coping mechanism
Evan's pov:
“Dead? How the fuck could they all be dead?” Marlene demanded once the last of the questioning was done.
“All done the same way as Dolohov; knife to the heart. I mean- fucking hell” Lily’s words display exactly how Evan feels.
When they first got the names, James and Evan went to Wilkes and Avery’s house to discover both men to be bleeding out on the floor. It took a lot out of Evan to not throw up his dinner from the previous night right there on the decaying bodies of two boys he once considered to be friends, that was until Evan left his home, probably for the better he realises as he looks back at the monsters they became. It's a horrible thought to think that could’ve been him if he hadn’t go out when he did. That thought sent a burning shiver down his spine so he attempts to remain in the present.
After their tremendous discovery, Sirius and James found Mulciber dead, the same day as Lily and Pandora found Snape dead, and, surprise surprise, they all left a very unwelcomed signature in their wake.
So, this could mean two things:
1. The Carty Juniors covering his tracks or
2. He was saving the Prewetts
Most likely the first, which, despite making so much sense, doesn’t make sense at all.
Meadowes, Crouch, Pettigrew, the Prewetts , Fowley and Black were all alive however only the Prewetts appeared to be at the party whereas everyone else denies ever being present.
Was he covering his tracks? Or was he saving the twins? Any reason he left the others alive? Surely, he’d be fine with a little bit more blood on his hands after that, or maybe he was misdirecting the blame onto the survivors, them being untouched does seem to raise suspicion, but then again thats just an accusation that could easily lead them, once again, to nothing.
When it comes to The Carty Junior, it was extremely difficult to tell what he’s up to, especially when he does things like this to baffle them.
“Reckon there’s a reason he kept the others untouched?” Sirius said as if he could read Evans mind, wouldn’t exactly be off brand for him, something dramatic he’d love to pull off. “Or is he passing the blame? Making the others look guilty?”
“wouldn’t put it past him mate” James has barely spoken to anyone since he returned from interrogating Regulus Black, he looked a mess, which Evan found to be understandable after they went through the recordings of every interrogation in case there was anything they may have missed.
It seems Crouch wasn’t the only one to torment through pass loses, Regulus repeatedly led one answer to a question about James’ parents (who died the same year James and Lily were attacked, James was in a coma at the time and therefore by the time he woke up, it was already too late) or he’d bring up his distaste with his brother, Sirius all to keep riling James up, and James is not one to get angry so keeping his cool appeared to be harder for him than it usually would’ve been. He should probably go home and rest, he really looks like he needs it.
“Do we know who it is that’s involved with Carty yet?” Marlene asks, wanting to get to her part of the job sooner rather than later instead of answering Sirius’ question.
“Meadowes and Black are people to look into further, especially with the knives belonging to their families” Evan responded.
The previous night, Pandora made the revelation that the knives used to kill Snape and Mulciber were not knives belonging to the Black household, but instead to the Meadowes. Dorcas hadn’t had contact with the weapons just as Regulus had no contact however her father did. Evan made a mental note to question their parents later on just in case.
Once they all returned home, Sirius and Evan found themselves spread out across one sofa in Evans flat, both men were way to big to be led upon one sofa together but that didn’t appear to bother them.
It had become tradition for them a few years ago (after Evan had probably his worst breakdown and cry in years) that when either one of them were feeling down (in a dangerous kind of way) that they’d get stoned out of their fucking minds.
It was a great coping mechanism, it helped.
Evan was half-way through his third joint when apparently an amazing thought had occurred to him.
“What would a pig look high?”
“no different then out parents I assume” Sirius replied without missing a beat and busts out laughing when what he said hit him. Evan quickly joined him in that laughter because God, that’s a funny picture to envision.
When they finally do calm down, they talk about feet with extra toes and laugh again when they realise how silly that would look, they were almost crying by the time they stopped.
It’s not that Evan likes the use of drugs, because he seriously doesn’t, he just likes how calm and relaxed it makes his mind.
Evan doesn’t even question where Sirius got the joint from, just as Sirius doesn’t question why Evan wants it. Its how they work, no questions until they’re too high to stick to one question at a time.
Ignore and Forget, Love and Remember.
Love and remember can wait, Ignore and Forget are currently having a blast.
The conversation quickly diverts to weird food combinations such as; curry and mustard, chips dipped in ice cream (which Evan thinks is amazing whereas Sirius completely disagrees), macaroni and strawberries, crisps and olive oil, bananas and nail polish, red apples and yellow highlighters, almond milk and crushed nails.
