What The Hell?

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October, 1975

Regulus Black has never been more confused about anything in his entire life. Why was James Potter constantly trying to get him to talk? James would be happy with one word, if Regulus had to guess. If Regulus had ever been certain about one thing, it was that James Potter hated him. Now, Regulus wasn’t even sure about that. It was odd, having James to himself. Regulus never thought he’d have anything just for him. He always had to share it with Sirius or his parents. Nothing was private, nothing was just for Regulus and Regulus alone. But now? Now Regulus had James and he wasn’t going to let it go anytime soon. Their relations had started very recently, within the past two weeks actually.  In the quidditch changing room of all places, because James has no sense of time and won’t invest in a watch. 

Slytherins didn’t play around about quidditch, well they did but they took the sport very seriously. Their practices were very intense and long. Usually they lasted upwards of 2 or 3 hours, and they were hard. Always left Regulus sweating and aching, and he liked to take his time in a hot shower afterwards. It helped soothe his muscles, he hurt less the next day. What he failed to take into consideration on this fine day was that the Griffindors sometimes had short practices because winning wasn’t the most important thing to them and it was just a game and not that serious. The houses all had separate showering and changing areas, of course, but there was a common gym-like area that was shared between all four houses. 

Much to Regulus’s surprise, apparently James takes the longest showers on his team. Regulus found this out when he walked out into the gym area, shirtless, and walked into (yes into) a very very shirtless James Potter. Well more James’s abs. 

“What the hell are you still doing here?” James questioned, somewhat accusingly, catching Regulus before he fell on his ass. 

“Well my team's practice ended like an hour ago and I was showering. Why are you here?” Regulus pulled back and stood on his own, crossing his arms over his midsection, suddenly feeling insecure because James genuinely has rock hard abs. 

“Because my team's practice ended like thirty minutes ago? I thought Slytherins started at like 2 pm? James put his hands on his hips and Regulus let his eyes linger there for a second. Why did James have to be built like such a slut? 

“Well yeah we do. We had a short practice today. It was only like 2 hours? How long are your practices?” 

“I mean the longer ones are like 2 hours? Why do you guys go so long?” 

“Well I guess we just last longer than you guys.” Regulus made sure to look through his eyelashes on that one, he's not 100% sure why because, well, he's not supposed to like James. He is a Gryffindor, and Regulus is a Slytherin. On the other hand red and green are complimentary colors. 

“Yeah? Is that a bet? Because I think I could outlast you any day.” James bent down a little, leaning over Regulus and making him a little bit dizzy. 

“Doubt it. I can go for hours at a time, barely even break a sweat.” Regulus tilts his head up, moving his arms up to be across his chest. 

“I could go for longer than you could any day” James took another step closer. Were they still talking about quidditch? Regulus wasn't sure. Not that he cared much. No matter how long he's been on testosterone he still has the side effects of ovulation. 

“Willing to place a wager on that, Potter?” 

They didn’t do much talking after that. They still don’t whenever they end up alone in a room together which is a lot more frequently than before. Not that Regulus minds much, the sex is good and all but he would love to have a real conversation with James once in a while. For some unknown reason, they end up alone together on halloween night too. Shocker. Regulus is dressed as a black cat, courtesy of Barty, and James was spider-man, matching with Sirius who was bat-man and Remus who was the Joker. James looked the best, but Regulus was a bit biased. Tonight was the night that Regulus would make James talk to him. Whether he liked it or not, they were going to have a conversation about what they were right after Regulus got off his knees. 

“Right, fantastic as always, star” James had taken to the nickname when he learned that Regulus was also the name of a star. 

“James wait!” Regulus took hold of his wrist before James could exit the small bathroom. 

“Yeah?” James did stop, Regulus let go of his wrist and stood in front of the older boy, suddenly unsure of himself. 

“Why do you keep doing…this?” He motioned between the two of them, looking at the floor.

“What do you mean?” Regulus couldn’t see James’ face, but he sounded confused.

“I mean, like, why not get with a proper boy or a normal girl? Why me?” 

“Well first of all you are a proper boy. Second, I like you, star. You’re smart, funny, sarcastic, mean but in a fun way, incredibly handsome, and you have great taste in men if I do say so myself.” Regulus spared a look up to James only to see he’d stepped closer. He was almost touching Regulus’ shoulders.

“Then why haven’t you taken me out yet? Why are we just…hooking up in secret?” 

“I thought that was what you wanted…” James looked down now, more embarrassed than scared though. 

“Oh.” There was nothing else to say. Obviously James wouldn’t think that Regulus wanted to go out with him if he just kept running away every time they finished!

“So…are you free this weekend?”

~~~~~~~~

February 1976

Bartemius Crouch Junior was not an idiot. That’s what he liked to tell himself, even if no one else agreed. He was also not blind? Like he didn’t even have glasses so he wasn’t sure what that was all about. He was also very much into his best friend, Evan, but in a “yeah my best friend is hot and if he asked I would totally do him but just because we’re really good friends” kind of way. Because they were

just really good friends. That’s all they were and all they’d ever be. And if they happened to be alone on valentine’s day while all of their friends were out boning each other well it was bound to happen. 

Plus it’s not like it’s the first time it’s happened, they hook up all the time. Super casual though, they really are just friends. Even if they do say “I love you” while they do it. And hold hands walking through the hall. And get dating allegations. And cuddle all the time. And share a bed. They’re just really good friends. Which is why they’re having dinner at the Three Broomsticks with the rest of their friends who are all coupled up because they’re supporting each other in their third wheeling. 

