Chapter 11
Rebecca felt the silence in the room fill her up, squeeze into every empty area inside of her and pull her every which way all while smashing her down.
"W-what?" Fred's voice was the first to sound, his hands tightening on Rebecca's shoulders.
"We were the snake." Harry repeated. Rebecca lowered her head, shame and guilt and a deep, sickening hatred growing inside of her. A hatred for herself.
"What does-what does that even mean?" Fred pulled Rebecca against his chest, trying to protect her from the words--the actions--she wasn't trying to deny. "You would have stopped it."
"It wasn't like that." She wished he wouldn't hold her so close, wouldn't tease her with this normalcy when everything was going wrong. "I-I was in bed, asleep. He had us-he made us watch--threatening us with-" Rebecca's body wouldn't let her say anymore. The fact that those most special to her had been threatened was too far over the edge.
"It was Voldemort." Harry's words paled the room, Molly laying a hand over her heart. "Voldemort did it and made us watch."
"I'm so sorry." Fred whispered, pulling Rebecca closer so her arms could wrap around him. "I'm so sorry you had to see it."
Ron stared at Harry, the only one unaware enough to ask what they were all thinking. "How was he...you know...in your heads?"
Molly clasped her hands to her mouth, turning her back to Harry and Rebecca to shield them from her unfiltered fury. "Ronald! Use the manners your father and I have taught you and leave well enough alone!"
Ron rolled his eyes at the admonishment and sat in the seat besides the one Harry sank into. "It's alright, Mrs Weasley." Harry ran his hand down his face, so confused at how quickly the day had changed. "He's right to ask."
Fred moved to sit down to hear the explanation, bringing Rebecca with him. At that moment, he couldn't bear to imagine being even just a chair away from her.
"Dumbledore...' Harry couldn't look any of them in the eye as he spoke. In fact, neither he nor Rebecca had yet to reach any of their eyes. "Dumbledore says that there's a-a connection. One between us and him. He had Snape see if we could block him out, that's why we didn't come with you at first."
Fred looked to Rebecca, trying to get her to look at him and failing. "Did it work? Are you protected?"
"It's not that simple." Rebecca answered softly. The room was listening carefully though, enough so so that her answer was heard by them all. "It will require practise and work and...and I can't drink the draught anymore before bed."
The thought of Rebecca going to sleep without the only aid they had to keep her from the premonitions--as well as the fear of what would happen if Voldemort used the link between them and Rebecca couldn't wake herself up--filled Fred with an icy terror he had only felt once before, on the rigging of the second task of the Triwizard Tournament. Then too he had been unable to help or protect Rebecca.
"Right now, though." George clarified, looking at both Harry and Rebecca in turn concerned. "Are you safe right now? How do we know if it's really you or not?"
"I don't know." Rebecca sounded as tired and scared as she felt, which lit something inside of Harry he wasn't able to extinguish before it escaped.
"We're here, aren't we? Makes us safe enough." Harry snapped.
Fred shifted in his chair slightly, putting Rebecca farther from the argument breaking out and focusing on her completely. "And your visions? How will we keep them away without the tea and draught?"
Molly didn't know what to do, not when two of the children she loved in the world were linked to the most powerful force of evil she had ever known. Not when her husband, her best friend, was in a bed down the hall after nearly leaving her behind. Not when there was an incessant knocking on the door.
"Erm," The nurse at the door opened it farther, silencing the room once more. "Mr Weasley is asking for you all."
Molly followed the nurse out of the room, a trail of children exiting behind her. Fred stood up and set Rebecca onto her feet, staying by her side and guiding her down the hall to the doorway of Arthur's room.
"Don't dilly dally!" Arthur called from his bed, seeing the two shadows hesitate outside. Rebecca's walk had faltered as Arthur grew closer, afraid to see how bad the damage had truly been.
"He's quite a difficult one." The nurse inside teased, trying to brighten the morose faces around Arthur's bed. "Refusing his next potion until he sees you all."
"Oh, Arthur." Molly breathed, linking her hand in his gently.
"I'm afraid you're not allowed to scold me, dear." Arthur smiled, though it had to have hurt him. His face was smattered with cuts, his body wrapped in varying degrees of bandages. "Injured-person rules and all."
Molly's smile made him feel better than any potion or attempt at healing had so far, but his good feeling faded as his eyes settled on Rebecca lingering at the end of his bed. Close, but as far away as she could be to still see him.
