Broken Mirror

XoXOXox

Pansy kept her head down as they sat at the Slytherin table for breakfast. Theo and Blaise bracketed her on each side. The noise was too loud, too much. She winced as someone screamed in glee, barely holding in a flinch. She had already been called a hag on the way here and been shoved going through the door. Guilt and shame were her constant companions and no matter what the others tried to do, it never seemed to be enough to lessen her self-hatred. 

Her skin felt dirty even though she had scrubbed herself raw this morning in the shower. She could still feel hands gripping her hips, her legs, grimy fingers running along her bare arms. The nightmares were the worst. Memories of those who tried to touch her, take her, repeating over and over in a loop of endless torment. 

A pastry appeared on her plate, and she gave Blaise a soft smile. Her three boys were always trying to get her to eat. Watching out for her and making sure she was taking care of herself. At least the best they could. None of them were with her afterwards. No one knew that she threw up every meal and was slowly withering away under her clothing. Glamours were a wonderful thing. She always looked healthy and put together. She didn’t need them worrying about her any more than they already did.

She couldn’t help it. Every time she looked in the mirror, all she could see was ugliness. Her mother’s voice echoed back at her that she needed to always be thin, look perfect. No one was going to want her if she looked like a slag. Her only worth was her beauty, and she was failing at it. She was too fat. Her hair was too dull. The rings around her eyes are too dark. After her mistake at the final battle, how was she supposed to get a wizard to protect and take care of her if she looked less than perfect?

To say she wasn’t looking forward to class today was an understatement. She had no desire to be here at all. They should have just run, the four of them. Gone as far from England as possible. Far from the Ministry’s reach and somewhere they could start over. The problem with that was that all of their inheritance was tied up in bureaucratic tape until they completed this school year. None of them had any real practical understanding of making their own money and she more than the others had no idea how to be self-sufficient. Like everything else in her life, she was a failure. So, they stayed.

“Hey, Parkinson, you know fucking those two isn’t going to make everyone look at you the way they do Hermione, right? Just makes you more of a slag.”

The uproarious laughter as the Ravenclaw continued by, made her wince again, closing her eyes on the tears that formed. This is how her life was going to be for the rest of the year. Jeers and insults. Compared to a witch she could never live up to. Reviled as a villain. Maybe Drake had it right when he tried to take his own life. Maybe it would have been better not to be here to have to endure the hate.

“Don’t listen to him, Pans. They are all just a bunch of arseholes. We know the truth and that is all that matters. We just have to get through this year, and we are home free, yeah?”

Theo, bless his heart, tried his best to keep upbeat. Even though she knew his life and his mind had the longest scarring of them all, he tried his hardest to keep a positive attitude when the whole world was falling apart. She also knew that one of the jagged scars hidden under his immaculate robes was one given to him for protecting her. She was untouched. No scars. No proof that she was ever hurt. All of her pain was internal and there was a part of her that was thankful for that. If she wasn’t beautiful on the inside, at least she still was on the outside. It was her only saving grace. Her mother had said so.

With his usual casual pose, Blaise slowly ate and watched the interactions between the students. Today, they all seemed to be in higher spirits. Even those who were more tense yesterday seemed to be relaxed and right back at their antics. The Ravenclaw boy who dared to speak to Parkinson almost found himself hexed but Blaise contained his anger, barely. Wouldn’t do to be in the Headmaster’s office on the first day for dueling. He could see that being his one-way ticket to Azkaban.

Granger looked well this morning. As did Potter. Though Potter sported a swollen lip. He asked Drake about it, but the white-haired prat was tight lipped and told him not to worry. Whatever happened behind that closed door when they woke up, neither of them was talking. He would let it slide for now. If it happened again, he would push harder. No need in getting involved just yet.

Checking his schedule, he sighed. He knew they all had matching timetables and they all had DADA first thing this morning with the new Professor from Germany. Von something or another. He was not looking forward to that class. In time, they would have to duel, and he knew there was no way they would be able to pair up with each other every time. Though he was proficient at it himself, he knew Pansy wasn’t and Theo was too scared to do anything but shield, afraid he would lose the tentative hold he had on his control and turn into his father.

Truly, if one could say life enjoyed kicking you when you were down, this was proof.

