If Remus wasn’t aware of the tragedy of 1981, he would have thought the teenage boy walking away from him on the bridge was James Potter. But, no. That was impossible because it was 1993 and James should have been older. Besides, one thing Remus John Lupin will permanently have tattooed on the front of his mind is his friends’ situation.
He could’ve pretended it was his best friend, that the boy Remus craved to talk to again was in fact a couple of meters away. In his mind, he could’ve pictured a fictional scenario where they were going to Transfiguration after spending a free period under the sun. He didn’t. It’d be unfair to Harry and to Remus himself, who had spent the last twelve years accepting the world he lived in. Or, more precisely, that his friends didn’t.
It had only been half an hour about them, trying his hardest to not mention Black. To not even think about him. However, Remus’ heart ached the thirty minutes. He had pictured James and Lily, individually and as a couple, and it had hurt. A lot. It was the first time though, that he had thought about them voluntarily. It had become a habit to push the memories and uninvited images popping in his mind. This time, it was on purpose.
In a way, it had helped. Remus, being one of their closest friends, had the chance to describe them as they truly were. No one could take that away from him now. Harry had an idea of who his parents were. Remus only hoped the wrong views of them wouldn’t alter it. Maybe if he had told Harry sooner…
It was then when Remus was once again regretting not having reached Harry when he heard a ‘pop’ next to him.
Taking his eyes off the Black Lake, Remus turned his body to see…
No.
His stomach dropped. His heart shattered and grew wider at the same time, not knowing how to react. Air left his lungs, The world simply stopped. And time seemed to rewind because an eighteen-year-old Lily Evans was standing in front of him.
Clearly, it wasn’t real. She couldn’t.
But.
Those green eyes inspecting the new surrounding had the same brown-ish border. The usual curiosity, determination and kindness that Remus remembered as clear as water were still there. Her thousand freckles were darker than ever and he would spend the rest of his life counting them if he could. Lily’s lashes brushed her slightly painted cheeks. And her hair. Oh god, it was as fierce as her and as red as leaves from Autumn. Remus would never forget such a delightful and extraordinary woman. She was absolutely unique, and it was because of that, that he was sure it wasn’t her.
But then.
“Hello, sir.” It was her voice. Remus would never know how he didn’t fall right there when his muscles relaxed after twelve years of pure tension. It was her voice because it was only Lily’s that could make him feel that safe. That sweet melody that had sung to him in times of despair and laughed so wonderfully as well. “Oh, wait, Remus?! Is that you?”
When he heard his own name said so delicately by her, tears started to form. Ever so nice, Lily didn’t mention it. “Yes, it is. Lily?”
“Yes! What? You didn’t recognize me? Don’t tell me age destroyed your memory, Rem.” And there was the mischievous spark in her eyes and the teasing smile that he loved and missed with his entire heart.
The laugh that escaped his lips was full of adoration instead of humour, and surprise too.
“What are you doing here?” Was the only thing he could get out.
“Dumbledore gave me the time-traveller for a prefect duty but I don’t think I calculated the time right.” She chuckled and looked back at the necklace. Lily’s perfect eyes irradiating nothing but cheerfulness and her body totally relaxed was everything Remus needed to see. “You don’t happen to know how this works, do you? Because I can’t ask my Remus that because he’ll tell Sirius and then he’ll tell James. Now, that’d be dangerous.”
Remus not only flinched at Black’s name but also at the tone of fondness saying it. “You are right.” He answered, not wanting to mention him again. “You probably turned the big one, which is years. I assume you wanted to go back in time some hours, which is the small one.” He pointed at it. When he did, Remus saw his wrinkled and scarred hand, so different from Lily. The unexpected contrast startled Remus. It brought him to reality.
“Thank you so much! Merlin, I’m bloody daft sometimes.” She had her hand positioned to turn the necklace and leave. Yet, she hesitated and asked instead. “It doesn’t feel right to say goodbye and leave. It’s what I should do, though.” Lily bit her lips in clear thought and looked at him as if the answer was written in his eyes.
Remus wanted her to stay. He wanted to warn her, perhaps they could all live happily, raising Harry and not having to worry about anything ever again. However, if Remus dared to do so, history would modify and nothing would make sense. It was selfish but he thought that if Lily laughed again he would do it without doubting. In reality, it was unfair and cruel how the universe was tempting Remus, giving (but not really) a chance to fix everything.
“Ask me something.” He said. Lily smiled and a dimple appeared on her right cheek.
“Alright. I like the way you think, Remus, even when you are an old man.”
He gasped. “Thirty-two is not old!” Later, Remus would wonder why she hadn’t told him about this encounter.
“Whatever you say.” A moment of silence passed in which Lily thought about her question.
“Remus, you know my future,” He wished he didn’t. “I mean, how often do you get a chance like this?” She took a deep breath. “I’ve got to know, am I doing the right thing being with James? Wait! That didn’t come out right. I’m not asking because I regret dating him! I love him! I just. Er.” Lily exhaled and gave a shy look. “Do we grow old together?”
Remus was fully convinced that the world was atrocious and evil. How could Remus look at his best friend, who had been his motivation to wake up every day, and tell her that she was going to die days after seeing her son’s first steps? That she wouldn’t be there when Harry grow up? That James and she wouldn’t, in fact, grow old together?
On the other hand, he could lie but that would be somewhat worse. Remus imagined Lily standing in front of Harry’s crib repeating to herself that James was fine and that they would all be alright because one time Remus had assured her that they would grow old together.
Lily was looking expectantly, hopefully at him and Remus had to do everything in his power to not cry. He had to say something, anything that would be honest and comforting enough.
“You are going to love each other until the day you die.” Remus smiled and remembered the last months of pure adoration they shared before they had to hide. They had built -even if it was tough at first- a relationship based on true love, faith and commitment.
If Lily Evans and James Potter were a dance, it would be a delicate, fluid one. Where chests, palms and hips would brush, moving in an elegant and natural way. Firstly, one’s eyes would be closed while the other one guided them with a gentle touch and the only purpose of keeping the other safe. Then, they would change position, the latter one trusting the former. Their steps would be determined, confident and loud, and everyone would notice it. Yet, it would also have its intimacy. A distinguished kindness, thrill and endearment would quicken their movements. Lastly, they would stare at each other, trapped in their own world before they both hugged.
“Maybe that’s all I need to know.” She smiled, relieved and Remus had forgotten the enamoured look that took hold of her gaze when she thought of James. Lily shook her head. “Alright then, thank you. Really.”
“Please, don’t.”
She inhaled, happy. Happy. Remus thought. Lily is happy right now. His soul filled with contentment.
And then, “Goodbye, Rem! I would ask about your life but I prefer not knowing when you tell me the news of your marriage for example!” Oh, if only she knew. Remus didn’t think he could break her heart by describing how miserable his life was.
“Goodbye, Lils.” He took it as a chance to say it properly, as he hadn’t had it the last time. God, it was hard not to cry.
She gave him a sweet smile, oblivious of his sadness -after all, he had time to hide it. Lily turned her necklace and waved before saying. “See you soon. Love you!”
The moment she disappeared for the second time from Remus’ life, he broke down, sobbing uncontrollably. “I love you too, Lils. So bloody much.” He whispered to the empty space in front of him. “Please come back. Please.”
Remus didn’t know how much time he begged and waited for her to show up. She never did.
That’s the last time Remus Lupin saw Lily Evans. He was thankful for the opportunity of seeing her again and treasured the exchanged words. That night, he couldn’t stop crying.