Chapter 3
The first two weeks of September passed with very little fanfare. Relations between the Slytherins and everyone else were tense from the youngest first years to the oldest eighth years. It was Neville who pointed it out.
“They’re waiting to take cues from us. They aren’t going to make a move on whether to befriend or hate the remaining Slytherins until we decide what to do with our Slytherins,” he’d said at dinner one night. The five Slytherins looked up at that from where they’d been quietly chatting and seemed to hold their breath as Neville continued. “We have to show them we’re friends. Even if we still have arguments here and there, we have to show a united front. Otherwise we’ll have to watch literal children continue the cycle of learning hate. We didn’t deserve that as eleven year olds and neither do these.”
Hermione blinked and found herself grinning as Anthony and Justin nodded along.
“He’s right,” Justin began as Anthony smiled at Blaise next to him. “Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws are really down to be friends with anyone but they most likely won’t put themselves in the line of fire. If they see all of us intermingling out on the grounds or even just spending time as one big group in the library, it would go a long way.”
“It doesn’t help that we eat all of our meals behind closed doors. They don’t know what goes on in here or in our dorms. They don’t know that we’re friends,” Anthony added. His cheeks pinked as he turned to look at everyone at the table. “We are all friends, right?”
It was Ron who answered this time. “Well, of course we are. Sorry, but you’re all stuck with me now. Expect Molly Weasley original jumpers for all of you under the tree this year. Merlin knows that woman’s already started knitting.”
She had, of course. Hermione had been the one to send her everyone’s approximate measurements last week.
After that, everyone made more of an effort to spend time together outside of their safe spaces. Hermione spent hours in the library chatting with Draco and Parvati about healer training and their homework for that week before dinner. Pansy, Harry, and Neville had struck up the oddest friendship and could be seen sitting by the lake at the warmest parts of the day. Witch Weekly had had a field day when the three had been spotted out shopping together on a weekend trip to Hogsmeade.
What had surprised Hermione the most was the way Dean, Seamus, Anthony, and Justin had all pulled Goyle- Greg, he preferred Greg- into their own little makeshift group effortlessly. (She and Pansy had both watched in awe as Greg opened up and smiled for the first time since before the war.) Everyone else floated from group to group and they had all made sure to plan times to play quidditch as a group in their off-hours.
The rest of the school watched. And waited. Baited breath and nervous glances before something finally, finally, happened. Luna and Ginny had been the ones to tell them about it as the whole group spent a lazy Friday afternoon by the lake.
”I do believe your paraded intermingling has done its job,” Luna started as she sat near Draco and pulled Ginny down next to her.
Hermione sat up from where she’d been laying back, watching the clouds. “Really?”
Luna hummed an affirmative. “At lunch today, four first years- one from each house- entered the Great Hall together and sat at the end of the Slytherin table for lunch.”
”You should have been there,” Ginny sighed with a smile. “The entire Hall went silent except for those four. And at first, it had sounded like they were all arguing, until the Hufflepuff yelled loud enough for everyone to hear. You’ll never believe it- they were arguing whose mother had sent the best cakes that week. Of all the things, I don’t believe that’s what anyone was expecting.”
“Yes, exactly. Though, I must say, the Ravenclaw and the Slytherin have been having this argument all week. They let me sample each cake to try and be a tiebreaker but I couldn’t pick. Did you know they both are from North America? One comes from Canada, and the other from the states, so neither of the cakes were anything like what I was expecting. They were both very good though.”
Hermione gave a breathless laugh and thought, huh. That hadn’t been quite the outcome she was expecting but, hey, she’d take it.
~~~
The first large disruption to the quiet those first two weeks came in the form of Hermione’s birthday. It fell on a Saturday and the eighth years had taken it upon themselves to use that as an excuse to drink. At 19, she was the oldest of their group and sometimes, she felt miserably ancient. She supposed PTSD could do that to a person and, in the early hours of the morning before Saturday had fully bloomed in sunrise, she found herself feeling downright maudlin.
