Harry Potter grows up.
Miss Pansy Parkinson’s School of Etiquette
The Nearly Incident
Harry Potter stared at the elegant three-story structure situated in the middle of Blossom End, right off the first left out of Diagon Alley. It was a pleasant street full of exotic trees with the most beautiful blooms. At least Neville will appreciate the scenery when his time comes up. Breathing in fully and feeling like he was going to face off with Voldemort he walked into the building with purpose.
Pansy's life had gone to the proverbial shit. Daughter of Death Eaters, Bitch that betrayed Harry Potter (although she did have very important reasons, nobody seemed to care), ex Slytherin Queen Cow and all-around unpleasant, bad person (though not really, she was unpleasant to those she didn’t like and no, she wasn’t a bad person, only again, nobody cared), it was safe to say that after the war her reputation was shot, her fortune dwindled and her freedom to be “determined” by how willing she was to do volunteer work.
But despite all this, there was one final thing everybody ignored, well two. One: when it came to academics, Draco Malfoy wasn’t second to Granger, well, not on his own. No, there were two students second to the brightest witch of their age. Partly because A) Pansy was a tad lazy and B) she really couldn’t be bothered with academics but not for the reasons one would assume, and Two: she was very perceptive, making her ability to read a person or room terrifying. Malfoy had commented on that several times. So, not wanting to expose her little secrets few as they were, she offered her services as an Etiquette and Protocol Teacher. Now, of course, at first, everyone was disgusted with the notion. This was the new British Wizarding World. Such Pureblood drivel was no longer needed; how dare she even try to insinuate that such filthy outdated, prejudiced habits, were needed in their new post-Voldemort world. As all of these 'how dare yous’, insults to her person and threats of incarceration were happening, one of the greatest social faux pas in Wizarding British Society that was ever committed happened.
By none other than one Miss Perfect, Hogwarts Darling and Gryffindor Princes, Hermione Granger. Pansy wasn’t too sure what had happened but the Muggle Liaisons delegation was involved.
The Ministry did its best to cover up the incident. The only thing that had come out in the Prophet was that it had been a minor mishap. But Pansy knew just by Granger’s blush, her caseworkers stuttering, and the fact that all the naysayers had all of a sudden shut up and declared the offer to be quite inspiring, that it must have been one colossally epic mishap and the fact that Granger was muggle-born and the face of “The New and Improved and so much better British Wizarding world, just made it all even more embarrassing. For them.
She just found the whole thing hilariously amusing, though one wouldn’t be able to tell, by looking at her face.
Granger had been her first student. After that, more came. Although the Malfoys were the richest (even now, after everything, but only by a few Galleons) and the Greengrass were, the most elegant, when it came to Etiquette, Protocol, and Class, the Parkinson's rivaled royalty. She was surprised to find that even some of the purebloods had come to brush up on their schooling. Those paid. Everyone else was volunteer work on her part.
Pansy calmly drank her tea looking out her school’s window amused. The boy who lived twice, was outside, looking like he much rather be facing off with that megalomaniac that did his best to burn the world down, than walk in. That brought a smile to her face. She was going to love every second of this. Not as much as she enjoyed Granger’s torture, but close.
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Harry walked into the foyer and waited. There weren’t any chairs so he stood straight, just like he was trained to do in the Auror Program, and waited, letting his eyes wander. He was so distracted that he nearly flinched when he noticed Pansy on the other side of the foyer looking straight at him, unwavering, wearing an unreadable expression. He stared back at her, also unblinking into her eyes, beginning to feel unnerved and a bit angry, for what reason he really couldn’t tell. They were just staring at each other. Unblinking.
Pansy finally blinked with a minute smile that relaxed her face.
“Impressive,” she said in greeting. “Most would have either started in some sort of tangent or broken down into some form of hysterics.”
“Which one did Hermione do?” he asked, wondering.
“Neither. She sort of dazed out for a bit. No doubt reminding herself why she was here. Care to join me for a cup of tea. There will be no lessons for today. Just a primary chat.” and with that Pansy walked into a side room. Is she wearing Muggle clothing? Harry followed her slightly perplexed. And has she always been this odd? Thinking back on all of their very few encounters he decided that yes. In a sense, Pansy had always seemed a little odd.
Pansy waited calmly for Harry to join her secretly studying the man. Although he had incredibly steady nerves, one had to, to stand up to a Dark Lord not once, but twice, he was a bit- uncomfortable in his own skin. With so many titles and expectations thrust upon him (something she knew a bit about), she wondered if even Harry knew who he was.
Once he sat and took a couple of sips of his tea, she broke the silence with a simple question that earned her a surprised, yet suspicious look. “What happened, for you to be here, seeking my services?”
“Why do you think anything happened?” he shot back calmly.
