Chapter 4
xoXOXox
Draco sat with his elbows on the table, fingers linked together with his two pointers pointing upwards. He leaned forward to rest his forehead against the tips of the two-pointed fingers as he let the fringe of his hair fall over his eyes to conceal his gaze. The vivid white strands still a momentary shock for him, an after effect of a spell his father used on him right before he was arrested. Turns out torture really could turn your hair white, especially if it was almost there to begin with.
Letting his eyes roam over the Great Hall slowly, he took in the happy and excited faces of the first years. They were the ones lucky enough to not be touched by the war here at the school at all and could just enjoy this new and magical moment for themselves; pun entirely intended. He couldn't help but scoff at his own mental jokes. He really did need to learn to lighten up some.
The second and third years were a little more wary and somber though it seemed the first years' excited chattering was slowly rubbing off on them as well. He could see a slight tension in their little shoulders and was sorry that there was cause for it to be there at all. As he had learned in recent years, children should be allowed to just be children.
The upperclassmen from fourth year on all had a more serious tone to them. Though they seemed to converse and smile, even laugh, it was all with a reserve that had not been there when he was a fourth year. Most of them had been here during the military-like school year as The Dark…Voldemort reigned supreme, and the wizarding world crumbled under his power. He was glad to see the bright house colors back and the black regime like uniforms gone.
The sorting had already happened and only one poor sod ended up in Slytherin as a first year. He almost wished Severus would re-sort the poor kid and let him find a home in another house. He had a feeling being the lone first year snake was going to be miserable. He needed to talk to Blaise about trying to make sure the kid had help from his older dorm mates to ensure his safety.
Unwillingly, as everyone around him slowly consumed their food, his eyes traveled once more across the hall to the three returning students that everyone seemed to be watching. Unlike in previous years where Granger was either across from them or on one side of one of them, she was now safely seated between Potter and Weasley. They looked almost like her bodyguards with how close they sat, bodies turned towards her to block any outside conversation or interference. Their heads were angled so they looked only at her, or each other, and Granger seemed to sit statue still except for an occasional nod at something that was said.
If he didn't know them better and just took what he was seeing at face value, he would almost be willing to believe the rubbish about them being in a three-way relationship. Their closeness and lack of personal space lent a very sordid aura to their friendship. However, he did know better because it was the way he and his three companions were in private and sometimes in public. War and fear make strange bedfellows for everyone.
He had to admit that all three of them looked attractive wrapped in 'fuck off' black. He had watched the transformation by the papers just like everyone else had. The first few weeks after the final battle found the trio coming and going from the Ministry after having testified for or against certain members of the inner circle and death eaters. They had looked exhausted and harassed and very unhealthy.
The next month reporters were only able to catch small glimpses of them inside the walls of Serenity's Grace, the mind healing spa they had all been required to attend as they waited on Hogwarts to reopen. He and his 'kind' had been housed on the opposite side of the trio and their lot, but he had seen them periodically through the windows as they walked along the paved paths during certain days.
They had started in war torn rags and what was obviously clothing they felt comfortable in. As it grew closer to the time they were to be released into the hands of their personal mind healer, he had watched as Weasley cut off his long hair and learned to spike it up. He started to wear black jeans or trousers and what he learned were muggle style t-shirts that always had some creepy logo or monster on it like the dementor he had on today. The tattoos appeared three days before they were released, and he had to admit that they gave Weasley a slight bad boy vibe.
Granger, on the other hand, always stayed covered as much as possible, even in the heat, and her muggle clothing turned from shades of blues and light greens and grays to solid black with hints of red. Somewhere along the way she had learned to tame her hair and whether it was up in a ponytail or hanging down her back, the waves were always silky soft and glistened. Her make-up grew darker and darker until she resembled the Wicked Sisters in their Gothic look. The tights helped to keep her modesty, though the skirts grew shorter and shorter, as if she was rebelling against the good girl golden princess image that the papers had dubbed her with.
Where Granger went off the cliff and into sexy death witch territory, Potter seemed to fall the opposite way. His hair was still a riotous mess of black, but Draco knew from years of watching him that it was intentional now. He looked like someone had been running their hands through it repeatedly and it conjured thoughts of heated skin and quiet moans. Draco hated him for it even more than he already hated him. His clothing no longer resembled the orphaned lost boy he was but leaned towards what Astoria had termed GQ, apparently some muggle saying that meant rich and handsome and well dressed. He sadly couldn't disagree.
