Ceasefire (discontinued)

His steps were firm and careful. Wand at ready. Eyes wandering for whoever might following after him. The awful creaking noise of wooden floor he produced on his step only made it even worser, for now that he knew he could never kill the old man silently.

Faded dappled light was seen piercing through wooden slits above him, but it doesn’t seem or smell like it’s about to rain, Draco Thought. Sky was dull when he reached the top of astronomy tower. Cold wind blows as he stood on the edge of stairs meekly. He picked some dead leaves scattered around him and went to the edge to lean himself there. He stared blankly at the panorama before him. Hogwarts looked dry and pale lately. As well as everyone in it. Just like him. Just like these dead leaves he just picked and crushed immediately at the thought. Throwing them to the free air.

Draco never understood how much he was suffering right now.

Or did he?

He looked down at his shoes. This place. This exact spot he standing on right now is going to be the place of either his death or Dumbledore’s. His death? No, he snapped, he’s going to murder Dumbledore and cleanse his family’s name to the Dark Lord. How? He thought. I can do it myself. I don’t need Snape or aunt Bellatrix on my way. I can kill him myself.  The thought made him pointing his wand to the blank space in front of him, picturing if Dumbledore was there. He muttered the word without saying it. A-vaa..Ke-daa …Then he imagined the old man dead by him and possible others that night.

What if he couldn’t chant it properly?

I can..

What if Dumbledore countered his attack and it bounce back on him?

It will not…

What if..

The floor creaked again under his feet. Shortly he found his face warm and slightly crunched. He let out a silence single sob and lifted his head to hold back his tears.

Draco never understood how much he was suffering right now because he’s being on a very difficult juxtaposed situation. Does he dared to kill someone? No. He actually never felt sure about it. Does he want to save his family? Yes. Draco did hated Dumbledore that he wanted him dead. But if he must be the one who kill him….Draco silenced his mind. His body trembling and small tear flow on his reddened cheek. At this point, he doesn’t know how to set his mind about it. He just couldn’t deny the fact that Dumbledore is a great wizard and he’ll definitely lose by him. Not if i do it silently….He failed to give Dumbledore the cursed objects….Not if aunt Bella helped…He honestly wanted to do it alone, although Bellatrix did wanted to help Draco without interfering his business and possibly actually helped him on the spot, he still wanted to do it alone for his pride.

His Pride…What’s about this pride?. Pride to save his family? Does he even have one?

Draco missed his long dead mother just like he missed his jailed Father. After Narcissa’s death, he knew he will spend the rest of his life with his cold father, Lucius. Draco grew up listening to him. Brought around Draco to become his proud descendant. By then, his true definition of pride is to detest and kill whoever stepped in their way, to hate the non-purebloods, to serve the Dark Lord, to cleanse Lucius’ name after his inevitable failure. Nonetheless, Draco rarely talk with his father that he doubted the man ever loved him as his son. Draco doubted Lucius didn’t even know about his son being mainly involved on this suicide mission.  He didn’t dare to write confession on a letter other than asking how his father doing in Azkaban. How was the air? The food? The guards? In hope to start a cryptic conversation. But Draco didn’t get any feedback. All the letters he had sent, none ever came back to him.

But his mother would. The woman would let the house elves rest and bake handcrafted pie for Draco’s triumph. His mother would do teasing pinch and kiss him on the cheek, hug him, and let him cry in deep embrace. In times like this, He just knew his mother would do anything to protect him, to convince his sister Bellatrix and her husband’s friend Snape to help Draco on accomplishing his mission.

What pride? He thought again. He’s missing the man that never cared about him and his nonexistent mother. At the piercing loneliness, Draco fell on his knees and huddle himself there, sobbing silently.

Aside of his maternal aunt, Snape did offered Draco a hand. When Draco asked why, he just said he would because he was Lucius’ friend and a fellow Death Eater. Later that night Draco met him secretly, only to tell him to not get involve in his mission and for suspecting him to take his ‘pride’ away from him. Snape detest him and called him an idiot instead. Draco flinched quickly when the man nearly tumbled him down.

He asked about his father. Snape shook his head and slammed the door in front of him.

Lucius Malfoy was the only family he had left and the only pride trophy he could claim for.

But how? And why exactly?

