November 1977
Ever since James and Regulus had realized that they had fallen for each other hard the marauders as a group had grown significantly.
In fourth year Mary, Marlene and Lily had joined the original four and now Regulus and his friends were naturally included in everything they did.
Regulus’ friends consisted out of Barty, Evan, Pandora and Dorcas. The group of Slytherins (plus their emotional support Ravenclaw; Pandora) was different than what the marauders had been used to but it had worked out nevertheless.
By now, Lily adored each and every one of them (even Barty and Dorcas who had come of rather mean and scary in the beginning).
Gryffindor had just won the Quidditch game against Hufflepuff so naturally all of them were standing around the table that was covered in liquor bottles in the common room as they were celebrating.
They were having a good time and it were moments like this that reminded Lily of the inevitable ending of their time at Hogwarts. She would miss everything but spending time with her friends and laughing carelessly about everything was on top of her list. It were also moments like this that made her realize that she needed to make the best out of her last year.
“So what exactly happened in detention last night, Meadowes?” Barty snapped her back to the here and now. He eyed his friend suspiciously to then look over to Marlene.
In an instant both of them started blushing.
“Nothing.” Dorcas mumbled without meeting his eyes. Lily couldn’t help but let out a laugh at that. Ever since Regulus and James had introduced Marlene and Dorcas to each other the two of them had this weird chemistry between them and over the last few weeks Lily had noticed Marlene sneaking of in the middle of the night more than once.
“Oh, if by nothing you mean snogging the girl you obviously have a crush on then I agree, the two of you did nothing.” Lily pointed out. Usually, she wouldn’t just speak out the truth so bluntly but in this specific case she knew for a fact that Marlene felt the same way.
“Lily!” Marlene exclaimed nevertheless which made the redhead just laugh more. Pandora couldn’t hold back a chuckle herself and everyone else had a huge grin on their face.
“Nothing happened.” Dorcas stated through gritted teeth but was clearly just holding back a laugh herself.
Pandora and Lily shared an intense look at that.
“Lily, do you wanna sneak out in the middle of the night and maybe just do nothing?” Pandora asked, her voice right between sounding mocking and actually flirty.
“Oh, I would love to, Pandora.” Lily replied with a wink and the same tone to her voice. Everyone except for Dorcas and Marlene laughed at that little scene.
Lily would have never thought it to be possible but out of all of Regulus’ friends Pandora was her favourite.
At first she had thought it would be Regulus himself or Evan who was just too warm hearted to not love him after having one conversation with him. Pandora was open minded, imaginative and a little weird in her own special way. Lily liked to stay to the facts of a situation since that had been the only way to really understand the wizarding world when she had been eleven. Back then, Hogwarts and everything to it had been so strange and new...
Pandora was rarely talking about this world by using facts to describe it, no, Pandora talked about everything as if it was the most precious and wonderful thing in the world - as if there was magic in all of it. Lily had thought she would despise her for her way of thinking but instead she loved listening to her. While she fell in love with magic the first time she had seen it, she also hated it since it was a constant reminder of her doomed relationship with her sister.
Pandora made her see the wizarding world in a different light.
…
The next day was a Sunday which meant that all of them would meet at Greenhouse number three for breakfast, that is, as long as the weather wasn’t too bad.
It wasn’t.
As always James, Peter, Sirius and Remus provided the food which they got from the kitchen themselves. The rest brought blankets and pillows to their usual meeting place.
“So, what exactly happened after I feel asleep?” Peter wanted to know as soon as all of them had settled on the blankets. The rest of the party had been actually quite fun. After drinking a little more, Lily, Pandora, Evan, Mary and Barty had played a few games in the middle of the common room while the others had gone of flirting in different corners of it.
It had been really entertaining to watch James and Regulus sneak into James’ dorm or how desperate Sirius and Remus had been for each other (they still hadn’t realized that the other was feeling the same exact way) or how Marlene and Dorcas hadn’t been able to not touch each other in one way or another as they had been staring into each other’s eyes.
“Oh, you know, Dorcas and Marlene almost snagged in front of everyone.” Evan said as casual as possible trying to hide his smile.
“We did not!” Dorcas piped up immediately. Lily didn’t know why Marlene and Dorcas were so stuck on the whole we-are-just-friends-thing even after clearly snogging more times than you could count with one hand. Maybe it was just part of their routine, by now.
“Okay, so watch this and tell me it’s not almost snogging in front of everyone.” Lily challenged her friends and turned to her side to look at Pandora.
Pandora was obviously down for another little scene, because she was Pandora, and didn’t loose a second to get into character.
She placed one hand on Lily’s thing while Lily cupped Pandora’s jaw with hers and drew her face a little closer.
“Did I tell you how beautiful you look tonight?” Lily asked as she starred into Pandora’s eyes - trying to sound as sloshed as her friends had been last night.