Rebecca wished Arthur hadn't looked at her, especially when he seemed so happy she had made it. It was the last hardship the day could give her without something giving, and although she tried her best to stop any tears from falling, she failed horribly.
"Hey, hey now!" Arthur moved to sit up, grimacing as he did and causing the nurse to wince as well. "Rebecca, come closer." Fred brought his hand to her hand by her side, not holding her where she was or pushing her towards Arthur, but reminding her that he was still there. "Do you know what they've told me so far? Harry, you listen too."
"Love, let's talk of different things." Molly tried to redirect the conversation.
"No, Molly." Arthur close his eyes, trying to push the pain away. "We can't. They're saying that if you two had been half a minute later than you were--thirty measly seconds--it would have been too late for me." Molly lowered her head, bringing a tissue to her eyes. "You need to know that it was your strength that saved me."
Rebecca felt as if something inside of her had been punched. It wasn't their strength, it was their weakness that had him attacked in the first place. Rebecca looked at Arthur's frame in the hospital bed, how tiny and swimming in bandages he looked. How hurt. She couldn't say anything, not when she knew if she opened her mouth she would have to explain that, how at-fault she was and how unworthy she was of his praise.
"I will not stand to hear a word against that fact, no I will not." Arthur said matter-of-factly, taking their silence for something other than it was.
Ron's head shot up, confused. "But you're lying down."
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Sirius paced along the entrance hallway of Number 12 Grimmauld Place, counting every passing second as he and Remus waited for the throng of children to arrive from St Mungo's. "They're late, something's gone-"
"Sirius!" Remus snapped, his voice layered with pain and exhaustion. The full moon from the night before had been an exceptionally difficult one. "They will be here any minute, you just have to wait!"
The door opened just as Remus finished speaking, a parade of silent, solemn children making their way into the house. "Sirius? Remus?" Molly called from the entrance, curious as to why they weren't eagerly awaiting company as she thought they would be.
Both men poked their heads out of the parlour they had been in, finding the faces looking back at them grim-faced for the most part. Molly was the exception, a phony smile spread across her face. "Yes, Mother Hen?" Sirius answered.
Molly rolled her eyes. "We are not having code names and even if we were, that would not be mine." She took a slow breath. "Now, they're all here and supper's in the fridge. Heat it up exactly as I wrote and...don't set anything on fire, okay? No fire." Molly turned back to the door and kissed every child's cheek as she past them. "I'll be back in the morning, my loves. Behave."
Molly was gone as quickly as she had appeared. The children turned and looked at Sirius and Remus as silent as they had been, sending a shiver down Sirius' spine. "Remus?" He hissed out of the corner of his mouth. "What was she thinking leaving us?!"
It was Remus' turn to roll his eyes. "First things first," Remus turned and tried to walk as best he could to the kitchen, trying to hide the pain-caused hobbling he had been doing. "I think we need some chocolate."
Sirius had spent weeks nagging Remus to tell him what was in his locked cabinet in the kitchen, hours begging for a hint. Now, Remus took a small key out of his pocket and unlocked the mysterious door. Inside was a smaller set of wooden drawers. Remus lifted this out with a horribly hidden wince and ran his fingers over the labels.
"Dark, milk, white, with nuts, with berries, or...let's see-yes, with sprinkles?"
Ron was the only one to make a request, the others stayed in the seats they dropped into around the table without a word. "Nuts, please?"
Remus took a handful out with a variety and placed one by each child, Sirius the last to get although Remus was sure to save his favourite for him. "Chocolate." Sirius breathed softly, inspecting the treat carefully, as if it held the secrets of the universe. "All this time...you've been hiding chocolate in there?"
Remus eased himself into a seat and looked to Fred and George, the oldest of the group. "How is Arthur doing?"
The question was so comfortingly asked, as if Arthur had fallen off a ladder or hurt himself around the house. Fred ignored the question and quelled as much anger as he could manage from his voice. "What was he doing in the Department of Mysteries? That's where Kingsley said he had been found, why was he there?"
Remus averted his eyes, unprepared for this conversation. "It was Order business."
"What business has got Voldemort in their heads and our father in the hospital?" Fred demanded, standing so quickly his chair squeaked back.
"Your father knew what he was getting into, and he won't thank you for messing up the very things he's been working for!" Sirius snapped, standing as well. Fred stared down at the man, towering over him.
Just as Sirius couldn't have Remus be spoken to that way, George couldn't Fred. "He's not messing anything up!" He stood and took Fred's side. "He only wants to know something for once--not be told nothing like children!"