How did they get to here? Evan couldn’t possibly tell you, he just knows they’re disgusting and not exactly combinations he’s willing to try, however he does like the sound of drumstick wrappers and milkshake (lets just not question him ok?), his logic? The wrappers are fine when they’re stuck to the lolly, so what’s the difference when it’s mixed in a milkshake right? Only one way to know really, however he doesn’t have any milkshake much to Sirius’ dismay, they could order some but Evan sort of forgot the workings of his phone and therefore gives up with the idea entirely, maybe for the better.
As their conversation ends up on the older bear from brother bear and Nemo, Evans phone begins ringing. He can’t see his phone but its definitely ringing.
Sirius and Evan some how make a game out of finding the phone, that was until they got distracted in seeing who can push the other the hardest (Sirius won that)
That is until the phone stops ringing making both boys freeze in their places.
It quickly begins to ring again when Evan remembers where it is (He’s high, that’s his excuse for this ok?) He takes his phone from his back pocket, takes his place on the floor leaning against the sofa and answers the call.
He didn’t even bother to check who the caller was but it was apparent that worrying was not needed as James’ frantic and panicky voice could be heard through the speaker.
“Is Sirius with you? I can’t fine him, I did call him but no answer and I have no idea if he came ho-“ He was cut off by Evans more calmer tone, probably the marijuana’s doing.
“James, James, James. You're worry too much. I’m afraid Sirius doesn’t love you anymore as I’ve swept into your kingdom and stolen his heart from you. Leave a message after the beep” And he hangs up, throws his phone across the room, ignoring the sound it makes when it crashes into the wall, then he begins to plait Sirius’ hair who, no matter the situation, instantly falls silent when Evan does.
His mother taught him how to do multiple different hairstyles so he could one day help his wife by doing her hair when she’s running late. Oh that’s a funny thought considering his situation right now.
If only she could see him now, he can imagine it perfectly. Her face red with rage as she watches her stoned son plait the hair of no wife but instead of a disowned rebel who very clearly is no one he wants to be in wed with.
Evan leaves Sirius’ hair half plaited as the thoughts begin to take over and walks to his bedroom, looking out of the window, ignoring the bed size clearly meant for two when he was definitely one, a mistake he couldn’t bring himself to undo.
Sirius joins him, joint in hand offering it to Evan who takes it without even looking away from the busy traffic from down below.
“What’s on your mind?” Sirius asks to which Evan replied with “Family” The response didn’t baffle only Sirius as Evan wasn’t even aware he was speaking when the word came out. Fuck you Marijuana. “Just miss him” This time he was meant to say that.
When he said family, he wasn’t exactly talking about blood. Lucky for him, Sirius understood that more than anyone else possibly could.
He didn’t need to question who Evan meant, it was pretty obvious. There’s only one person Evans ever been this sad about missing, It was horrible even when Barty was alive but now Barty could never return, the missing grievance just got worse, so much worse. But was Evan about to admit that? Hopefully not, he might, being high apparently makes him talk his mind without feeling a massive weight on his shoulders as he does.
“I get that, well I don’t cause- but I understand why you miss him yknow?” Sirius says, Evan nods before saying “Do you miss him?” again, it was blatantly obvious who him was.
“Sometimes, comes and goes” Evan nods again, he gets that, he really does.
One minute he’ll be having the best time of his life and the next he’ll be on the verge of tears due to being happy without the love of his life by his side, forever a possibility no longer possible.
Sometimes it’s horrible to grieve, but it helps. Other times when grieving doesn’t work, getting high is better as well as easier.
“Do you think he misses you?” Evan doesn’t look at Sirius when he asks the question, that doesn’t stop him from noticing the slight shift in demeanour in Sirius as he speaks.
“No. He doesn’t have it in him” sometimes, it truly is annoying how little Sirius knows about his own brother, how many tears he shed for Evan to witness but not Sirius, and how many of those tears were shed because Sirius left? Too many to count. This is why you don’t leave people alone in situations such as their’s, especially if it could potentially kill them one day. Evan doesn’t say any of this, somehow his high and frazzled mind doesn’t want to, so instead he settles for a simple “maybe”
“Do you think he misses you?”
“Is that possible?”
“Dead people feel things, of course it’s possible." Evan shut his eyes and tuned out Sirius’ voice when he heard the word dead, apparently that was all Evan was willing to hear.