“Not as beautiful as you...you look immaculate.” Pandora replied.
Lily doesn’t know what to respond to the because - to be honest - she hadn’t paid that much attention to her friends so she just continued looking at Pandora’s face. From her very much blue eyes to her pink lips. It’s easy to get lost in another person’s face when you are so close to them. It’s even easier to get lost in their lips because it is kind of weird to just keep eye contact for minutes, right?
“Okay, we get it.” Dorcas admitted defeat before Lily could put any more thought into Pandora’s lips. She turned her face back to the rest of the group; again everyone except for Marlene and Dorcas had bursted out into laughter.
Lily spent the rest of breakfast laying on the blanket - her head in Pandora’s lap because that was somehow counted as making fun of Dorcas and Marlene (it worked) also, that way the Ravenclaw could play with her hair (by now Lily was used to Pandora never being able to keep calm).
…
The next few days Pandora and Lily kept doing their thing since Dorcas and Marlene kept denying what was happening between them.
It was a lot of fun, actually, even though it made Dorcas and Marlene despise all of their friends.
The fun stopped on Friday night. The group was hanging out in James’, Peter’s, Remus’ and Sirius’ dorm, drinking a little bit of fire whisky and just discussing everything that had happened that week.
They had arranged the boys’ beds in a circle so that they could sit comfortably.
Lily was sitting on Remus’ bed with Pandora and Mary next to her, across from them Marlene, Dorcas and Peter were sitting on Peter’s bed.
It was painfully obvious how the alcohol made Dorcas and Marlene forget that they pretended to not like each other. They just couldn’t keep their hands off of each other.
After a few hours half of the group had fallen asleep, it was just Lily, Pandora, Dorcas, Marlene, Remus and Barty now, though Dorcas and Marlene were barely counting considering the way they were laying on Peter’s bed and whispering things to each other while their faces got closer and closer to each other.
“Oi! Get a room you two!” Barty interrupted their moment and made them sit back up.
“For what?” Marlene played dumb. Pandora and Lily shared a look and knew the game was on.
They let themselves fall back onto the mattress and stared at each other.
“Marls, when everyone goes off to their dorms we could sneak off to the broom cupboard just next to your common room.” Pandora said - voice low.
“Oh, Dorcas, everyone is asleep, anyway, we can just start right here and now.” Lily replied. Again, she cupped Pandora‘s jaw with her hand (apparently, that was something Marlene liked to do).
“Right here and now? Oh, Marlene, you’re a naughty girl.” Pandora muttered and moved her face closer to Lily’s.
“Don’t you like naughty girls?” Lily asked and when she realized how genuine the question had sounded she added a playful “Dorcas?”
By now, their faces were really fucking close, so close that Lily wasn’t able to get a good look at Pandora’s lips. That wasn’t a problem, though, because instead of looking at them Lily got to feel them - on her own.
She wasn’t sure who had made the final step but suddenly she was kissing Pandora and she wasn’t complaining about it...in fact she was rather enjoying herself.
Pandora’s lips were soft and just brushing over hers in a gentle way.
“Why so gentle?” Lily almost wanted to ask but didn’t dare it. Instead she intensified the kiss herself.
Lily didn’t know why and she didn’t know how but kissing Pandora made her feel incredibly free. As if there were fireworks going off inside of her. So why did the fun stop? Kissing Pandora was certainly a lot of fun.
“Guys, we get it, we’ll get a room now.” Marlene gave in from the other side of the bed circle but Lily didn’t find it within herself to care about her friend’s words. She was perfectly fine with just continuing kissing the Ravenclaw next to her.
“Guys?” Dorcas voice sounded confused and a little off and it made Lily regain her ability to think.
A second later Pandora and her sat back up - innocently, as if they didn’t just make out while Mary was sleeping right next to them.
“Sorry, we were just trying to prove a point here.” Pandora explained and Lily thanked her internally, because she wasn’t able to speak at the moment.
Remus and Barty both eyed them with raised brows but didn’t say anything. Instead all of them decided to go to sleep.
Lily was the first one to leave the room. She didn’t have it in her to say goodbye to any of them, she needed to be alone.
Fortunately, her dorm was empty with Mary sleeping over at the boys and Marlene being with Dorcas so she could just lay down in the middle of their shared room and think.
She liked to ground herself like that whenever she felt like she had been hit by a truck. This was one of those moments.
So she had kissed Pandora. What was the big deal?
But she had enjoyed it. Like...a lot.
Suddenly, everything made sense.
Suddenly, Gideon Prewett in 5th year made sense.
Suddenly, talking to Mary made sense.
Suddenly, that Ravenclaw boy in 6th year made sense.
Suddenly, talking to Marlene made sense.