A new birthday should have been exciting, a celebration that she’d made it through that God awful year of being on the run but instead, all she could think about was another birthday with no soulmark, another year of uncertainty and nightmares, another day that should be happy but wasn’t because of her stupid brain.
She wasn’t sure if it was because Theo and Pansy were early risers anyway or if she had simply unlearned how to cry quietly but she found herself engulfed in a hug from either side. They made no move to turn on a light, they made no effort to get her to stop crying. They simply held her and let her tears run out. Only once her tears had begun to dry on her face did Theo speak.
“Do you want me to go get Harry?”
Hermione didn’t trust herself to speak so she nodded and hoped he could see well enough to understand. He must have because the bed dipped as he rolled off and it seemed like no time had passed at all before the bed creaked under the weight of three more bodies. Harry crawled up to sit at the head of the bed and he pulled Hermione’s head into his lap while Theo snuggled in next to Pansy and Ron threw himself on top of her legs.
“I’m not sure this bed was meant to hold so many people,” Hermione heard herself say and was surprised to hear how raw her throat sounded. She began to giggle, the others joining her, until her laughter morphed back into tears. “I’m sorry,” she choked on her dry throat, all moisture in her body having moved to her eyes. “I don’t know why I’m so, so- why I’m so bloody emotional all of a sudden.”
Harry combed his fingers through her hair, manually detangling any knots he came across. “You,” he began gently, “have always been the strongest, brightest, and kindest among us. Your heart is the fiercest and your brain the sharpest, your back the toughest from carrying the weight of all of our burdens. But even in your fierceness and toughness, your heart has been so vulnerable. Hermione,” Harry had a hand on either side of her face and squeezed, waiting until she looked up at him. “You went to hell and back countless times these last few years. You did it for me, for your parents, for Ron and the Weasleys, for the entire fucking wizarding world. You are allowed to let yourself break down and process the trauma you went through. It doesn’t have to make sense, Mione, as long as it’s allowing you to heal.”
“Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?” She joked even as her tears fell harder. “When did you get to be so wise?”
He tugged on a curl. “I learned it from you. Something out of everything you’ve ever said to me was bound to stick eventually.” Harry grinned at her, releasing her face, and resumed detangling her hair. She could feel the hands massaging her calves and knew Ron was seconding everything Harry said. He wasn’t one for heartfelt speeches before lunch and she loved that that little fact had never changed, even when they were on the run chasing down Horcruxes.
Yet, even surrounded by so many good friends who loved her- staggeringly loved her, she wasn’t sure how she’d gotten so lucky- she couldn’t help but revisit those maudlin thoughts of heartbreak from earlier.
Harry must have been able to read it on her face because he tugged on her curls again. “Stop that,” he admonished. “Stop thinking about that. Let it happen in its own time, Mione. Let it happen when you’re both ready for it.”
Pansy perked up at that and Hermione groaned, knowing what was coming. “Oh, Harry, darling, does that mean you know who it is Hermione spends all of her time writing to?”
Harry grinned and Hermione could read the trouble present in his gaze. “Are you telling me you don’t?”
Ron laughed and Hermione kicked him, covering her face with her hands. “You guys are the worst.”
”You love us,” Theo teased, poking her in the side.
Hermione squirmed away and grabbed a pillow, swinging it at Theo’s face. He squawked and batted it away, hitting Pansy in the process. And then, that was it, the war was on.
As dawn broke, Hermione’s tears had completely dried up and been forgotten as the five waged war on each other, every man for himself, in an epic pillow battle. Merlin, Hermione loved her friends.
~~~
That night, Hermione had been surprised to enter the common room before dinner to find the place decked out in streamers and lights with a table full of her favorite foods off to the side and beanbags pulled into a circle. Everyone cheered as she walked in and her cheeks burned with how wide her smile was. She was ushered over to the food to pick out what she wanted and then led to the seat closest to the fire with a pat to the shoulder and a butterbeer set down in front of her. The beanbags quickly filled up and dinner was a loud affair. Her friends insisted she open her gifts before they all got too drunk and she tried to refuse, saying she didn’t need anything.