Between the pain in his body and the pain in his heart at seeing those he cared about deeply at each other's throats, Remus struggled to his feet and raised his voice alongside the others. "You are children!" His body begged him to not shout, but he shouted all the same. "This is why you're treated like children, why you're not in the Order! You still don't understand that there are things worth dying for!"
Fred scoffed and took a step away from the table, laying his hand on Rebecca's shoulder so she came too. "I know damn well there are things worth dying for, what I don't know is when you'll see that not keeping us informed isn't 'protecting' us but only putting us more in danger."
The stairs creaked as they made their way up, Ron eating the last bits of his chocolate before they had even cleared the top. Rebecca paused at the doorway to Fred and George's room, knowing if she went in that Fred would have them lie on his bed like usual. She was still running over everything that had happened, still trying to decide what was best.
"Please?" Fred asked, returning to the door. "Come?"
Rebecca felt something brittle inside of her, something that would break if she were to tell him no that very second. She followed him inside and knew that sooner or later, she would have to decide.
Sirius flinched as the sound of the door slamming made its way to the kitchen. He turned to Remus and sighed, "I'm so happy we never had kids."
Remus busied his hands with reorganising his chocolate drawer, not looking at Sirius as he answered. "What the hell are they right now if not our kids?"
Sirius heard the pain in Remus' voice, not just from his transformation but because he felt like he had failed. "Look, don't worry Remu. We'll let them stew for a little and then, whey they've got to be hungry, we'll put Molly's dinner in and feed them into a subdued happiness."
Remus didn't look up.
"If Molly's lasagna doesn't fix them, they're broken and Molly and Arthur will just have to start all over."
Remus glanced at Sirius, a hint of a smile threatening the corner of his mouth.
"There he is, my handsome-"
"Okay, okay!" Remus laughed, turning his head into Sirius' open arms.
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Harry disappeared down the hall towards the room he and Ron had made their own, Hermione and Ron flitting down after him. Ginny had gone off her own direction, especially quiet since they had left Dumbledore's office.
Fred and George's room was as it always was--a little messy, faintly smelling of smoke--but it was without the sense of life it had before. George had taken to his own bed, curling up under a blanket and his thoughts. Fred had Rebecca beside him, his hand swirling designs without order on her wrist.
"Fred?" The sound of her voice brought his attention away from the dwindling-spiral of thoughts he had been stuck in.
"Yes, love?"
Rebecca steeled herself, wondering if she could be selfish enough to keep Fred by her side. "George was right when he asked how you could know if Harry and I were even us or not."
"We can talk about that later, after-"
"No," Rebecca laid her hand against his chest, over his collarbone. She could still feel his heart beating. "You need to watch me, okay? I need you to. If you think something's off...if you think even for just a second I might not be me, you need to make sure I am."
"How can I make sure?"
Rebecca knew as he answered her answer was no. No, she could not keep him in her heart, in her arms, and in her thoughts as she did. Not when her mind was accessible by Voldemort, not when it would be putting him directly into danger.
"RJ?"
"You'll find a way."
George had grown tired of his thoughts and the bleakness of them. He took the other side of Rebecca without a word of complaint from Fred or her.
In the silence that formed, Fred kept thinking and thinking. He couldn't believe that Rebecca had saved Arthur, saved him by half a minute. If she hadn't been who she was, had the abilities she did, his father would be dead. It was a thought of such magnitude that tears began to crawl down his face, slowly and then faster. He wiped them away quickly.
"It's okay to be sad, darling." Rebecca wiped away the next barrage of tears gently, leaving her hand on his cheek.
Fred lay his hand on top of hers, a little surprised. "Sad? I'm not sad--I'm..thankful, grateful." He moved closer to her, holding her closer and grabbing George too. "I'm scared and worried, of course. But I'm not sad. How could I be? Willingly or not, on purpose or not, you saved dad."
George nodded, wrapping his arms around the two of them. "He's right, Becs. You both saved him."
Rebecca opened her mouth to argue, to try and explain how this wouldn't have even happened if it weren't for her, but that was the very moment Hermione appeared in the door way.
"Dinner seems to be finished and Ron wants to know if you all are ready to go down?"
"No," Ron's voice could be heard by the top of the stairs. "I asked you to tell them to get their lazy arses up so we could bloody eat!"
Rebecca took up the rear of their formation down the stairs, waiting until Fred sat to sit a few seats away. Fred looked to George, confused and concerned, but George shook his head discreetly. There were better places to bring anything up.
