Chapter 4
It happened so suddenly. Bianca wasn’t able to stop it before it went spiraling out of control and now Vera must pay the price.
Despite what happened, Bianca’s mind was stabilized and the same goes for Vera. The only reason it affected Vera badly was because she was in no condition to do maintenance on Bianca yet she insisted on doing it for her. She made a good point and Bianca begrudgingly agreed to it because she believed that Vera knew what she was doing.
Somehow she fell into a memory that wasn’t hers.
There were a lot of injured soldiers and she was tending to them. She helped one of the constructs with his arm injured and he begged her not to turn off his pain module. She reluctantly agreed and she can feel his pain running through her. Then a man came into the camp and asked everyone who would volunteer to go to the frontlines.
She noticed that everyone was silent and they looked at her as she raised her hand (this is not her hand).
”I will,” her voice was full of resolution.
The man stamped her name from the file and said, “BPN-13, Support type construct. Vera, huh.”
And it struck Bianca with a realization that this is Red’s, no it’s Vera’s memories that she was seeing. Or maybe experienced it firsthand.
She had no idea how this could happen.
She saw how every team that Vera in was always killed by the corrupteds and leaving her as the sole survivor. She saw how it broke Vera again and again, but she kept on fighting to meet her own end. She didn’t want to have any death on her hands anymore (their deaths aren’t your fault!) and she begged for one of them to leave while there’s a chance (she tore her own arm?!).
In the end, no one survived except her. But she no longer seeked to end herself anymore. No, what she seeked is more pain, pain to prove to her that she is still alive, to prove that they once existed and she will carry their pain for the rest of her life.
Bianca forced herself to wake up. And the first thing she saw is Vera with her head down and leaning back on the wall. She quickly lifted her head and tapped her cheek.
”Vera? Vera?” Vera’s brows scrunched in pain. “Vera, wake up. Get out!”
She remembered that their minds were connected and tried to close their connections. But Vera seems to block her attempt subconsciously. And Bianca did one thing that suddenly crossed her mind.
She kissed Vera. The kiss was shy at first, then Bianca felt bolder and kissed her deeply. She can feel Vera inside of her mind, and slowly pull her out from the memories deep within. She closed their mind’s connections (and pulled away from the kiss) after Vera was no longer inside of her mind.
Then Vera screamed in pain as everything crashed down on her. And Bianca can only calm her down as she panicked at the sight of blood coming down from Vera’s nose. Vera looked at her groggily, slurring her words as she told Bianca that her head was in a lot of pain, and blacked out on her for the third time these days.
And that was how she had Vera lying on her lap, with a campfire in front of them as she waited for her to awake.
She waited anxiously as she contemplated what to say to Vera. She felt bad because they were accidentally slipping into each other’s memories and while Bianca was fine, Vera, as a matter of fact, was getting worse.
She brushed Vera’s red locks and massaged her scalp while thinking absentmindedly. Without realizing how much time had passed, Vera began to stir awake.
Bianca stopped her movement. Vera grumbled slightly.
“Keep doing that, it’s nice,” Vera said groggily.
Bianca continued massaging Vera’s scalp and the redhead sighed contently. Somehow, Vera reminds her of a cat lazing around and demanding attention from their owner.
“How are you feeling?” Bianca asked warily.
“Shitty. Like ten times shittier than before. Or worse, I don't know, my head still hurts.” Vera scrunched her eyes closely and groaned slightly at the massage.
Neither of them talked, and Vera seemed to enjoy the relative peace they shared at the moment while staring into the campfire. Bianca wondered if this was the first time she saw Vera’s relaxed expression.
Finally, Vera broke the silence.
“I’m sorry,” her words hanging in the air. “I didn’t mean to see your memories. I had no idea how it could happen.”
“Yeah, me too,” Bianca answered. “I’m sorry that I made you hurt.”
Vera looked surprised for a bit before replying nonchalantly. “You couldn’t have known that too,” then she grinned teasingly. “But really? You were in a church?”
“My father found me when I was a baby abandoned near the church in the snow. He then raised me as his own daughter,” Bianca explained.
“Your father? The mechanoid?”
Bianca thought she would see judgement in Vera’s eyes, but she only saw interest in those red eyes.
“Yes, I didn't know though, I just know when…” when the breakout happened. Bianca couldn’t finish her words, but Vera must already know what happened next.
Vera only hummed in response, seemingly in thought.
“Do you think that you have sinned?”
Her question threw Bianca off. She didn’t expect Vera to know, nor the least understand, the implications behind her actions.
“Yes, I do. But I know I must do it, it’s the right thing, and I won't apologize for that.”
Vera grinned at her answer. “So you don’t believe that God will punish you?”
Bianca scoffed and rubbed Vera’s scalp. “If Gods exist then He wouldn’t have left us in a world like this. I think living in this world is already a punishment on its own.”
Vera seemed to want to say something, her mouth opened and closed, before saying another thing instead.
“That makes two of us, I guess.”
Bianca smiled playfully. “What? Do you believe in God? Didn’t take you for the religious type.”
“Not exactly, I just knew a bit back when I got into a church. I mean, rescued. It’s been a long time, my memories are blurred.”
“Rescued?” Bianca suddenly remembered something from the past. Redhead, blood, screams, cries of agony. It’s been so long that she barely remembered that night.
“Huh-uh? You okay?”
“No, I…” Bianca shakes her head. “I just remember something, it’s nothing.”