“This party is more than enough, I don’t need any gifts!”
”Well too bloody bad,” Seamus said with a grin from his spot in front of Dean, “We already got you something and it would be poor taste to refuse when we’ve already spent the money and made the effort.”
After that, she wasn’t allowed to argue and gift after gift was shoved into her hands. She received the loveliest quill set from Pavarti and Lavender, plenty of books from Padma, Ernie, Anthony, and Justin. Greg had gotten her special tea blends to help her sleep that he quietly told her had worked miracles for him.
Blaise handed her a plant and admitted that he’d had to get Neville to help him pick it out so if she had any questions, Neville would know how to help. Hannah and Susan had gotten her a pot and everything else she would need for taking care of the plant and Neville handed her hand-written instructions to go with it.
Dean and Seamus handed her a box with holes in it and when she opened it, she found the cutest little owl inside. (“She’s a barn owl,” Dean explained. “And we already introduced her to Crookshanks and explained to him that she was to be family, not food.”). Draco had gotten her a book on healing and a lovely leather journal to go along with it.
To her surprise, Pansy, Harry, Neville, and Ron presented her with one giant box between themselves. She opened it to find the softest jumpers and lovely blouses and dresses.
“What is all of this?”
“Why do you think we were all out shopping together last weekend?” Pansy squeezed her hand. “You’ve spent too long hiding behind simple clothes. Darling, we all remember the Yule Ball from 4th year. We know you clean up nice. It’s time you let yourself do that. Look like the adult you really are.” She winked and then nodded at the box. “There’s a smaller box in there that’s just from me. Perfume, lotions, body scrubs for the bath, a few pairs of earrings. Treat yourself the way you treat everyone else.”
Hermione shook her head and packed everything back away. Theo handed her his gift then and she opened it, finding two small journals.
“They’re enchanted.” He explained. “I know you enjoy writing your letters but this would be more instant, more direct communication than a letter. More private too.” Theo gave her a small smile and accepted the hug when she threw herself at him.
“Thank you,” she whispered. “You don’t know how much this means.” Once she sat back, she laughed, wiping her cheeks of the few tears that had slipped out. “Thank you, everyone. You really didn’t have to do this for me. I can’t thank you enough.”
“Just say we can begin drinking and that’ll be thanks enough for us,” Seamus interjected with a wink.
“Alright, alright,” she laughed, “Go on, then. Tell us what the first game is going to be.”
~~~
“We do have one last gift for you,” Harry said once everyone else had stumbled off to bed.
”Oh?”
Ron leaned forward and handed her a small box. ‘From: Fred’ it read on the top. Hermione very carefully peeled off the paper and opened the box with a gasp. Inside was a delicate silver chain with a heart-shaped pendant hanging from it. “Oh,” she breathed and Harry nudged her gently.
“Want me to put it on for you?”
“Please.”
Ron handed her one more thing once Harry had finished with the clasp. “He wrote you a letter, said not for you to open it until tonight so he had it come to me first.” He stood up and kissed the top of her head the same way she’d seen him kiss Ginny’s head countless times over the years. “Happy birthday, Mione. Good night!”
”Good night, Ronald. Thank you.”
Harry grinned at her and said, “Ready for one final surprise?”
“Harry, really, this is all too much already.”
”No, no! You’ll love this one, I promise.”
”Oh, alright, fine. What is it?”
”That would be me.” Hermione whipped around faster than she ought to have with the amount of firewhiskey in her system. In the flames of the fire behind her, she found Fred’s face grinning up at her.
“Fred!”
”Evening, birthday girl. How was your party?”
