The wind whipped through his hair where he stood.
Regulus had always liked the astronomy tower; he liked the clear view of the stars from the top floor, the privacy. He liked how when he was up there, it was simply him and the sky above. He liked the memories that it had associated with, the fondness it held.
The astronomy tower was Regulus’s favourite place to be for many reasons; one of which being, as obscure as it sounded, James Potter. The majority of memories that the tower held also held James, and since they had broken up five months ago, Regulus had been clinging to them like lifelines.
It was funny, really, how quickly things had changed between the pair. It should’ve never happened in the first place, the breakup only solidified that fact. All it took was one Christmas, one family visit, one tattoo; one slip of a sleeve and everything Regulus had held closest to his heart disappeared like a wisp of smoke. It flew between his fingers like air, swirling away into the sky and dissipating so quickly it was hard to remember it was ever there in the first place.
Well, for James anyway; but it was the only thing Regulus had been able to think about. It was like a crushing weight on his shoulders that he couldn’t evade; a stalker that he couldn’t shake. It was like a leech that had attached itself onto his brain and resisted movement, a parasite; worming it’s way into every inch of Regulus’s body and making him completely and utterly incapable of forgetting the boy he had shared his heart and soul with.
In an ideal world, nothing would’ve happened between them. Regulus was happy, for the first time in so fucking long; maybe that was the first indicator that it wouldn’t last. Every time he had seemed to find joy in something, it had been snatched away like it meant nothing; and that’s what got Regulus into his current predicament.
He was standing atop the tower; staring solemnly into the stars above. It was windy, extremely windy: it always was in the bleak of December, especially a hundred feet in the air. His head was empty, so fucking empty; every feeling and thought had left his mind as if they had been simply dropped into the seemingly endless abyss between him and the grounds below him, leaving him with no distractions as to what he was about to do.
Regulus had always known he would die young. It had been inevitable; a simple fact. It was as obvious to him as the fact that grass was green, or that his name was Regulus; an untimely fate simply seemed like something that was bound to happen. After all, becoming a Death Eater never came without his risks, and he didn’t aspire to be particularly good at it, either; and when it came down to Lord Voldemort, anything other than the best of the best were discarded and left to die like a homeless man.
And so, the fact of his early demise became imprinted into his brain like a stamp; but he had never anticipated for it to go like this.
Regulus was standing close to the edge; too close for most people’s comfort. His toes were teetering over the edge; the railings in front of him being the only thing stopping him from plummeting head-first into the ominous free-fall below. He raked a hand through his wind-swept hair, and took a step back; grabbing a small stack of notes from his robe pocket, and placing them on the floor by the door. He cast a sticking charm over them so that they wouldn’t get blown away in the wind, and then placed his wand next to them (a final parting gift, you will), before resuming his hazardous position by the edge.
At this point, Regulus was shaking slightly; both from the cold and the insight on what he was about to do. He began speeding up the process, ticking off a mental checklist of the things he needed to do before he died; and nodding to himself when he realised he had done everything he needed to do.
It was time, he knew that: he was sick and tired of living in a body he absolutely despised, a body which was tainted by the mark of the devil, by revolting white barcodes littering his arms and stomach. His brain had been nothing but vermin his entire life, too; infected with traumas and taunts that he couldn’t resolve.
In the end, he had stopped fighting it. He let down the guard in his mind, letting his thoughts invade him like an army, consume him; until he was a mere shell of the man he used to be, a mere host of contagious parasitical energy that spread to anyone and everyone he had ever cared about. He could see it in their eyes when it got to them. He saw it in Sirius’s, just before he left him in Grimmauld Place, and he saw it in James’s when he saw his dark mark; he saw it in the eyes of his best friends, and watched as it corrupted them, turning them against him, forcing them to leave him, everyone fucking left him-
Regulus shook his head violently, as if trying to shake the thoughts out of his brain akin to how a dog would shake water off it’s body. He couldn’t let himself get distracted, not when he was so close. He fondled a lump in one of his pockets before reaching into it and lifting up a glass vial; it contained poison, so strong it was capable of killing him. It was just a precaution, however; if the drop below didn’t kill him, the potion in his hands surely would.
He uncorked the vial. He lifted it up to his lips, far past the point of return; he shot his head back, swallowing the potion. He immediately gagged, doubling over and coughing loudly into his shirt. He attempted to gather all the saliva in his mouth so he could swish it around his mouth and swallow it because the potion tasted so bad; it was of no use.
Just another reason to get it over and done with sooner, Regulus figured; and in one swift motion, he had hoisted himself up and beyond the railings, and was now sitting on the top one like a bird. He inched himself closer, looking down; it wad far. Extremely far. Regulus grinned and uncurled his fingers from the bar beneath his thigh. He leaned forward, bracing himself for the dramatic and sudden demise he was about to be greeted with-
“Regulus?” a terrified voice squeaked from the door.
Regulus’s hands gripped back onto the railing out of instinct, and his head turned around so fast it was nauseating. He locked eyes with the intruder, completely forgetting about any locking charms he should have placed on the door- and did a severe double take when he realised that he recognised the eyes he was looking into.
The boy took a step closer, his eyes welling. “Regulus, you don’t have to do this.”
Regulus’s body immediately tensed.
“Leave me alone. I swear to Merlin, you take one more fucking step towards me and I do it. Don’t fucking make me.”
The boy at the door looked absolutely petrified; he was shaking, his bottom lip trembling. All colour had drained from his face, and his hands were deathly pale as he lifted them into a surrendering position.
“Okay. I won’t come any closer. I’ll stay right here, okay? You don’t have to do anything.”
The boy retraced his step, and was now in his initial position by the door frame.
“Can you please just come back over the ledge?”
Regulus huffed, squinting his eyes closed in agony as his head began pounding.
“I’d rather go out like this than go out fighting you in a war, James.”
James took a shuddering breath, calculating what to do next.
“You don’t have to fight, Reg, just- please. It doesn’t have to end like this. We can talk about this, but everything ends now if you jump over that ledge.”
“That’s the general idea,” Regulus deadpanned, looking into the steep drop below, “you can either leave now or watch as I do this, James, it’s your choice.”
“I’m not leaving.”
“Are you sure? I’m sure you don’t want the trauma of watching someone commit suicide.”
“You aren’t committing suicide, Regulus. I won’t let you.”
Regulus laughed dryly; shaking his head. “And who are you to tell me what I can and can’t do? You fucking left me, James. You don’t have a say in these types of things any more.”
James’s shoulders shook as he sobbed silently. Regulus watched as tears poured down the face of the man he was so in love with it hurt; but said nothing.
All of a sudden, things started to get a bit hazy. James started to sway, so did his surroundings; Regulus was confused, why were they swaying? Then it all started to get a bit dark. The world started to darken, now looking more how it felt; his eyes started to close involuntarily, and the last thing he remembered was a heart-shattering scream as his body fell over the railings, and down, down, down.