The inevitables

“Hurry up boys!” I yelled at the top of the stairs watching the boys scramble to get packed. “At this rate, we’ll miss the train!” 

“Have you seen my care of magical animals book?” Remus asked, speeding past me and scanning James’s room.

“How did you even lose that?” I asked, but he ignored me.

“Sirius, have you even started packing?!” James yelled from Sirius’s room, I couldn’t believe them.

“Of course I started! It just wasn’t a great start.” I could hear Sirius shrug. 

“Defense against the dark arts, care of magical creatures, potions, runes… what am I missing?”  Remus came out of James’s room with a stack of books, how did that even get there? 

“Transfiguration.” I said.

“Shit!” 

“James stop you’re making a mess of things!” Sirius yelled. 

“At least I’m packing for you! Half your trunk is missing!” James shouted back. I sighed and ran back downstairs. 

“They’re not even packed yet! The train leaves in half an hour and upstairs is crazier than a zoo!” I complained and plopped down face first on the couch. 

“How about you and I go to the train station then I’ll come back so mum and I can take the boys.” My dad sat on the couch next to me. 

“Really?” I lifted my head up and my dad stroked my hair. He smiled wide and even chuckled a little. 

“Of course, we’ll go to the station, wait for your friends to meet you then I’ll get one of the boys.” Now I was smiling. 

“Thank you!” I sat up and hugged my father. 

“Go get your trunk and say goodbye to mum.” My dad smiled, whenever he grinned like that he looked just like James, only a lot older. I grabbed my trunk, which was fully packed at the bottom of the stairs (unlike the boys). Then I ran to my mum and gave her the best hug I could imagine. I hated saying goodbye to my parents, but there was no other way to study magic. My mum held onto me tight, she was getting better at not crying when we left. She kissed my forehead and hugged me again. 

“Do not forget to write.” She warned me, as if something terrible would happen if she didn’t get my weekly letter. 

“I won’t.” I smiled and so did she. 

“I’ll see you soon my love.” 

I ran back to my dad who was carrying my trunk, and I held onto his hand. I took a deep breath in and out to prepare myself. 

*CRACK* 

Once again my body swirled through the air moving from my house into the crowded train station. Everyone and their parents were there. There were scenes of kids saying goodbye, kids meeting their friends, kids running to the train, kids being pushed into the train. I looked around for my friends, there were so many people I couldn’t see any individual. 

“You make me proud, you know?” My dad said. 

“What?”

“You are an incredibly talented witch, with the best marks in the family. Don’t tell her brother.” He winked from that last statement. “And that is all amazing, but you are also so kind to James and his friends while also protecting your own friends from them. You must never lose that Hazel.” He bent to my level, he was so genuine. “When you get older you must remember to be kind to all that deserve it, no matter their last name or status or even talent. You have to see kindness even when others can’t.” He hugged me before I could say anything. This was about the war, I knew it. The war has been aging my dad, consuming his thoughts. I knew he and Moody spent some time at the party discussing strategies. James and I were raised to be kind and include everyone know matter what. James and I were raised to make allies. 

“I love you, dad.” I said, not letting go of him. 

“I love you too, pumpkin.” He smiled and held onto my head as he kissed the top of it. 

“Hazel!” I heard Mary yell from across the station. I hugged my dad once more. 

“I’ll put your trunk onto the train, then I’ll get your brother.” My dad smiled, “go be with your friends.” I nodded, he let go and took my trunk just as Mary and Marlene ran to me and hugged me.

“I have such big news!” Mary grinned. 

“Oh! Me too! Guess who eagerly wanted me to invite you over for summer holiday!” I grinned. 

“Please tell me it was Sirius Black!” Marlene smiled sinisterly, I was taken aback, but I still nodded. Now, Marlene laughed- no, not laughed- she cackled. It was as if this was the funniest piece of information she received. “I told you so, Mar.” 

For the first time I looked at Mary who was not jumping for joy or blushing or anything she would have done had I told her before holiday. 