This also apparently means that Evan completely misses the sound of someone knocking on his door or Sirius leaving him to answer it, he also misses James standing by his side looking at him with so much pity it could possibly hurt if Evan had noticed, Sirius stood by James’ side, apparently watching in silence, or maybe he isn’t in silence, its hard to tell. Evan isn’t paying attention so how would he know?
He misses all of this until he finds himself enveloped in a hug given by James. Evan would never tell anyone this but James’ hugs are truly the bane of any of his friends sustainability. He really is some kind of God with the way he could easily erase any previous feelings in the person he’s comforting that’s tearing them apart, if he can’t fix it, he releases it. In Evans case, tears. He releases tears that fall the moment Evan comes back to reality in James’ arms. Thanks for that James, its not like he was trying to stop any tears from falling , no of course not, thank you.
Just like Pandora, he doesn’t talk, he just holds. Maybe that’s why the hug is worth the tears. Its possibly helping.
Evan pushes himself away, wipes at his eyes and goes to retake the joint Sirius is offering to him once again (apparently in his sudden absence to the world when his eyes were closed, Sirius had taken the joint back for himself. Maybe he should keep his eyes open, who knows what he misses when he closes them), To Evans disproval, James reached the joint first, keeping a safe space between it and Evan. “That’s not safe”
“It helps”
“Exactly why its not safe. C’mon, we’re going to mine. Harrys currently at Lily’s so you don’t have to worry about waking him up. Bring spare clothes, there’s no way mine would ever fit you unless you want to collapse into them” That’s not exactly unheard of when it comes to what Evan wants. Maybe he shouldn’t have pulled away, the hug was great.
In James’ car, its almost as if the emotional state Evan was just in had all been in his head as he fights Sirius over the radio, Sirius would put one station on and Evan would (angrily mind you) change it. (of course, he wasn’t actually angry, from an outsiders point of view though, they wouldn’t exactly know that), During the entire ride, James remains silent. Fucking sober bastard.
James assisted both boys to his house in hopes they don’t fall (They’re both still very much high and a bit wobbly on their feet)
Evan heads straight for his old room, which, even after all these years of being vacant, still looks the same as when he left it.
James and Sirius don’t follow him and instead remain in the kitchen talking in hushed voices (Apart from the occasional outburst from Sirius) but Evan wasn’t even listening so it didn’t matter if they were whispering or yelling. It would’ve made no difference.
When James does enter his room, Evans hanging off his bed upside down counting his fingers. Bit of a weird sight for James I’m sure.
“What are you doing?”
“Learning”
“Learning?”
“Brain exercise James, Brain exercise”
“Sit up” Evan attempts to but after failing the first attempt he slides off the bed and settles on sitting on the floor. James is quick to join him and hands him a glass of water which he accepts gratefully.
Everyone should have their own Mini James Potter in their pockets, they’d never feel sad about anything ever again. Mini James Potter would be funny.
“What are you thinking about?”
“Mini James Potter”
“Mini me?”
“Yup, never a dull moment in my life with Mini you in my pocket”
“Thanks? I think” He chuckles slightly before going sterner and more serious (Sirius! Get it? Its funny ok?) A serious Mini James Potter could probably make Evan cry.
“Do you want to tell me why you cried?”
“I’m high”
“That’s not answering my question”
“A Mini serious James Potter would scare me"
“Evan”
“James, my sweet lovely James. What can I do for you?”
“How do you feel?”
Evan only hesitated for a second before the answer left his lips, “love. Stupid when they die” He swirls the water in his glass around, letting the motion distract him from whatever it is James is about to say.
“I’m sorry” Not exactly what he was expecting, Oh well.
“That’s what his mother said at his funeral” Weird that they do that right?
“People typically do”
“Why? Its not their fault... fully”
“What do you mean?”
“His dad... He gives off sus vibes”
“Sus vibes?” James attempts to hide his smile behind his hand
Evan nods “Why’re you laughing?”
“I’m not!” James says defensively
“You are, look!” And as if to prove his point, Evan uses his finger to outline the small smirk across James’ mouth to show he clearly is laughing.
“If you keep that up, I will laugh”
“Good, your laughs contagious. Well, c’mon then, laugh. I need to laugh” James does laugh at that, making Evan victorious as he moves his hand away “I’m gonna check on Sirius alright? You go to sleep” James helps Evan to his feet
“Why am I here?”
“What?”
“Your house. Why am I in your house?’
“So you’re not alone. Sleep” James leaves the room and it only takes approximately two minutes for Evan to actually fall asleep afterwards.
For today, He tried to ignore and forget
From now on, he may try to love and remember. It’s apparently healthier.