business man. He had what he called his secret closet, which was really just a box tucked away with clothes he really wanted to wear but was too scared to. His parents weren’t the most accepting people on Earth. The way he dressed seemed to be the only thing they liked about him. He wasn’t quite prepared to have that change.
After everyone else had started to climb, Scorpius braved the climb himself. He was the shortest out of all of them, and while Rift did also need a little help, they were still a few inches above Scorpius. Hadrian and Albus were the tallest, so naturally they were the ones to pull Scorpius up. Once on the roof, Scorpius felt the panic set in. It was different to normal panic, it was less ‘oh my God, we’re so high up’ and more ‘oh my God, I’m going to die, I won’t get to see my parents and tell them the truth, I’ll never get to tell my crush how I feel’. That was because it was less genuine anxiety, and more just intrusive thoughts about death. He got those a lot in day to day life, so it wasn’t actually that alarming.
Scorpius saw Albus sitting close to the ledge, and carefully walked over to join him. Scorpius only realised his mistake after sitting down.
Jump off!
Scorpius cringed. Why did his intrusive thoughts have to be so dark? Couldn’t his intrusive thoughts be about anything other than death for a change?
”You okay?” Albus asked. “You look apprehensive. And you just jerked your head.”
”Sorry,” Scorpius mumbled. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”
”Startle me?” Albus raised an eyebrow. “Scorpius, you just jerked your head as if someone had been picking on you and hit a sensitive spot. What’s going on?”
Scorpius sighed. “How much do you know about OCD?”
”A little bit,” Albus shrugged. “You have compulsions and aversions that inhibit daily function right?”
Scorpius tilted his hand back and forth. “Sort of. That’s the simple and most visible way it affects life. It’s more than just weird habits though.”
“Care to explain?”
”I get intrusive thoughts,” Scorpius elaborated. “It’s like, if I don’t tap my pen on the table ten times after I sit down I feel like someone’s going to slaughter the entire class. If I don’t remove all wrinkles from my clothes then someone’s going to come up behind me and kill me. Logically I know none of that is gonna happen but….”
Scorpius rubbed his temples as if trying to push the thoughts of jumping, falling, or being pushed off the building out of his mind. He decided it was best to scoot away from the ledge.
”They can be specific to situations too,” Scorpius continued. “Like when I was chopping vegetables one time and my brain kept telling me to cut my arm off.”
”Oh,” Albus cringed at the idea. “Are you…?”
”It’s not a self-harm thing,” Scorpius clarified. “I didn’t want to cut my arm off, or stab myself, or throw the knife at someone’s face, the thoughts just kept … persisting. You know how people talk about their brain and their heart having different views?”
Albus nodded.
”Imagine that, but times by a thousand,” Scorpius sighed. “It’s just annoying. And scary. I keep thinking that one of these days I might actually chop my arm off or tip boiling water over my head. And I don’t want to do that.”
Albus stood up and held his hand out for Scorpius to take.
”I’m guessing you got intrusive thoughts about falling and dying then?” He suggested.
Scorpius huffed, before taking the ebony haired boys hand.
He’s gonna throw you off. Then you’ll die and he’ll get away with it by saying you fell.
Scorpius gripped slightly tighter onto Albus’ hand after that. Seriously, why was his brain like this?
You’re gonna throw him off. And then he’ll either die and you’ll go to jail or he’ll be paralysed and never want to see you again.
Scorpius bit down hard on his lip, trying to do something to distract his mind from death and destruction. He snapped out of it when he felt Albus tugging on his arm to lead him back down.
”Where are you two going?” Lacerta asked.
”Inside,” Albus called back. “Going to make some tea, would you guys like any?”
Hadrian and Lacerta shook their heads.
”No thanks,” Rift called out.
Albus waved before climbing back down to the slanted garage roof, and stepped back so that Scorpius could get down. He needed a little help, because he was fair but shorter than Albus.
Scorpius couldn’t quite reach the windowsill, so if he let go there was no doubt in his mind he’d fall and slide off the roof head first. That didn’t stop him from almost jumping out of his skin when Albus offered to help, and had to wrap his arms around Scorpius’ waist. Scorpius felt himself go bright red, and even once he was standing on the garage roof, he felt like his legs would give out.
“You okay?” Albus asked.
”Yes,” Scorpius blurted out. “Fine. Good. Dandy. Everything is fine, good and dandy.”
”You sure?” Albus pressed on. “You look like you’re about to faint.”
Scorpius mentally berated himself. Why did he have to be so damn weird? This was probably the worst first impression Albus had ever gotten of someone. Although, technically this wasn’t his first impression. It was still horrible, because Albus now probably thought he was weird and afraid of everything.