Sometimes his friends jokingly said that he didn’t look much of different to Potter for being weird acted and ‘parentless’. Blaise would snap out the conversation and say the first sorry to Draco, because he went silent all of sudden and ready to kill someone at a heartbeat. His friends could do that because they didn’t know about it. The mission and all. Draco thought it was the best for them.

Approaching the planned assassination day, Draco dared to tell pansy about something. Not the mission. But something rather special.

“If you met my father at some occasion could you please tell him that I love  him?” Draco honestly didn’t know if he was being sarcastic or covering up his own sadness.

“What is this? You sound like you’re about to kill yourself. “She cackled.

“No, I’m being serious just do it”

“You look like shit, Draco. What happened? We’re all worried..” She didn’t lie because Draco really looked like one. He had lost his sense of good appearance very much lately.

Draco just stood there awkwardly. He pulled a snot back to his nose and left the spot. “Don’t find me,” he added.

The day he feared is coming, and it has to be happened.

The first thing Draco did when approaching Dumbledore is to disarm his wand. He did and he didn’t picked it

He didn’t picked it.

Draco didn’t dare to kill. He only stood there with legs shaking and tears flowing silently while the only thing he did was brushing off Dumbledore’s offer to help him with trembled voice.

Pride. Pride. Pride.

But he didn’t dare to kill a man. He never did.

Bellatrix keep convincing him to kill. Kill. Kill. What is killing? Draco thoughts were blurred as he started to sob. The act of ripping someone’s life from them. His breath was extremely irregular at the thought. Once I kill a man, I’ll be a killer forever. In a brief moment, Draco thought of his father. He never knew if Lucius ever killed a man in his life. Lucius jailed because he was a convinced Death Eater…not a murderer…He really wanted to ask anyone about it. He wanted to ask his father if what he did was right, because he never had a chance to talk to him for years. He just hoped for Dumbledore to kill him instead and joining his mother in eternity. But he didn’t. Even in layers of tears pilling up in his eyes, Draco could see that Dumbledore was surrendering himself, like he knew his death was about to happen. Draco could end him very easily.

Why? What? How? Why me? Why me? Why me?

“Aunt Bellatrix, does father ever killed someone?” Draco asked in his sob. pointing his wand still at Dumbledore.

Bellatrix of course, thought it was a stupid question. “YOUR FATHER WILL BE PROUD OF YOU!” She snarled. “NOW DO IT!”

“Is he..?”

“DO IT!”

Father…never killed anyone…

Snape entered the scene and asked Draco to step off. Dumbledore said something to him and was killed at a flick of Snape’s wand.

Did Professor Severus Snape…Just…Before he could finish his thoughts, Draco felt his hand yanked by Snape and forced to leave Hogwarts. Sobbed hard in his weak run, Draco’s mind filled with thoughts of several fact. That he just…witnessed a man being killed in front of his eyes, that it could be him or anyone else at that scene who died tonight, that he had lost his chance of pride while also being glad that he’s not a murderer, that he had no way else to go after being convinced being part of assassination team, what would his friends say? His mother might get disappointed for witnessing her baby boy being turned into such of a man from some place. Glad and fear was washed away like a big flood on his mind.

Snape was facing Potter who turned out to be running after them. He ordered the rest of them to go without him. Bellatrix lead the way into the dark forest.

The pack slowed their steps as they reached the end of Hogwarts barrier. “Get ready to apparate!,” Bellatrix said between her happy laughs. Just as Draco was about to reach his aunt’s hand, a thick, black of shadow stormed after them and parted the pack.

“What is THAT!?” Fellow Death Eater screeched. Draco was in terrible fear. The shadow followed them in random movement.  It managed to dodge the casted spells.

A distance voice muttered a spell “Petrificus Totallus!” and it hit Draco.

The shadow immediately go after him. Stealing him from the pack. In his petrified body, Draco could feel he’s being carried away by a person. They’re holding him tightly.

The person pointed their wand on Draco’s head and whispered another petrifying spell. The last thing he could remember was the person’s voice. It was a man, and it was a strangely familiar voice. And his long, brunette mane was covering Draco’s face. Everything was blurred as they apparated. By then, Draco totally lost his consciousness.

.------

Draco felt light the moment he woke up. It was a blissful sleep he didn’t have for months.

