Chapter 4
- What’s up with you Shalifoe ? Come on ! , shouted Rachel’s angry voice from the other side of the field.
Toni wiped her sweaty forehead with her sleeve, steadying herself with one hand on her broom. Her face turned into a disheartened grimace. Rachel was the Gryffindor’s Quidditch team Captain, a handsome girl with a square jaw and intense, almost scary eyes. It didn’t help that she rarely smiled, at least in Toni’s presence. It was rumored that the Sorting Hat almost sent her in Slytherin, and Toni always believed it to be true, because Rachel’s determination almost reached psychopathic heights. But it was better, she thought, that Rachel was on her team. She wouldn’t want to play against her. She was a beater and she handled her Bludgers with a ferocious will, to say the least.
- You play like shit today. Is this team a joke to you ? Mc Gonagall told me she almost kicked you out for another one of your stunts, she gives you one last chance and this is how you honor it ? Do you want to win the cup or not ? Because…
- Yeah, yeah, I got it, cut Toni, irritated. Do you ever heard about having off days ? Not everyone is a robot you know ? Some of us are actually human.
Rachel clenched her teeth. It seemed like she was physically exuding anger, like a magnetic field around her who held the other players at a safe distance. Every time Toni felt bad about her anger issues, she thought about Rachel, who, according to her, was way worse than her.
- Alright. Get off of this field. Right now. I don’t want to see you until you bring back your A game.
Toni flew to the ground, visions of her kicking Rachel of her broom flashing in her head. It would be so satisfying, but if she tried that in real life, Rachel would try to kill her, literally. In the bleachers, she saw Nora Reid, Rachel’s twin, sitting with the notebook that never left her side, along with Leah Rilke, another Ravenclaw, known for an epic mental breakdown in the middle of the Charm O.W.L exam.
- I’m sorry about her, she’s been really stressed lately, flatly said Nora as Toni passed near them. Maybe you’re stressed too ?
God, couldn’t people mind their own buisness ? Toni shot her a hateful look and went towards the changing rooms. Yes, she wasn’t in the best mood. Tonight was the first night she had to accompany Shelby on her Head Girl patrol. She had very good reasons to feel bad.
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- Ohhhh, don’t be nervous Toni, it’s gonna be alright, encouraged Martha while rubbing her back.
- I mean I’m not really nervous, I don’t think so. It’s just I have a lot of pressure, Mc Gonagall, now Rachel… With Quidditch. And I’m already behind in a few classes, and seventh year just started… And now I have to do all this extra shit… I need that time to train, to study… And you know I don’t exactly get along with Shelby. It’ll be a miracle if we don’t kill each other.
- You look nervous to me Toni… Dot told me you barely ate breakfast this morning. No wonder you didn’t feel good during the Quidditch practice earlier. By the way, Fatin told me to give you this, said Martha while handing her a piece of parchment dyed in pink. Maybe it could help you feel more relaxed ?
Intrigued, Toni grabbed the parchment and stared at it with wide eyes. In tall capital letters, the home-made flyer advertised for « YOGA WITH FATIN ». In smaller letters, Fatin’s handwriting said : « This is an exclusive invitation. This very special Yoga club only have 7 spots opened. Gift for a my fave angry lesbian, sorry about last time ! First session on Friday evening. Further information will be communicated soon ».
- What the fuck, muttered Toni, dumbfounded. I didn’t think she was serious about that…
- So, will you go ? , asked Martha, a hopeful look on her face.
- No way. This is ridiculous.
- Ohhh pleaaase, it could be fun ! I got an invite too ! We could go together !
- Not the puppy eyes, Marty !
Her best friend was looking at her with her sweet, adorable, pleading face, the one who made her feel like evil for even considering saying no.
- I’m serious Toni ! We see each other less and less. I know it’s not easy, with us being busy and not in the same house, but it could be the occasion to do something together. This Yoga thing seems really fun !
- In the Muggle World, it’s mainly practiced by straight white girls. Like, a muggle Shelby would totally do Yoga. But okay, I’ll think about it.
- Thank you Toni, you’re the best ! , rejoiced Martha, embracing her in an enthousiastic hug.
- I didn’t say yes ! , mumbled Toni against her best friend’s shoulder.
But she knew that Martha had once again won.
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Toni was walking towards the Slytherin dorm. She was supposed to meet Shelby there. She paused for a moment, steadying herself, pulling on her tie and opening the two top buttons of her shirt : she felt like she couldn’t breathe properly. Something suffocating was circulating in the atmosphere, and despite the coldness exhaled by the stone walls, she felt a heavy weight on her shoulders, her back, her mind. Her robe felt bulky and uncomfortable, and she wanted to remove it, longing for her simple, comfortable muggle clothes. It was already dark outside, and the corridors were a lot less populated than during the day. A few students were hurrying towards their dorm, the curfew was only in a few minutes. Toni cursed Fatin once again : it was her fault she was in this mess in the first place. (Then the words of Dot about personal responsibility came to her mind but she quickly discarded them, she wasn’t in the mood for some self reflection). She felt irritated, of course, but she realized her body was also buzzing with an anxious anticipation she wasn’t aware of until now. She was used to wandering in the castle after curfew, but it was the first time she was going to do this while also being allowed to. What a weird feeling.
Shelby was already waiting in front of the Slytherin dorm. Her arms were crossed around her chest, and Toni noticed one of her fingers nervously tapping the fabric on her sleeve. She didn’t remark her presence yet and Toni stopped for a moment to watch her. She was impatiently rushing the last few students past the entrance of their common room. For once, she was wearing her hair down, her back and shoulders covered by the smooth expanse of glossy, disciplined, blonde hair. She looks like a fucking shampoo commercial, thought Toni with annoyance. The blonde lifted her eyes and finally noticed Toni, who forced herself to maintain eye contact. She had to assert dominance, after all. That’s why she tried to choke the anxious fluttering of her heart, a distraught bird with a delicate skeleton under its feathers, gripped tight in her fist.
