Merry Fucking Christmas
Why are you hanging on so tight
To the rope that I'm hanging from?
Off this island, this was an escape plan (this was an escape plan)
Carefully timed it, so let me go
And dive into the waves below
Sirius dusts himself off and finds his friends to whine to, he knows Ursa's a sore spot for moony since her last stay with the lupin household so he lets him be, he's chatting away with his little brother undisturbed. He grins at the sight
“Must’ve been one of the suitors Andromeda mentioned” Peter says off handedly when Sirius brings it up to him and James
“What? What the hell are you on about?”
“Oh, I didn't tell you, Andromeda came into the kitchen and started apologizing to Ursa for… I'm not entirely sure what for. A man did something to Ursa— or didn't do— or maybe it was a woman— point is, Andromeda felt bad about abandoning her and not protecting her from something. Ursa told her to fuck off, she said some things that boy does your sister definitely need to see a mind healer for, and what we already know, that she'd love to be back with your parents”
“What does a suitor have to do with that?”
“Oh, right, after she said that last part Andromeda asked if she really wants to go back to the abuse and suitors, and she didn't mean Evan because I asked. Everything turned to french after tha—” he swallows and doesn't meet Sirius' eye
“What?”
“Nothing”
“Wormie, what is it?”
“Nothing”
“I will snap your spine like a twig if you don't tell me what you're thinking right now!” Sirius' eyes shine with a dangerous glimmer, the one he's always hated because it connects him to them.
“What if this isn't the only time she got stocks in exchange for… keeping hush”
“That's ridiculous, she's engaged to Evan and she'd never let anyone— Andromeda told me to look at my father's business transactions.” He blinks then shakes his head “No. That's ridiculous, it would never happen, she'd chop their heads off”
“Yeah, you're right” James pats his back and gives Peter a pointed look to agree with him
“Of course” all their eyes turn to find Ursa in the crowd. She's beaming to yet another old man as he gives her a gift wrapped in black. She squeals with joy when she sees what's inside. Stocks to his company. There's a hug, it isn't clear who initiates it but she pretends it doesn't bother her
“Pads, I'm sure it's not—” his hand hikes too high up on her thigh for it to be appropriate. He springs into action because thinking has never been his forte. This time he keeps pounding, Ursa can't use magic in front of this many witnesses.
“She's a fucking minor you disgusting—” Fleamont eventually manages to finally dislodge him from the man, instead of the punishment he expects, Fleamont takes over until Euphemia snaps them apart.
“You are no longer welcomed in my home” he spits at him, literally spits at him in a rabid way he didn't think the calm man was capable of “she's a kid!”
“Who else?!” Sirius hollers at Ursa “you said half the party, who else?”
“I don't know what the hell you're talking about! You've gone insane! I don't know what's gotten into you but he did nothing!”
“Everybody out!” Fleamont demands and people don't have to be told twice. They take their gifts with them. Ursa's mouth tightens at the sight
“Both of you. Kitchen. Now.” Euphemia sentences and ice travels through Sirius' veins shooting daggers through his body. It isn't hard to over hear, they forget the silencing charm and she's not exactly quiet “we agreed. We agreed that we would be patient and respect her boundaries and be a safe place for her to grow comfortable in, a place where she wouldn't feel the need to lie and manipulate! Then you turn around and go and cause her more trauma! How do you think she feels after you two yelled to an entire party that she's slept with half of them?!”