Remus was in charge of plating their suppers while Sirius brought them in. One by one, the plates were placed until Sirius and Remus sat as well. No one had said anything yet and Sirius scooted his chair closer to Remus', whispering out of the corner of his mouth. "Moony, I'm frightened."
Remus sighed, taking his fork without indulging his partner in a scolding.
Ron took one bite of the lasagna and frowned. Something was off. He took another, larger bite before standing and excusing himself. George stared at his plate as well, those who were familiar with the warmth and happiness that accompanied Molly's cooking finding none of it.
Sirius looked around the room, noticing their reactions to the dinner. "What's wrong?" His voice took on a nearly frantic tone. "I heated it just as she wrote!" The faces around the table only seemed to grow more distressed, more and more plates not being emptied with usual eagerness.
"It's just," Ginny tried to word it in a way that wouldn't insult Sirius and Remus. "It's not the same."
"Oh, don't be silly! It's the same recipe it's always been!" Molly's voice rang out in the doorway, well before she was expected back. The kids turned in their chairs quickly, standing and swarming around her. "Oh my-You sweet, sweet children." Molly scooped as many of them into her arms as she could, ruffling hair and kissing foreheads aplenty. Once they had loved a moment, she ushered them back to their seats. "Go on, don't waste all this hard work."
Ron was back in his seat devouring his dinner in seconds, his tastebuds seemingly recovered.
"Oh no, don't know where you two think you're going!" Molly conjured the lasagna in from the kitchen and scooped heaping portions onto Sirius and Remus' plates.
Fred took another bite, smiling towards Rebecca. She kept her eyes away from his, her plate as full as it had been when it had been set on the table. Around the table, dinner went on and on.
"Molly, please." Sirius groaned, laying his head onto the table. "I'm going to be sick if I eat another bite."
"Then you'll be able to finish your supper, won't you?" Molly teased. Remus laughed loudly until his plate was refilled again.
Harry, while not eating as eagerly as Molly's cooking usually brought out in him, managed to clear his plate at least. Both Potters were quiet, but this was attributed to their exhausted looks by their loved ones.
Sirius and Remus pushed the last of their combined dinners onto Ron's plate when he'd finished his seconds, both standing and moving towards the kitchen with excuses of needing to get started on cleaning up.
Molly stormed away from the table, wand in hand. "There! Clean up is done! Get out there and eat something nutritious before you wither away, both of you!"
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The idea of leaving her husband, her injured, hurting partner in the hospital had been unimaginable to Molly. But, when Arthur was about to receive his final potion for the night--the one that would ensure he had uninterrupted rest--he insisted that Molly return to their children.
"My dear," Arthur said with a little smile to humour her. "I would be unimaginably selfish to keep you here to myself when they need you."
"It's alright if you need me, too." Molly whispered, holding his hand tightly.
"That is a given, always." Arthur was silently thankful that Molly brought her cheek to him so he could leave her with a kiss, his body still in too much pain to sit up and kiss her himself. "I'll be right here."
"You'd better."
"Snug as a bug?" Molly had asked every child as she extended their tucking in as long as they needed. The boys had been first, always getting into trouble if they were left waiting too long. Then the girls.
"Are you going back to St Mungo's now?" Rebecca asked quietly.
Molly smoothed her hand over Rebecca's head. "Yes, sweets. I'll be back tomorrow morning."
"Do you-" Rebecca's voice cut off. For the first time in years, she felt the beginnings of a panic at asking a question. "Will we be able to go back?"
Molly noticed the pause and how worn she looked, how tired and the weight behind her eyes. "I'm not sure yet, we'll have to see how things go."
Rebecca didn't want to ask another question, not at all. But one more had to be known before she could settle. "He drank the potion, right?"
"Yes, yes he did." Molly pulled her topmost blanket up higher, wondering very briefly how this many blankets didn't send her into a sweat. "You need rest, Rebecca. We'll talk more tomorrow, okay?" Molly made her way back to the door. "Sleep, ladies. No chatting until the wee hours of the night."
Molly's warning was, for the most part, unneeded. Rebecca rolled so that she was facing the wall and waited for sleep to come--pleading with whatever there might be that it was a dark and restful one.
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"I cannot love?" Rebecca's head buzzed with the voice, her vision swimming. "And yet, I find great love in this."
The snake was back in front of her, Rebecca no longer inside of its serpentine eyes. No, Rebecca was beside Arthur, rooted in place. She tried to move in front of Arthur on pure instinct, knowing what was coming for him and the pain that would follow. Her body was frozen, she had to fight to turn her head and even that took too much time to even dream of being able to save Arthur.