The hall fell to a hush, and he brought his eyes up to see the Golden Trio moving their way. Curious as to what exactly was going on, he sat back, his face taking on the same bored look as they got closer. Granger gave him a droll stare before stopping beside Drake.

“Malfoy, can I sit with you? It’s getting hard to focus again.”

Without hesitation, Drake moved his satchel from the seat beside him and gestured for her to take a seat. As she did, Weasley sat on the other side of her and Potter, strangely enough, sat on the other side of Drake. What the hell had gone on in that room? 

“Thank you.”

Drake inclined his head before going back to eating slowly. At least he was eating. Both he and Pansy were skin and bones and Blaise did not want to see him back on that potion. He was like the walking dead, going about life with a dull look in his eyes and none of the Drake they knew to be found. It was eerie.

The hall erupted into whispering, and he wondered what this new development would cause in the way of trouble for them. He could see the rumors now. The Slytherins had the Golden Trio under a curse, a potion, they were controlling them. Yeah. Life was a fucking bitch in his opinion.

Theo watched wide eyed as the Trio sat at their table as if they had always been there. It was surreal. Casting a subtle glance around, he saw the confusion and anger on the faces of the other students. Great. Just what they needed. Drake needed to contact his mother as soon as possible and get the Granger girl fixed before there was a riot on their hands. That was all they needed. To be accused of somehow cursing the fucking wonder team and being questioned again on their motives and actions. 

Blaise would be no help. He was a master at feeling nothing and he knew whatever came, Blaise would take it with that famous shrug and sardonic eyebrow raise. How that idiot could say an entire sentence with just his eyebrows, Theo had no idea, but he did it. Drake was too broken himself to really see what was coming and Pansy was too scared. Once again, it was up to him to be the logical one. Salazar, he hated being able to see the oncoming storm and having to deal with it. He just wanted to be left alone.

“Not that I’m trying to be a dick, but what the hell are you three doing over here? Do you have any idea what this is going to cause for us?”

Though he was quiet, his voice came out a harsh hiss, leaning forward so they could all hear him.

“It’s okay, Theo. I’m just helping Granger with the Black magic until we can find an alternate solution.”

He looked around again before shaking his head.

“It’s not okay. Right now, every student fifth year and up is trying to figure out how the junior death eaters managed to curse and control the fucking war heroes. This only ends badly for us, mate!”

Weasley looked around, a slight frown forming on his face. Saying something low to Granger, he got up and walked over to the Ravenclaw table. Theo felt the panic rising in his chest.

“What is he doing?”

Granger looked up at him, her eyes strained as if she were in pain. He didn’t like that look on her face. It made something in his chest hurt.

“The one good thing about the gossip mill at Hogwarts, it’s fast. He is making sure that by the end of the day, that is not what they are all thinking. Have a little faith, Nott. Supposedly, we are the good guys.”

Oh, Merlin. Oh, Merlin. They were going to get them all killed. He could feel the air backing up in his lungs. The room spun and grew hot. Everything blurred as he fell in on himself. It was never going to end. The pain and abuse were never going to end.

A warm hand slid across his face, thumb gently rubbing under his eye. Soft words met his ear as air started to reach his lungs again. It took a moment before what was being said registered in his mind.

“Breathe, Theo. In and Out. You’re okay. I’ve got you. We all have you. No one is going to hurt you while we are here. Breathe for me. In and out. In and out. Good. That’s good.”

His eyes focused on Blaise. He realized his back was to the rest of the hall and Blaise was kneeling in front of him, his golden eyes warm and gentle. The hand on his face continued to caress his skin as he found his way back from the panic attack. Shit! He hadn’t meant to let that happen in the Great Hall. That was dangerous. He knew he was completely vulnerable when in that state. Looking around, he paused before frowning.

“Where’s Pansy?”

Ron watched Pansy go as Terry Boot had cast all the spells he needed to confirm that he was not in any way under the control of the Slytherins. He knew if anyone could tell and would spread the word, it would be someone from Dumbledore’s army. Worry lodged in his chest. She was going off alone. Until this was taken care of, that wasn’t acceptable. Why weren’t her friends going with her?

Impatience crawled up his spine as he watched several seventh year Gryffindors leave a moment later. That couldn’t be a good sign. As Terry finished his examination and nodded at Ron, he took off at a jog to try to find Pansy. He paused outside the hall and as the door closed behind him, he heard a muffled cry of surprise.

