Desire

You could say Regulus was lonely, and frankly, you wouldn’t be wrong. Regulus has very few people he considered friends, even fewer that he genuinely trusted. He had Barty and Evan; they got the filtered version of events. Unexpectedly, he had Pandora, and he has opened his whole heart to her. Regulus could not tell you why he did that because he honestly didn’t know himself, but it was a great decision. She’s like his lifeline. 

Regulus had other friends, Slytherins mostly, but hell would have to freeze over before he trusted some from his house with his secrets. He also had Sirius. He didn’t have Sirius on the way he had Barty or Pandora. Regulus would trust Sirius with his life, but they aren’t friends. They aren’t close. Despite the distance, Regulus would lay his life in Sirius’ hands. He’d like to think Sirius would keep him safe, but he wouldn’t fault his brother from stepping away. He would give up everything for Sirius, but they weren’t friends. 

Regulus spent loads of time watching his brother from a distance, and when looking at Sirius, it’s impossible to miss his best friend. James Potter. He’s the chaser for the Gryffindor quidditch team, and he’s probably the most well-known student in all of Hogwarts. Oh, and he’s very much in love with a girl in his year, Lily Evans. 

Regulus hated the way his eyes were drawn to James during their quidditch matches, and the fact that James caught him almost every time, giving him his signature James Potter smile. Regulus hated the way his stomach dropped everything he flirted dramatically with Lily. Regulus hated Lily for not realizing the man she was begging for her attention. 

Regulus hated James so much, wanted to hate him so much, but he finds himself longing to be around him. He longs to have James look at him like he does Lily. He longs to be as comfortable with James as Sirius was with him. He longed to see his skin up close, he probably has freckles dotting his tanned face. 

Regulus hated himself for how much he loved James. For Merlin's sake, he hadn’t even talked to the man. Pandora thinks it’s cute. Pandora thinks that him longing for a straight jock is cute and entertaining; Regulus wanted to hex her the first time she said that. She’s tried explaining, but Regulus never really listens. He’s not really upset with her anyway. He could never actually be upset with her. 

Regulus enjoys being by himself, so he’d never complain about the amount of friends he has. They aren’t over bearing, and they’ll let him do as he pleases. Regulus loves exploring the castle. He loves finding new hidden passageways that other students don’t know about. He likes reading in abandoned areas of the castle. He likes being someone other than himself for a little while because Regulus Black is a pureblood supremacist who hates his traitor brother and thinks all muggle-bones are below him. Regulus Black is someone who is perfect and feels nothing for anyone. Regulus Black does not love a blood-traitor like James Potter, and he’s not friends with freaks like Pandora Lestrange. Regulus likes being on his own because his mask falls, and he can act as if he wasn’t forced into a box he doesn’t quite fit in. 

So, it wasn’t unusual for Regulus to be wandering abandoned parts of the castle. What was unusual, was for Regulus to find something that he wasn’t quite sure he was supposed to find. Regulus slowly shut the door behind him, eyeing the mirror in the middle of the dust filled classroom. 

Regulus held his wand out in front of him as he approached the mirror, cautious. When Regulus properly looked into the mirror, his wand slipped from his hand. Lily Evans stared back from the mirror. When Regulus moved his arm, she mirrored his actions; he was Lily, in a way. 

Regulus took a hesitant step forward and more appeared in the reflection. James Potter stood behind him, looking at him, or Lily, with a fond smile. Sirius was laughing by his side, or Lily’s technically, and Pandora was on his other side. She had a bright smile on her face, and Regulus’ heart stopped. This. This is what he dreamt of. This is the thing he fell asleep imagining; this is everything. 

Regulus felt tears well in his eyes as he looked over his features in the mirror, Lily’s features. His eyes reflected a grassy green, and his cheeks were a rose pink. Instead of his permanent scowl, a smile reflected. He no longer had the build of a seeker, but he looked like a woman sculpted out of marble. He looked like a straight man’s dream. He looked like the love of James’ life. 

Regulus only realized where exactly he was when there were footsteps outside the door. Regulus’ wand flew up to his hand, and Regulus disillusioned himself second before the door burst open. James, Sirius, Lupin, and, what Regulus believed to be, Pettigrew all burst through the door. Their laughter abruptly cut off upon seeing the mirror. Regulus only then realized that there were tear streets running down his face. As the group hesitantly moved forward, Regulus scrubbed his hands against his face, embarrassed for having cried over such a thing. 

Regulus was nervous to hear about what they saw. He hoped it wasn’t anything similar to what he saw. Sirius was the first to look into the mirror. He froze at first, whipping to look behind him, before looking back at the mirror. His features grew confused before relaxing slightly. “What is it, Sirius?” Lupin questioned. He sounded slightly worried. Regulus thought he liked that tone being used on his brother. 

“Is this some joke? I see my family behind me, but they’re all happy for some reason,” Sirius said slowly, deeply confused. Regulus’ heart stopped, what? 

“Here, Padfoot, let me see,” James said before stepping next to Sirius. Sirius scooted dangerously close to where Regulus was standing, causing Regulus to freeze. 

James let out a small gasp. He quickly blushed before beginning to ramble. “I see us. It looks like we’re all in sixth or seventh year, and we’re all laughing. I’m standing next to,” James hesitated slightly, “Lily. Lily’s next to me. She’s actually smiling at me. H- She never smiles, at me!” James stared at the mirror with a badly masked hope. Regulus’ heart clenched. Did he just get his hopes up for that? Did Regulus Black just stoop so low? 

Regulus refused to let the tears fall from his eyes. Obviously James would see Lily, see exactly what he saw in that mirror, it just meant something completely different. 

“James, let me see!” Pettigrew shouted, rushing forward. James stepped next to Sirius, thankfully on the other side of Sirius. His excitement fell as he stepped in front of the mirror. “Oh,” he squeaked. “I see us, but we’re all the same? I’m not sure, but it’s like we’re all equal.” Pettigrew scurried next to James. “Remus, it’s your turn!”

Lupin hesitantly walked forward, not too different from how Regulus had done when he had entered. Lupin froze as he stared in the mirror. Tears welled in his eyes, which he quickly wiped away, and he looked around the mirror's edge. His gaze caught on a part of the mirror as he began talking. “Uh, I see myself, as myself, under the full moon, with you guys around me.” Lupin’s eyes flickered to Sirius briefly before they went back to the same spot. Regulus struggled off the information, it was pretty obvious about his condition. Regulus quickly noticed the spot on the mirror that Lupin had been looking at had something written on it. “The Mirror of Erised,” Lupin read out loud. 

“What?” James questioned. Sirius and Pettigrew made sounds of agreement. 

“There’s- That’s- I thought that was a myth,” Lupin mumbled. His eyes wandered over the mirror’s glass. His eyes floated on one spot in particular. “It shows our deepest desire.”