But she couldn't stop trying. She hadn't even managed to raise her hands when the snake's first attack landed. Arthur's screams filled Rebecca's ears until it was all she could hear, all she could think.
"I will love ending you just the same, do not forget it."
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"Rebecca?" Hermione asked, shaking her friend harder. The thrashing coming from the farthest bed had woken both Hermione and Ginny--their actions had been well-practised. Hermione tried to wake her the best she could while Ginny ran out of the room to get Fred. "Wake up, it's just a dream!"
Rebecca's eyes flew open, Arthur's bleeding, stilling body disappearing and Hermione's worried gaze taking its place. Fred ran into the room in front of Ginny, confused and scared. "What's wrong?" He was frantic, thinking the worst. "Who is it now?" Fred crawled up the length of her bed, taking care to avoid where he imagined her legs would be and crouching opposite Hermione beside Rebecca.
"It was a dream." Rebecca answered, holding her blanket tighter to still the shaking of her hands. "Just a bad dream." Flashes of Arthur's attack were still going through her head, echoes of his screams through her ears.
Hermione glanced at Fred, hoping that he would meet her eyes and see that she felt that Rebecca was telling the truth, but Fred wouldn't look away from Rebecca. Whatever Rebecca had seen, he was certain that it had not 'just' been a bad dream. "Love?"
Rebecca's head bowed and she hardened her tone. "I'm fine, Fred. You can go back to bed now."
Hermione stood up and stepped back towards her bed, confused by this response as much as Fred was.
"Love, I can-"
"I'm fine!"
Fred dissolved as her voice cracked. He didn't mean to, he knew full and well that Rebecca was trying to be upset and that it wasn't his place to take that from her, but he didn't know how to help her and he wanted to more than anything.
"Please, I can see you're not." Fred's voice was thick, not far from tears of his own. Rebecca found herself torn in two just as she was earlier, wanting what was best for him in the long view and wanting to soothe him in the present. "Can I try?"
Rebecca didn't agree at first, but Fred waited for her answer. When she nodded, Fred moved so that he lay beside her with an arm under her pillow. He tried to keep his hands to himself, but he couldn't help brushing the strands of hair off her cheek. Rebecca hadn't planned on going back to sleep, not when it meant to risk another nightmare. But, with Fred so close, her options were limited.
Keep her eyes open and have to look at what was building to be the worst decision she had ever had to make or close her eyes and risk sleep. The risk of a nightmare ended up the lesser of two struggles.
"You can try to go back to sleep, I'll be right here." Fred whispered gently, leaning forward and kissing her forehead. "I promise."
Rebecca bit back a sob and pleaded once more for sleep to come quickly. If she was conscious in Fred's arms, she was not going to be able to keep herself together.
Fred stayed awake long after Rebecca's breathing had finally steading, after her body had finally lost the tension it had been holding onto seemingly for life. The silence gave him the opportunity to sort through his thoughts: This connection they'd talked about, the connection between Rebecca, Harry, and Voldemort, filled him with a dark fear that it hadn't been as hidden as he hoped. How much of their behaviour could be traced back to this? Was this connection the reason Rebecca seemed hellbent on earning as much detention as possible? The reason for the altercation with Lavender back at the beginning of term?
Worse, Fred had no idea what it meant for the future. Their future. Would--and this terrified Fred so entirely, he couldn't think of a single instance when he had felt such fear--would everything that makes his Rebecca herself eventually disappear? Would it be replaced or destroyed or-
Fred cursed himself, using the centre of his thoughts in his arms to ground himself before lost control. The future would bring what it would, but he had the present. It took an eternity, but Fred eventually found the same sleep Rebecca had.
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Thankfully, Rebecca opened her eyes the next morning without memory of a dream. Fred had eventually shifted so that he lay on his side next to her, his hand resting across her hip. So far--though it had only been two nights filled with nightmares--there had been no surfacing of the subconscious premonitions going without the draught.
Fred looked so innocent, anti-Fred like asleep. No crinkle between his eyes as he thought over the logistics of a particularly difficult prank, no heat in his face from body-shaking laughter--his favourite way to laugh, no tightness around his eyes as a dark topic was brought up. He was like a closed book as he slept, the story inside one Rebecca had cherished and used as crutch as he brought her to life.
A crutch she could have no longer. The fear wrapped around her heart like a vise, erasing any happiness she had found in her sleeping love.
