Sirius and Regulus huddled together under their blanket, waiting for the shouting to die down.
Andromeda had left a few hours previously, to marry a muggleborn names Ted Tonks. She had been disowned and her face had been turned to ash on the family tapestry. Their parents hadn't stopped fighting since. Druella, Cygnus and Bellatrix were down there too, seething and screaming over one and other.
Sirius had to stay out of the way. He had only just come back from Hogwarts, the first time in the whole year he had went. Walburga was still angry with him for being sorted into Gryffindor and he knew she'd do something to both him and Regulus if they got in their way and went downstairs.
And Sirius hadn't even been able to see Regulus much before this. He wasn't allowed to come home for Christmas and they had been punishing him since he had gotten home.
So him and his little brother hid under a large white blanket that Andromeda had left a few years previous. He could feel Regulus shaking, clutching onto him like he was the only thing keeping him alive.
He felt a pang of guilt then. He had gotten to enjoy a year of Hogwarts, with his new best mates and mostly forgetting about their mother and father. He still had scars and he still had nightmares, but other than that he had forgotten about them. He shut down any conversation about his family and he had had fun, while his brother had had to deal with it all. His 11 year old younger brother.
"Sirius?" A small, shaky voice said, snapping him out of his thoughts.
"Yea?" He said, rubbing circles on his brothers arm with his thumb. James did it when they hugged and he always found it calmed him down.
"Why- why can't we speak to Andy? Will we ever speak to her again?"
Sirius felt his breath hitch. "Aunt Druella kicked her out for marrying a muggleborn."
"Oh."
"Yes, Im sure we'll see her again soon though."
"I hope so." There was a small pause and when Sirius looked he saw that his brother was seemingly struggling with how to say what he wanted to ask. "I- Why is she not allowed to marry muggleborn?"
"Mother says it's wrong."
"But- but she's family. We love her, it- it shouldn't matter."
"I know, Reg. I agree, okay. We do love her, we do, but promise me, you'll never say anything like that to mother and father. Please."
Regulus looked confused before looking up at Sirius, tears rolling down his cheeks. "Okay. I won't. I promise."
"I'm sorry I wasn't here for a while."
"It's not your fault. Don't be sorry."
Sirius gave him a small smile. "Okay."
He looked out of the window and saw the sky was clear. Which was odd for London and even odder that it happened on such a horrible night.
"Do you want me to show you the stars, Reg? You and I are up there tonight."
"Yeah- yes teach me them."
And so they sat there until the early hours of the morning, with Sirius pointing at different stars and explaining what they were called and the stories behind them. They stayed hidden together under the blanket long after everything had died down, trying to stay safe.
Regulus entered his brothers old room and sat on the small bed in the corner. Sirius had been kicked out only a few hours previous and Regulus couldn't stop it. He tried. He really did. He got him into the floo and took him to James. He knew he'd be safe there, with his better brother.
He had had his own time with James and he knew he could trust him. He had the biggest heart, he loved his friends with all he had. He knew James would take good care of him and he knew Euphemia and Fleamont would do the same. He knew James would be trying to get him out right now, but he knew it was pointless.
His eyes found the white blanket in which they hid years ago and he threw it over himself. It still smelt like him, after all these years, it still smelt like Sirius.
And he looked up at the stars, like he had done a long time ago, but now he was alone. He found the Sirius star quite easily. And to be fair, he had been going out to the astronomy tower and talking to the star ever since he got sorted into Slytherin. Ever since his and his brothers relationship had crumbled.
"I know why you left. I know you had too. But god I wish I could be you. Why couldn't I find a new family, why do I have to be the one stuck here? It's not fair, Sirius."
He found that he had started to cry but he couldn't think about that too much. As long as he was quiet, Walburga and Orion wouldn't do anything to him.
"Remember when we were here, the summer you got home? I was so scared, Sirius. You were too but you hid it better. You always did. I hate that I can't hide it better. I'm just the weak one here and I hate it. Im always second place to you. Always. And now I'm stuck here. Why did you stop talking to me?"
He took a deep breath in and continued. "Why couldn't you have just stayed like your supposed to? I'm- I'm sorry, I know that isn't fair. But merlin, Sirius. I always thought family was supposed to love eachother. And I love you. It just seems like you stopped. Why did you stop?"
"You probably thought I was like them. I know you did. And that's not fair. It just seems like I can't ever be clean, you know. I can't ever get rid of my mistakes and I can't ever get rid of our family's mistakes. I was born into a life of guilt. Because I can't ever be clean of our family's actions. And neither can you. We're never gonna be free, Sirius. It doesn't matter if you're in the order or a fucking death eater, we're always going to be seen as a Black. We're always going to be seen for our family's mistakes. And you proved that right."
"I tried. I'm trying. I'm always trying so hard to be like you, Sirius. I wish I could be brave. I wish you hadn't left me here, even though you needed to."
He put his head in the blanket for a few seconds, trying to breathe. In, out. In, out. In, out.
He looked back up at the stars, finding the Sirius star again. "I miss you. I love you. I wish you knew that. I wish I could do the same. I'll ask James about you. You should know that. I always ask him about you. I always will for as long as Im with him. Which I don't think is going to be long. Because like I said, I'm not brave. I'm stuck here and I dont think I can just get out on my own. Even if I have James to fall back on, I don't want to ruin your new family. Because they're yours, not mine."
He wiped his eyes and stood up, the blanket clutched in his hand. "I have to go now. They'll hurt me otherwise. They'll hurt me regardless. I love you, okay. James will take care of you. And I'll see you around."
And with that, he turned around and went to his own room, hoping he wouldn't get caught.
He knew he wouldn't get back his brother, but he had the stars. They were okay in the stars.