“I didn't by the way,” she steps into the kitchen, jolting them all on their spots, euphemia blushes and seems to regret her words “in case you ever cared to ask. I just have dirt on them— had. Doubt I'll be able to use it now, thank you so much for that. Years-worth of effort washed down the drain thanks to your big-boy tantrum.” she says it with a dead tone and Fleamont grimaces
“I'm sorry, i—”
“—Made it look like I slept with half the wizarding population.” She finishes for him “I'm still a virgin, in case you were wondering, everyone seems to be so oddly fascinated by my sexuality, specially old men like you”
“Ursa, I—”
“Save it, I don't actually care”
“You're being unfair with him and I do care. I know what I saw” Sirius growls
“Sirius, this is not the way to deal with—” euphemia tries but he isn't listening
“Stop lying!” He cries out “this was mother, wasn't it?! She made you—”
“—No one makes me do anything—”
“—the suitors Andromeda mentioned —”
“—just because our parents tried to make me do something doesn't mean I did it”
“They tried?! What did they try to make you do?!” Sirius shakes her and she knocks him down with the blow Tomny taught her
“Stop acting like you're entitled to knowing anything about me” she spits at him “and you think I'm being unfair? Every time you try to ‘protect me’ you make my life worse and expect me to take it with a smile and be grateful you ignored what I explicitly asked of you”
“I'm your older brother! I was supposed to protect you—” the past tense betrays his guilt “am, I am supposed to protect you”
“I don't have the time or patience to deal with whatever misplaced guilt you feel over our parents being shit. I've never needed anyone to protect me, I've turned demons into friends and don't need you to rip their masks off, I know exactly who they are, don't waste the time I spent in hell with empty promises of heaven because I'm not a fucking angel and I fucking like the heat”
“That was surprisingly poetic” James chimes and Ursa rolls her eyes
“You want to protect me?” He nods to her brother sprawled on the ground, a challenge “leave me the fuck alone.” she turns on her heels and slams the door shut behind her.
“Ursa wait!” Sirius chases after her into the teeth clattering cold, she doesn't seem bothered by it “where are you going?!”
“I need some peace and quiet away from you and your emotions!” she snaps at him and the instant she steps through the wards she waves her wand. “The ministry would take me back to them” With a clicking sound she's gone after delivering her warning of why they shouldn't file a report of her missing
Sirius stares at the empty air with tears in his eyes and Peter’s voice cuts thought the shock and tension “she just apparated. I'm not the only one that saw that, right?” Peter confirms because she shouldn't be able to do that, she has the tracker and for the first time Peter actually craves her presence for an explanation as to how the fuck she did that. But she's gone. Who knows when she'll be back. If she'll be back.
Who tends the orchards? Who fixes up the gables?
Emotional torture from the head of your high table
Who fetches the water from the rocky mountain spring?
And walk back down again to feel your words and their sharp sting
And I'm getting fucking tired
“Whatever happens to her, it's your fault” Regulus delivers Sirius his sentencing with the same stoic expression he used to wear at their parent's parties. Maybe a party at the potters isn't so different after all. Sirius doesn't let him walk away, he yanks him by the collar and pins him to the wall
“Did you know about this?!” He growls and Regulus glares “you knew about this and did nothing! You just let it happen! You—”
“—I didn't know about our parents’ part in any of this! All I knew was that she was blackmailing people, the same way she blackmailed Snape for you and—”
“—Blackmailed Snape? What are you talking about?” He fumbles and his grip on Regulus' collar slips, his brother shoves him away. Regulus saw it in his brother's eyes then, an opportunity to make his brother love their sister again the way he does and, even more tempting, a chance to hurt him. He brought the wand to his temple and pulled out a memory
“What's this?”
“You wanted to know what happened. I was there” he slams the vialed memory into his brother's chest and pushes past him
Sirius was shaking, James made a move to go to him but Moony gestured that he had him. James shot up the stairs to find his boyfriend.
Regulus was curled up on himself, making himself as small as he could, his fingers dug into his own flesh trying to shrink even further. “Baby” James breathed and Regulus shattered with violent shaking sobs. In a blink of an eyes James had him glued back whole in his arms
“You don't have to do this sweetheart” Moony promises Sirius with Monty’s pensive in front of them
“Yes I do” he looked into his boyfriend's eyes and knew he didn't have to explain, moony understood why he had to do this “will… uhm…” Moony intertwines their fingers together and kisses his forehead “I'm sorry, this isn't fair to you, it'll stir up—” moony silences him with a kiss
“I know. And it's my decision. And I choose you. Every time.”
“Fuck,” Sirius chokes up “I love you so much, I don't fucking deserve you”
“Nah, but you were near by and look good in jeans” Remus shrugs and Sirius slaps his chest, moony chuckles and pulls him into his arms “I'm kidding. I love you too sweetheart.” He brushes their lips together softly with a smile “And you do look insanely good in those jeans” he adds, dipping a hand into one of the pockets and giving it a squeeze
“Now come on,” one final peck and a tiny tug to the pensive “the sooner we get this over with, the sooner you can get me out of them” they're pulled into the swirl to the sound of moony's laugh.