“What’s going on?” I asked, Mary bit the inside of her cheek before smiling.

“I’ve got a boyfriend!” Her eyes lit up as she told me, I was so excited for her I screamed and hugged her. The three of us were jumping up and down, not even caring that everyone was watching. “You don’t mind, I know you and Sirius are close and all-” She started, I cut her off. 

“All I care about is that you’re happy. Mary, you’re one of my best friends, why would I care which boy you like?” Mary smiled as I spoke to her. “So as my best friend, you have to tell me everything! “

“I will, don’t worry. But we have to wait for Lily.” 

“Let’s go get a seat then.” Marlene sighed as she pulled us to the train. 

Once Lily arrived, Mary told us every single detail. How they met, how they started dating, what Mary wore on the date, everything. She asked me to tell Sirius but I refused, I told her she should be the one to break the news. Marlene went instead. Mary continued to tell us everything. 

****

The four of us sat by the fireplace in the common room the next evening. We were trying to prepare ourselves for classes the next day: Marlene was finishing her homework, I was reading over the last lesson from each class, Lily was reading one of her muggle books while Mary braided her hair. 

“How was your holiday, Hazel?” Lily asked me. So far all we heard about was Mary's boyfriend Ryan. 

“It was nice, I got to see all of my family and all of my parents' friends.” I said, all those nice memories flooded through my brain. “What about you, what did you do?” 

“Same thing, I mostly hung around home and spent time with my parents.” Lily purposely left out her sister. I couldn’t believe that her sister was still upset with Lily for being magical. I started to doubt if their relationship would ever get fixed. 

“Hey.” James appeared out of nowhere, I closed my book. 

“What do you want, Potter?” Lily rolled her eyes. 

“Nothing... from you actually. Haze, can you come with me?” James asked, my friends were quiet. No one spoke, no one moved.

“Sure…” I sorted my books onto the floor and joined my brother. He led me out of the common room, out of the castle, and onto the quidditch field. We didn;t talk the entire time we were walking, we just walked. Peter and Sirius were on the quidditch field. Peter was holding his and James’s brooms. Sirius was just sitting down, slumped over. 

“I needed a girl.” James told me before taking his broom from Peter then the two of them soared through the air. I stood above Sirius.

“What’s all this then?” I asked.

“It’s not like I fancied her, I didn’t even know we were dating. No, we weren't dating, were we?” Sirius sounded absolutely stunned, I didn’t know he cared about Mary that much. 

“No, you weren’t dating.” Mary made it clear in all her stories that this was her first boyfriend, how she went on her first date with him, how much she liked him being all of her firsts. I sat next to Sirius. 

“Why couldn’t she just say that? The whole year she tries to get my attention then BAM she sends Marlene to break things off.” Sirius sighed, it was weird seeing him without his confidence and essence. 

“What I’m about to tell you is not to boost your ego nor is it to be repeated ever. Ok?” I stared into his eyes.

“Ok.”

“Mary has liked you since day one. She tried every chance she got to be your partner in classes, she used to beg me to write about you during holidays, she also asked to be invited over every single summer each year for the past three years.”

“So why did she… why did she do this?” He looked up at me, his eyes had pain in them. 

“You know the answer.” I nudged him a little, he looked confused. “You said it yourself, you never liked her. Can you imagine going on dates with Mary? Getting all dressed up to eat pasta with her? Cuddling on the couch in the common room, telling her she looks beautiful. Can you see yourself do that?” 

“No.” He didn’t even have to think about it. I watched him go from sad and mopey to almost content.  “I wouldn’t do any of that.” 

“Exactly. We know it and Mary knows it. The two of you weren’t in love, you just liked the idea of each other.” I said, it was one hundred percent honest. Mary and Sirius were two fires that could never burn together. They were too similar and way too dramatic.

“Thank you Heppy.” 