Hermione laughed and began to tell him all about it while Harry squeezed her shoulder in a silent ‘good night’. She wasn’t sure how long she sat there for, laughing and talking and listening to Fred’s wild stories about customers in the shop. The next thing she knew, she was waking up in front of a dying fire, Fred’s letter tucked safely under her arm. She pushed herself up warily and stumbled her way into her room, falling into her bed with little fanfare. She fell back asleep with a smile on her face for the first time in a while.
~~~
But the nightmares were persistent. A few weeks of happiness and laughter and easy nights of sleep were not enough to blot out several years’ worth of stress.
~~~
“Hermione, come on, wake up darling.” A gentle hand squeezed her shoulder as she came back to herself. Hermione laid still for a moment, blinking up at the mostly dark ceiling before she let her eyes drift to the witch beside her. Pansy looked wide awake with a hint of worry in her dark eyes and Hermione finally sat up, blowing out a long breath.
“Did my silencing charms wear off?” Hermione swung her legs off the bed and trudged over towards her desk, giving Pansy’s arm a light squeeze on her way.
“No, no. I had Theo disable them though. We were already awake and I looked over and you were very clearly having a nightmare.”
It wasn’t the first time this had happened, though it was the first time in over two weeks. Theo had gotten quite good at disabling her silencing charms and Pansy had learned the best ways to wake Hermione up without getting subconsciously hexed over the past month and a half. Hermione, in turn, had learned the best words to ground Theo during a panic attack and how he took his ice cream sundaes, and she had learned that Pansy only slept in 2 hour increments as a direct result of the horrifying men who had been living in her house for two years.
It had originally been 30 minutes at a time until she and Theo had matched. Her body was still getting used to recognizing him as safe but she had made vast improvements that her therapist was going to be very proud of at their next meeting. Hermione knew that she was proud too.
Hermione was halfway through pulling out the supplies she’d need for a letter when a mug was set in front of her, halting her motions. She snagged it and took a grateful sip of perfectly warmed cocoa.
“Are you ever going to tell us about them?” Theo was always quiet and gentle in the early hours of the morning and the late hours of the night. He was painstakingly open and vulnerable in moments like this and Hermione found it impossible not to give in. She always made the both of them work for the information though.
“Them?” She feigned innocence.
“Whoever it is you write to three times a week. I’d put good money on it being your soulmate.”
Hermione let out a long breath and shrugged. “More like someone I’m hoping turns out to be my soulmate but I’m not quite sure he feels the same way.”
Pansy gently tugged the quill out of her right hand and placed it on the desk before leading Hermione over to the other bed in the room. Theo shuffled down to the foot of the bed and sprawled out across it, leaving the head free for the two girls to curl up. “Come on, tell us everything.”
Hermione smiled thinly and finally relented. She told them everything, from the year of uncertainty whether she’d live from one day to the next but how even then, her heart couldn’t help but wonder every single night if she had missed Fred gaining a soulmate. She told them about loving him from afar, about her heart lurching every time he spoke about soulmates, about the sheer relief and hope she’d gained when he’d asked her to go as his date to the Yule Ball.
”I don’t know what to do. The anticipation is driving me nuts. I can’t sleep, some days it’s hard to eat, I mean- I’ve well and truly lost the bloody plot! Sorry, sorry, it’s just… what if we’re not soulmates? What then? Suppose he does somehow, someway, make a move and ask me out. After all these years of him going on and on and on about his soulmate, how am I supposed to trust that he won’t just walk away from me when the time comes? And when that happens, how am I supposed to show up for family dinner with Harry on Sundays when he and his soulmate will be there and it’ll all be so awkward and then it’ll be all my fault that the family is falling apart and then Harry will have to choose between me and Ron and of course I would tell him to pick Ron and the Weasleys because, hello? They’re all he has and-“
”HERMIONE!”
Hermione sucked in air all at once as she fell silent and looked wide eyed at Theo. “Yes?”
