"It hurts".. he thought as he looked into the Mirror of Erised , showing the one thing he cannot have. Somehow his body operated on its own and walked to the room where the mirror stands. He knows that he needs to accept the truth.
"Who will love you you now Dumbledore? You are alone" That played on repeat in his head, he looked down to his hands, holding the broken bond.
The only thing that connected them trough all those years. He still feels the lingering feeling of his heart shattering when the blood troth, by some miracle... broke. He tried to convince himself that this was a good thing, it was good because now he can move against Grindelwald, and play the role of being his equal. Now he can stop him and finally put an end to the war. It was a lie of course.
Because, he knows that in the deepest part of his heart. he sees that... the blood troth was something.. more. It was something more than a fail safe of when one of them had a change of heart in their "cause".
It was the result of their "arrogance" their "naivety", it was result of there.. love. The love they felt for each other in the summer of 1899, it meant that even though they now have different beliefs, they are still connected.
And seeing the blood troth in his hands now broken in half, the blood contained within was now.. gone, he still remembers the feeling of it around his neck when even just the thought of defying Grindelwald made it act in a way where it was trying to kill him. Though he wanted to forget the thought of thinking that to him it was the excuse he used so that he can't move against Grindelwald. And he knew it was true.
Making it was a beautiful crime, it was the physical form of their love. Or just their naivety.
He still remembers the feeling of Gellert's heart drumming against his palm, the intensity of each beat.. it made him lightheaded.. in that moment he remembered all the memories on the summer of 1899, in that moment he remembered the feelings Gellert made him feel.
"We cannot be"... he said to himself as he looked up into Mirror of Erised.
"I do not want to.. but I have to" he said to himself, if you thought hard enough you would see it as ironic, ironic on the fact that, he was the only one he can stop him, but he was also the one that desperately loved him. It's kind of funny, how fate sometimes just don't go according to our preference.
" As much as it seems that you own my heart, it just cannot be, we are two worlds apart" though he was alone, he just needed to remind himself, on the truth... that young love don't last for life... that the happiness he felt on the summer of 1899 is merely a delusion.
" Just... stay in my memories ", he finally spoke to himself still staring at the mirror, he ran his hands through his hair and clawed his scalp. His head between his elbows as he collapsed to the floor against the mirror.
" Why does it hurt? ", " If this is the true feeling of love I do not want it" , "it hurts" , He finally broke down and just cried.
Thousands of thoughts ran through his head, he was under so much self - conflict, he didn't know how to neglect his feelings, he wants to let it out. But because of the circumstances brought by his current lover, he cannot do that. He wants to put it all in the past, staying only as a mere memory and nothing else, because he knows that if he dwells on this even longer he might do something unspeakable.
" Foolish ", He says laughing at the thought, he laid his head against the mirror, he somehow regained consciousness, regained his composure and stood up to fix his clothes so that somehow he may look presentable.
As he was walking to the door he spared one last glance to the mirror, reminding himself that it was all delusion nothing more, he had work to do, a burden to carry out and foolish feelings isn't going to stop him. At least that's what he thought to himself.
He laughed to himself thinking, "The Great Albus Dumbledore was hopelessly in love with the Dark Wizard Grindelwald", won't that just be a controversial title for the newspaper.