“You’re not gonna tell anyone” Ursa rolled her eyes at Severus Snape in Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom
“But I thought you—”
“You thought what?” Regulus took a seat back by the window, not noticing the pair holding hands and staring at him
“I thought you’d be on my side, your brother—”
“Ah, our brother,” Ursa pivoted him, her fingers brushed his shoulders “Tell me Snape, do you have any siblings?” he shook his head “Of course not. Lily does, though, right?” Snape clenched his jaw “you know Lily right? Red hair? You used to be obsessed with her?” His eyes shift to his feet in tense submission and she grins “I’ll take that as a yes. And what would she think, if you did to her sibling what you want to do to mine?” he twirled his head, following her, spinning around and around him “I’m sure she’d be mad. I’m sure she’d hate anyone who ever dared to hurt her sister, her family, don’t you think?” he swallowed “Severus,” she sang
“She asked you a question” Regulus finishes for her with a somber tone and Snape swallows
“She’d despise them” he didn’t look at her
“Right. So wonder what I would do” she smiled in a sweet but dangerous tone, around and around him she went “Actually, why make you wonder, why don’t I tell you?” the sweetness dripped out of her tone “I’d take Polyjuice potion with one of those disgusting, greasy hairs of yours and then I’d show up at Lily’s door. I’d make her watch while the person who used to be her best friend tortures her entire family before her eyes. I’d tell her to choose which one gets to live, I’d play eenie meenie miney mo over which one of her relatives gets to live, insane, of course, so she’d have the reminder and the labour to care for them for the rest of her life. Then, I would torture her, so far that her mind starts to slip but not enough to release her from the suffocating cage of sanity. She’d ask me why, beg me, beg you, Severus, ‘please stop doing this, Why are you doing this to me Severus? Please, I thought we were friends’. I’d laugh at her, her best friend would laugh and tell her it’s because she’s a filthy little mudblood who deserves every ounce of misery she encounters. Like you” she shoved him back against the sinks and she smirks at him “Actually, that sounds like a lot of fun so please, go ahead and tell everyone, I’m dying for an excuse to do it” Snape reached for his wand but there was nothing there “looking for this?” Ursa waved his wand in the air with a sigh “Seriously Snivellus?” she paraded out the bathroom “I thought you were smarter than that” she leaned out a pillar and dropped his wand onto the grass two stories bellow
“Go fetch” Regulus told him in a deadpan tone.
Ursa's smile dropped the second Snape had his back to her. “Ugh. What a bloody idiot”
“Severus or Sirius?”
“Both.” She rolled her eyes “ugh. Looks like you'll be my new potions tutor from now on” she spat bitterly
“Don't sound so excited about it”
“I'd just convinced him to start experimenting with his own potions, do you know all the potential knowledge I'll miss out on?”
“fine, but only till the rest of the year, then you gotta find someone else to tutor you, with the owls next year I won't have the time to do it”
“That works, I'll give him the summer to get sad and moppy, it’ll inspire his creativity, and then I'll reel him back in, maybe remind him who is the best student in their year if not him” she says with a smirk, they both know what redhead she's talking about
“You're evil”
“And shouldn't our inconvenience of a brother be grateful for it” she sighs
“I still don't understand what would go through his mind to make him do this, I never thought he'd betray lupin like this, it doesn't sound like him”
“Thinking doesn't sound like him”
“Do you think Lupin will forgive him?”
“He has the self-esteem of a doormat and a crush bigger than this castle. He'll get over it” Sirius shuffles closer to Remus, unseen by them.
“Moons—”
“She's right” Moony shrugs tense shoulders but squeezes Sirius' hand reassuringly
“Kinda fit though” Regulus adds lightly and Sirius' head whips around to his younger brother
“I bet now’d be your time if you wanna slide in.” Sirius gasps and Remus tugs his hand back with a laugh to stop him from fighting a memory of his siblings “Though you should know he might call you Sirius, but you might be into that kind of freak, our family does have a history and reputation of—”
“Don't you dare finish that sentence!” he snaps and she chuckles. When their laughter dies he swallows “do you think he'll come back to us?”