Turning swiftly, he headed the way it came only to round a corner and find Pansy on the ground, shielding herself as the witches taunted her with their wands.

“Did you really think it was going to work, you bitch? Thought you could bespell Potter to your whim. If you believed that would work, you’re as daft as you are ugly.”

Ron got a shield up just in time as the girl sent a stinging hex at the terrified Slytherin.

“That’s enough!”

For the first time since Fred and Ginny’s death, his infamous Weasley temper made itself known. 

“Leave her alone!”

Shoving between them, he stood in front of the fallen girl, eyes blazing with fire.

“Come off it, Ron. We know what they did to all of you. Look at you! You are protecting a Slytherin. One of the Death Eater’s whores. This isn’t you!”

Ron glared at the girl; wand posed to defend Pansy if he had to.

“What do you know about me or my friends?”

The girl sneered at him, her two cronies following her lead and crossing their arms.

“The prophet said…”

He laughed and it sounded downright sinister.

“The prophet? Your source is that bloody rag of gossip? Were you here at the final battle?”

The girl shook her head, her mouth opening to comment. Ron slashed his hand in the air, silencing all three of them. His temper rising with the deadly hissing of his words, Ron sneered at them.

“No? Then shut the fuck up. You have no idea what we went through. What they went through. Let me guess, you sat at home, locked behind your daddy’s wards, safe in your bed as we fought for the rest of the wizarding world.”

Taking step forward, he felt a small spark of glee as the three stumbled back away from him.

“My brother and my sister died fighting those responsible for the terror and destruction. My best friend went to meet his own death so that Voldemort could be made mortal again and killed. Malfoy and his lot didn’t get a choice in what side of the war they were on any more than me and mine did. At least you had a choice. None of us are bespelled. It’s called growing the fuck up. You should look into it. You don’t even have reason to be angry. You weren’t here! Stay away from Parkinson and the rest of the eighth year Slytherins or it won’t be them you have to worry about. Now, kindly fuck off.”

With shocked eyes and a glare thrown Pansy’s way, the three Gryffindors scampered off. He took a deep breath to rein in his anger before turning and slowly lowering himself so he was crouched in front of the poor witch.

“Hey. Parkinson. You okay?”

He kept his voice soft, soothing, the way he did with Hermione when she was lost in her curse. It took a moment before the witch looked up at him.

“Why did you do that?”

He gave her a gentle smile.

“Why wouldn’t I do that? You aren’t the enemy, Pansy. I already told all of you that I don’t hold a grudge against you. I was not about to sit back and watch you attacked for the actions you took while being scared out of your mind of the death eaters and that fuckwit. Come on. Let’s get you cleaned up.”

He stood, holding out his hand to her and waiting patiently. After a few moments of tense silence, she took his hand and he carefully pulled her to her feet. Casting a few spells, he put her hair and makeup back to rights and took the wrinkles from her clothing.

“What in the name of Merlin were you doing out here alone?”

Her cheeks pinked, eyes dropping from his as she chewed her bottom lip.

“I was going to the restroom before class.”

He took her in, really took her in. He had been reading all the books the clinic had given them and it only took him a moment to realize what he was seeing.

“Shit, Pansy. Why haven’t you told anyone? The healers should have been able to help.”

She gave him a confused look that he knew wasn’t feigned.

“What are you on about, Weasley?”

He chuckled.

“Ron. It’s Ron, Pansy. How long has it been since you kept a meal down?”

What color in her face vanished as she stared in horror at him.

“I don’t…”

He placed his finger gently on her lips.

“Don’t. You don’t have to admit it or even talk about it but don’t lie to me. Please.”

Shock warred with fear in her eyes, and he gently cupped her cheek to keep her gaze on him.

“There was a witch on our side of the retreat. She had the same issue. I know the signs. She died from it, Pansy. It’s not healthy. You need to tell the new healer that comes so they can start helping you.”

She glared at him, pulling back until his hand dropped.

“Why do you even care, Weasel?”

It hurt, the old insult but he pushed through it.

“Someone has to.”

Hating that he couldn’t help and knowing he would piss her off when he told the others himself, he gave her one last sad look before turning and heading back to meet up with Harry and Hermione. Class should be starting soon and he knew they would be half in a panic by now with him being out of sight. 

xoXOXox