~~~~~

Evan wants to strangle Barty. 

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It’s super chill and casual, so casual in fact they’re holding hands under the table on top of Evan’s thigh. 

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What in merlin’s greasy beard did Evan do to deserve this huh? They’re basically a couple but Barty is just too stupid to realize it.

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Plus it’s not like Evan wants to date, hes never even had a boyfriend why would he want his first one to be Barty. Sure they lost their virginity to each other but that was just so it wasn’t weird and embarrassing when they did it for real!

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They’ve only ever had sex with each other for fucks sake! This is torture and everyone can see it except for Barty. Because he’s a stupid blind idiot. Barty’s more blond than Evan somehow. 

~~~~~~

Very casual. Very friendly. Very platonic. 

~~~~~~

This can not go on. Evan has to say something. 

“Hey Barty, love, can we go talk outside really quick?” Yeah they do call each other “love” because it’s anything but casual. 

“Yeah of course baby anything for you.” Yeah Barty does call him “baby” and he still doesn’t know that they aren’t just friends. 

Once outside the little pub, Evan started yelling. 

“Soit tu vas te comporter comme un homme, soit nous n'aurons plus jamais de relations sexuelles parce que tu ne peux pas admettre que nous sommes plus que de simples amis. C'est fou que tu puisses encore penser ça même après tout ça. Nous agissons comme un couple, faisons des choses de couple, et pourtant nous sommes « juste amis » ? Non ! Ça ne peut pas continuer. Réfléchis à ta situation, Barty.” Evan didn’t want others knowing what this was about because it’s kind of awkward so he defaulted to French because really only the aristocrats knew it and the only other ones at the school were in the pub right now. 

“De quoi tu parles ? Je ne savais pas que tu voulais plus que ce que nous avons. Eh bien, si tu veux vraiment être plus, nous pouvons être plus. Ou mettre une étiquette dessus, je suppose. Evan Rosier, veux-tu être mon petit ami?” Barty made a whole spectacle of it, getting down on one knee and all that. 

“Oui, je serai ton petit ami, idiot.” Evan smiled and lifted Barty off his knees up to a kiss. 

When they arrived back inside the pub they got a small applause with people asking that they did finally make it more official than it already was. It was a good day.

~~~~~

Lily liked nothing more than to be in control of herself. She was the one thing in life that she could control, and she wasn’t going to give up her control for anything or anyone. Lily’s control issues began when she was very young. Maybe 4 or 5, when she started not being able to control her magic and she didn’t know what was going on. It was very scary, seeing as the rest of her family were muggles it wasn’t very easy to figure out. Her sister didn’t appreciate it much either, she started resenting Lily for being different. Lily hated that she couldn’t control that either. Instead, Lily chose to control everything else that she could. She always took charge in group projects, she always made plans for her friend group, she always had her schedule in a nice little planner, and she especially controlled what went into her body. She wouldn’t call it an eating disorder by any means because she wasn’t disordered about it and it’s not like she wanted to be so skinny that her bones were showing through and she wasn’t. She just liked to have a plan. So she planned everything out, and if she went off schedule she might have a minor breakdown but that was completely out of her control. Which was what bothered her. Another thing she couldn’t control was whether or not people found out about this little control issue of hers. Obviously people knew that she liked to be in control of everything around her, she just didn’t think anyone noticed anything else about it. Mary did though, obviously Mary did. Lily should’ve thought about that, she didn’t though because Mary made her lose control of herself and it was the only way she could do that without losing her mind. 

“Hey Lils, you know I love you right?” Top ten scariest things to come from Mary’s mouth. 

“Well yeah I’d hope so, why what’s wrong? Did I do something?” Lily moved to the edge of the bed and sat there, looking into her girlfriends eyes with the smallest bit of fear she could bare to show. 

“No of course not, I was just going to ask why you haven’t been eating during meals. Are you feeling okay?” Mary sat down next to Lily, putting her arms around her shoulders and gently hugging Lily.

“Yeah they just changed the schedule and I’m trying to figure it out again. Nothing much, shouldn’t take more than another week or so.” 

“What.” 

“You know, the meal schedule? There’s always a pattern to be found, I just need to find it again because they changed it.” 

“Is this like some disordered behavior that I should know about?” Mary sounded genuinely curious about that, which was fair because, Lily supposed, from the outside it must look strange. 

“Oh, god no, just a uh control thing, you know?” 

“Right, well why don’t you just go down to the kitchens and ask the elves what the pattern is?” Mary was rubbing small circles into Lily’s back with her hand, it was comforting.

“They won’t tell me because they say that there isn’t one, but every year I find one. They just switched up mid year and I don’t know why.” 

“Okay. Can I help you figure it out then?”

“You can try, I’ve been writing them all down since I noticed that it changed.” Lily got up to get the notebook she uses for keeping track of everything she does and needs to do. 

The two girls spend almost 3 hours before they find a pattern. 

“Oh! Lily, it is a pattern!” Mary yells suddenly, “It goes: Dishes with a starch base, dishes with a meat base, dishes with a carb base, and dishes with a vegetable base!” 

“Mary, you’re a genius!” Lily kisses Mary on the lips and pulls back with a huge smile.

“If that’s all it takes for you to kiss me like that I’ll do better on my course work.” Mary smiles and Lily leans in again. It’s a good day today.