Broken Mirror

xoXOXox

Ron waited until everyone had settled into their places around the common room. Mrs. Malfoy had left not too long ago with a plan to come back on Friday evening to do the spell. The thought was that it would take a few days for everything to settle once it was complete and no one wanted to have classes interrupted. As such, it was agreed that like today, Malfoy would sit with Hermione in every class and at meals to make sure everything stayed calm until it was completed. Though it made him nervous, Malfoy seemed to be taking his role as Hermione’s stability very seriously. He had said he was going to turn over a new leaf and be a better person. Ron figured now was the perfect time to start perfecting himself and making good on that declaration.

A calm silence settled over the room and Ron hated to break it, but he knew if he didn’t say anything, she wouldn’t, and it would only get worse. Swallowing around his dry throat and mustering up the courage, he leaned into Harry and Hermione as he took a deep breath.

“I know we don’t have a new mind healer yet, but I think it’s time we all take our own healing into our own hands. Some of us are in more danger than others. We have a good plan to try to help ‘Mione and I think we should all start making plans to find our way back from the pain and terror we all live with. That being said…”

He raised his eyes, meeting Pansy’s and watching understanding fill them and panic follow close behind.

“Weasley, don’t you dare!”

He gave her a broken smile. One he hadn’t worn in months. One he knew would never truly fade away now. He knew it was her secret. But it was one that needed to be aired. She was in real danger of hurting herself beyond repair and he wasn’t going to sit back and do nothing and watch yet another witch die. Not on his watch.

“I’m sorry, Pansy, but they need to know. Someone else needs to know.”

She sat forward in her seat, eyes raging at him.

“It’s my business, Weaslebee. No one else’s!”

He shook his head, blinking to keep the tears at bay.

“No. It’s not. Not when what you are keeping secret could kill you.”

At those words, the three other Slytherins sat straighter, all eyes turning to her.

“What is he talking about, Pans?”

Ron thanked all the gods that they seemed to be willing to force it out of her as well instead of trying to protect her from him. The intense stare Blaise was giving her as he asked his question was enough to make Pansy shift nervously in her seat.

“It’s nothing, Blaise. I’m handling it.”

Ron shook his head again. Hermione’s hand slid into his, as if she could feel his pain at having to put Pansy on the spot like this. Hell. Maybe she could. Neither he nor Harry had any idea what she could do now with all the new magic in her veins.

“No, Pansy, you’re not.”

Draco was the next to push at the situation.

“Pans, tell us what is going on. Otherwise, we are all going to let Weasley tell us. Wouldn’t you rather it come from you?”

Tears gathered in her eyes as she took in her friends with a betrayed look.

“You’re going to turn on me like that. I said it’s nothing. That should be the end of it.”

Ever the sensible and calm one, Blaise moved until he was kneeling in front of the distraught witch, taking her hands into his.

“Normally, yes, that would be the end of it. But whatever it is, it’s bad enough that not only did he notice it, but he is also worried enough about it to bring it to everyone’s attention. Pans, we love you. You’re one of our best friends. You know we will do anything to keep you safe. Please, love, tell us. Trust us.”

Her eyes tipped back up to him. If looks could kill, he’d be a smear on the wall.

“I hate you.”

Ron bowed his head, those words hitting somewhere he never thought she would reach.

“If it helps you get better and stops what you are doing…”

Looking back up, he met her eyes with a look of sincerity.

“...I’ll take your hate. I was never much more than dragon dung before in your eyes to begin with. So, if I need to be the target for your pain, Pansy, so be it. I will not watch another one of our people die in this war or its aftereffects.”

Her anger fled under a wave of surprise, her bottom lip quivering with suppressed tears. She seemed frozen, unable to actually let the words come. Gathering the small amount of occlumency shields Hermione had taught him to keep the pain at bay, he looked at her friends and let the pieces fall between them.

“She is bulimic. She disappears after every meal to go purge it from her system. She isn’t withering away to skin and bones just from nightmares and stress.”  

All three Slytherins’ eyes widened in shock as they turned them back to her.

“Pans… is that true?”

Theo’s voice was soft, broken, a new wound opened somewhere deep in his core. She tried to speak. Ron could tell by her nervous fidgeting that she was trying to find a way to lie, to hide it still. There was no hiding now that the light was on it.

“Pans, why didn’t you tell us? Why didn’t you let us help you?”

That seemed to be the breaking point. The kindness and plea in Draco’s voice snapped something vital in her armor. Yanking her hand from Blaise’s, she stood, stomping away from them all, magic flaring in tiny sparks of silver and red around her.

“You can’t help me! My parents are pariahs just like yours. We were all raised with certain expectations of what we had to be. I have no skills that will help me on my own. I have to find a husband. That's all I know! I already have every mark against me, especially after I stupidly tried to turn Potter over to that maniac. All I have are my looks to try to tempt someone to marry me now! I can’t gain weight. I have to stay the right size. I have to be the perfect weight, with perfect hair and skin and posture and… and…”

Ron moved as she started to collapse, catching her in his arms as the sobs broke free with her scream of anguish. He had heard that scream before. Heard it in the deepest of nights when Harry would wake up from his nightmares. Heard it when Hermione bled under Bellatrix’ knife. Heard it when his mum found out Ginny had died, from himself when he realized they had won but at the cost of so much. It was a scream of pain, of rage, of desperation and fear. It was a cry for help turned so jagged that there was no other way to let it out but to bellow to the sky.

He held her. Just held her as her world crumbled to pieces in his arms. She fought him at first, struggling to pull away, to stand strong on her own even as the sea dragged her under. Then like a finite incantatem, she slumped against him, all the fight leaving her as tears fell like a storm down her cheeks to soak his shirt. Remembering what his mum used to do, he gently rocked back and forth, shifting so she lay comfortably between his legs. Each time the tide of emotion would rise to panic level, he would pull her against him tighter, giving her something solid to focus on.

Time crawled by. At least that is how it felt. Lost in his own misery, face itchy from the salt of his own tears, Ron startled when a hand touched his shoulder. Looking up, he met Harry’s shining green eyes, red rimmed as if Pansy’s pain had cast a net that snared him just as easily as it had Ron. 

“She’s asleep, mate. Maybe let’s get her to her bed so she can hopefully rest. We can all address this in the morning, yeah?”

Harry left it open, a question, designed to pull Ron’s mind from falling further down the rabbit hole and force him to act. Nodding, careful not to wake her as he used magic to lift her into his arms, Ron looked around and cataloged the feelings in the room. Sorrow. Anger. Worry. Gratitude. He didn’t want their thanks. He just wanted them to help her get better.

“If you can take her, we will stay with her tonight. She won’t be alone. We promise.”

Ron looked into Theo’s eyes, gauging his sincerity before he nodded and headed down the hall. Tomorrow would bring with it more shocks, more resistance and pain. But hopefully, it would also bring a step forward in the direction of healing. He could only hope she wouldn’t truly hate him at the end of it all. For reasons he couldn’t quite pinpoint in his exhausted state, that thought hurt so much worse than he expected.

xoXOXox