“What for?” All I did was tell him the truth. I could have said he has no right whining that Mary found someone when he DOES NOT LIKE HER LIKE THAT. But then there would be this whole thing because like I said, Sirius Black was dramatic.

“Just being you.” 

We watched James and Peter play in the air as we talked about pretty much anything. The animagi process, class, the french language, playing instruments, anything but Mary was a topic. 

Eventually the two air-borne boys got tired and we walked back up to the castle. 

“I have one of your books, you forgot it when you rushed to the train station.” James gloated at his if his last minute packing method was better. 

“Which book?” I questioned. James smiled wide before he answered so I knew this would be bad. 

“The study of ancient runes.” He smirked. I froze, my eyes grew wide. How could I forget runes? The best subject on this planet, how could I miss it? James started laughing like a giddy little kid, at this moment… I hated him. “It’s ok, Hazel. Young people make mistakes. Just come up to our dorm and grab the book.” I hated how he had to remind me that I was younger.

We walked through the castle, well Sirius, Peter, and I walked as James strutted behind us. We passed kids in the corridors, we passed portraits and stairs, we passed the empty common room and traveled up the empty stairs to the boys' not so empty dormitory. Remus was sitting on his bed, in the dark. His leg was shaking and he was looking down. I made my way to James’s bed where my book was laying on top of it. Even the set up was braggy. 

“I don’t want you guys to do it.” Remus’s voice was shaking and quiet. 

“Do what?” Peter asked. 

“I don’t want you to be animagi’s. I- it’s too dangerous, it could not work at all and I could hurt one of you or worse I could kill you! I can’t let you guys do this for me.” Remus was shaking fully, when he looked up, I could see that his eyes were watery. 

“But Moony, if you see our research-” Sirius tried, I knew how badly he wanted to help Remus. 

“No! You can’t do it. I’m grateful you all wanted to try, but it’s not worth the risk.” Remus stood facing us all. 

“We won’t do it. We won’t.” James moved closer to his friend. 

“But it will work! We will stay safe and the monster won’t kill Moony! We have to-!”

“Sirius.” I stopped him. “We won’t do it.” 

“It’s Lupin's decision.” James finished any complaints. 

“Thanks.” Remus said and moved to his bed, he closed the curtain and muttered some spell. I decided it was my time to leave. I grabbed my book and left the boys there as they got ready for bed. 

I couldn’t lie and say I wasn’t disappointed. I would love to make Remus’s monthly torture more bearable, but I wouldn’t go against Remus’s wishes. He was the one who was suffering every month and all he wanted to was keep the pain to himself. He could never stand putting that pain onto us. In one way, he was noble and just. In another, he was stupid. We could help him, but he refused.  I was scared and unsure about the whole process, I was worried about turning into a mutant forever, but I was always completely on board. I was so ready to help Remus. 

I would have to give McGonagall her books back, tell her we failed. She was so eager to support us, it would be horrible to imagine we disappointed her. 

When I got to my dormitory, Lily was in the shower and Mary was asleep. Marlene was on her bed reading through Mary's magazine of hot men. Everything was wrong. Normally Lily is the first to fall asleep, Mary spends hours reading those magazines to stare at all the pretty boys, and Marlene takes late night showers because she likes to practice on the field before bed. 

In 24 hours, Mary was dating a muggle and Sirius was upset about it, even though Sirius couldn’t care less about Mary. And now Mary was the first asleep, and Lily was showering even though she only showers in the morning. James was the responsible twin and brought the book of my favorite subject. Peter was voluntarily playing quidditch with James and me and Sirius sat on the grass and talked. Remus showed his emotions and told us exactly why he was getting emotional, and Marlene was looking at pictures of half naked men even though she’s never fancied anyone before. And on top of that, classes haven’t even started yet!

“What’s wrong Haze?” Marlene must have noticed me freezing at the door. I didn’t realise my breathing had gotten heavy and that I was staring at her. What was wrong? Everything was wrong. 

“I just feel like the whole world has turned upside down.”