There was no denying it, they had been told so. There was a connection between Voldemort and her mind. A connection between her and one of--if not the most--evil person in existence. And she was terrified. Voldemort had searched through her mind and responded to what she, Hermione, and Ginny had been talking about before they had gone to sleep. There was no way to know just how much else he had gleaned from she and Harry's mind.
No way to know if he would take this information to hunt and kill those they cared about the most.
How was Rebecca supposed to live on if she knowingly put Fred in danger? If she, Merlin forbid, had been the reason Fred had gotten hurt or...or worse?
Fred stirred, but didn't open his eyes. Rebecca waited until he stilled once more and got out of her bed carefully. There wasn't enough time to do this gradually, and she couldn't be certain that she would stay strong in her decision if she didn't cut contact in one go.
Rebecca readied herself for the day and went to find Remus, he would understand--he had to.
Fred was aware that Rebecca was gone, the bed got cold despite the fact he'd wiggled under a few of the blankets. He yawned and stretched, not opposed to a lie-in but not wanting to be away from Rebecca any longer than necessary.
"Rebecca?" He called quietly down the hall, getting no answer. He knew well enough though that that didn't mean she wasn't there, she tended to go slightly hard of hearing whenever she was concentrating. Throwing clothes on and brushing his teeth during a brief survey of the upstairs, Fred didn't catch a glimpse of Rebecca. Going downstairs, Fred thought he could hear her somewhere.
"I thought you would understand."
A quiet, deeper voice seemed unsure of what to say. "I do, please don't doubt that. I just think you might be acting without thinking every-"
"I've thought every potential out!" Rebecca went silent before the squeak of the floor gave away that she was leaving the room she was in. "Never mind, it won't be long anyway until we go back."
Fred stayed where he was at the top of the stairs hoping that Rebecca didn't come up and catch him so clearly listening in. She walked right underneath him, heading for a different destination. Fred was able to hear her murmurings clearly while she was below.
"Just have to do the best I can, have to be enough. Can't let them-won't let them get..."
Then she was gone. Fred felt like he had all of the puzzle pieces in front of him, most of them at least, but had no idea what went where. He waited a moment more before going down the stairs without looking as guilty as he felt. Poking his head into the doorway to the kitchen and the table.
"Morning!" Sirius said. Remus entered the room quietly and took his seat from before, his tea still warm. "Can I get either of you some breakfast?"
"No, thanks." Fred looked at Remus carefully, wondering why the man looked into his cup with the weight of the world on his shoulders. "I'm just going to...go." Fred was gone as quickly as he'd entered, off to find Rebecca again.
"Children are so strange." Sirius mused before sitting beside Remus.
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Fred wandered through the levels of the house, unable to find Rebecca in any of the sitting rooms or offices. Just when he thought he would have to go back to the beginning and start again, his eyes settled on the doorway that took you to the top--the stairs that he and Rebecca had climbed for their traditional last-hurrah before they had gone to school. The door was slightly ajar, like someone had tried to close it quietly behind them but hadn't latched it completely.
Fred climbed the spiral stairs slowly. He wasn't sure if he wanted his presence known until he knew what had driven Rebecca so far away from them all, from him. At the very top of the stairs, the door was wide open. The wall of windows poured sunlight into the top curve of the stairs, lighting Fred's face but leaving Rebecca a shadow against the sun.
He was grateful that her back was towards him at first, though she struggled so clearly it hurt Fred. Rebecca's hands were held against the glass, holding her body upright as she stared out at the world. Fred took one step into the room and the paused as Rebecca moved, one hand leaving the window to wipe at her cheek before returning.
"What are you thinking about?" Fred asked. The room was so empty he didn't have to raise his voice for the sound to carry at all.
Rebecca's shoulders hitched and she whirled around, her eyes wide. She had been thinking about him, of course, and now here he was. "What?"
Fred cleared his throat, crossing the room towards her. Once beside her, he put his back to the window and crossed his arms. She could look out at the world, but he was looking at his. "I can tell that something's bothering you. If you tell me, I can help you talk it out or solve it or...you know, we can deal with it together."
"I don't want to talk about it." Rebecca said, her words tumbling into one another as she hurried to get them out. She forced her eyes away from him, from his hurt, and peered down at the children playing in the snow-covered park across the street.
Fred said nothing, but didn't move either. If she didn't want to talk to him, she could at least know that he would be right beside her when she was ready.
He thought so, at least.
"Leave me alone, Fred." Rebecca's tone was flat, dull.
"I don't-" Fred frowned, his brow crinkling. "I don't know what you want from me."