Because - if Lily was completely honest with herself - every time she had made out with a bloke she had liked the build up to the snogging but as soon as it had been actually happening she had tried to come up with a good excuse to get back to her friends without hurting the boy’s feelings. Eventually, she had always found a way to get rid of them and Mary would assure her that there were better blokes out there but Lily never had been sure of that and now she understood why.
She felt rather stupid, honestly, considering her obsession with Dorcas and Marlene and the fact that literally all of her friends were queer one way or another. How didn’t she notice?
Lily wanted to say that James from first to fifth year made sense (in 6th year he had finally started to go after Regulus instead of her) but she knew that James and her were meant to be just friends and nothing else either way.
Lily didn’t want to think it out loud because it was similar to her relationship with magic - there was positive and negative - but she couldn’t stop herself.
Lily Evans was a lesbian.
…
Saturday started off with Lily sleeping in. She had been laying awake for most of the night so that didn’t really surprise her.
It was time for lunch when she decided to go downstairs and join her friends in the common room. The dorm had been just as empty this morning/noon as it had been last night. If Marlene or Mary had come in at some point of their day they had been so nice not to wake her.
When Lily walked into the common room she was surprised to find their usual corner of the room almost completely empty. There was just Remus.
“Finally!” Remus greeted her.
“You have been waiting for me? Also, where is everyone?”
“Quidditch, lunch, library...and yes, I’ve been waiting for you. I wanted to talk to you. You acted weird after you and Pandora kissed...” Of course, Remus had seen right through her. At least, he was straightforward about it.
Lily say down next to him and sighed. Why was this so hard? This was Remus, right? Out of all people, Remus would understand her no matter what and especially in this matter...
“Remus....I think I’m a lesbian.” For a moment Lily felt stupid for explaining everything with that one sentence but then she decided to not feel bad for telling him about that part of herself and then she decided that there is no need to be damping anything, so she added, “Actually, I don’t think I am, I know I am.”
Remus just looked at her with a wide smile on his face for a few moments before finally sayin something.
“I’m glad you finally realized that for yourself, Lils, because the way you described me your snogging experiences didn’t sound like a person who was much into guys if you as me.”
“You knew?! Why didn’t you tell me?” Lily hadn’t been expecting this. She had been ready for a “no, you’re not” or a “congrats” but she hadn’t expected Remus to know before she did.
“Well, you didn’t tell me that I am gay and specifically for Sirius so I’d say we’re even.”
Lily rolled her eyes at that but couldn’t hide her smile. Remus and her were pretty similar a lot of the time and even now Remus would be able to understand her perfectly because he was living the same nightmare.
“Speaking of Sirius...kissing Pandora didn’t only make me realize that I’m queer. I mean it totally made me realize that but it also made me realize that I want to kiss Pandora again...and again.” Lily mumbled. For some reason she felt so stupid and small telling him that.
Suddenly, Lily felt herself getting hugged by Remus.
“We’re hopeless, aren’t we?” Remus whispered without letting go of her.
“Oi! Whatever it is I want to be part of my two best friends hugging.” Sirius interrupted them and came standing in front of them.
“What about James? Isn’t he your best friend?” Lily wanted to know with a raised brow.
“Nah, James is more than that. He’s...my brother.” Remus and Lily shared an amused look at that.
“What is Regulus, then?” Remus asked. Sirius opened his mouth to answer but apparently he changed his mind halfway because not a single word made it out of it.
“I think this is the point in our conversation where I decide to leave.” Lily announced and did just that. She wanted to find the others so she went straight for the library.
She found Pandora and Evan sitting at their usual table in the back of it. They were whispering and laughing at something as Lily approached.
“What’s so funny?” She greeted them and looked around but didn’t see anything suspicious.
“Oh, Lily! You’re just the person I’ve been waiting for!” Pandora exclaimed and got up from her seat. Lily was still very much confused and looked at Evan for help but he was busy trying not to laugh too loud so Madame Pince wouldn’t tell him to leave.
Pandora grabbed Lily’s hand and dragged her behind the next bookshelf.
“Pandora, what is going on?” Lily asked quietly. There was a gap between two books so you could see the other aisle through it. The Ravenclaw placed her head right in front of it and signaled Lily to join her.
She did as she was asked and finally understood what was going on.
Pressed against the bookshelf across from them were Marlene and Dorcas - snogging.
“Oh, they are doing nothing, again.” Lily just commented the whole thing playfully.
“What do you say, Evans? In the mood for another scene?” Pandora wanted to know and turned her head away from their snogging friends to look at Lily.
She wasn’t sure what Pandora had in mind but making fun of Dorcas and Marlene had been way too entertaining over the last week to say no (well, except for the moment last night, that had been more than entertaining, but Pandora hadn’t said anything to that, so it didn’t seem to be of importance). “Sure.”
A second later, Lily got pressed against the bookshelf just like Marlene.
