Regulus is shaking. His eyes are huge, flicking between James’ own. His hands shake when he presses them to his lips.
It’s startling, so different from the steady indifference that usually radiates off of him. Regulus is controlled in a way Sirius never quite mastered. They have the same grace, but where Sirus tends to sprawl, Regulus holds himself balanced.
There is no balance in this moment. Regulus is swaying on his feet, fingers white where they’re pressed to his lips. He’s desperately trying to hold himself together. And he’s failing.
“Reg?” James’ throat catches.
Regulus shakes his head. It’s a wild movement, his hair whipping his cheeks. James can hear the way Regulus’ breath is whistling through his nose. He’s not taking any real breaths, just choking on the air.
“Hey, breathe, take a breath,” James whispers, taking a step forward and pulling Regulus into his chest all in one movement.
I’ll hold you together. I’ll hold you together for as long as you need to fall apart.
Regulus is coiled so tight. James rubs his hand down his back and he gasps, harsh and loud and so out of control. On the release of his breath, Regulus lets out a broken little sound, a whimper.
Something is turning to ice in James’ chest. Everything around them is going dim and very cold. He cups the back of Regulus’ neck. He’s burning up, damp with sweat. James concentrates on that heat, trying to stay grounded in this moment.
“I got you, I’m-“ before James can finish the sentence, Regulus is shoving at his chest, wild and choking.
“Stop stop stop stop,” he’s shaking his head, clinging to himself, stumbling away from James. Regulus’ cheeks are wet. James holds up his hands, lost. What does he do? Regulus is falling apart.
I’ve never seen you cry. Let me hold you through it. Please.
“Please, it’s okay,” it’s the wrong thing to say, James knows it immediately.
Regulus clamps one hand tighter over his lips, muffling another whimper, the other clasped around his middle. He tucks his chin into his shoulder as his entire face crumples. He’s disappearing into himself.
“Stop looking at me.” He gasps, stumbling back until he hits the wall, hard. He turns into it, pressing his forehead to the cement and sliding down until he’s on the ground. The shaking is worse now, and the noises he’s making can’t be muffled.
James just stands there, ears ringing, face hot, the rest of him so, so cold.
“I said stop looking! Get away from me!” It’s vicious, the way the words tear from Regulus, at odds with the broken noises he’s making.
James takes a step closer, kneels down on his haunches to get closer to his level. The ringing in his ears won’t go away. It’s like his own body is trying to prevent him from hearing the way Regulus is coming apart. “You’re safe,” he breathes, “you’re safe, I promise.”
Regulus doesn’t hear, or he ignores him, or he simply can’t hear him over the sounds he’s trying to smother. James reaches out and places a hand on his ankle, anything to give him just a little comfort.
Regulus lurches away from his touch immediately, slamming the side of his face against the stone wall. James cringes away at the dull thud his skull makes. Regulus gasps, his hands coming up to cradle his head, the rest of his body slumping lower to the ground.
“I’m sorry,” James says, louder this time, placing his hands flat on the ground between them. “I’m sorry, I won’t touch you again.”
Regulus turns toward him, one eye squinted shut against the pain in his head. He’s still shaking, but he drags in a deep breath before spitting, “get the fuck away from me.”
James sways back, away from the rage in his eyes, and lands firmly on his backside. He scrambles to his feet, backing away, hands up in front of him again. Regulus is still watching him, his face twisted much differently from anger than it had been in despair.
“Stay away from me.” His voice is rough, strained from the force with which he is speaking.
James nods, turning, and strides down the hallway away from him.