"I want you to go!" Rebecca raised her voice, turning on him. "It's not that hard, just go and don't come back!"
Fred looked at her face, looking for a single trace that she didn't mean it. He found none. "Okay, I'll be downstairs if-" Fred's face fell and he nodded his head once. "If."
Rebecca didn't watch him go, as soon as he left the space beside her she turned her attention back out the window. Though her eyes were pointed out, her attention was solely within. She was searching.
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Fred walked down the many stairs slowly, not sure of what to do with himself. The rejection of his company and then his comforting of her had hurt him deeply. Fred had--more than once in their years together--felt that he wasn't able to be there for Rebecca due to circumstances beyond his control. But he had never felt like this; He had never felt like he wasn't able to be there for her because she didn't want him.
Ginny noticed how Fred exited the door to the stairs and entered his room, his eyes focused on the ground and his hands clenched at his sides as they only were when he was waiting for his bed to cry. Harry had already snapped at Ron and subsequently locked himself in one of the studies, demanding that no one interrupt him.
"One Potter and then the other," Ginny reminded herself. "Let's not get ahead of yourself."
The door squeaked when Ginny pushed it open, bringing a heavy sigh from Harry. "I don't want to talk to anyone, just go away."
Ginny marched to the chair opposite of him and sat on the edge of it, her elbows on her knees. "Do you know how stupid you sound?"
"I don't sound stupid--I want to be left alone!" The green of Harry's eyes were lit with something GInny hadn't noticed before, a fire that stuck with her long after they had left the room.*
"Oh, you sound stupid alright. Troll-level stupid." Ginny sat back, staring at him with something old behind her eyes. "Who else can understand how you're feeling? Who else has been possessed by You-Know-Who?"
Harry looked away from her. "It's not the same."
"Isn't it?" Ginny sat back in the chair, lowering her offensive. "I can still remember everything, you know. I remember every single thing he had me do. Everything, Harry."
Harry was silent a moment, a question clear in his mind but needing to fight to get it to his mouth. "How did you fix this-this feeling that nothing is me anymore?"
Ginny was quite proud of herself, her solution having been brought up by her first obstacle of the day. She had spent the morning asking Sirius and Remus if they had any journals lying around. "I wrote down everything I could. I filled a journal with memories, my memories, and I keep it somewhere safe for when I needed a reminder that what he made me do...that that wasn't me." Ginny held the notebook she knew was for Harry out and was relieved that he took it with minimal hesitation.
"You got the others to start?" He asked, opening the cover.
"We've started for both of you. If you're done sulking, I think you'll find that you are only as alone as you're making yourself feel. Shutting us out doesn't do any good."
Harry closed the book and stood as Ginny did, something inside of him noting that Ginny had grown up in the time they had known each other. "Rebecca, is she-"
Ginny grimaced. "She's next. Figured you would be easier."
"Thank you." Harry said, though he knew he was thankful for far more than just two words and he hoped Ginny knew that.
She did. "Read. Write a little. And, for Merlin's sake, apologise to Ron, too." A smile crossed Harry's face, a smile that surprised them both.
Ginny left the study and knocked on Fred and George's door gently. George was gone, off somewhere causing trouble no doubt, but Fred was lying on his side facing the door. "Oh, Fred..." Ginny shook her head and sat on George's bed so that she was across from him. "Go on back up the stairs in a few minutes, okay?"
"She doesn't want me there." Fred sat up, wiping his cheeks. "She wants to be left alone for-for a while. Don't go bothering her, okay?"
Ginny rolled her eyes, curious how these older friends of hers ever got anything done with all their dramatics. "Don't be so defeated, Fred. Bad look for you." She laid the second journal she had found on his bed and patted the cover. "Write something, yeah? The others already have."
Ginny left his room without answering any of his questions. She turned towards the door Fred had come out of earlier and looked up at the seemingly-never ending stairs above. "Couldn't have been closer. Oh no, that would make this even slightly easier!"
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Rebecca had crossed her legs and sat on the floor in the silence. As soon as she felt like she had made some progress in sorting through memories, imagining sorting them through as some that she knew were her own and some that had been tainted by feelings she couldn't explain, her thoughts would shift to Fred and the others and her progress was gone.
A horrible, horrible thought had occurred to her and she wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it until she faced it.
"I took the Weasley name." Rebecca admitted. "And I may have put them all in unimaginable danger." Rebecca's middle was sore. Sobs had threatened to climb out of her all morning but this thought made them the hardest to suppress. "And my only way to save them will be to leave. To leave the only place I've ever loved or been loved."
