here we go again
The last one, he thought humorlessly, who would’ve thought.
Remus had thought of his death countless times, how he would go, when he would go. Never would he have imagined that he would be the last marauder, not ever. He wasn’t necessarily upset about going. The same thought went through his mind nowadays when he thought of death.
Sirius.
Sirius.
Sirius.
Home.
He opened his eyes, just once more. It was almost midnight, the stars shone brightly in the sky, like Sirius' smile, the last face plastered into his mind before all that made him alive was finally drained out. Remus lupin was dead.
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The sun rays fill the twin sized bed in which lay a sleeping Remus Lupin, “You alive there Moonshine?” comes a far too excited voice for 6 in the morning in Remus’ opinion. Remus groans and shoves his face into his pillow leaving only his dirty bronze waves to be visible to the chipper boy. Ever since quidditch season started James had been making it a point to go for a jog with the quidditch pitch, which unfortunately included Sirius, who just like Remus hated waking up, had decided he would be making it everyone's problem.
“If I have to wake up, so do you. You're not the one who had to jog around the bloody lake at 5.” he says yet again, shooting a glare at James and jumping into bed with the sleepy boy. No surprise that instantly woke up by this action, “get off you wanker, you smell like a pig”. Sure that wasn’t why he wanted Sirius off him but, what they didn’t know couldn’t hurt them right?
Remus had earlier in the year come to the terrifying conclusion that he fancied his best friend, as he did, he also came to a conclusion that he was a right idiot. That unfortunately didn’t stop him from wanting to scream everytime Sirius was with a girl or worse, when Sirius got so close and it only felt like a ridiculous taunt saying you can't have him, you can't. Remus had fallen in love with the comfort of Sirius, the way his raven hair fell perfectly and how he could look so carelessly perfect, his laugh, the shine of his eyes, and that smile. That Sirius Black smile that put all the stars in the sky to shame, that smile that could send a rush of happiness through him, the smile that he saw when he looked up at the stars. It was so unfair, unfair that he wasn't normal, unfair that he had to fancy a boy, unfair that the boy in question had to be Sirius Black.
Sirius put on a face of mock offence, “Oh moony, you wound me, truly.” he states, rather dramatically, clutching his heart and falling right back onto the poor boy. “I suppose I’ll have to stay here for much longer so that you get used to my manly smell.” At this James laughs and lets it go on for a few minutes before finally coming to Remus’ rescue. “Oi Pads, leave our darling moony alone, he only just woke up.”
“Well that's all the better reason to bless him with my presence Bambi.”
“Yeah alright, let's get some food in you Pads.” James replies already halfway out the door
“I’ll never decline food,” Sirius shouts back and then quickly lowers his voice and faces Remus “D’you want me to bring something up or will you be pulling yourself out of bed?”
For a boy that acts like everything is simple, Sirius always did make sure Remus was okay, always made sure he ate, made sure he never overworked himself or forgot the time and although Remus never said so, he really did appreciate him for it all.
“No, don’t worry about it, I’m fully capable of getting myself ready and meeting you and prongs down there.”
Sirius gave him a quick nod and went off in a half jog to catch up with James leaving him alone in their dorm, Remus walked over to the bathroom, splashing his face with cold water to wake himself up, brushed his teeth, fixed his hair and then quickly dressed himself with a sweater on top of his uniform to keep him warm, with one last glance in the mirror he walked down to catch up with the other boys in the great hall.
“And here we have it ladies and gentleman, the beast has finally woken from his hibernation” Mary retorts as soon as she catches sight of the sleepy boy dragging himself to his usual spot at the table.
“Piss off” he replies groggily and puts his hands to his face, rubbing his eyes and then standing up once again to grab toast, jam, eggs, juice and just about everything else they had. Remus was a big eater, this was no shocker, (he would oftentimes make jokes when the girls were elsewhere leaning somewhere around the lines of “oh well I wouldn’t want to starve the wolf.” and as if rehearsed, Peter would laugh and think it was hilarious every time.) conveniently for Remus, his large appetite also came with the ability to eat excessively fast, whilst the jokes on the amount of food in his plate got boring, the ones about how fast he eat never seized to make the table laugh. “The way you eat, you’re going to convince everyone here that you’ve been starved your entire life.” Sirius whispers loudly as Remus rolls his eyes. As conversation resumes at the table, Remus finds himself lost in his thoughts, perhaps those thoughts were about the way that Sirius touched his hair and how his face looked when he laughed but that wasn’t important. Just because he can't have what he so dearly wants, it didn't mean he wasn't allowed to indulge in watching and admiring the boy, he could give himself at least that. It's not as if Sirius would even realize so he might as well. Remus has a habit of forgetting his surroundings, more so when he's distracted by a certain raven haired boy, unfortunately this issue had Remus so absorbed in his thoughts that he hadn’t even realized that Lily had packed up and was walking over to him until she tapped on his shoulder, snapping him out of his thoughts. “Remus. Remus c’mon. We’ve got to walk to class” she was saying, annoyance tinting her voice. She must have been saying his name for longer than he had heard.
“Right, sorry Lils.” He quickly stood up, packed his things, waved goodbye to the others and followed Lily.
She slowed down as soon as they were out of the great hall, Remus knew this meant two things, she had something to tell or she had something she had to know. Remus hoped it wasn’t the latter.
“Remus.” she started.
“Lily,” he said right back.
“You know you can tell me things right? I am your best friend, would you tell me if there was anything right?” she continued, “I feel like you’re hiding something, not that you have to tell me, but if you wanted to, I wouldn’t judge or hold it against you Remus.”
“Um, yeah Lily, yeah I know that.” He asked, visibly confused
“Okay so, um Remus, girls keep asking why you’ve been turning them down? I'm guessing you like another girl, and you can talk to be about girls, considering you know, i am one, but uhm they all think they’re like not up to your standards” she says this last part in finger quotations.
“What? No. That's not it, I just..”
“Just?”
He pulls them both into an empty corridor, “Lily, I don't like another girl."
“Oh then why no-”
He cuts her off by raising his hand up to signal her to stop and continues.
"I'm gay."
"oh. OH"