Chapter 4
panting, regulus collapsed against a tree on the edge of the forbidden forest. the highest turret of the castle was just visible and regulus squeezed his eyes shut as his chest tightened.
“what the fuck” he whispered to himself. “what the actual fuck.”
“yeah, me too.”
regulus spun around, almost losing his balance.
“james?” squinting, regulus pushed his dark curls away from his eyes. “what are you doing out here?”
james merely looked up at the moon - the full moon.
‘shit’ regulus thought. ‘i made sirius forget.’
james narrowed his eyes at the slytherin who was running an increasingly frantic hand through his hair.
“how come you’ve got my cloak? where’s sirius?”
“he’s um, busy. got distracted by something. i’m sorry, i-i’m just going to- i didn’t mean to ruin your night.”
as regulus struggled for a full sentence, he shoved the cloak towards the gryffindor chaser. he flinched slightly as his hand brushed james potter’s and he quickly retracted it.
he immediately turned around and started making his way back up to the castle. his breathing had regained a normal pace and he kept his head down as he walked, feeling james’ eyes on the back of his head.
he quickly made his way back to the infirmary, bursting into madam pomfrey’s office.
“where’s sirius? i need to talk to him i-”
the grey head in the chair behind the desk looked up to face him.
“good evening, mr black” professor mcgonagall began gently. “your brother has, for the first time in his life, done something sensible and gone to bed.”
she looked over the rim of her glasses at the shivering boy in front of her.
“and i would suggest you do the same.”
regulus nodded, his hand hovering above the door handle as he turned back to ask another question.
“how long ago did sirius leave here?”
“barely five minutes” mcgonagall replied, watching as regulus practically left the room before she’d even finished her sentence.
regulus caught up with his brother on the third floor, stumbling slightly on the top step.
“i want to tell you one more thing” regulus said, looking up at sirius imploringly. “i’m sorry i made you miss the full moon; i know remus would’ve wanted you there.”
“it’s okay - i’m the one who suggested we meet up tonight anyway. he won’t blame you.”
“okay.”
regulus looked down at his feet before opening his mouth again.
“i saw your back” he mumbled quietly, still staring at his feet. “i’m so sorry.”
sirius looked down at the hunched figure of his younger brother and stepped forward to look at him properly.
“it’s fine” sirius said bluntly.
“it’s not though” regulus retorted. “and you know that. i’m going to do better, sirius, i promise.”
“okay” sirius said with a slight shrug. “if you say so. see you later, reg.”
regulus nodded, watching as his brother disappeared down a corridor. he stood awkwardly on the steps before heading to the first floor and his own common room.
the next morning, the first thing sirius did was go to the hospital wing. through all the bandages, he could barely see remus’ eyes.
“where the hell have you been?” remus asked coldly. “it was the worst one i’ve had for months and you weren’t even fucking there.”
sirius looked down at his bruised boyfriend; blood was continuing to flow out of the deepest cuts, staining the white bandages.
“i’m sorry, moons. i was with r-”
“regulus” remus spat out. “yeah, i know. james spent time with him last night too. although at least james actually came back.”
sirius reached for his wand, the bun it had been holding in place falling apart around his face.
“let me look after you now” sirius said, approaching remus’ bedside.
he stopped when remus leant away.
“remus? i’m trying to help.”
sirius’ tone became defensive as remus lay back with his eyes closed. sirius perched precariously on the edge of the bed, carefully holding a scarred hand between his own two. remus snatched it straight back, his eyes opening.
“you weren’t there then, and i don’t want you here now.”
sirius knew better than to further antagonise his boyfriend while he was in pain but he couldn’t help the words that fell uncontrollably from his mouth.
“i wanted to be there for you. as soon as i realised it was a full moon i wished i’d picked any other fucking night to meet up with regulus but i forgot, okay? i fucking forgot.”
remus sat up against his pillows, staring up at sirius in disbelief.
“you forgot?”
“yes and i’m sorry.”
“i see” remus breathed out.
“what do you see?” sirius snapped.
“your priorities” remus said simply.
“right” sirius began, his volume rising.
“right” remus repeated, in a snide tone, one sirius knew was masking hurt.
sirius cursed loudly.
“YOU SEE FUCK ALL. YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT YOU SEE.”
without looking back, sirius left the hospital wing. as the door slammed behind him, remus jumped. he stared blankly at the empty bed opposite him before grabbing the cloth sirius had discarded and began to apply antiseptic to his own wounds.