That was it. The thought of leaving and being left brought the cold, dark images of brakelights fading into the distance and Rebecca wasn't able to stop herself from crying.
Ginny knocked once more before entering the room, but she didn't wait for an answer. Sitting on the side beside Rebecca, Ginny said nothing at first. When it was clear that Rebecca wasn't going to, Ginny took the first step. "I know you don't want to talk, and that's fine with me. I only need you to listen."
"Ginny, please-"
"Listen. Not talk." Ginny interrupted. "Seclusion isn't going to help you. Separation isn't going to help you."
"It doesn't matter about me!" Rebecca snapped, tired of no one understanding this. Remus first this morning, saying that Molly and the others would miss her if she were to return to school early. Now Ginny.
"Tell me how you can't possibly matter!" Ginny raised her voice back. "Tell me how when you mean so much to so many other people!"
"Voldemort knew what we were talking about before we went to bed. He was listening and I never even knew." Rebecca looked at Ginny, begging her to understand. "How can I keep Fred--keep any of you--as close as I have when it's putting you directly in his sight?"
Ginny scoffed. "Yeah, because if you're not snogging Fred or talking to the rest of us you don't love."
"I have to try."
"No, you have to stop." Ginny reiterated the very points she had made to Harry. "I've been where you are, Becs. I've had to deal with the fact that my mind, my body, my self, was taken from me. I had to sort myself out, and hurt as I did, and I managed to do it all without shutting anyone out."
Rebecca closed her eyes, trying to make her thoughts understandable. Tears continued to creep out from the corner of her eyes. "I'm afraid the more I look, the more I'll lose; The more I won't be able to tell what is me and what isn't."
Fred stepped forward from the doorway, timing more perfect than Ginny ever could have hoped. "I know you." He sat opposite Ginny and put the journal on Rebecca's knee. "And this is a start, too. This is you as well."
Rebecca took the book, finding the first pages filled with the handwritings of her friends and pages afterwards filled with the scrawl of her Fred. Rebecca didn't look at Fred immediately, though she wasn't reading either. She could feel the resistance in her like a taut wire and if she looked into his eyes, the line would break and she would never be able to leave him.
"Love?"
Rebecca looked up, a fresh wave of tears forming as Fred looked at her as he always did. "How can I tell if this is me? How do I know the person you've written about is who I actually am?"
"Because I know." Fred answered. "Because we all know that you are."
Ginny pushed herself to her feet with a groan, brushing her hands off before messing Fred's hair up. "Alright then, my job is done. You two hop to and I want everyone present at dinner."
Fred shook his head, righting his hair that Ginny had made stand up. He scooted closer to Rebecca and waited for her to nod that it was okay for him to wrap his arms around her. Rebecca hated that she was so weak, so dependent on him, as she felt a little more whole just being so close to him.
"I don't want to hurt you. I can't do that, Fred." Rebecca closed her eyes, listening to his heartbeat as he held her to his chest. "I can't be a part of this if it's going to put you in danger."
Fred pulled her closer, somehow. "Love, we're nothing to be 'a part' of. You and I..." He laid his head against the top of hers. "We already are. You couldn't get rid of me if you tried." Fred leaned back to see her face, to look her in the eyes. "I love you. Promise me you will never forget that."
Rebecca weakened once more. "I promise."
Fred turned so that his back was against the wall and he could keep Rebecca close to him. "Oh, my RJ. This morning has felt like an eternity." Rebecca turned her face into his jumper, trying to hide her tears before he could notice though he felt every jostle of her shoulders. "What is it?" He asked only with patience and care.
"I couldn't even do this." Rebecca wrapped her arms around him. "I couldn't even be away from you for a morning even though-"
Fred leaned down and kissed her, not letting her finish. "Even though nothing."
"But what if-"
Fred raised his eyebrow. "Rebecca, the two of us will solve anything because we are together. Only then." Rebecca shifted slightly, keeping her arms around him and settling between his legs.
Fred rubbed a slow circle between her shoulder blades, wondering if he had brought any relief to her. Rebecca closed her eyes, focusing only on the steady beating of his heart and pattern of his breathing.
"One day," Fred said minutes later. "Things will be simple."
"You think?" Rebecca asked seriously. She wasn't sure how things ever would, but if Fred did...
"I know, love."
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<3
*Not canonical in the slightest, but I sort think it's fitting-to-her-character to think that the first time Ginny looks at Harry in a different light is when she's calling him stupid.