“Reggie,” she stares at him with sympathy “that's never going to happen,” then almost as an afterthought with no traces of that empathy left she adds “don't be stupid”
“But what if he— tries something?” Regulus' voice cracks at the implication but Ursa waves away his worry dismissively
“He may be out of our mother's control but he's not out of mine”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“it means I have my ways of knowing if that ever happens and I'll just swoop in to clean up yet another one of his messes” Regulus stares at her with a skeptical frown “just trust me, will you?”
“Okay” he nods and she grins at him easily
“Now onto important things, how should I do my hair—” The image swirls and crumbles until they're standing back in Monty's office clinging onto each other.
“he looked spotless, that was after Dumbledore spoke to him” Remus mumbles mostly to himself
“Not Dumbledore then. Looks like I have my sister to thank”
“I wouldn't thank her too hard, she seemed to thoroughly enjoy doing that” he tries at lightheartedness but it doesn't land.
“Her birthday is in two days. I guess technically it's tomorrow” he nods to the clock signaling the early hours of the next morning
“She'll come back and we can thank her then, why don't you help me pick out a gift for her?” he assures him with warming arms but the rest of that hard conversation can't be done while standing, so Remus takes him to bed and their confessions are whispered into the darkness of Sirius' room.
The capillaries in my eyes are bursting
If our love died, would that be the worst thing?
For somebody I thought was my saviour
You sure make me do a whole lot of labour
Remus is wrong. Sirius waits by the front door like a dog but Ursa doesn't show up. At midnight Regulus joins him. “Happy birthday” Sirius whispers and he glares back at him. He turns on his heels and storms back upstairs.
“Give him some time, he'll come around, they both will” James assures his best friend before heading up the stairs to wrap his boyfriend up in a hug and try to turn his day around.
James doesn't give up on giving Regulus his incredible birthday party, even if everyone’s set on ruining it. He hangs up banners and fills the house with pictures of the pretty boy with curls. He takes a picture whenever he thinks he's too perfect to be real so he has thousands of them already. He likes the house better this way, with Regulus' face staring back every corner he turns. He wanted to give him an unforgettable party. Well, at least Ursa made sure of that, his first birthday without his twin, he should've been more specific “love,” Regulus sounds exhausted while he wraps his arms around him
“Do you want to celebrate to cancel the party and just you and me? Hey no, don't cry love, we can still invite everyone if you want, I just thought you—” Regulus shuts him up with a kiss.
“I love you”
“I love you, why are you crying?”
“I just love you too much” he admits and James kisses him far too giddy at the sound of that confession “you’re perfect”
“We're on the anniversary of you being perfect for fifteen years”
“I'm far from perfect James”
“agree to disagree” James kisses him softly “I'll send out the owls, why don't you go ahead and set up the bath just the way you like it?”
“Will you be joining me?”
“I did say just the way you like it, didn't I?”
“You are far too co—” the front door swings open to reveal the person they'd all been longing for
“Wasn't there supposed to be a party here?” Ursa glances around to the empty chairs. Sirius runs up to hug her and she stops him with a stinging hex “what do you think you're doing?”
“Showing my love and afection? Ouch”
“You deserved that” Regulus says on his way past it
“No, he didn't” Moony helps him back up and presses a kiss to his temple
“I thought you weren't going to come” Regulus stands in front of his sister
“And miss your birthday, Reggie?” She huffs “never”
“Happy birthday” he tells her with a grin
“Happy birthday Reggie.”
“Happy birthday Ursa,”
“Thanks. Now where's the party?”
“I was about to send out the owls saying it’s canceled”
“Boo. I came here for a party”
“Then it's a good thing we didn't send them yet” Regulus tells her with a grin
“Before people start arriving I think we should talk about—”
“—ew. No. That's an after party conversation if I ever heard of one”
“Alright. But I really think we should talk”
“Of course, I promise, after my party we'll talk”
“You mean our party” Regulus corrects her.
“Happy birthday Ursa! Oh! Let me get a picture of the birthday two,” James scrambles up the stairs in search of the camera.