The three of them cut an attractive but intimidating picture side by side and he knew it was intentional. They had not had the pleasure, or misfortune, of being in the group therapy sessions with the trio but he had heard interns and orderlies talking.
It seemed that Potter hated to have to talk to anyone at all and preferred to sit silently in his own thoughts. Granger could not stand to be touched by anyone but her two friends and even that was apparently rare to see in public. Weasley was the most approachable of the three, but he took his duties as their friend and guard so seriously that he took on the same traits to help keep them safe.
So far it seemed to be working. There was a space on either side of the boys that was left empty and even though the D.A. members were all around them, no one seemed to try to speak to or involve themselves with the trio unless addressed first. It was odd to see such distance from the people who were the leaders of the war efforts at the school.
He knew what it had taken to break him, but he had already been a little broken and definitely weak before it ever started. The trio though, were strong and full of fire and life. They had stood toe to toe with monsters and death eaters, against non-believers and with believers.
They had held their heads high and gave a two fingered salute to anyone who tried to take their places in this world from them. Though he knew some of it, he honestly could not imagine what all they had to have suffered and seen and gone through to have broken their spirits so grievously. He wasn't sure he wanted to know though he knew he had no option in that. Not with the mind healers here at the school.
"Drake, you need to eat something even if it's just an apple or some bread. You know if you stop eating again the mind healers are going to put you back on that mind altering potion."
Theo's soft words brought his eyes away from studying the trio and back to his friends. They all were watching him with worried expressions. He couldn't even blame them in the end. Out of all of them, he had been the one to give up first. The final curse from his father, being made to feel like a failure even after the war was lost and the proof of their mistake was laid out before them, had broken some part of him that he couldn't get back.
His mother had found him on the floor in the same spot that Bellatrix had held Granger down what felt like years before. His blood ran in slow lines down his arms as the world had turned colder and the colors had turned to gray. Her cries of fear and anguish had not registered then but were now very prominent in his nightmares. Unlike in his sixth year where her well-being was all he cared about, he had not thought about anyone else but himself.
He had wanted the pain to end. The longer he fought to stay awake and avoid the nightmares, the more his already broken mind blurred into a thing of horror. Screams and blood, maniacal laughter and hissed words of praise and anger, blended together until it was so loud in his own mind that he couldn't even remember who he was anymore. One cut became two, became ten until he chased the numbness and pain to the bitter edge and tumbled over it into no man's land.
He had almost succeeded in escaping it all. Damn interfering house elves and his overbearing and loving mother had saved his life and ultimately consigned him to this living hell that he now found himself in. His friends became chains around his neck and wrists, binding him to the solidity that was the Earth and refusing to let him slip away once more into the ethereal. He despised them all for it. Yet, he couldn't have loved them more.
After he had recovered, the mind healers had decided he needed to be medicated until he could be trusted to turn away from such destructive behavior. The potions they had him on caused him to walk through life in a sort of haze. Nothing felt real or solid and as the weeks dragged by, he started to see the effects that had on his friends. They all grieved the loss of their best friend and as the potion amounts were lightened, he fought his way back to being strong enough to be left to his own devices.
Shivering at the very thought of being put back on those damn potions, Draco grabbed both a piece of bread and an apple and dug in. He never had much of an appetite anymore. Food tasted bland to him no matter what it was, and he didn't see the point in gorging on something flavorless. Another side effect of the curse he assumed though the healers continued to postulate that it was his broken spirit that made him think the food tasted wrong. They were idiots!
His mental rambling was once again interrupted as the hall went silent. Severus stood at the head table, his black robes hanging from his now stronger and more filled out frame. His hair, once greasy, now had the same silky, healthy quality that Granger's had, and he wondered if the same mind healer had helped with his Godfather's appearance too. His skin was a normal shade of pale instead of the sallow that it was before, and the hollowness of his features was almost entirely gone.
Whereas he and his friends were having trouble letting go of their pain and allowing the healing to begin, his Godfather had all but jumped with both feet into becoming a healthier version of himself. Draco was as proud of him for that as he was annoyed with him for being able to do it. Of course, this was not his first war nor was it his first time dealing with the darkness that Voldemort brought so maybe he had a head start after all.
