Interview with a Vampire
So, Remus sat across from what Lily had begun to call his ‘pet vampire’ in the restaurant at the corner where Lily and Dorcas had been waiting for him. When they walked in, the girls’ eyebrows lifted all the way into their hairlines, but after a sharp jerk of his head towards the door, they picked up their stuff and left. Ever grateful for his friends, he sat across from Sirius and handed him one of the menus that were set to the side of their booth.
“So,” Remus began but then realised he had no idea what to say. Sirius looked up from his menu and raised an eyebrow at him. He landed on, “You have a brother?”.
Sirius laughed quietly at him. “That’s what you want to ask me?”
“It feels rude to get into everything,” he defended, gesturing to Sirius’ entire being, “before food.”
“Fair enough,” Sirius acquiesced. “So what do you order here?”
“Oh,” Remus started, “Have you never been?”
“No?” Sirius asked. “Should I have been?”
“It’s a Nando’s,” Remus stated bluntly. Sirius blinked at him. “It’s just that most people come here often enough that they know what to order before looking at the menu. Do you knot each out much because of the..?" This time Remus finished his sentence by gesturing at his own teeth.
A look of realisation crossed Sirius’ face.
“Oh, no, I eat. Not a lot, but usually dinner,” he explained. “I know you’ve read about my family,” Remus nodded, “so I’m not as embarrassed to admit this because there’s no beating around the bush here.”
“What?”
“When we eat out, which is rare, there’s normally a Michellin star attached to the chef,” he finished.
“Oohhh,” Remus exclaimed. “I got so caught up in the other thing I completely forgot about the rich and powerful family.”
“I wish I could forget about the rich and powerful family,” Sirius snarked.
“Not the brother, I assume?” Remus asked.
“Not the brother,” he confirmed.
“Hold that thought and I’ll go order,” Remus got up, his menu in hand, and started towards the register.
“You’ll go order?” Sirius tilted his head to the side like a dog. Remus just smiled and shook his head.
~*~
Sirius was magnificent, Remus thought as they left the Nando’s together. Sirius held the door open for him when they left and Remus was fighting every instinct in his body not to swoon.
“I should probably head home,” Remus said. “Lily will start worrying if I don't call soon.”
“Lily’s the redhead?” Sirius asked. Remus’ cheeks set alight.
“You saw them in the restaurant?” he exclaimed. The other man’s eyebrows drew together.
“No, I saw them on Instagram. James showed me. He was very proud of himself,” Sirius answered. “They were in the Nando’s?”
“Oh,” The flames engulfed him. “Yeah, they were afraid..” It was at this juncture that Remus realised that implying that his maybe-date definitely-vampire was enough of a possible threat to his well being that his friends felt the need to go undercover in the Nando’s was not a good idea.
“That I would eat you?”
“What? No, no definitely not.” Sirius raised his eyebrows.
“No?”
“It was more of a regular murder related concern.”
“Oh that’s much better,” Sirius nodded solemnly. “Much better not to eat you, I think. Although, that ‘Hannibal’ show has me thinking cannibalism can be sexy.”
Silence.
“Doesn’t quite land when I’m actually a vampire, does it?”
“I just wasn't expecting it so soon.”
“No, for sure.”
“So many other ways to have me before eating my flesh, don’t you think?”
Sirius stumbled over his feet, grabbing Remus’ arm for stability.
“From a symbolism stand-point,” he finished, shit eating grin on his face.
“Remus Lupin, I don’t believe you,” Sirius laughed.
“What?” he looked over to where Sirius had stopped walking and was staring at him, point blank.
“Nothing,” he started walking again. “You just… don’t blink. I mean, you know I’m an actual, like blood-sucking, fang-having, immortal vampire, right? And you ask me about my brother and make cannibalistic sex jokes.”
“You forgot sparkling.”
“Vampires don’t sparkle.”
“Yeah, but stars do.”
~*~
Sirius put his number in Remus’ phone after walking him back to his apartment, and only mentioned the nosy lesbians staring at them through the window through text once he was home. Like a gentleman. He made his name Star Man. Remus tried not to think what he was in the other man’s phone. They texted that night until two in the morning when Remus fell asleep with his phone still glued to his hand. He woke up to it unplugged and dead, but well rested, it must be said.
It had been agony waiting for it to charge, checking every thirty seconds if it had miraculously turned on.
“You know, checking it makes it charge slower,” Marlene told him from the other side of their kitchen island.
“That’s not true,” he responded.
“I’m pretty sure it is.”
“I don't think so,” he said, but stopped checking anyway.
He was halfway through his tea when the screen lit up. He pounced on it, tapping the screen repeatedly.
“Dude, you need to chill,” Marlene laughed at him.
“Have I ever been chill?” he asked her, glaring.
“I don’t think so, but let me consult the council,” she took a breath and called “Dorcas! Has Remus ever been chill?”
“Don’t shout, I’m right here, love,” she said, entering the room and planting a kiss on Malrene’s cheek. “Hi,” she smiled at her girlfriend.
“Morning,” Marlene smiled back. She nodded to Remus and asked, “Chill?”
“Not in a traditional sense, but his unapologetic lack of chill does exude a cool vibe. Cool is close to chill,” she said, sagely. Remus looked up from his manic tapping and smiled at her gratefully.
“Thank you, Dorky.”
“No worries, Rem.”
Finally, the phone was finished booting up and Remus was allowed into his messages. He was leaning over the counter, elbows to the tile and holding the phone six inches from his face when Marlene asked Dorcas, “Cool?”.
“Not at this moment,” she responded. Remus paid them no attention.
Sirius had texted him.
02:04
Star: And that’s when i realised that the tooth fairy wouldn’t visit because i wouldn’t lose my teeth
Star: but i dont think my parents would have done it either way
02:17
Star: Remus?
02:22
Star: oh shit you’re asleep arent you
Star: sleep well, remus
02:24
Star: regulus says double texting is uncool and james is asking who he has been texting
Star: will update in the morning as i would hate to appear desperate by double texting anymore than i have
10:25
Me: I was asleep, sorry. I think you might be magic because I feel more well rested than I have in possibly years.
Me: How did that situation evolve?
Star: regulus is trying to say that he heard it online but james isnt buying it
Star: they’re exes so it’s all very tense
Me: The best friend and the brother? Tense indeed.
Star: reg is now saying that responding fast isn’t chill
Star: i am very happy that you are centring me in their issues
Star: i feel very seen
“Stop smiling like a freak,” Marlene said, Dorcas now in her lap.
“Huh?”
“You’re going to hurt your face.”
“Shove it.”
“I’m sorry, Dorcas, I just don’t get ‘cool’ from him,” she addressed her girlfriend.
Remus rolled his eyes and went back to his phone.
Me: I have been told multiple times this morning that I am simply not a chill person so I wouldn’t worry about that one. Cool is still up for debate though.
Star: i would agree with cool
Star: you’ve got a thing
Me: A Thing?
Star: a nonchalantness
Me: That’s not a word
Star: im not above taking it back
Me: Please don’t. It’s all I have to defend myself in this hostile environment
“Sirius thinks I’m cool,” he said, sticking his tongue out at Marlene.
“Sirius doesn’t hear you singing pop songs in the shower.”
“Point taken.”
Star: r u up to anything today?
Me: Probably just gonna keep researching my side project
Star: oh?
Me: Yeah, I got a lot of new info last night but I have to connect it to my sources and stuff
Star: not reliable enough?
Me: No, just unbelievable.
Star: you believe in vampires
Me: You are one