The first thing he noticed after opening his eyes was flimsy wood all over the place. And the smell. It smelled of strong alcohol and sweaty people.  He felt one of his hands was chained and it was connected to the wooden table he slept on. He gasped, yanked himself up quickly, and noticed the room was full of snatchers.

“What is this!?” Draco wiggled from the dangling chain he was trapped on. Later he noticed his feet were also chained to the table. A man pointed at Draco with his head, trying to inform his presence to someone in the room. “Get these chains off me!” Draco screeched in panic and disgust.

Three men separated themselves from the crowd and approaching Draco. One was holding a very large pint of beer and one jacked Draco by the hair.  

“This boy is the cleanest person in the room!” The man announced, fingers gripping hard on Draco’s head top and his other hand forcing Draco’s mouth to open by jacking down his chin. Holding him still in such position. Draco grunted angrily while the other men force-feed him with gigantic pint of beer he was holding. The crowd noticed the scene and counting on Draco. “Drink! Drink! Drink!”.  Every man and woman were shouting, which of course he couldn’t take all. It was spilling all over his turtleneck black suit, staining it with a tint of yellow.

“No crybabies..” The man said, Slamming the empty pint on the table. Draco was choking and vomiting himself that he nearly couldn’t breathe. Another man approached Draco’s place with unpleasant look on his face. He had tied back unwashed-looking hair with red tag on his left arm and odd-looking plaid bottom. “That’s enough,” He muttered. The three men sneered on him and leave.

“What have you done…” Draco spoke in drool. “You just messed up with me, you never know what’s coming after you!”

“Shut your fucking mouth!” he pointed a finger at Draco.

“Get your hand out of my face, you filthy muck!”

He smacked Draco on the face that he nearly passed out. The crowd gave a loud “Oooooooh”. Draco’s nose was stinging and fresh blood smeared there. He saw the man drew his wand on him and Draco muttered a weak “no, no, no” on it. The man, who was well known in the snatcher pub as Scabior, flicked his wand and Draco’s table chain moved its way to his other hand, making a handcuff out of it. “Move your ass out of that table,” he ordered, as the chain on Draco’s feet had dissolved in a blink. “Quickly!” He shouted while grabbing Draco on his back. Pushing him into the other room.

They climbed up a narrow, brittle wooden stair, that was also making even horrible creaking noise. The sound gave immediate flashback to Draco about the murder at astronomy tower, how long since it happened?  What about Bellatrix and everyone when he was kidnapped by snatchers? No, a snatcher. Where are they now? Where is he now?..

“Dumbledore was killed,” Draco said bravely in gushing blood on his mouth.

Scabior, not listening and being stupid as he is, replied, “Who?”. He thought about it for a while. “Oh, what’s your business about it?”

“How long since it happened?”

“What about it?” Scabior tightened the grip on Draco’s back. He flinched.

“Is it really hard to tell?” His voice was trembling.

The two arrived at the destined room. Scabior opened the door with a kick and raised his grip on Draco up like he’s holding a kitten. “You may wanna take care of your hostage yourself before others bully him to death downstairs,”. He released the grip, slammed the door, and left Draco there, utterly confused.

the crowd looked at him for a moment, then back to their business again.

The room was also filled with people, but it was calmer than the other room downstairs. People, that are still looked like they’re snatchers, are chattering with slow music played by house elves. Draco’s hard thumped hard at what or who awaited him. He just stood there, awkwardly by the door.

Someone stared intently at Draco, and after that, he went to another adjoining room, like he was about to tell someone.

Draco thumped even harder. Forgetting that he looked awful in blood all over his face and wet clothes.

And then,

His heart dropped.

A man came out of the other room. He was thin bearded and slightly taller than Draco. Wearing leather jacket that covers his clearly looked Azkaban shirt and was ripped horribly on the chest, it shows bunch of tattoos that looked real, as well as pair of dull-colored ripped jeans and leather shoes. He walked over but not too close. He just stood there, among the crowd and was no center of anything for everyone but Draco, staring at the young man’s broken figure across the room. Idly holding the newly lit cigarette in his too, tattooed fingers. The first thing Draco noticed was the man’s hair, a shoulder-length of unkempt brunette. The strands were similar to those he saw the night he was kidnapped. It looked unreal. But the face, the man’s face was real…

It was his father.