- Were you staring at me like creep ? , asked Shelby, taking a few steps towards her, arms still around her chest. Despite her words, Toni thought she saw a glint of relief briefly pass in her eyes. Her shoulders dropped a little, like she was letting go of some of the tension she’s been carrying.
- Am I not allowed to look at you ? Or does that qualify as an agression to you ? , mocked Toni, imitating Shelby’s voice with shrill exaggeration. She still remembered the brief altercation they had earlier in the week during Potion class.
- That is not how I sound ! , proclaimed Shelby and Toni very much enjoyed the offended look on her face.
- This is exactly how you sound , taunted Toni with a satisfied grin.
Shelby huffed a little and shook her head, sending a wave of movement through her golden hair.
- God, you’re insufferable ! You know I’m not happy about this whole set up, right ? Why did you even duel with Fatin ?
Toni felt heat rise in her cheeks and quickly snapped back :
- None of your buisness.
- Fine, I’ll just ask her. It’s probably the dumbest reason.
- NO ! , she blurted out a little too loud, panick overriding her thoughts, and, realizing her mistake, she tried to correct the course. I mean… You don’t wanna know… Cause… It was about a… girl ! A girl we both had sex with. I know you don’t like lesbian stuff, you know, as a homophobe.
Oh my God. What did she just say ? She made it way worse. She definitely made it way worse. She turned her back towards Shelby and pretended to look at the other side of the corridor to hide her flushed face. The embarrassment was blazing in her whole body.
- Uh… Okay ?
Toni slightly turned her head to catch Shelby’s expression, she looked puzzled and maybe slightly uncomfortable. Something she couldn’t quite define passed in her gaze and her green eyes darkened from the shadow cast by her lashes as she lowered her eyelids.
- I’m not a homophobe by the way, murmured Shelby, her voice really quiet.
Toni pretended she didn’t hear that last part and tried to ignore the lump that formed in her throat. She could at least own it.
- So are we doing this or what ? , grunted Toni. I don’t have all night.
- Yeah, sighed Shelby. Follow me.
They walked together in a heavy, tense silence. Shelby’s pace was unnecessarily fast. Sometimes, she would shoot an anxious look behind her that left Toni wondering what was going on in her mind. Were Hogwarts corridors such a dangerous place ? She never felt afraid when she snuck out at night, even when she was alone. Shelby seemed scared in a way Toni never saw her be before. She wanted to ask what was wrong but instead settled for a joke, hoping it would ease the tension, even if it led to bickering.
- So we’re looking for couples snogging, right ? I can help, I know all the best spots.
Was that weird ? It was probably weird. But before she could think too much about it, Shelby abruptly turned towards her, eyes wide and alarmed.
- Did you hear that ?
It was a troubled whisper, harsh in the cold air of the night. Toni paused to listen and shivered under her robe. She felt Shelby’s diffuse anxiety slowly spreading around her like an invisible mist, emanating from her body and clouding Toni’s senses. But apart from Shelby’s faint breathing, no sound came to her ears.
- Hear what ?
Just as Toni said that, they both heard a whooshing sound along with something that resembled foot steps. They instinctively jumped closer and Shelby grabbed Toni’s wrist. The touch burned through her skin. Setting blood on fire, it coursed through her veins, went up her arm and into her heart which went mad ; the disordered heartbeats played loud in her ears.
- Who’s there ? , breathed Shelby, one hand clutching her wand, the other still around Toni’s wrist.
Her voice weakly echoed on the walls, nobody answered. The silence was back, heavy and full of threats. The light from both their wands was not enough to ease the fear. They didn’t see anything unusual, everything seemed normal and it only made it worse.
Then Shelby suddenly let out a high pitched cry, crushing Toni’s wrist in her hand, sinking her nails deep in her skin. Toni jumped, her heart beating faster and louder. The pain in her wrist radiated in her arm, up until her shoulder. She turned to her and asked her pressingly :
- What ? What happened Shelby ?
Near her, Shelby was trembling,
- I… Something touched me… I felt something…
Toni looked around her frantically. Doing her best to keep her cool, she brandished her wand and shouted : « Who’s there ? Show yourself. » Shelby tugged at her wrist with urgency.
- Please Toni, let’s go… Can you bring me back to my dorm ?
Her tone was pleading, her voice, quivering. Toni met her eyes, wide with fear, and felt a punch to her gut from how expressive they were. They expressed complete and utter fear and Toni had never seen such troubled intensity in anyone’s eyes.
She let Shelby dragg her towards the stairs, through the stairs, into the corridors, almost running. Only when they arrived in front of the Slytherin’s dorm entrance did Shelby let got of her wrist, her cheeks pink under the dim lighting. It was probably from their run, and all the emotions she went through, thought Toni.
- Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize… , she murmured as she dropped her wrist. Thank you… For walking me to my dorm…
- Yeah, no problem…
Toni was awkwardly standing there, not fully comprehending what just happened, not knowing what to say.
- So I guess I’m gonna go back to mine.
- Will you be alright ?
Shelby looked genuinely worried, thought Toni. Why was it that sometimes, you could read in her eyes, two limpid water drops, every emotion passing through, but other times, they were opaque, unreadable, enigmatic ?
- Yeah.
- Be careful.
- Okay.
- Goodnight Toni.
- Goodnight…
Shelby disappeared behind the door after whispering the password. Toni, her head still spinning, walked back to her dorm.
She still felt Shelby’s grip on her wrist.