”For the love of all things magic, Hermione, please slow down and give yourself a break! That’s a lot for two 18 year olds to unpack all at once.”
”I second that,” Harry said, leaning in the doorway. The three whipped around to stare at him and he threw his hands in the air in surrender. “It’s just me! Well, and Draco.” Draco waved sleepily from behind Harry’s shoulder, scrubbing at his eye with a closed fist.
”How did you even get in here?” Theo asked as Harry and Draco entered the room, closing the door softly behind them.
“Dunno. I woke up out of a dead sleep and felt the urge to come check on ‘Mione and when I got to the door, it just kind of opened itself up. I think the rooms knew I needed to come knock the sense back into my best friend.”
“Harry-“ Hermione started.
”No, Hermione, listen. Please. It’s very painfully clear to the rest of us that if soulmates didn’t exist, Fred would be with you in a heartbeat. Would have been from at least fourth year on. And it’s so very clear that his soulmate could walk in the door tomorrow and he wouldn’t even pay them any mind so long as you’re within sight. No man looks at a woman the way he looks at you unless he is completely and irrevocably in love with her. Maybe his soulmate used to be the most important thing to him, and maybe he used to wish his soulmate would be you and that’s why he was always so excited. But you can’t honestly tell me that you think he still believes that, can you? When’s the last time he even willingly mentioned his soulmate without being prompted and asked?”
Draco dropped down next to her, and whispered, “You might as well get comfortable. I think he has a whole speech planned.”
“And, another thing! Haven’t you noticed how tactile and touchy he is with you? The only other person he gets that close to is George, and even then, it’s a different kind of touchy. It’s almost like he finds an excuse to be as close as possible to you at all times. Plus, the letters. Hermione, he doesn’t even write his own family as often as he writes to you! I mean-“
”Okay!” Hermione interjected, reaching over Draco to catch Harry’s wrist. She pulled him to a stop from where he’d been pacing. “Okay, Harry, I get it.”
”Do you?”
”Yeah. I think I do. But, it isn’t as simple as all that. My head can piece all of that together just as well, but my heart won’t believe it until he says something outright.”
“Have you ever thought that maybe he hasn’t said anything outright because he’s scared of all of the same things that you are?” Draco asked from beside her.
Pansy nodded. “Sometimes, it’s easier to dance around the truth than it is to be vulnerable with someone, no matter how much you trust them,” she added, and Draco hummed his agreement.
“I guess I didn’t think he’d have those same fears. Every time I see him, he seems so unbothered by all of it. Except for maybe at the train station before we left. He asked about mine and Harry’s matching tattoos, and when I told him what they were, he almost looked relieved. But that’s the only time I can remember him seeming to care who my soulmate might be.”
Harry sighed. “Hermione, you know Fred better than most people. You are one of the few who could look at the twins and immediately know who was who, you know how to read his facial expressions and his moods better than almost everyone, and you understand that there is more to him than what meets the eye. In return, however, Fred knows you better than almost everyone. He knows he can’t hide much from you, but apparently there’s one thing he’s learned to at least suppress when you’re looking. You should know by now that he’s good at masking certain things in front of people. But I’ve seen him when you weren’t looking at him, I’ve seen how much he cares for you written all over his face. Trust me, Hermione, Fred cares about who your soulmate is because he wants it to be himself.”
Everyone stayed silent for a while, just thinking, and when Hermione looked over, Theo was asleep with a hand hooked around Pansy’s ankle. Pansy herself had drifted off and so had Harry, head in Draco’s lap, much to Hermione’s surprise. Maybe those two were making some progress in their relationship after all- they hadn’t gotten their marks yet, but she had a feeling it would be soon. Draco was the only one left awake, but only barely.
He nudged her in the side and waited for her to make eye contact with him, eyes half-closed. “Some things are worth taking a chance for,” he whispered, and then he gave her the tiniest little smile, eyes finally closing.
Sleep was far off for Hermione for the rest of the night.