It isn't long before people start arriving, one after the other. When Peter arrives with both his sisters Ursa runs into his arms and plants a heated kiss on his lips. She keeps him close for the rest of the day, her shield for people asking about the Christmas party.
Every couple of minutes an owl passes by to drop a letter on Ursa's lap that's on Peter's lap. She's her usual, charming self even with Sirius much to his delight. He thought she'd hate him but instead she's smiled at him twice. Some people try to bring up the Christmas’ party debacle even with Peter's arms around her, that's one of the issues of making people think they matter to you, they feel entitled to snoop. She handles them with grace, not too serious but managing to slip in that she didn't even kiss those people. Peter pretends he's not impressed by this skill. What makes the alarms go off in his head is she treats Sirius just as friendly as she treats everyone else. And Peter. She's being nice to absolutely everyone. Either she's possessed or she's up to something. That's what makes him follow her after everyone else leaves. Honestly, if she's up to something he'd rather be blissfully unaware, but there's those myriad tears Sirius has been crying.
Apologies from my tongue, and never yours
Busy lapping from flowing cup and stabbing with your fork
I know you're a smart man (I know you're a smart man), and weaponise
The false incompetence, it's dominance under a guise
Her older brother is being even more obnoxious than usual. A great feat. One she would've thought impossible. He keeps trying to make friendly conversation with her. He keeps trying to make her laugh. Disgusting. He does seem to genuinely buy that she doesn't care about what happened on christmas. Idiot. Nothing surprising there, most men are. And he dares act surprised, as though she hadn't told him before all people were wicked, Potter-world included. That's men for you, they don't listen unless it's a man giving the warning. Then they dare act surprised. Then they dare react irrationally. Emotionally. After calling women dramatic. She warned him the world was shit. People are shit. He didn't listen. Then dares act surprised. Then he dares to rage that she didn't speak up. A man waves it off, he dismisses it, tells her to be quiet and then wonders why she didn't yell. They're all the same. Useless, mindless sheep. And the worst part? She's forced to cradle their delicate egos when what she wants is to incinerate them all. But you have to choose, power or fun. She's better than them, she isn't emotional and feeble enough to give into her anger. The thing with her brother, he does have a particular way of ticking her off. One she'd rather avoid. She’ll be damn if she lets someone so idiotic make her lose control of the situation, control over herself. She's too good for that. If she takes action it'll take her in the direction she wants, not away from it. She's too damn smart to react emotionally. She's too good to act on her emotions.
Peter won't stop ogling the girl who was groped by gross old men. He's not the only one. She's once again being punished for a man’s mistake. It was the men in this story that behaved poorly yet it's her that has to bear the stares.
She keeps it together, the same way she always does. She gives out smiles and words strategically. She leads them to eat out the palm of her hand. Her exhaustion muffles her usual satisfaction. Lucky for her, she knows a way to kill two birds with one stone. Punish Sirius and get a well-deserved respite. She waits for everyone else to leave. She waits until everyone is distracted by James' speech on just how much the birthday boy means to him. Regulus forbade him from doing it in front of everyone else.
Ursa slips out the front. She steps past the apparition wards as she pulls out her wand “Don't.” She turns to meet Peter’s beetle eyes.
“You gonna stop me?” She quirks a brow in challenge, she almost hopes he'd try, give her an excuse to kick his ass
“No, I'm smarter than to try that” she watches him step closer “also, I get it. Do you have somewhere safe to go?”
“Everywhere is safe if you're the thing people are afraid of”
“Except for your mind”
“Goodbye rat-boy”
“Wait!” He calls out and she stares at him unimpressed “before you go,” he catches up to her, he stands on the edge of the wards “I need to know, how can you do that? You apparated yourself and didn't have the ministry officials banging at your door”
“Do you really want to know?” She takes a step closer so they're a breath away from touching
“Yes”
She leans into his ear and whispers with a smirk “I know what you're doing” before he can respond, Sirius rounds the corner and Ursa yanks Peter away from the wards alongside him. She winks at her brother as she disappears with his best friend.
If we had a daughter, I'd watch and could not save her
The emotional torture, from the head of your high table
She'd do what you taught her, she'd meet the same cruel fate
So now I've gotta run, so I can undo this mistake
At least I've gotta try