“Okay, I’m going to let go now, because I need to got down onto the wall,” Albus said cautiously.
Scorpius nodded and tried to hold himself so that he wouldn’t slip and fall to his doom. Albus jumped down from the wall and stood back.
”Alright, I’m out of your way.”
Scorpius swallowed and climbed the rest of the way down. This was the section that was easy, it was the window that was the hard part. He jumped down from the wall and dusted his hands off.
”You seem more anxious than last time?” Albus raised an eyebrow. “I mean, you were apprehensive but you managed to climb and all of that just fine?”
”OCD is an anxiety disorder,” Scorpius clarified. “You have good days and bad days. This, is an especially bad day. Just like GAD, and PD, the more anxious you are about something, the more it becomes an intrusive thought. Or, they become more persistent in my case.”
”What has you so anxious?”
Scorpius opened his mouth and closed it a few times before answering.
”My parents keep insisting I get a girlfriend,” Scorpius shrugged. “Not something I want to do, but hey, my parents keep trying to set me up with this high society girl. Think her name is Phoenix, and no, you can not make fun of that. Hadrian thought it was funny, a Scorpion and a Phoenix.”
”Well don’t date her,” Albus said. “I didn’t date anyone I didn’t want to before coming out. Just because your parents don’t know you’re gay doesn’t mean you have to date a girl.”
”I wish it were that simple,” Scorpius sighed. “There are already rumours going around among the wealthy and bigoted, I think they just want to prove to their ‘friends’ that I’m not gay. Which, good luck for them.”
Scorpius and Albus got to the ramp of the Youth Centre, and started walking, dodging the legs of those that decided it was a nice place to sit.
”So,” Albus started once the group was out of earshot, “you’re gay, everyone thinks you’re gay, you’re parents don’t know you’re gay, and they want you to date a girl to prove you’re not gay?”
Scorpius nodded. “Welcome to high society, I’ll be your guide.”
Albus laughed lightly.
“There’s a fancy soirée — don’t ask, I don’t know the difference between a soirée, ball, or gala either. Apparently there is one,” Scorpius waved it off. “Anyway, they want me to spend the evening chatting her up, confiscated my phone so that I’d have nothing else to do. And I’ve already been given the lecture on bringing a bag of books to an event, so that’s out of the question.”
”You think you could get away with climbing out of a window?” Albus asked. “My brother got his learners and I’m sure I’ve got enough dirt to blackmail him into helping.”
Scorpius snorted. “Sure, pick my up from Bradmore Road in Oxford at seven in the evening. I’ll be the short blond kid in a waistcoat.”
”Right, then we can drop you off at your house.”
”Can’t actually. I also live in Bradmore, and the Carrow’s live less than a five minute walk away. So you know, I’ll just have to let the demonic pricks suck my soul.”
”Or you could stay at my house,” Albus offered. “There’s no guest room, so you’d have to either sleep on the couch or in my room, but I know all about sleeping at a friends to avoid parents.”
”You’d do that?” Scorpius asked.
”Yeah, of course.”
”But I wouldn’t be able to bring anything,” Scorpius huffed. “My parents would get suspicious if I brought a bag with me.”
”When is it?”
Scorpius furrowed his brows in confusion. “Next Saturday?”
”Bring a bag of stuff to Youth next Friday,” Albus said, holding the door open for Scorpius. “I can take it home and you’ll have your stuff there.”
Scorpius nodded in thought as he leant against the counter in the kitchen. It was a big risk, and he’d probably get into a lot of trouble, but he really didn’t want to deal with his parents badgering him into asking Phoenix to dance. What would happen then? They’d have to spend more time together, until he was slowly forced into being her boyfriend. He knew this, he wasn’t stupid despite what people thought.
Albus filled the kettle with water before turning it on and got out two cups. He scanned the boxes of Twining teabags before picking one.
”Which one do you want?” He asked. “Peppermint, chai spice, or black?”
”Chai spice,” Scorpius answered.
Albus dropped the teabag into one of the cups and grabbed the sugar, giving himself a teaspoon before gesturing to Scorpius.
”Just have a teaspoon for me,” Scorpius nodded.
Scorpius walked up to the fridge and pulled out the milk, pouring some of it into his cup before the water had boiled. His parents didn’t do it that way, and they always gave him a weird look when he did, so he didn’t usually let other people make his tea. People tended to think he was weird for making his tea like this, but he just couldn’t drink it any other way. Well, he could, it didn’t actually taste that different, but he also, couldn’t. It was difficult to explain.
When the water was boiled Albus poured them their cups of tea, and started to sip on his. How he could do that with a cup of boiling water with no milk amazed Scorpius. Surely his tongue had been burned.