Yes, you have some very steady nerves. “Simple. Granger had to be all but dragged here. And that Weasley brute that’s always running after you isn’t here so this is hardly what one can call a brush-up course. Also, you never struck me as someone who cared much for rules, protocol, or the status quo, so obviously… something happened. Besides unless you’re prepared to tell me that you’re going to marry royalty and therefore need to learn everything or declare yourself deeply in love with me and thus must find a valid excuse to spend all your available time with me,” that had made Harry chuckle a little earning him a smile, “ I need to know what happened, so that I may give you the necessary lessons. I’m sure you’re as busy as I am. Even more so seeing as your in-law enforcement.”
“Hermione told me you weren’t as dim-witted as you made yourself out to be in school.”
“Yes, well, I had and still do have my reasons. And no. I’m not inclined to tell you what they are.” she simply stated.
“I can respect that. Though I’ll venture a guess and say: It has everything to do with the institutionalized misogyny running rampant not only, in our Wizarding Society but also amongst purebloods in general, especially a certain type of purebloods.” Pansy only gave him a smile and a slow blink to which Harry nodded looking self-satisfied. “Nothing happened. Luckily. I decided to come here before I was ordered here.'' This made Pansy tilt her head slightly and raise her eyebrow. “I won’t be surprised if the whole office doesn’t end up here anyway. Luckily we were called away because of a DE sighting and we didn’t embarrass ourselves causing an international incident while we were at it. There was some sort of Party at the Ministry with delegations from other countries and well we acted like barbarians. Simple things like greeting, or rather not greeting people according to station and gender, and talking to them too, two of the delegates were starting to feel a certain kind of way especially the ladies, and I saw how Shacklebolt and other older members of the Wizengamot reacted when our alarms went out. Benson, Percy told me this morning, was able to explain our behavior away due to the sighting quite convincingly but there were a few that didn’t quite buy it. I really don’t want to know what would have happened if we made it to dinner.” Harry finished rubbing his face. Pansy simply asked nonplussed, “Was Weasley there? The younger, not the older. That one has always been a bit of a snob even by Slytherin Pureblood Standards, those kinds of pureblood standards. I wouldn’t be surprised if he has read every book there is in etiquette and protocol.”
“Umm No. Why?” the man asked, looking amused by Pansy’s description of the older Weasley.
“Then dinner wouldn’t have been as tragic as it could have been.”
Harry burst out laughing then “You’re not wrong.” he added. Despite Ron being his best mate and overall good bloke everyone could agree that his table manners were tragic, much to his mother's dismay and Hemione's minor disgust and embarrassment.
“Well, luckily since you came here of your own free will it will be easier for you to assimilate the lessons and accept my many, many criticisms. Are you still dating Ginny?” She asked cutting straight to business.
“Yes. Coincidentally she wasn’t my plus one because she’s in Dubai with the Quidditch team. Is she going to have lessons as well?”
“Yes. When y- if you get married you’ll be expected to bring Ginny to all of your Social Functions. The only exception to this will be if she is ill or on Maternity leave. As it stands since she is a professional sportswoman and you two are simply courting she’ll only be required to go with you when there is a plus one invitation. Once you become betrothed, she’ll have to attend the Important functions. Either way, as Harry Potter's Significant Other the world will be staring right at her. And believe me, when I say, the sharks will be looking for any and every excuse to bring her down. The Weasley’s are the only ones not to have house-elves and that in the Wizarding Culture, in general, is something to be frowned upon. Add to the fact that they had a big family-”
“Even by Muggle standards,” Harry added quietly
“- She doesn't have to become a high society darling like Abbot, but she will have to be able to hold her own in a ballroom.” Pansy ended.
“I’ll talk to her. We have a month. You think you can whip me up into shape by then?” he asked jovially.
“Well, enthusiasm is key Mr. Potter. Three hours a day every day, and yes, I’ll have you ready in one month. As for your colleagues, they’ll have to settle for collective classes. Also three hours a day every day. Go tell your Head Officer and the Minister that.” she said pleasantly, ending their interview. “Two final notes,” Pansy said as she walked Harry to the front door “One: Tell that red heard barbarian that I expect him to be here tomorrow at nine in the morning sharp. We can not afford him embarrassing not only Hermione who is going to be very scrutinized but his sister as well, like I said being with you will put them under the proverbial magnifying glass, and Two: Who are you? Really. What drives you? What are your dreams? What does Harry Potter really want? You don’t have to tell me but you should think about it, and maybe talk to Ginny. There's no use making you waste time on things that may not be in your interest. You two can get away with some things if your ambitions within the Ministry aren’t high.” With that, she left a very surprised and somewhat intrigued Harry at the steps of her little school and closed the door in his face quietly cackling at her very small act of mischief. After all closing a door to someone's face unceremoniously, Just Wasn’t Done.