“I could stare into your eyes every damn second of every day.” Pandora whispered as she did just that.
Lily was caught off guard by the sudden intensity of the Ravenclaw’s stare and incapable of responding anything.
She had thought another scene meant going over to Marlene and Dorcas and interrupt them or something....
“I really wanna kiss you right now.” Pandora added after Lily just kept quiet and before the redhead could remind herself that they were just mocking their friends she blurted out, “Do it.”
There was flash of surprise in Pandora’s eyes but a second later the blonde closed the distance between their faces and captured Lily’s lips in a kiss.
Again, there were fireworks going of inside of Lily and, again, she lost her grab on reality. Without thinking anything of it, she placed one hand on Pandora’s hip, the other on her neck to pull her in even closer.
The Ravenclaw didn’t seem to mind since she responded to all of that by placing her own hands on Lily’s waist.
Feeling Pandora’s hands on her like that made something go off in Lily and she intensified the kiss even more by letting her tongue slide over the other girl’s bottom lip. Pandora reacted to that in just the right way and parted her lips for Lily. As soon as they got a taste of each other it was over for Lily. She was so thankful for the shelf pressing into her back, without it she wouldn’t be able to stand.
Lily’s hand started loosing itself in Pandora’s hair at the same time the other girl grabbed Lily’s thigh and moved it to her hip so Lily could put her leg around her.
Lily did just that and it made it somehow easier for Pandora to press her whole body against Lily’s.
The sensation of that was too much for her to handle and Lily let a moan escape her lips. Only after registering the sound of it she remembered that they were only pretending...well, at least she was supposed to pretend.
Before Pandora could react to the moan in any way, Lily took control of the situation and put an end to the kiss. She couldn’t believe herself and felt her face grow hot. She hadn’t just done that, right?
Pandora took a step back but didn’t say anything and Lily wasn’t sure if that made the whole situation more or less embarrassing for her.
“Maybe we should get back to Evan. He’s probably waiting for us.” Pandora stated after seconds of just staring at each other.
To be honest, Lily didn’t want to get back to Evan, she wanted to keep staring at Pandora’s blue eyes and swollen lips, and if she was really honest, she wanted to kiss her again.
Still, she let Pandora drag her away, though not without taking one last glance at Marlene and Dorcas only to notice that they had already left their place.
The rest of the day, Lily spent at Pandora’s side pretending she didn’t have to keep herself from staring at the other girl’s lips. Instead, they were working on their present for Barty since his birthday would be tomorrow and he wanted to celebrate the night of it.
The party was supposed to be in the Slytherin common room but the girls got ready in the Gryffindor dorm since Dorcas’ roommates didn’t like a bunch of Gryffindors they didn’t know in their dorm.
Lily always loved to get ready for parties. There was nothing as good as looking your best while being with your friends and feeling the excitement about the upcoming hours.
Marlene and Dorcas were the first to be ready and decided to wait for the rest downstairs, Mary followed soon after them so that left Lily and Pandora alone in the dorm.
Lily was standing in front of the mirror and put on her earrings when Pandora came standing behind her, put her arms around Lily’s waist and pressed a gentle kiss on her neck.
Pandora tended to be a rather affectionate friend but this was definitely not normal friend behavior, so it was totally understandable that Lily’s heart skipped a beat.
“Pandora, Marlene and Dorcas aren’t here. In fact, no one is.” Lily reminded her but didn’t stop her friend from touching her like that.
“I know.” Pandora replied with ease.
“Then why are you doing this?” Lily whispered, meeting her eyes in the mirror.
“Because I want to.” Pandora was probably the most honest person Lily new and still that ‘confession’ surprised her a lot.
There were so many questions that Lily wanted to ask but didn’t dare to.
“Don’t you?” Pandora added after moments of silence.
As an answer Lily just turned around in her arms and kissed Pandora. Somehow, the Ravenclaw made everything appear so easy and it kind of was. Why wasting any time by talking through the whole thing when it was so obvious that they both wanted the other?
Lily put a pause to the kiss to catch her breath only to get back to these warm, soft lips in an instant. The kiss was better than the ones before purely because this one was 100% real. Lily didn’t want to do anything else than snog Pandora all night but at some point they did step away from each other, nevertheless.
“We should really get going. The others are waiting for us.” Pandora reminded both of them and grabbed Lily’s hand before they went downstairs.
Barty’s party was great (though it could have been the worst party in Hogwarts’ history and Lily would have thought it was great). She spent the whole night attached to Pandora. They did talk to their friends and everything but most of the time they were on the dance floor and just enjoying each other.
Lily loved being in Pandora’s arms and as she - once again - stared into her blue eyes Lily knew she would be doing this for a long time. Maybe even forever.
Finally, Lily knew who she truly was and all of that just because of an innocent kiss.
How did it end up like this?