"Welcome back. As most of you know, I am Headmaster Snape. And as most of you know, I am not the most well-liked person at this school. The past few years have been a test of our strength and our will to survive, and I can honestly say I am very pleased to see all of you here, alive and well. I would like to take a moment of silence to honor those who fought and died last year to give us this moment. If you will join me."
As his melodious voice drifted over the hall, Draco dropped his head as the hall seemed to shift together. The moment was filled with pain and sadness as those who had lost someone remembered them and those who did not suffer a loss gave thanks to those who fought to keep them safe. His eyes traveled once more to the trio through his hair only to see them with their heads bowed and touching each other's in a show of absolute solidarity. He had a moment of pure envy before his Godfather cleared his throat once more to speak.
"This year we of course not only have our new students but all of those from the previous year are back as well to try to complete their studies that the war interrupted. Many of you will be able to tell the returning eighth years as they are no longer required to wear the Hogwarts uniforms, nor will they be in the normal dorms. Please keep in mind that these individuals have had a terrifying last few years and give them the space and respect they deserve."
Walking around the table so that he stood in front of them all with no barriers, Draco watched as Severus' eyes roamed over every student at every table before continuing, his face softening into a genuine look of care.
"I know those of you who were here last year have a very dark opinion of me. I also know that the papers and courts have done their best to explain it all. That does not mean that you understand or can forgive me for my part in your torment. If at any time you have questions, need to get your feelings off of your chest, or need to just talk in general, not only are your head of houses available but I am as well. You will all find I am not the same Severus Snape you have all known in the past and I will take all the time you need to talk and reassure you that you will be safe in my care."
He knew no one else would see it but Draco watched his Godfather's hands shake slightly as he clasped them in front of him. He was amazed that Severus was willing to give of himself so openly but not surprised. Severus had told him over the summer that though he was a consummate Slytherin most days he had no intention of hiding behind his ambition or his cunning with the students this year. He had urged Draco to try to open up as well, but he was waiting to see how it went for Severus first.
"I can and will say how sorry I am every single time it's needed though I am not sure how useful those words will be. I can only hope that you all will give me the chance to prove them to you as well as say them."
Rustling brought the entire Great Hall's attention to the back of the Gryffindor table as Potter stood up, his eyes trained on the Headmaster. Draco had no idea what was about to happen but could feel it in his bones that if this went badly, he was going to do something entirely stupid on his part.
"May I speak, Headmaster?"
With a slight motion of his hand, the Headmaster bowed his head in agreement as he spoke.
"Of course, Mr. Potter."
"You all know me or know of me at this point. I don't know how much weight my words carry anymore but I hope in this they can help ease the way for you all. The Headmaster is, was and will always be on our side. There was a thin line, a very precarious balance he had to keep in order to ensure your safety to the best of his abilities, while keeping his place in the Death Eater ranks so that the Order…so that I…could succeed in my destined task."
Potter ran his hand through his hair and Draco could almost feel the discomfort that radiated off of him at the attention he had garnered. It must have been seriously important to him for him to speak to so many now with his disposition to stay silent.
"I am not going to tell you not to be angry. That would be hypocritical of me as I am always angry. What I will ask is that you give the Headmaster a chance to hear your anger and then talk to you about it. I spent several weeks going back and forth talking with him and I assure you, as much as I saw him as a hidden hero of the war, I was still so very pissed off at everything he did to me and my friends. But he took the time to let me rant and rave and then talk to me and I can say with all honesty, he has my utmost respect and admiration now."
Draco could see the fire spark in the eyes of the boy-who-lived-again as he talked about his Godfather and for a moment, he was thankful that Potter was still in that shell somewhere.
"He was the villain because he had to be. That was his role just as mine was the hero. I ask that you now give him the opportunity to be the person he wants to be, that he truly is now that his bonds are cut."
The two shared a long look for a moment before both of them bowed their heads at each other and Potter sat back down, immediately sinking into the arms of his two pillars of strength. As Severus continued to address the Great Hall, Draco heard none of it as his own darkness rose up to swallow him whole. What he wouldn't give to have that much conviction be on his side. For that kind of loyalty and love to be wrapped around his shoulders. In that moment he was not choking on his nightmares but on his unfair and unending jealousy.
xoXOXox