”What?” Albus slanted his eyebrows. “My mouth that enticing?”
Scorpius went red, that had not been what he was thinking. “No, I was just wondering how you aren’t burning yourself,” Scorpius hurried to explain. God, that just made it obvious.
”I’m used to it,” Albus shrugged. “Burnt myself on worse many times.”
Scorpius looked at Albus in slight confusion.
”I was going through a bit of a rough time a few months ago,” Albus said. “My parents were being pricks, the kids at school even worse, and then Ghost and I broke up. Everything seemed to just be going wrong, so I used to intentionally put cigarettes out on myself. Don’t do it anymore, but tea is nothing compared to that.”
Scorpius frowned. Albus had always seemed so confident, and self-assured. To think that Albus had been at such a low point that he would do something like that to himself, it was difficult to imagine. Albus didn’t have any physical scars, no red marks from healing burns, the evidence was gone. Albus didn’t have to worry about covering his arms. But when Scorpius thought about the things he’d heard his dorm mates say about Albus, he realised he probably shouldn’t have been shocked.
The two continued talking, changing the topic to something lighter, and drained their cups of tea before heading back onto the roof. Scorpius had calmed down considerably, so his intrusive thoughts about death weren’t nearly as persistent. They were still there, he was climbing onto a roof and suffered from severe intrusive thoughts, but the ones about death weren’t nearly as bad now that he was less anxious. The most nerve-wracking thing that happened was Albus touching his waist while trying to hold him in support. God, why was he reacting so visibly to this? Couldn’t he just respond like a normal person and scream internally?
Hadrian helped pull both Albus and Scorpius up, and gave them big hugs. Well, they were being more affectionate than Hadrian so Scorpius had to assume someone else had switched out while they were inside drinking tea.
”You must be Alec,” came the American accent which told Scorpius it was Amira. “I think I’ve seen you at Wilhelm Academy a few times.”
Albus nodded. “It’s actually Albus,” he corrected. “And you are?”
”Amira,” she responded. “She/her. I switched out a few minutes ago, and I’ve just met Rift.”
Amira pointed to Rift, who was cutting the baguette into smaller slices.
”They’re really fun!” Amira smiled brightly. “Come on, we’re getting all the food out.”
Amira skipped over and plonked down next to Rift, chatting them up excitedly. Scorpius and Albus joined them, and pulled out what they brought. Scorpius pulled out his container of fried rice, and placed it next to Lacerta’s spag-bol. Admittedly, they didn’t go well together, but hey, people didn’t have to eat everything. Albus pulled out a container with vegetables and crackers. Definitely not what Scorpius expected but it wasn’t bad.
”I tried to sneak some dinner, but my Dad is surprisingly stubborn about taking any of it.”
Amira looked through her bag. “I guess we brought, stir fry. Nice.”
They talked, and ate, leaving behind very few left-overs. It was nice, to just relax and enjoy the company of others. Of course he still went through with his normal compulsion to tap the end of his fork on the table (or roof in this case), but he was surprised when no one paid it much notice. Usually his parents were always on the look out, and scolding him for doing any of his compulsions. So, it was a nice change.
At some point Amira got up and started lightly honking people on the head.
”Woah, your hair is so soft,” Amira gasped behind Albus.
”Thank you?” Albus smiled, slightly confused.
”Can I play with it?” Amira asked.
”Sure,” Albus shrugged. “I don’t mind.”
”You remind of one of my old students,” Amira said absentmindedly.
”One of your what’s?” Albus glanced at Scorpius in confusion.
”Right, yeah,” Scorpius put his fork down. “Amira is a fictive from a children’s book by an American author.”
”Sorry,” Amira sighed, “I forget Hadrian’s new to this. I don’t know how much he explains to people outside the system. But yes, I am a fictive. The book I come from is supposed to teach kids about kindness, and the illustrations are cute. Sorry if I confused you.”
”Oh, no problem,” Albus shrugged.
”Oh! I thought you were familiar!” Rift exclaimed. “I think I read that book! ‘Heart of Gold, By: Lewis Finch’ right?”
Amira nodded. “Yes. As far as I know I’m the only fictive in the system, but I don’t know if I’ve met everyone.”
”Right,” Lacerta nodded. “Sorry if this is rude, but going back to our previous conversation, ‘Heartstopper’, opinions?”
“What’s that?” Albus asked.
”It’s a book series about gay people,” Rift started jumping on the spot excitedly. “I love them!”
The conversation went back to books and queer representation after that, until nine o’clock when everyone went home. Well, Albus, Lacerta, Amira, and Rift went home, Scorpius stayed the night at the Flint’s.