Vera looked at her deeply. She reached up to grab Bianca’s chin and turned her face to look at her. “Tell me about it,” she hesitated for a bit before saying, “Please.”
Something about those beautiful red eye looking at her with such tenderness and dried blood on the lips uttering the word ‘please’ to her sent warmth and unrecognizable feelings inside her. She wanted to ignore all of those feelings but Vera managed to draw something more from her, and she wanted Vera to stay with her.
“I remember there was a girl dragging herself to the church while bleeding so bad,” Bianca shivered at the memories. “There was so much blood, just like her red hair, and I don't know how she even survived all the way here with the blood loss from…”
Bianca closed her eyes, she felt nauseous all of sudden. She thought how lucky it was that there was a doctor taking refuge in the church that she was able to help with the girl’s injury. There was no pain killer, and young Bianca had to hold the girl who was probably a few years younger than her from trashing a lot. The girl passed out soon after the doctor cauterized her wound and Bianca was left to take care of her.
She didn’t say anything about what happened and Bianca respected her privacy. It was until when she left leaving only a letter that Bianca wished she had asked her to stay. Or maybe she did ask.
‘Thank you for everything, but I must go.’
“It was a long time ago, i can’t really remember her name either…”
Then it clicked for her. She stared widely at Vera.
“Wait, was that you??”
Vera grinned teasingly, “Who would've thought this is how we would meet again, huh?”
“You knew all this time?”
“Nope, i told you i hardly remember anything but i clocked it immediately when i heard your story. No wonder you felt familiar.”
Bianca smiled and cupped Vera’s cheek. “And you always showed up in the worst state.”
Vera chuckled breathlessly. “Oh, forgive me for not dressing up properly for our meeting. I will do better next time, maybe, if we’re still alive.”
“That’s a promise, then.”
Vera groaned. “Fuck me.”
“Maybe later.” Vera’s eyes widened and Bianca quickly retracted her words. “Just joking.
Vera mumbled something incoherently and looked grumpy all of a sudden. But before Bianca could ask her, Vera is the first one to break the awkwardness. “You know, Bianca? People I met never come back alive. They always died.”
“Then I won't die.”
“Bullshit,” Vera quickly cut her off. “Then why would you join Daedalus, Bianca?”
“What?”
“Of all people,” Vera gritted her teeth. “Who would join Daedalus, I would've never expected you to be one of them.”
“What are you talking about?!”
Vera looked at her deeply. “You don’t know they were experimenting on humans?”
“What?!”
“How could you not know that?!”
Bianca flabbergasted. “Wen never told me anything about it.”
Vera scoffed. “Obviously that’s because you are one of their success experiments. Almost, considering your unstable frame due to their premature construct technology. They wouldn’t let their precious weapon go away just like that. Or maybe they could, who knows.”
Bianca clenched her jaw, her teeth gritted and tried so hard to control her emotions.
“You have no proof.”
Vera didn’t look surprised, it felt like she knew that Bianca wouldn’t trust her. She didn’t say a word, seemingly in thought before saying something.
“That guy you killed, Timmy–”
“Toby.” Bianca corrected her.
“Probably one of the experiments that managed to escape.”
Bianca doubted her for a second but it actually makes sense. Toby was missing for a few days then he showed up infected. And there were also more missing people. An uneasy feeling crept up her heart.
“I will investigate what you said and see it for myself.”
Vera nodded tirelessly. “And then what? What are you gonna do?”
Bianca just shrugged. She became unsure of herself. What if everything was a lie? What has she been doing all this time? What if she’s been doing it only for her righteous justice? What does all of the blood in her hands for?
Vera shifting around grounded her back. Then the redhead sat up and casted off the cast from her broken arm.
“You haven’t gotten yourself a rest, have you?”
Before Bianca could come up with an answer, Vera was already climbing up on her lap. Bianca instinctively grabbed her waist while Vera pushed her down to the ground. She grinned above her and said, “Don’t worry your pretty head now, Bianca. Get some rest.”
“But–”
“We’ll be fine,” Vera cut her off and laid her head on Bianca’s chest. She closed her eyes and sighed. “Now this feels more comfortable.”
Their bodies entangled together as they slowly relaxed against each other. Bianca slowly raised her hand and rested it on Vera’s back, her back full of gashes and she could hear Vera’s breath hitch when she gently rubbed her back.
It’s the most peaceful feeling in the world as they laid together blissfully. They almost drifted to sleep when Vera with a slurred voice asked, “What do you want to do when we meet again?”
Bianca didn’t think about it. All she thought about is how nice it is to have Vera curled up with her, the low and rise of her chest, and the rumble from her voice when she spoke.
“Maybe…watching movies and staying like this,” Bianca answered.
She thought that Vera already fell asleep when she didn’t reply immediately. The only sounds heard are their breathing and the crackling of the fire. After a long pause, Vera let out a low chuckle.
“I think I’d like that too”
~~~
Vera didn’t mind being alone. She always felt like she was destined to be alone and left to be the only one to carry their memories. Her nickname Death felt fitting despite her hatred toward the reminder. Her curse.
Yet she didn’t feel like she was alone when she’s with Bianca. Bianca already saw her at her worst state and made her feel like she could be herself. And both of them carried the same scars.
She must leave. Though it seems impossible without Bianca knowing. Bianca looked at her with understanding, and kissed her without a word.
The fire died off, leaving the only remnants of their encounter. And a lingering taste on her mouth that she will always remember.